Sup3rnality

Dear Friend,

I apologise, but I could no longer help you carry this burden. This shoulder can no longer bear the weight of these tears. My heavy heart weighs me down so.

I apologise for brushing off your tears when I should be brushing them away. But I have my own to catch, and they're swelling like a river.

I apologise for not helping you pick up the broken pieces of your life, your heart. Because the truth is, I'm still looking for mine.

Due to a small honest mistake, a wrong judgment in choosing of front covers, an oversight... we might be losing a good friend in the office. A comrade. One from our ranks. All over a voluntary job he decided take up, he might lose his career altogether. Over something that was blown out of proportion. It was a mistake, yes, and it was sloppy of him to miss that detail, but the consequences...is much too harsh. His fate now lies in the balance. And we can only hope that the party gunning for his suspension, for our shutdown, will take a step back. It's Ramadan for God's sake, forgive. Stop the swearing and accept the apology already.

And speaking of shutdown, as rumour has it, we might just...if people push hard enough. And that means, no pay. No salary. No anything. And it's just a few days to Raya. We have bills to pay, rent to meet, cars, and ultimately, families... A shutdown doesn't mean a free holiday. It means no money in our pockets. How to pay for travelling, for clothes, for food? We'll be celebrating Raya without a cent. Tell me how is that fair punishment for what is only theorised to be a ploy to poke at racial/religious sensitivities?

It's Ramadan. You said it yourself. Tak hormat Ramadan? Perhaps you should look in the mirror when you call out "bullsh*t" and maki us nicely.

Things can get a little crazy here in Linzy Land. Cash is always an issue thanks to finicky housemates, hefty TNB bills that only makes an appearance after two months with warning letter about paying bills on time (Hello? How about giving me the bill on time?), car problems that need repairing, much needed car petrol, and stupid Maxis bills that don't make sense.

Things are quite hectic as well, taking as many OTs (meaning that I finish at 2am) as I can, and doing freelance proofreading. These two I'm not complaining about, because the extra cash helps me stay afloat. But it does sap energy off of me.

Some days I wake up late and in a daze, feeling guilty of having missed the morning. It's hard to take that first step out of bed and out of the room and out of the house after working all night. My inactivity has further led me to put on more weight which makes me furious at myself.

Oddly though, life is good. Yeah, the crappy parts are, well, crap, but overall, it's been good. I enjoy my work, it finally feels fulfilling and I see a future in where I am. I think I can go far working here. I think I can give more to my family now, because my constant depression (when I was at my old company) has faded away and I can be a better person for them. And eventhough I don't see them as often, but the distance has made me feel all the more thankful of what I have.

The anticipation of going home to see my family makes me so excited that I feel like I need to buy gifts for everybody each time I go home. Making stops here and there to pick up a book for my sister, some Popeye's fried chicken for my brother, some home decor stuff for my mom and something my dad would like if I find any (he's a tough person to buy for :p). And when I get home, an almost audible sigh of relief escapes me. 

Living in PJ also means I get to see friends more often. Well, not that often, but with  my no longer being so far away in Cyberjaya, it's easier to plan for meetups with friends. And my colleagues are great friends, too. It's important, you know, to love the people you work with. Otherwise work will be only partly fulfilling, and you'd feel an emptiness when going to work everyday.

Asdil, of course, fills in the gaps, being all that I need. We don't see each other as often now, with my working at night and on weekends, too, and with him having classes all the way in Cheras every weekday til late. But I think that makes us stronger as a couple, and makes us grow better with each step, and hopefully prepares us better for our future.

I like the days when I have the day off, and we don't feel like going out for dinner. He'd come over and we'd cook dinner ourselves, and he'd cook up one of his mystery dishes. Then we'd have dinner while watching a comedy. It's simple, homey, and better than any fancy dinner we can ever have.

Yes, life is good. It seems like that is all I've been saying these past few entries (as far in between as they are), but that's the basic fact. Trying to make ends meet, living on your own and scraping through the month makes you go crazy, but in the end it is all worth it.

Because the bottom line is, you know that nothing in life comes for free. You have to work to get what you want, and that includes going through the hard times. I always keep in mind that Allah SWT gives to those who puts in the effort to work to reach their goals. And that keeps me going. One day, this will all pay off.

One day I will repay my parents for all they have given to me. I will make sure my little brother and sister will have a good role model and grow up to be good people. I will see that I will be there for my friends when they need someone to be their friend. One day, God willing, Asdil and I will be together for keeps and keep on being each others' shoulder to lean on.

Love,
Linzy

I haven't been in the right frame of mind to talk about the things that have been happening for the past few weeks. Everytime I begin to attempt typing out my thoughts, I am stunted by my inability to write and/or put them into words. So here's what I've been doing these past few weeks

• I left WKESP officially on the 29th of April 2010. More specifically, I left Aust-B. I had a very very long cry, not being able to believe I won't be walking into that office again and see them each day. They gave me hugs, which made me cry harder and they all had a procession for me, walking me to the door, for one last time. Leaving them feels like letting go of family. But the best thing about family is that, they're always there for you. I'm halting any entries about leabving WK at the moment until I can sort out my thoughts and feelings.
• I moved out of Cyberjaya on the 30th of April. Ash did most of the job. I packed everything up and he loaded it into the van we borrowed from my uncle. Then we drove to PJ and he unloaded the van for me. I couldn't have done it without him (thanks Sayang). And of course, thanks to my family, too. Who helped me carry the second round of stuff. Yes, I have that much stuff...mostly books and clothes.  
• Starting on May 3rd, I am now an employee of the Star. To be specific, a sub-editor for the Star. The Star newspaper that I've been reading daily. Feels almost like a dream. It's different here, but I like it. Work-wise, I do feel very much more accomplished than how I felt in WK.
• I'm now living in PJ. Around the Tropicana area to be more precise. No, not next to Tropicana City Mall like people keep asking. It's near the Tropicana Golf Resort. The condo is called Bayu Puteri Tropicana. It's quite a nice place. House is a bit of a fixer-upper due to an irresponsible landlord, but I'll manage.
• Did I mention my working hours are from 4pm to 12am daily? Uhh, yeah, I start work at 4pm and leave for home around 12am. Wonderful hours for me, cos that's when I work best. And it's not like I have a nightlife anyway, so it's no problem for me. I get to see Ash in the daytime and spend more waking hours with him especially since now I live about 15 minutes away from him and not 50 minutes like when I was in Cyberjaya.
• I'm still getting used to my new area, new job, new schedule, new house...alot of things are still on my mind. But all in all, I'm feeling content right now; like things are falling into place, just need a few things sorted before they can fit even better.

It's only days until I say goodbye to Wolters Kluwer for good. Only hours, in fact. Since if I were to offset my annual leave balance, I'd only have 3 hours and 45 minutes left to be in the office.

Saturday morning, I was being seduced into cheating on Asdil.

In a dream, that is.

But it felt real. So real that I woke up feeling uneasy, feeling like something was wrong and that there was dirt on my hands that needed washing off. But there was also a sense of relief, knowing that the dirt was there not because of my own volition.

I dreamt that a man wanted me, knowing full well I was not to be had by anyone else but Ash. I remembered him at first just hanging out with me innocently as friends and nothing more. But then I noticed him inching closer, finding excuses to make subtle skin contact with me. It felt like all kinds of wrong, him touching me, and yet he just couldn't be deterred.

I was uncomfortable and scared; as it became more apparent he wanted more than just spend some time with me having coffee or such. And when I tried to make a get away, he grabbed me by the waist from behind and tried to kiss me. I don't remember what I did then, but I wrestled my way out, disgusted. He was frustrated and angry, saying we had chemistry and that we'd work together, better than anyone else could. I remember telling along the lines: that I already belong to somebody, willingly and wholeheartedly, and we fit perfectly together.

Waking up from that left a bitter taste in the mouth, violated.

But I remembered the most important thing about that dream: Even despite it being a dream, my own subconscious, I'd choose my Asdil over anyone else. I couldn't want for more than what we have. I am content as his and only his.

When I told Ash about my dream, we joked about it. But jokes aside, I hope you know Sayang that what I say in the dream is not a random words tumbling out of my mouth, but it was what I really felt and thought. I have no desire to in any way risk the love we share.

It reminded me of what my mom told me once, after watching a talkshow about cheating wives. She said that women who are content with their partners would never stray. It is not in their nature. Women are, for the most part, in it for the longhaul, and those who walk out the door (putting aside those who are abused/mistreated etc, of course) are often discontent, want attention, or don't know what they want etc. And I somehow have Elton John's "Sacrifice" video playing in my mind now...

I'd like to think just that. Like what my mother said. Why would I want to stray? I am content. I am loved. And I belong. I couldn't ask for more. He gives me all that I want and more. And he makes me feel exactly how I've wanted to feel.

Love,
Linzy

What was this:

Hazlin Aminudin

Sub-editor

(Australia B - Tax & Accounting)

Wolters Kluwer Enterprise Services Partners 

Level 3A, Plaza FSBM,

3539, Jalan Teknokrat 7,

63000 Cyberjaya,

Selangor Darul Ehsan,

MALAYSIA.

Tel. (O) + 603 8312xxxx ;

       (M) + 6012 xxx xxxx

E-mail: Haminudin@cch.com.my

www.cch.com.au

Accurate. Authoritative. Relevant

Hazlin Aminudin

Sub-editor

(TaxCo)

Wolters Kluwer Enterprise Services Partners 

Level 3A, Plaza FSBM,

3539, Jalan Teknokrat 7,

63000 Cyberjaya,

Selangor Darul Ehsan,

MALAYSIA.

Tel. (O) + 603 8312xxxx ;

       (M) + 6012 xxx xxxx

E-mail: Haminudin@cch.com.my

www.cch.com.au

Accurate. Authoritative. Relevant

It's the little things that could make everyday life wonderful. Often it's not the over the top gestures that get me, but the often taken-for-granted things that are often overlooked that gets me, and it puts on a smile on my face the whole day.

The little things that I love in my everyday life:

• Waking up to a wonderful sight of dawn.
• The janitors around my apartment (the one at my old block C1 especially) who are always ready with a "good morning, miss".
• Upon reaching my office building, stopping by at the side of the road to buy my morning dose of nasi lemak and/or meehun (or I eat it for tea time or lunch if I'm not going out). The man who sells the nasi lemak is always smiling and very friendly.
• My team's spam mails that we send each other, but really, it's the accompanying commentary that is really fun, not the original content of the email itself.
• My one-on-one lunch sessions
• The small gestures that he presents me with that may seem small and insignificant to some, but means the world to me
• Cooking dinner (when I do cook)
• Chatting with my housemates, or colleagues
• My gtalking with my mom/Sarah/Raqib and occasionally others
• Reading my daily comic, LICD
• Our saying goodnight to each other before I go to bed.

Everything is official now.

I've tendered my resignation with WKESP on the 1st of April. And no, it was no April Fools' joke. This must have been one of the most difficult things I've ever done...I'll miss my teammates terribly.

I've signed the contract wit Star. I shall commence employment on May 3rd. I shall be a sub-editor for the daily newspaper, editing from 4pm to 12am, 5 days a week.

I'm looking for an apartment in the PJ area...something much more affordable from the place I am now, since I'm taking a hefty paycut (but the upside is better benefits). I've found a place, and that is tentatively the place I'll be taking up.

I feel anxious and scared, also unsure of whether this is the best decision. But after a long talk with my Team Leader, Arvind, I think this is for the best. And I no longer feel so heavy with uncertainty and guilt.

But I feel lighter, relieved. And looking forward to better things and opportunities.

Everything is bearing pretty heavy in my mind at the moment, and I cannot find the words to really put this heart to rest. But for now, this will do.

So, wish me luck.

Love,
Linzy

The edge I'm on cuts deep like the sharp edge of a knife.

Feels like drowning even when I'm breathing.

I've come home crying in frustration more times than I could count.

Gone to the lowest of lows I remember going to in a long time.

And now I am anticipating reaching higher up to grasp at that lifeline that have been much too far above my head. Come tomorrow, a new chapter will begin.

I no longer want to come home to hide my face in the chest of my Love and cry away my anger helplessness. I don't want to leave my fate in the hands of people who do not know that I have feet to walk my own. I don't need their words to know the person I am. I know. I just forgot. And now I need to be reminded.

When tomorrow comes, I hope with it I'll regain what I have lost. I'll get reacquainted with the part of me that has been stomped down hard to the bottom of my self-worth, dragged along behind me like litter stuck on my heel. I'll climb back onto that horse and ride. I'll wipe those tears and look to the world head up and in the face once more.

Tomorrow, I hope to reach for the star(s).

Love,
Linzy

Disclaimer: Picture by kaotickell at DeviantArt.

This is me disconnecting
This is me detaching
This is me walking in the rain
This is me dulling the pain.
You'll see me today. No.
You'll see me tomorrow.
Don't count on it, though
I won't show any sorrow.
I'm lying through these smiles
My head is far, miles and miles
My heart is hoping all the while
For these ends to reconcile.
Is this where I end the show?
See me leave and turn to go
Don't wanna wait for the jeers to sound
Or it that your call, calling me around? 
This is me hardhitting
This is me contemplating
This is me at the end of the rope
But tell me, is there still hope?

(c) Hazlin Aminudin, 2009

If you break me down, strip all the layers that build me up and buffer harm from touching vulnerable skin, there will be nothing left but bone. Just the make-up of my being, but none of the substance.

I am the parts of my life that brought me to this bend in the road. Every single fiber that knits itself together with this bigger picture is the essence of what I really am. There is no use trying to digest me whole if you could not appreciate the details. The patch of red on my cheeks, the brown shade of my hair, the scars on my face, the burn on my right arm, the lines on my palms, the spots on my shoulders... These are what I am made of, and if you plan to perfect it, you'll find that I won't be standing there as the mist clears.

My ego is what makes me me. I am built on it. Layered and coated by the hurt that pained me as I passed along in this existence. It is the scar tissue that healed itself time and time again to create an armor of webbed defenses. Take that away, and I stand as only a shadow of who I am.

Me. My confidence. My knowledge. My wit. My humour. My sympathy. My empathy. My love. My friendship. My intelligence. My thoughts. My everything... is built on the basis of my ego. I grew up being constantly criticized by my peers and by people whom I thought would know me better than that. Hurt as I was, I always knew I was better than that. And as much as I bled inside, I let it slide and heal over. I did not, no, could not let them beat me down and leave me in the dirt.

So I took the hurt and molded it into sympathy for the lessers. I took the pain and made it into insight and knowledge for things people would never understand. I took the accusations and turned them into love and trust. I took the jeers and developed my internal beauty. I took all the bad, and made it to good. It fed my ego. For without my belief in my superiority, I would have never have gotten far.

As years pass me by, I learned not to take crap from people. I developed an intense hatred and apprehension towards anyone who wanted to break me down, who wanted to humiliate me into submission, who wanted to shame me into compliance. No one could tell me I'm not good enough. No one. Cos I am not, and you cannot tell me otherwise. You can try, but I would not listen.

I am Superego. And you are?

Do not ask me if breaking my ego is what it takes to make me see reason, what it would take to see my errors, feel ashamed and worthless and drive me to do better to impress. This is not boot camp. This is no Full Metal Jacket. Breaking down and humiliating one's pride does not make for reverse psychology that will put me back on track. That is not how it works. Not with me anyhow.

You take down my ego, and you'll see every talent you ever thought I had stripped away. I'll be left with nothing. Whatever you thought I had would be gone. Whatever you thought I could do would have been raped away together with my armour. I would be nothing. Pointless. Meaningless. You would be throwing away all that I work for by taking my ego away from me.

So let me be. If this wasn't meant to be, let it be on my terms. Let me triumph in failure. Let me be. Let me see how this goes. Let me see how far I go. And if I'm lucky, I might join you all on the other side. If not, then I'll leave before the tide comes in.

Love,
Hazlin

I’ve been… I don’t want to say. Saying the words, or typing them for that matter, gives it life. Makes it real enough to jump out of the screen and consumes me whole. It commits my colourful life to the black and white of these words against the background. But unspoken or not, there’s no muting the echoing vacancies of unspent time.

I’ve been…lonely. There, I’ve said it. I didn’t want to. Words like that bounces off the walls when there’s no one in the room but you. And no pillow over ears could drown out the sound. I didn’t want to say it. Too proud to profess weakness. Too afraid to make it known. Too tired to make it any more the truth. But I have been, and I can’t shake it off.

I’ve found driving around aimlessly to be a companion. With music blasting to retain my focus, and sudden bursts of speed for a little rush, for a little sense of urgency. I stride about in shopping malls and browse shops just to do something than nothing at all. Staying at home and behind close doors only magnifies the emptiness of my room. So I walk out. I do what I can to occupy the long gaps of time ticking by. Otherwise all I hear is the loud crashings of the seconds-hand announcing the passing of moments gone by.

Friends that I could talk to are too far away. And I often wonder whether we’ve gotten out of touch. I know that we haven’t; cos when we meet we all fall into familiarity; but a lingering doubt reigns, having me dwelling on questions and wonderings. And even if I could see them, I’m not about to pull them into my sense of displacement. Nah, I can’t. Meeting with good friends who are far away is to be made a celebration. And the friends that I have close by, the ones I can easily see everyday, well, don’t live in the same book. Let alone be on the same page. They don’t know me, or think they know me to pass words that don’t belong to them for them to say.

Everyday I’ve been tempted to drive to see Ash. So many times. But time doesn’t permit. Traffic jams and the looming nighttime will only frustrate me more. I’d only have an hour or two, and then I’d have to go again. And times like this, that’s something that I can’t take. I need days. Hours will only find me lonelier, knowing that I’d have to let him go, and not being able to. I’m just counting until I could have days and days of quality time with my Sayang, and for the moment, I do not know when that is.

I’m lonely. I feel like I’m standing amongst people but cannot connect. I need to feel. I need to not feel lonely.

~Linzy

I have recovered from my semi-depression. I wanted to say get over, but that isn't the case. It's still there at the back of my mind hovering like a dark shadow that is threatening to take over me if I let it. But...I won't. I can't. That's why I say recovered; because so far, I've only been able to blanket it; but it's there underneath the surface.

Yesterday, after feeling detached and emotionally absent from everything and everyone around me, I impulsively took off to Alamanda right after work. I tried booking tickets to a movie online, but they were fully-booked. But I decided I'd take my chances and see if a movie -- any movie -- was available.

So I drove, and I got there, and I managed to get myself a ticket for the 6.15 pm screening of Blood. I've watched several episodes of Blood before, and I know the vague background of the story, so I thought I'd see if the movie would do it any justice. But of course, as movie remakes go, this one is no different. It was boring. The plot was non-existent. Characters were stoned and static with no depth or substance. Had an unbearably childish dialogue. And had amateur-ish effects. Basically a no-go for me. Terminator would have done more for me despite me not wanting to spoil my memory of the first two with the current takes. But then, come to think of it, it was a toss between Blood, 17 Again, Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak, and Hannah Montana. So, as you can see, I didn't have that many choices.

But the whole idea of taking off was basically to get away and not have to stay home and dwell and wallow in anger. I wanted to be occupied. Needed to. I was lonely and angry and mildly depressed, being home alone with nothing to take up the spaces of my thoughts wasn't on the cards. So bad or not, Blood was as good as anything. Of course, this morning I woke up to the thought that I just lost an hour and 35 minutes of my life, as well as RM8 of my salary that I will never get back.

Prior to the movie, after buying the ticket and waiting for it to start, I decided to head towards Sushi King to have my first meal of the day. I haven't eaten the entire day and was lightheaded and almost ready to keel over from hunger. Yes, it does seem odd to want sushi when you're hungry as it seems virtually impossible to assuage a hunger with little itty-bitty plates of equally itty-bitty pieces of sea creatures wrapped in rice and seaweed. You'd need a lot to get full, and sushi is not exactly cheap. But I was in the mood to splurge on myself and not care, so I went in, sat down and looked into the menu.

My cravings for salmon was yet to be fed, so I ordered every salmon dish I could possibly afford. My main course was a plate of salmon steak, served with some kinda crab and mushroom pudding, rice and miso soup. Believe me, it was good. Then I had salmon sushi, salmon sashimi, fried salmon skin and fried salmon skin hand roll. I even took some to go for my movie and sat happily crunching salmon skin in the cinema as well as savouring every bite of my salmon sashimi.

It was a luxuriously delicious meal. Albeit being not fun since I was eating all alone. The guys working there even took the time chatting me up, seeing there was only one other customer. They were asking did I just finish work, and why I was alone, why I liked salmon so much etc. It was nice of them to somewhat keep me company, and even though I'd rather have been left to my thoughts, thoughts wasn't something I wanted to dwell on. So I obliged them by giving into their small talk, smiled when they tried to joke, and graced them with a smile and wave when they gave me a chorus of thank yous or rather, arigatos, as I left.

It was only then that I rushed off to my movie, watched, and left for home. Oh, but not to forget, I bought a boxful of donuts before I left, and shared them with my landlord's kids when they came over to open up my kitchen door.

Anyway, time off on my own is something I haven't done in the longest time. I don't particularly miss it, I'd rather have company to talk to, or rather, have my Sayang with me for guaranteed cheer-up time; but being on my own for a few hours gave me some time to reflect and think, and put things into a little perspective, without being swallowed up by emotion. It was a good setting, a hustling and bustling shopping mall as a background and soundtrack to my contemplations. Its non-quietness allows me to think without wallowing.

I came out of the Sushi King and the cinema with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. I definitely felt better. Better, but not wholly. But better, nonetheless.

Mission accomplished.

Love,
Linzy

No, the entry below is not accidental. It's not my head hitting the keyboard as I fell asleep on the job. It's not some code to be deciphered. It's not an acrostic or mesostic or making use of initialism to hide what I really want to say. It's not some phishing thingy getting you to clickety-click on links after infiltrating my blog account. It's not a result of hacking or sabotage. It's nothing that I can explain. It's nothing that words can say. It was just me typing out the wordlessness to describe a bad day.

And a bad day it was, yesterday.

But I don't want to talk about it.

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I've been working here for what, four months now?

Four months and my review never gets any better. There was one glimmer of light once, but the lightbulb got smashed just as soon as it sparked.

I'm tired of this. It brings me down to such a low that makes me feel like an idiot child. Like my knowledge is all for naught. As if I am not good enough. It takes away all my smiles for the day and replaces it with a expression of worry, anger and frustration.

Working here has been absolutely wonderful. I've said it many times before, and I have no regrets being here. But this...this seemingly (to me) elaborate attempt to make me look like a fool is driving me to feel agonizingly incompetent.

I seem to never be able to please the guy. Whatever I send his way always comes back with snide, and almost bitchy remarks. Hazlin noticed this but she didn't notice that. Is she reading with understanding? She is careless and does not pay enough attention. Why did she suggest this here but didn't suggest it there? More effort has to be put in. Blah de blah de blah.

What I hate about these reports are that his comments are mostly assumptions on the possible reasons for mistakes or what he thinks are mistakes. He assumes that I did not read carefully, but in truth is that since it has happened once and I've highlighted it, I need not have to retype another comment all over again. It's redundant. I mean, I mentioned that it once and made a note of it, so there's no need for him to put in the report is an all too definite tone that Hazlin did not understand what she was reading or was not paying attention.

It's embarassing to have people other than you read that report and they'd think that you cannot get the job done. It's bad enough to read a very critical review on your work. But it's much much worse when it is read by my superiors whom I am trying so hard to prove myself to. I seem to be capable to them, but if I keep getting these reviews, what are they really thinking of me? It drives me mad thinking that it doesn't really reflect what happened or who I am. And that those who read it will be lead to think I am probably more of a liability than an assett to the company.

I wish the review reports were made by the other guy.

Screw it. I hate this. I feel like my day has been ruined.

And I feel incredibly stupid.

I really need a pick-me-up.

Maybe I'll go to Alamanda, Putrajaya later with Ayus and get me some donuts.

Love,
Hazlin

P/s: I wish my Sayang was here :(

After having worked here in Wolters Kluwer Enterprise Services Partners (WKESP) for three months, now, I thought it is time I gave you all a glimpse into my daily life here. Yep, my everyday in WKESP, Cyberjaya. A little tour, if you will; since I can't actually take you around. Well, okay, fine, it's not like you asked to be shown around to begin with but humour me, would you? I enjoy the mundane aspects of life and always find they are worth a little story-telling. So I shall now be giving anyone with the time to read a (hopefully) short written/visual tour of my quaint office on the fourth level of FSBM Plaza.

So we begin at the lobby of WKESP, as can be seen in the picture on the right hand side. This is where I've sat anxiously waiting to sit for the test the first time around, and for the interview the next day. Now I pass it daily without a quiver of uncertainty as I enter and leave the office. Fatimah, who sits at the reception desk is the friendly face who meets and greets all that come through WK's glass doors. And besides that, she also receives my parcels for me... Always wondering what exactly I am doing with the Poslaju deliveries I get almost weekly.

And if you wals down the path from this reception, you shall be going deeper into the inner sanctum of the green-themed office. You'll pass by Jason's office on your left, and then you'll come to a juncture at which you'll see the multi-purpose room, mainly used for big meetings and gatherings, Mount Fuji, which, true to its name, is super-cold. If you turn a left, you'll pass by Sunita, who is the GM, and Raymond's offices on your left, and the Training Room on your right. Then straight on, you'll enter one side of the office, where the Asia Teams and the NZ Team reside, as you can see from the picture on the left.

If you were to go straight past the Mount Fuji room earlier instead of turning left, you would pass the emergency exit, Ladies' Room, Cleaner's Room and the Men's Room on the right. And you will have to turn left and arrive on the other side of the office, where all the Australian Teams reside. But first, you'd pass the board room on your left, where I have weekly meetings with my team, Australia B - Tax and Accounting.

Standing at the point with the Boardroom on your left, you'd see the view as in the picture <----. You'd see this aisle that seems to go on and on, acting as a great divide between Australia C, which is the group of desks on your left side, and Australia B which is on the right side of the picture. If you look closely, about three desks away from the viewfinder of the pic, there is a woman intently looking at her monitor whose table is the one next to the pillar; that is Carol, and I sit at the desk just before hers, the second desk. Yep, that is my humble abode in the WK office. But it is also the most non-strategic place, cos it's situated at the aisle where people walk back and forth and see what in the world you're doing on your PC. In my case, it's my online shopping which is my eye-candy between tasks, when I need some relax time. Not to mention it is un-strategic cos it's near the boardroom. So when we have visitors and the like, they can pass by and have a peek at what I'm doing. I was particularly worried when they had the head honchos from Netherlands here and taking pictures. I thought they'd surely be taking pics of my non-work. But instead, on that day, they took pics of me stressing out at Zul's desk, worrying about Denise's blunder with ABAG 145 ;p

So here's my work station... It's still a little bare from my not having put up much besides some notes and reminders. But it's now definitely more of a Hazlin-like place with my literature books on one corner and my organized clutter here and there. Charmander was sitting on my keyboard while waiting to be brought back to my sister as you can see... Other than him, my usual necessities line up in the picture. My mug of tea, a tumbler of water, my Victoria's Secret body butter, a box of tissues and my tracking sheet for each product I'm doing. Also, if you can spot it, my headphones lie behind my mug, from which I listen to Tori/Jewel on constant replay, and just behind my yellow tumbler, you'd see a square piece of paper pinned to the green divider. That's an acrostic poem that my Sayang wrote to me early in the year when I was feeling sad at not being able to see him often. I put it up next to my monitor so that when I look up at it, it serves as a reminder to me to keep smiling even when the going gets tough, because it reminds me that out there I have someone who loves me nonetheless and is willing to wait for me :)

Anyway, let me digress abit and introduce you to my teammates. There are currently 16 of us on the team: Arvind (TL), Aravind (SE), Tham (SE), Saiful (SE), Maryann (PE), Helen (Senior PE), Caroljit (SE), Zul (PE), Alan (SE), Sharina (PE), Ling Ling (PE), Adrian (Senior SE), Siew Choo (PE), Nubly (SE), David (PE), and myself (SE). When I started at WK, Lin was our TL; but as of April, due to Lin's promotion, Arvind who was and SE from Aust C previously, moved up and became our TL. And if rumours are true, we will soon have a new addition, a PE maybe, next month. We don't have a complete team picture cos so many people come and go, so the last team picture I found is the one above. But even then, some of those in the pic has either left, or changed positions. So if you look closely, the ones with the red dots above their heads are the ones still with us. Lemme introduce the ones with the dots: Top row (L-R) - Helen, Tham, Siew Choo aka Cheese Terrorist, Ling Ling, and Carol. The girl in the middle who wear glasses and has her hair tied is our former TL, Lin. Bottom row (L-R): Adrian, Alan, David and Nubly. The guy next to Adrian, the one is checkered shirt is Charles, who is now a trainer. Since this team, there has been many additions and changes. For example, these two on the right: Maryann and Zul who joined WK about 6 months before I started... So they are still relatively new. But they're PEs and our team haven't had a new SE in the longest time. So myself was the first SE in almost a year, and then Saiful was added to the team. And now we are all a bunch of laugh riots who, despite being one of the busiest team in WK, are the friendliest, funniest bunch ever. Which is why I love my team so much. We have a nice intimacy, and teamwork spirit going on which makes working very pleasant. I remember when I just started, everyone was so eager to make me feel welcomed.

Speaking of newbies, us newbies had our picture taken for the purpose of putting it up on our eCLS (employees come loose) message board. And of all the days they wanted to take the picture, it was the day when I was in malas mode and just grabbed a baju kurung to wear to work. So unglamorous. It wasn't a day when I was up and about in my dresses, so I ended up looking extremely comot and frumpy at that.

But anyhow, I didn't really care but I just hope they take down the picture soon since newer newbies have come in since the four of us (Ann, Juliana, Saiful, and myself). In the picture above, from left to right is Ashwin and Malar (I think), who are both on the IT team, and then Xiou Ann, Juliana and myself, the trio who is always up to no good with our online shopping and daily fashion shows. The three of us have made WK into our personal runway with either one of us having a new top or dress to put on each day :p And finally we have Saiful who is happily sitting down with women surrounding him. But Saiful's married, so Charles' comment on the pose went unheard.

But the three of us production newbies; Ann, Juliana and I now form a little group of people who congregate daily for laughs and blogshopping finds and gripes. We have bonded over our love for clothes and our rapport with one another that we will always be seen together. It's nice, to have your own crowd to get together with a few minutes during work just to take the stress off every now and then.

Anyway, back to the tour, we end it with the very heart of WKESP, the ePub. This is where the life of the WK is. The ePub is at the very center, and is the centre for mass gatherings and monthly general meetings. This is also where eat and socialize, because it works as a sorta lounge and/or dining area.We have our sink dish/mug rack on one side, the water and beverage dispenser on another. There are fridges, microwaves, a multitude of teas and coffees and sugar and creamer for us to brew our drinks to our liking and 2 tins of biscuits for us to chow on. We meet here for team lunches/gatherings/parties or to enjoy lunch together or do our work (especially for PEs) or read the paper or magazines. This where all the watercooler talk goes on.

And so we end the tour. But wait, what exactly does my work here entails, you ask? Well, I know you're not asking, but hey, humour me futher, I'll be done soon.

I managed to dig up this info in the shared folders drive:

"The sub-editor is responsible for project managing product updates and ensuring that the sub-editing and content tagging of publication data is of the highest possible quality. This means that they liaise with the editor and the indexer over the content that is to be included in the product update. The sub-editor is also responsible for providing a detailed handover to the production editor after the content of the update has been released for publication. They work closely with the production editor to ensure that the electronic and print components of an update and cleared to schedule".

General responsibilities:
· sub-edit for sense, grammar and literals by inserting queries in comment tags
· changing quotation marks to the curly quotes
· checking structure of the content, ie heading levels
· check tagging if text is converted by the PE
· insert tagging and check tagging where content is authored within Sigmalink by the editor
· spell checks
· resolve links
· check for broken links and redo links that have failed
· check graphics
· check tagging of tables
· insert queries where required
· remove all comment tags
· clean-up content before dragging the content to the editor for feedback on queries once external reviewer has made comments
· clean-up content based on comments
· accept/reject changes
· preparation of job tracking sheets
· general communication with production editor, editor and indexer on update
· insertion of CCH citation

So, that's it. That's what it is to work as a sub-editor here in WKESP, Cyberjaya. I am so far enjoying the work I do. It has its ups and downs, but the atmosphere, the people, the team, the friends, the kinda work I do all makes it a great place to be in. I'm happy here. I think this is a good place that will definitely help me in going further in my career, I'm earning a good sum, am surrounded by good people and overall happy. There are the downs like being too far away from my Sayang, my family and my friends, but hopefully soon, with a car, it wouldn't be that hard. So I don't regret my decision to pursue this place like crazy. It's definitely worth it.

Love,
Haminudin

It started with Juliana turning to me in the lift as we were leaving the office and asking "You nak balik cepat ke?", and I told her there was nothing I was rushing to, cos it was not like I had anything in particular to do at home. Other than a bunch of laundry, there is nothing that needs my immediate attention. So she pointed to her wrist, where her watch was loosely hanging. She wanted to go to Seri Kembangan, to the Taman Equine Jusco to get her watch to fit better. I asked her why not we go to Alamanda, Putrajaya; since it was closer? She said she had these coupons for Jusco which will expire this weekend, so she wanted to use them. But then, she forgot them, so she had to go pick them up at home first.

So after that, off we went to Jusco. We were talking about lingerie sets all the way in the car, and I mentioned that Jusco has nice sets that I usually get. So we thought with the coupons in hand, we probably could get more for less, since I too, have been wanting a few. And I also said that I wanted to get meself some versatile pair of heels that I can pair with anything; and also perhaps I should get a handbag for my Mum's (my aunt, for those who do not know) belated birthday present. Yes, going to Jusco proved to be potential trouble.

So we got there, and yes, it was trouble indeed. I first zeroed in on the heels that I wanted in red...and I got those. But after second thoughts, I'll be giving it to my mother since she likes the bronze ones I've already got and she loves red. Then I browsed through the clothing section...and as much I would have loved to buy many clothes, but for the same price, I could get dresses online, so I should best be keeping that cash for my online splurges. Besides, I already am waiting for my dress from House of Allure, so I shouldn't be getting any more clothes for the moment. Although I did end up picking up a cropped denim jacket :P Only after having my fill of eye candy in the shape of clothes, I went to the lingerie section and picked up four sets. Yes, 4 sets. They were all so pretty... But I later managed to get myself to pick only 2...sigh. I was contemplating tha handbags for Mum, but found none that were nice, so decided to browse shoes again instead. I found that Cleef shoes were going for RM10 each, and with the coupons, they were only RM8... so I got myself two pairs. Yup, and the original intention was just to go adjust the watch strap :P

It didn't help that Juliana wanted to stop by the Vintage dress shop on the way back... Thankfully I started at a different rack first and didn't find anything that I fancied. Otherwise, I woulda picked the same one that Juliana picked and ended up with alot. I took one black one on an impulse, cos I didn't have anything that I liked, but wanted one anyway...and cos I did want a black dress. It turned out to be super nice... no regrets at all.

So I went back with my hands full. I fell asleep happy at having so many stuff :)

The funny thing is that I was never the shopper. I've always had very little allowance and I was very calculative with what I bought. Bajus, yes, cos I am a clothes addict. But even then, I never did buy much. And if I did, they were the uber non-expensive ones cos I a) like to buy new ones all the time, b) didn't see the point in paying so much, and c) preferred the non-branded ones. And for stuff like shoes and bags, it was only rarely that I buy them...

So to turn to this crazed shopper, albeit with inexpensive buys, is quite a wonder for me. What have I transformed into? I find it funny how fast a person can change. Half a year ago I was dependent on what my parents gave me, and I could hardly ever spend. But now, I feel liberated...and I think that is what that is triggering my sudden urge to fulfill the need to spend. But not to fret, I am not the type of person who'd not eat or cut corners just to be able to shop. I have savings put aside. And I pay all my bills on time. And I have money for food allocated. It's just that the extra cash I have to use to my liking dwindled faster comparatively to other months, and I used substantially more...

Ah well, I hope for better care this coming paycheck as I have to pay for many things now. Sigh, I should go on a clothes diet :p

Love,
Hazlin