Sup3rnality

Nighttime is usually reserved for family time. My dad would be back from a long day at work and we'll have dinner and all sit in the living room together. It's like an unwritten rule. We wouldn't be upstairs in the room or elsewhere. Even if we wanted to do something else other than watch tv, we would bring it downstairs to be in the living room; like how I'd be blogging while the my father, mother, brother and sister would be watching a movie or some other tv series.

Tonight we watched a movie called My Dog Skip, which is about a boy, Willie, acted by Frankie Muniz and his Terrier dog called Skip, short for Skipper. The movie is narrated by an older Willie (Harry Connick Jr.) looking back at his younger years starting from his 9th birthday, when he was first given Skip, and he tells of how Skip taught him about life. How with Skip by his side, he matured from boy to young man, became an insecure loner to one of the boys, got the courage to talk to the prettiest girl in town and , and mostly, taught him the value of friendship. Skip died when Willie was in Oxford.

I shed a few tears watching that movie, not because of the movie itself, but because I was reminded of a dear friend that I still miss so dearly.


Sawadikap was a mixed breed Siamese born sometime in 1998. He was born totally white, and developed his brown tips as he grew older. He was a great companion of mine. Loving, loyal, concerned; he never ceased to amaze me with the things he did in his love for me.

Every morning when I had to go to school, he knew the time when I'd come out of the room, cos he'll be there outside my bedroom door, ready to escort me downstairs. When we were downstairs, he'd be right on my heels, following my every move. And when I stood outside to wait for my bus, he would be there standing right with me, the companion by my side til I got on the bus, but not before I gave him a scratch under his chin.

When I got back, he'd be there, too, on the front porch anticipating my arrival. I was always a VIP with him around, with him by my side like a little bodyguard. But don't be fooled, he may be a cat, but he's tough and very muscley. The other cats were afraid of him. But with me, he was loving and took care of me, made sure I was safe. He even walked me to my tuition teacher's house, which was on the street behind mine, and he'll be waiting outside when I was done, and we'd race each other home; him chasing after me madly.

We were inseparable. He was my best friend whom made my life so cheerful each day. He was there through thick and thin. He loved sleeping on my chest or in the canopy of my caftan, he would insist on my picking him up and would roll around until I did, he licked my face when I cried, defended me from other cats and whatever else he deemed was his responsibility to me.

Then I went to MCIIUM, and then moved to Seremban. I hated Seremban and refused to take him there, confident that I would be in Shah Alam more and cos I didn't wanna traumatize him, taking him so far away. But there was where my mistake lay, and I have regrets til now.

I saw very little of him, and when my uncle did renovations to the house in Shah Alam, my Kap got poisoned from all the chemicals that was in the water puddles. Being stuck in MCIIUM and Seremban, it took me 2 weeks to actually go see him after my uncle first told me that Kap was sick. And when I did....

My Uncle told me that Kap already went missing for several days, and I was already fearing the worst, already crying with regret. I sat outside the house for a long time, calling out his name. After so long, he came hobbling back, hardly able to stand. As soon as he reached my arms, he collapsed into a heap, tired from his effort to walk all the way home.

He was dying by then. He was emaciated, skin and bones, and hardly any energy to even lift his head. I was crying non-stop, regret filling every space in my mind, wishing I was there sooner, wishing I had taken him to Seremban with me, wishing I had never neglected him... I took him home to Seremban that night, holding him close, whispering to him not to die, that I would take care of him. But as the night drew on, I knew he wasn't going to make it.

I was awake all night with him. First crying for him not to leave me, saying I was sorry over and over. Then as he looked at me with his wise eyes, tired and weary, I knew in his way he was saying goodbye. I reconciled with myself, all my regrets and all my sadness, and told him it was ok for him to go, that I'd be ok. I held him all night, as I cried, with him looking up at me. His eyes a blue of calm, which saddened me so.

In the morning, around 7am, I took my eyes off him for just a few minutes to open the door. When I turned around, I saw his body jerk, and then he was gone. I sat for a long time holding his lifeless body, crying into his fur.

I miss my Kap. Every now and then, when I am reminded of him, my heart aches, and I would feel that involuntary tear run down my cheeks. The stalwart loyalty he showed, his love and companionship, is something that's hard to find. I failed him in many ways, and yet, he still believed in me. The fact that he waited all that while for me to come home, pained me even more, knowing I should have been there sooner when he needed me most. I know I can say sorry over and over, but it'll never change a thing. I just hope you know it.

Some people may never understand the bond I have with my cats, the friendship and love we share... It's not something many people are privileged to have. But believe me, the pain is deep, and you never stop forgetting. But then, you remember the good times, and how they're always there for you, and you smile a little...Eventhough you know you'll never have them back. That's just how much they touch your life.

And I, will never stop remembering you, my Kap. Your unconditional love and loyalty you showed me taught me how to love even better, and most of all, to appreciate the things I have...before they're gone. I love you, Kap.

~Lin