Sup3rnality

I admit, my headlines are not as interesting as this one.

Thought: To become a sub-editor, is a formal education on the English language necessary?

That was a topic of discussion, or rather, argument between Ash and me a few minutes ago before he dropped me off at work. Yes, we are both hard-headed and will keep on arguing to prove a point :-P Don't worry, it's my favourite part of being in the car with him, we always have some kinda something to talk or argue about.

Now I'm not trying to prove a point, but just using myself as a case study to explain why I think the education itself is not necessary. Instead, I think it all boils down to talent.

Big headed kan? But hear me out.

I've spoken English all my life. It's my first language, as in the first language I started speaking and the language I prefer and choose to converse in. I only started speaking Malay later around the age of seven or so. Until now, I have not been able to master it.

I read a lot. Not so much now as before I started working, but I definitely read more than the average Malaysian. And yes, I read almost only books written in English. I started reading at a young age, and spent a large amount of my time burying my head in a book while growing up.

On top of that, I love literature and pop culture. References and allusions don't go by me unnoticed.

I grew up being entertained by tv shows and movies. I was the only child and my father did not encourage me to go out, so besides books, tv was a constant companion.

Mix those key ingredients together and you have my brain, a non-stop pot of words boiling and mixing and absorbing each other. Granted, I'm not very creative, but my lifetime love affair with words and how they work has brought me right here at this desk at Setar.

Words have a certain flavour, you can tell when they don't mix or have been placed in the wrong order or combination. Sometimes I make mistakes, yes, no one is free from mistakes, okay? But the point is, I know if I'm wrong and know how to correct it. And in the face of my job, I know when words don't flow right or have a better way to be worded. I can switch them around and put them together again. And to top it off, I'll try to give it an extra punch with a catchy headline. It's not always possible due to space, but when the occasion calls for it, I can provide a noticeable punch.


Now, my argument with my significant other was somewhere along the lines of whether or not education enables a person to have my job or do my job.


For me, the answer is 'no'.

My job: Read. Edit. Layout. Write headline.

Reason? For one, I think I got this on talent. I may not be the best they've seen, but I'm one of the best they've got.

(Yeah yeah, perasannye)

Well, I'm not great at this, maybe not yet, but I can do this. I think this kind of work takes years of experience to get those creative juices on tap.

Two - At the end of the day, my degree is really just a piece of paper. Yes, I have a degree in English Language and Literature. I took it because that is what I have dreamt of studying since I was 12. I wanted to learn more, be among people who appreciated the English language and its literature (well, not quite), I wanted to soak in the ambience and discuss theories and lines out of poetry and research the history from when the words were written. Tough luck, my expectations were not entirely met, but in any case, I enjoyed IIUM. But...

In terms of learning about language and literature that I would later use in my career, that didn't happen -- much.

No, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying IIUM did not play a role in making me the sub-editor I am today. My literature classes and  sociolinguistics etc helped a lot in understanding the role of language in attracting readers. I learned quite a bit from Discourse Analysis about making words sound good but I hardly absorbed much from all that pure linguistics and have never applied anything I learned in my work (applied linguistics, however, I enjoyed).

Truthfully, at the end of the day, I just wanted that piece of paper saying I graduated so that I could get out and get a decent job to earn a living. I learned a lot in IIUM, but not really of the academic variety. More in the experience sense, I would think.

But...in spite of that, I do believe that I am here for what I already was before I started my degree. It was part of my personality, not education.

I mean, if that were the case, all my colleagues would be from an English degree background. Really, it's not just English majors who are in this line of duty. We have lawyers, engineers, scientists....all who, despite what they studied, found their calling in words.

And, if I were to ask any of my fellow undergrads from my course to join me in my sub-editor-ness, I can hardly even provide you a handful of names who would be interested.

So there you have it. That is why I feel I was not chosen for my qualifications, nor did I choose this job because of it. I was all in my innate nature.

My writing poetry by the age of 7, keeping a journal since I was 8, collecting newspaper articles to read over and over at about the same age, and correcting grammar, even my own teachers', as soon as I entered school..It was all part of my tightly-wound nature of wanting things to be in order.

Yes, I admit it, I'm anal like that. But that's just what I am.

There is this street in the town of Seremban which, on weekends, is closed off to make way for the street walk. This is when people come to open little roadside shops where they sell knick-knacks, curios, old magazines and books, and a myriad of other things. You never know what you will find. There is always something that would catch your eye.

Just being there gives a whole new meaning to another person's trash is another person's treasure.


I am quite the thrifter. I suppose I get it from my dad. I love going to junkshops and shops where they sell used stuff for a fraction of the original price. And with each junk comes so many possibilities. Like the retro heart-shaped sunglasses that will soon be on my Vintage shop. Or out-of-date handbags they wanna shove off, that is now also a vintage collection of mine.

But I think one of the things I like best about going to the street walk is the book stall. There, all the books are strewn in boxes and all over the road unceremoniously. I'm not kidding, the books are just dumped there like so much trash. And you, the potential buyer, would need to dive in and do a little spelunking to look for a book you might  like. But it's not that hard. You can find a good one in every five books you pick up. By the time you are at the end of your tether, you'd have a stack of 20 books at least. But the most wonderful part is that, the books are mostly RM3-RM5 each :)) The last time I went, I forked out RM33, for about 11 books. What a steal!

On the last trip, one of the books I picked up was the book above, Inside the Kingdom by Carmen bin Ladin. I got it for RM3 by the way. And I read it about a week back. This wouldn't be the first time I would have read books -- fictional or non-fictional -- that describe the life and status of women in Islamic countries.  I've read Soheir Khashoggi's Mirage and Nadia's Song, Fauziya Kassindja's Do They Hear You When You Cry, Betty Mamoody's Not Without My Daughter and a few other titles I do not remember right now. Some of these books are about women who grew up in that environment and wanted to get out. And some of them are books on women who were brought into that life via marriage etc. So I am no stranger to these books and stories.

This book by Osama's sister-in-law is quite the interesting read. While it was not really that thick to be really immersed in it and it didn't take that long to read, it was so engaging that I kept turning the pages to know more and more. Although, at the end, it didn't really leave me with much to think about.

Let me clear a few things first about the book: If you're looking to read a first-hand experience on living with Osama bin Laden, then this is not the book for you. If you're looking to read about women being terribly mistreated then this is not it either. It merely is a story of a woman who fell in love, got married, followed her husband to his home country, and saw a way of life that she did not agree with.

But of course, I am not living in a Islamic country where women are made to leave a cloistered life. Nor am I an European woman. Perhaps it's not my place to say how one should think. But this book was written for the masses to read, and so a reader will form opinions, it's a given. So my opinion on this book is based on what I think as a person by just reading this account and not judging any sides.

Carmen, the woman who married Osama's elder brother, tells what she witnessed in the Laden household. She saw oppression, injustice, fanaticism and/or extremism, backwardness and a lack of education. They, the women of Saudi Arabia, saw responsibility, a show of faith, an obligation and honour. Who really is the one missing out?

For me, after reading many books such as these, I have both a sense of pity as well as a sense of respect for women who live their lives shielded from the eyes of any other. I say pity, for as a woman who is (almost) free to do as she pleases, I cannot imagine being forbidden to do the things I love. For example, read, listen to music, pursue knowledge.. These things that people take for granted are things that these women are forbidden from enjoying. But then again, if they were born into that life, then they might not miss it to begin with, since they would have never known such things. But other than that, I pity them knowing that they (might not) have the freedom of choice, the freedom of opinion and speech and the freedom of knowledge. But I also say I have a sense of respect for them because, for the love of their religion, they are ready to forsake their earthly pleasures. Although their extreme thoughts on Islam are not the same as mine, and their practice of that belief is not in line with what I think should be, I admire their will and dedication.

And the author? Well, I cannot help but think that she is too judgmental of others. I don't blame her for not being able to accept the culture, she is after all from a totally different background. But she didn't seem to make an effort to acclimatize herself and seemingly spent a lot of time complaining. Not that I don't agree with her, as a number of her opinions did ring true with what I thought, but for the most part, she did act like a princess who is too used to getting her way all the time; and would go as far as being disrespectful to another's culture to get what she wants.

Compared to the other books I have read, she got it easy. The Laden family is filthy rich, and could afford her all the luxuries she could ever want (albeit in limited supply or choice). She was not physically abused in any way. She got to travel back to Europe several times a year and also contact her friends in the States and from Switzerland. She had it all, just not in the right place.

I, of course, do not know how it feels. I suppose feeling homesick and lonely and far from everything you know plays a large role in all of that, too. So, who is the wrong party, really? Hard to say, since everyone wants to be right, and everybody would have a plausible answer. So unless every race, nation, continent and basically everyone on earth unites and live under one, absolute set of rules, there will always be a difference in ideas.

And Osama? Well, he hardly gets that much of mention in this book. He is often mentioned from glimpses of him, or brief run-ins with him; but besides that, nothing much. Here is a story of a woman who, in a place foreign to her, discovers herself and makes every effort to retain what she almost lost.

I can't say I liked the book. I can't say I hated it either. It was an entertaining read, that is all, for me. Substance-wise, it left a lot to be desired. Content-wise, it was engaging enough. It just didn't jive with me. But from reading this, I do have somewhat of a better appreciation of what I've got. It's not much, but it's everything to me. And I am content.

Love,
Lin

Convocation went by on the 12th like it didn't even disturb the air. A rustling of leaves in the background, all too soon swept away and forgotten. So much for the swaying branches and holding of breaths as it momentarily suffocates; it is over too soon for the tattooing of a memory against the mind. Life resumes as normal, it was nothing but a few hours in a lifetime.

It's funny how something you wait your whole life for, look forward to the whole year, prepare for, splurge on, ends in no more than 10 seconds. You couldn't even hear the ticking of the seconds going by even if you listened; the moments move by much to rapidly between the space of time from point one to the X that marks the spot you stand on to receive the mock scroll, where you smile a mock smile, and mock happiness when all you feel is crappiness.

Convocation was...not what I had envisioned. Not what I had in mind. Not the way I wanted it to be. Not the way I planned. Not the way I thought it would feel. Not everything that it could have been. I was disappointed. I was angry. I was sad. I was crying. At the end of the day after dropping Mine at TTDI, my head hurt and my eyes were blurring with tears and confusion that I almost ran a red light and drove into cars crossing the junction from the right. The road had a streak of my tyre's skid marks. People glared from their cars. I turned around and drove back to Fidzy's. Back to Mine's arms. I bunked at Fidzy's overnight cos I didn't have the strength to drive with sanity anymore.

Yesterday felt more like Convocation than the Monday before did. I took my scroll. Took my DVD. Took my photos. Took my Commemorative book. I kept my mortarboard. I felt...graduated. Albeit still standing alone with all of that in-hand, but I felt accomplished, done. I was only missing my robes.

I'd like to say, "Don't ask me about my Convocation"; because it was a climax never reached. So much unachieved potential hung in the air heavy on my back. But to even begin to say why, would be going far beyond the extent of my exhibitionism, and will take longer to tell than the human ear can take. And to decline to explain and a shake of a head will only invite more questions too difficult to have answers for. So if you were to ask me how convo was, I'd just nod my head, smile, and give that mock smile I gave as I received my mock scroll. It was alright, I'd say. But not in entirety alright.

My Convocation and I, we have a love-hate relationship. For the most part, I love it for being what it is, it's mine, and it was my day or few seconds of glorification, even if the rector forgets my name in the next second. It was a few hours of seeing once-familiar faces, faces of whom I am unsure of whether I will ever see again. It was a moment in a lifetime I have looked forward to all my life that I will never get back. But I hate it, because with it came the tide of sadness and anger and a tinge of betrayal. I shrank into myself, had my feelings hurt and emotions toyed with, and when the day came around, I was hard and unfeeling, defensive and angry. And in years to come, looking back at this moment, all I will ever think of is how my plans and my hopes for that moment came down in crash of...anger? Selfishness? Insensitivity? I cannot find the words... But that day will always be shadowed in darkness over what it never was, and the reason that lead to that.

Convocation came and it went, without so much of a goodbye. I stare out the window and wonder where it went; missing something that I never really got to know. Convocation came and went, and it left me standing alone amongst a crowd with a weight in my arms and in my heart. And it's more than I could carry.

But all the same, Happy Convocation, friends. It was good to see your smiling faces... Good luck in life, and may we cross paths again.

Love,
Linzy~

How do you miss something that was never yours? Long for something never felt? 
How do you touch something that doesn't have form? Cry for something that doesn't feel?
How is that you see a smile on me, even one that isn't real?

Come tame these tepid waters. Excite them. Use them. Make them yours. Yours; even as they seep slowly through the space between your fingers. Tease them, bruise them, and let them fall back into the raging rapids. Hesitate a moment, and they won't be there again.

These eyes cannot bear the blatant spectrum of splashed droplets against the midday sun. And yet, and yet... Even as the current tantalizes and entices and begs me to dive in; I am too broken and I am too torn to even break the surface.

~Hazlin

Sorry, this is a little late. Was planning to post sooner, but as mentioned, my new place ain't got no internet connection. Thus, I am off the line for the moment, and all posts for the timebeing, will be written whilst I am at work. But since June is proving to be a rather hectic month, I haven't had the time to sit down and jot down some thoughts.

I just came back from the post office, went there to send in my payment and photograph to IIUM for the commemorative book for the Class of 2009. It struck me just how not long ago I was just walking the hallways of the IRKHS, going up and down the Batu Caves stairs, getting to classes on time, and living in a college. It wasn't that long ago.

What, it's been like, 6 months ago? Half a year? The number sounds like quite a few, but it wasn't that far back that I had trudged to the maze-like pathways of IIUM. And now I am working, earning my own living, paying my own bills, have my own car which I am paying for, and just surviving day to day by my own means. Where has the time gone?

Because, when I think about it, it seems like a lifetime ago.

It's funny, to think that it feels like only yesterday, but it also feels like it happened to another person, in another life. It's unexplainable.

As I sat eating my lunch and reminiscing, some memories come flooding back:

• 25th May 2003, 6 years to the day, my family and I, drove from Shah Alam to Section 17, Petaling Jaya, where the Holy Grounds of the Matriculation Centre, UIA, stood. As soon as I entered the AMF, I asked myself "What have I gotten myself into?". And the first person I talked to in UIA was rude and a snob. Hmmph.
• Meeting Zaza, my first roommate in UIA. We both were so innocent then. I remembered Zaza in her baju kurung and big, slip-on tudung, as we made our way to the topmost floor on the Zainab college.
• Had a horrific ta'aruf week. My shoes were uncomfortable and melecet in a dozen places. Hardly had the time to bathe or wash clothes, so we wore the same baju for a week. Had no time for food, so I went hungry on most days. And on a day that I did eat, I got food that had gone bad, and also had a soya bean drink that was already basi.
• One time, I almost left the room topless, and I have no idea how, but I put on my tudung and forgot my top... Thankfully Zaza was in the room to stop me.
• After ta'aruf, not having seen guys for a week, I went out with my friends and was half-drunk by the sight of guys walking in the street. I wound down the window of Iylia's car and waved at any cute guys passing by in.
• Meeting Julia for the first time. She connected me to the rest of the BENdit crew, so I remember her most of all. In the dingy classroom underneath the restaurants, I turned around to the girl behind me whom I heard Ms. Adlina calling 'Julia', and asked her whether she was 'Julia' and whether she knew anything about being exempted from taking English, since I saw her name on the list.
• I remember my camaraderie with my roommates, the actual ones and the extended ones. There was myself, Zaza, Kak Ziana, Shikin, Nurul, Halem, Ira, and Liyana. Imagine the tiny ZC room being stuffed with double the number of people. But we had good times. Like that time on Shikin's birthday and her brother (also Nurul's boyfriend) bought her a Secret Recipe cake. The frosting tasted weird, so we scraped it off and had a food fight. Oh, and that time when I did not realize there was a bowl of yong tau foo on the floor, and I jumped down from my top bunk and right onto the plate. You would not believe the extent of the splatter of the soy sauce. It went high up the wall where I could not reach to wipe clean. It splattered on my roommates' clothes and towels, and notice boards, and books...but not in the slightest did it touch mine. It would seem as though I was trying to sabotage their things... Thankfully, Halem and Nurul were in the room as witnesses.
• How we all (BENdits) trooped into an empty classroom and took a marker pen we found and started writing things about UIA that we didn't like. Sarah was the one doing the writing... and when we have written too much, and wanted to erase it, only then did we realize that the marker was actually permanent. We crossed out what we can with the marker pen...and hurriedly tried to leave the scene of the crime...that was when Sarah yelled "Fingerprints!", and proceeded to wipe the board :P It was a laugh riot.
• Our Lepak Place. It was a very comfortable group pow-wow nook that we went to eat, joke, talk, sleep... But the important word here is "comfortable". It was such a nice place to be in between classes and just have some like-minded company share a laugh with you.

There are so many things that I can talk about, and thus far, I've only covered a part of my experience in Matric. I haven't even gotten to the main campus... I could fill a book. But for now, this is it.

Can't believe that it has already been 6 years since the day.

Love,

Linzy

I'm in that dilemma again when I have things I want to pen down, but cannot seem to find the words that could say it in the way I want them to sound. There are a whole bunch of drafts in my "Edit Posts" tab and I cannot find it in me to finish them. I find it annoying. They are a pain as they make me feel like there's a mosquito flying near my ear and breaking my focus and peace; like it just needs to be executed.

Anyway, this will be just a quick update to fill these much empty spaces:

• I....mmmmuuuussstttt.....ssstttoppp.....bbblllogggssshhoppiiinnnggg... Ann, Juliana and I are very bad influences on each other. Eversince we've been hanging, we've been buying more, and sharing postage costs when it's from the same shop, and discussing clothes over brekkie and lunch, and I should really stop. For the month at least. I know I've been on this quest to revamp my wardrobe, but this month I have went overboard. Well, not to the extent that I can't go out or buy food or anything, but I say it is bad because relatively, compared to months before, I would span my spendings throughout the month. This month looks a little bleak because I have run on low by just the second week; so yeah, I should slow down. Otherwise it isn't so bad.
• But yeah, nevertheless, I am hellbent on giving my wardrobe (or in my case, box) a make-over. I want to lessen my looking like a 16 year old girl and getting questions like; Result SPM hari tu macam mana? or Apply kat U mana hari tu?. And despite my company allowing casual wear which I am thankful for, I want to lose the freshgrad look that shouts inexperience!. Reputation needs building again in this new place, and I need to feel secure again. I may have found a place among their ranks but they have yet to know the person I am, how I work, how I deal, how I think. And my looking like a Uni student doesn't help with their talking to me in a simplified way.
  
• Did I mention before that I love my team? If I haven't, well, I love Team Australia B; they rock! :) I feel very comfortable in their cosiness.
• I need to find a new house to move into soon... From my conversations with my housemates, my landlord is looking to move into this house pretty soon. Possibly in June. So I have about a month to look for a place; preferably a master bedroom so that I can have my own bathroom with a price range of RM400-500. But since MMU is still in it's current semester, no one is moving out just yet. And yes, if Ayus doesn't give me confirmation by middle of May about moving in together, either I find myself my own place or I move in with my housemate Juliana.
• I am too far gone in my work that I sub-edit things even when I'm reading random signages, notices, articles and the like. I would see a word and think, "Oh no, that should be in ’ or that should be in curly quotes, or hmm...that should be lawrefed". And yes, I do occasionally dream of commblocks, green/red/black text, and also resolving links :p I need help.
  
• This is more of a Note-to-self rather than an entry, but nevermind; I need to breakaway from my family's Maxis Family Plan and get my own personal line and pay my bills. And I need to pay the instalments for my car. And I need to register for parking soon...urgh, 60 bucks a month. And I need to pay for clearance from IIUM.
• Oh, speaking of car, yes, I've already gotten my silver Perodua Viva. My plate number starts with WSM and I was thinking of what acronym could it possibly be for; and all I could think of is Whedon'S Minion :P I hope to get the car in my clutches by middle of May at least. Here's to hoping... Well, I do have one carkey with me here...
• Good luck, Sayang on your first day of your part-time job. I know you will do great. Not I hope, but I know. You have my support all the way. Go get 'em :) I love you~
  
• Oh yes, and I miss you, Sayang. Rendezvous sometime? ;)

That's that. Just to get things outta my mind so my brain for tomorrow would be clog-free; and I can think about finishing up those drafts. So, bye.

Love,
Hazlin

Some episodes that I have neglected to post up due to being too distracted. I shoulda done this sooner on the days itself, but hey, I was busy then.

So, where were we last? Oh yes, the last episode would have been when we had our end of the semester (nevermind not all exams were done yet at the time) celebration at Yumi's place and our all-nighter sessions. Well if that episode were any indication, I was too blind to see. Perhaps a certain dare was a beginning...? Or a beginning to a beginning? Maybe...

*************************************************************************

7th April 2008

Episode 12

So we've been going out, seeing too much of each other and spending nearly 24/7 in each other's company. And for the most part, it was Ash, Yumi and I. There were times even when we had dinner together which is off the record as there are no pictures. But the three of us nonetheless.

But on this day, Ash didn't wanna follow us, and it became just a girl's night out. Well, actually not so much a night out as it was a dinner at McD's. Aaina and Maj had to make a move and so left Yumi, Lina and I on our own to chat at Burger King. After having some heart to hearts and some laughs, we had to send Lina back since she had an exam the next day.

It was about 11pm by then, but Yumi and I decided to go check on Ash to see if he was alright as he sounded a bit down on the phone earlier and cos we also wanted to get/give a cd. And so we drived up to the guys' colleges. What was supposed to be just a short visit turned out to be a drink at a mamak. And but of course we went over the curfew time and had to stay out :p

8th April 2008

Episode 13

So we stayed on at the mamak way past 12am. Next thing we knew, we were driving aimlessly like we always do. Yumi was in the backseat instead cos she was tired and was soon sound asleep as Ash and I joked around and sang to the songs he had on the cd player. Having grown up listening and loving oldies music (my mother's influence, mostly), I could remember most of the words, the chorus at least and sang along.

Ash drove on. Through KL and some roads unknown to me, and then the winding roads of Kuala Kubu and Rawang; the old roads, mind you, and he asked me to tell him stop when he has gone far enough. But I let him just drive. I was enjoying the comfort of cruising along and watching the dark of night go past. The roads were dark but instead of being scary, it was relaxing. The music set a nice ambience to the stillness of the night, and Ash was good company as we went about some silly bantering.

Ash drove and drove. And where else would we end up if not Tanjung Malim. Yep, we crossed the state line and now found ourselves in Perak. It was 5am by then, and we looked at the signboard as we turned the junction into town and yep, we were in Tanjung Malim alright.


Yumi woke up by then and we stopped for a bit at a bus terminal and couldn't stop laughing at the how ludicrous we were. Yes, we looked like a bunch of drunks who were doubling over in fits of laughter. But it was funny to us. Our being so far out seemed so unthinkable.

We got back in the car after catching out breaths and explored Tanjung Malim town by pre-dawn. It seemed like a sleepy town and yet, when we were cruising the shophouses, we saw a Hotel Bunga Raya. I grabbed at Ash's arm and pointed, cos just hours ago he was telling us about Sakip's notorious make believe place he tells people he's going to. That again, brought us into fits of laughter :P Yes, we were having a laugh riot.


After a while, we winded down and decided to take a breather in front of a 7-11. We were thinking of having breakfast at Yik Mun, a restaurant I have been going to for as far back as I can remember. So we decided to wait it out til they opened. Yumi was again sound asleep in the backseat, and Ash got himself a newspaper while I watched the lightening horizon. The dark blue was turning a sorta purple, and then hints of orange appeared. It was beautiful. And I felt oddly serene in that moment.

As Ash finished his paper, we started a light banter. Something about him being a paedophile and my being incestuous. Sorry, ain't going into details as to why. But we were going back and forth with theat argument, quietly though, as we did not want to wake Yumi up. And, well, in the stillness of the early morning and the calmness of the coming dawn, I felt a...spark. I cannot really explain it, but I found myself drawn into the person who was sitting next to me, and leaning against me, as we pointlessly argued.

And suddenly Yumi wakes up. And I am taken aback.


It was 8am by then. And Yik Mun showed no signs of opening. So decided to forego some childhood reminiscing and head back to good ol' Gombak. I waved goodbye to Yik Mun as we drove off .


And so we drove on back. This time we took the inner roads and passed by homestays, riverside chalets, getaway huts and the like. It looked so beautiful and cozy, and with the window down and the morning breeze blowing in, it felt like a getaway of sorts. Nevermind the fact that I was in yesterday's clothes or that I haven't washed my face or brushed my teeth, it was fine by me. I mean, heh, no one else in the car was any better :P


We passed a little nook in the road that had some stairs leading down to a river. We missed it first time around, but we decided to turn back. We stopped, parked, got out, and made our way down the steps to a beautiful stream. It felt so refreshing to be there in the morning and feel the cool water on your face, and dip your feet in it.

Twisted Natureboy was tempted to just jumpn in with everything on. But the only thing holding him back was the fact that it was Yumi's car and he didn't get it all wet from him clothes :P So he refrained, and he was frustrated that he couldn't jump in. Heck, even I was. But we had to leave without feeling the coolness of the water...


Before we reached campus, we decided to have breakfast. We enjoyed some nice roti canai and only then Yumi sent us back to campus. Having been up all night, I slept the day away, right up until 2 or 3pm or so.

Maj, who was graduating that sem had just cleared out her room, stuffed her car to the brim, checked out, and had nowhere to go til our next lepak session. Yes, after being out all night the night before, we were gonna go lepak again that night. So Maj came to our room and we watched The Good Son while we waited out the others.

As soon as Lina finished her paper, we got ready and headed out again. We had dinner at the same place Yumi, Ash and I had for brekkie, and then we headed to OU to watch a movie. On the way there, when Yumi got me alone, she asked me what happened between Ash and I that morning. I told her that I honestly did not know. She said that it was ok if there were feelings, and whatever it was, she had my back all the way; in spite of the situation then. I felt a little better, because, yeah, I wasn't sure what it was.


I was sitting between Ash and Yumi in the cinema. At one point during the movie, Aaina smsed me to say *Ahem ahem* Don't get too cozy with Ash.

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9th April 2008

Episode 14

We came back in the morning again. We lepaked at some Arabic restaurant all night playing cards, drinking coffee, eating hummus, while I caught up with some Zs that I've been lacking severely. After that, we made our way to McD Karak, where we had one last lepak before we said goodbye. It was check out day, and we'd be leaving. And Maj, well, she'd be leaving UIA. There were some tearful farewells to Maj, cos it was an end to an era; and she would no longer be just there on campus with us, nor hang out with us at the Square.

We headed back and helped Aaina load her car with her things. We would be moving out of the current room, so she had to bring all her stuff back. And me, well, I still had to pack. Having gone out so much, I haven't the time to get to packing.

When we were done loading the car, we gone back to sleep. Aaina wanted to follow Ash, Yumi and I on our plan to go back to the river and have a swim before I headed back later that same day.

But you see, we all have been out every single night, and so our plans to wake up at 8am and go back to the stream went *poof*... Because myself, who was supposed to call everyone, and Aaina, who is in the same room with me fell asleep right up to 1pm. Yep, we slept the morning away. And we didn't even hear our roomie leave, but she left us a message. And Yumi nor Ash called us. And I was supposedly suppose to go swim in the stream, come back and leave at 1pm.

Yeah right.

It was already 1pm as it was.

So, Aaina had to leave then, cos it was already late. I decided to check out and go out with Ash and Yumi before I left for home. And so I checked out, packed abit and Aaina sent me to Yumi's. Yumi and I then picked Ash up and had a late lunch at a mamak. By then, it was late, and I was having second thoughts about going back that day. I had loads of stuff, and it was late. There will be no space in the train, and I was super tired.

So I called my mom, and I told her I'd only be coming home the next day.


So, what we did was, since Yumi was leaving for Ukraine for the whole of the short semester and we wouldn't see her for about 3 months, and Fidzy have not seen Yumi since she couldn't join us cos of her curfew, we decided that we would drive to TTDI to pay Fidzy a visit.

We had dinner, while Yumi texted me some messages about there must still be dinosaurs in my tummy, and we decided that we should take Fidzy out on one of our all-nighters. So Fidzy grabbed her guitar at home, and took of with us.


There was still one more night of adventure left....

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Yes, I know it's been a year ago. But I swear to God that I remember every detail. I remember how I felt. I remember the feel of the air, the smells, the sounds... It all seems fresh in my mind. And it's because I keep replaying it over and over in my head.

Love,
Linzy

Last Saturday had me waking with a panicky start, thinking that I was late for work. The sun was bright outside my window, and my mind was racing with thoughts of how Juliana must be mad at me for not showing up, my teammates wondering where I was and a product left hanging on its own. But as sense and logic rushed back in, only then I realized that it was Saturday, and I was here in Cyberjaya as I would be meeting up with the BENdits for Anis' baby shower. *slaps forehead* Duh.

So I rolled out of bed, and got to my usual getting-ready routine. It was only about 8.30am, and the baby shower was not til 5pm, but I planned to meet up with Sarah to do a little shopping before we set off to Anis' place. So I went through the normal bathe+tone and moisturize+pants+make-up+top+hair regime and set out.

It felt like a good day, panicky wake up notwithstanding, and I walked out with a spring in my step. It was a Saturday, I was in Cyberjaya, I got to wake up late and I didn't have to go to work. Those were the makings of a good start. Then, the Bangladeshi worker I passed by who mopped the corridors every morning looked up from his work and greeted me 'good morning' with a smile. It made me smile all the more and I greeted him in kind. I have to say that I am a sucker for old fashioned politeness and courtesy; and I miss that among human beings, who are now cold, lonesome robots without a smile to spare. So I salute you, Mr Block C1 Caretaker, for smiling when many wouldn't. Yes, it was a good morning.

I decided to take a cab instead of the bus to the ERL station, cos as I was walking, I saw the bus driving fast past, and it would be another half an hour til the next one came. So, screw it, cab it is. After the incident with the sleazy cabbie, I have been extra extra careful, but I was pleasantly surprised by this cabbie who was pleasant and friendly. On the way, I decided to ask him how much it would cost to go to Midvalley, and having negotiated a reasonable price, I agreed for him to send me straight there.

So I got there, I shopped at MPH while waiting for Sarah, bought loads of stuff, and when Sarah got there, we went to Gardens to get her Stila stuff. I was starving by then, and having been craving for Carl's Jr., I decided to belanje Sarah and have our brunch there. After that, we headed to OU to get more of Sarah's stuff (heheh...lotsa stuff, huh, Sarah?) and stopped by MPH to catch the Poetry Readings held there in conjunction with World Book Day. Managed to meet with Madame Sheena and watch some poets do their stuff. Right after that, Sarah and I immediately met up with Fidzy and Shu and headed to Kota Damansara to get donuts and go to Anis' place.

When we got there, I have to say it was a huge relief to see some familiar faces that I haven't seen in such a long time. These are the friends that made MCIIUM bearable despite being depressing as it was. These are the faces that taught me alot about a friendship that I had yet to discover. These were the people who were very much a family to me. Sadly, Aaina and Zeph couldn't make it cos Aaina had work at the last minute and Zeph had to fly. So, it was just the 6 of us. Let's see if I still remember this: It was Pesky+Kitty+Sleepyhead+Philosopher+Fingerprints+Responsible-Silent-Horny=6 BENdits.

Lemme say this, no matter how long we get separated, we can still laugh like the bunch of 17/18 year olds we were all those years back in Matric. It's been about 6 years since then, and we are still the BENdits who hogged the Lepak Place and shared stories, laughs, food, tears and the like. Heck, we shared a lot back then. We're still the bunch of girls who had nothing in common, but found friendship in spite of our difference in background, lifestyle and mannerisms. We are still the same, but we're not.

What makes the now different from those years long gone is that we're now on a new phase in life. And while we don't share the same situations like we used to when we were all cooped up in the Holy Grounds v.1, we still find ourselves to be kindred in ways. And I find comfort in that.

It was nice sitting around the table and catching up, joking and laughing, and reminiscing on memories. Who'd have thought we'd be see each other through this far? We've had our misunderstandings and arguments and yet, there we were.

And the reason we were there in the first place was to celebrate our very own Anis and Matt, whom are expecting their knight in a month's time. We came bearing gifts to welcome their baby when he is born. Their very first child. And also the first child, shall I say, in our BENdit family. We are going to be aunts. Hehe, I'm going to be Aunty Linzy...

It's amazing to think all those years ago, when we were all just girls who found friendly faces in a sea of unknown people, that we would become the women we are, here and now, as a family of sorts--still.

I've been malas again. I haven't been much in the mood lately to spin out words to tell my stories. I've been more involved in being uninvolved. Just keeping to myself. Because there is no one else but myself. And that is my triumph and my downfall.

Anyway, I digress. I'm here to recount the year that passed.

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31st March 2008

Episode 9

I woke up again much later, just before midday, after waking up early in the morning to have a shower. Lina was still asleep, and I wasn't sure of what to do. I wandered abit in the room, til I heard Yumi coming out of her room, so I came out, too.

We chatted a while in her room about things we talked about last night and I checked my e-mails abit, while waiting for Lina to wake up. And when she did, and after she showered, we decided that we should go out for breakfast, or better known as lunch by then. Or tea, even. Since Ash would have finished his paper by then, we called him up, picked him up; and we had lunch at a Malay restaurant somewhere.

On the way back, and I don't recall how, but we suddenly had the inspiration to go have a swim in the river. By that time, to go to Ulu Yam was a little late, and a quite a drive at that. So we decided to go to Sungai Pusu which is just behind campus. So we did. Yumi stopped for 5 minutes at each of our mahallahs for us to get our gear, and then we went.

It was fun, after waking up late, starting the day off in the afternoon and with the need to just refresh; to just frolic in the cool stream. And the fact that I grew up going to that place, camping with family and all, brought back lotsa memories.


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1st April 2009

Episode 10

It was a fun semester together and it was coming to a close. Two of our ranks were leaving us (Maj and Stitch) and we knew this camaraderie will not be something that we could achieve again. Hence, much merriment and celebration was called for, to mark the end of a semester and a Twisties' celebration.

So we all (Aaina, Ash, Lina, Maj, Raqib, Sharina, Stitch and I) trooped to Yumi's one evening to have a makan-makan. We ordered Dominos pizzas and made kuih batik and ate our fill of food galore. We bought chips and drinks and all sorts of nonsense and got high on sugar and fun. It was a good feeling.

Which of course, escalated to a round of impromptu round of a hybrid between spin the bottle and truth or dare. Now, I'm not gonna dish out the juicy details of the beans spilled that night--which, by the way, I happened to be the first on the chopping block with a truth question by Lina--or who got to kiss who (and yes, I was a kisser and a kissee--cheeks only, though!); but let me tell you, it was hysterical. There were weird, awkward and eye-popping questions, and there were dares, and lots of kisses going on. A scenario that you wouldn't get to see otherwise. Bloody priceless. There were scenes that I relive again and again and they just make me laugh like crazy.

It was soon coming close to 12am and some of us needed to go off. Yumi had a house to clean, Maj and Sharina had to go, Stitch had to head home and the rest of us (Aaina, Ash, Lina, Raqib and me) had the whole night. So what else? We headed out.


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2nd April 2008

Episode 11

So we headed out. First stop, Bangsar. We went to a mamak to have a round of teh tarik and the like while playing our favourite game to pass the time, Uno. But while we were going around having our normal laughs while at it, the mamaks at the mamak told us to keep the cards, even if we were playing Uno or Bluff, and not gambling. Fed up at not being able to play, we moved out. Circled around looking for another mamak and ended up in Hartamas. There we had no problem.

We were there til about 5am just playing cards, getting high on sugary drinks and lack of sleep, til one point I was singing to myself and everyone chimed in as well. We were like a mini-chorus group at a mamak playing cards. Weird sight, it was. But we were having fun, and we were happy and no one kacaued us. Except, of course, for that time when I rat runned under our table and Aaina jumped and shrieked.


Finally, we left Hartamas and for a short while, drove around Bukit Tunku. It was just for the heck of it, and we left soon after. And headed to another normal lepak place for us; McDonald's Karak.

We were there for abit, just to wind down and prep ourselves to getting back to campus. We were a little toned down, still high from not sleeping, but more quiet. We had early breakfast and were just joking around. And I, of course, being fidgety at my hands being idle, took out my swiss army knife and started carving a hole out of Raqib's Big Breakfast box. The outcome that you get from a bunch of high bunch of Twisties and an quirky object is pretty much apparent below:


We left for campus, while Raqib headed back, right after it was the time when we could get into campus.

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At this point of time, the wheels were already turning. To the questions and the accusations and suspicions. I never felt a thing, other than wondering what is triggering the sudden bombarding of bullet-like interrogations. But it made me question myself, is there really? If people are asking so...? Only time will tell. But as Aaina say often, I was in denial. Was I? Or was it just that I didn't realize it yet?

Love,
Linzy the Twisted Redface

Tired from having squeezed my brain out for one exam, I was up to having another adventure out with my Twisties; a therapy in itself. So of course I did not give up the chance to have dinner with them one night. Yumi picked Lina, Ash and I and we proceeded to head towards Intai-intai.

Intai-intai is a small nook of a restaurant on the road towards Ampang. It really lives up to its name, because, situated along the road behind rows of car workshops and the like, no one would actually see it unless they intai (peek) behind them. There, one would see a quaint little restaurant that is built all around a very small lake, and has a nice cosy ambience to it; with the dim lights all around with a surreal feel to it, like it is detached from the busy world outside. Nice.

The four of us sat down and took a gander at the menu, which was varied and quite interesting, cos the spread was not the typical food one would find. The maitre 'd recommended some interesting selections and we mostly went with it.

It is always nice, of course, to enjoy good food with good company, as I always say. And the ambience of the place lent to us a much relaxed feel that made it all the sweeter.

If I recall correctly, Ash had Research Methodology finals the next morning, and he has yet to study. So we had to get him back. Yumi dropped Lina and I at one of the petrol stations just before IIUM and sent Ash back, while the two of us waited.

Yumi came back, picked us up and we headed to the Karak highway McDonald's at another petrol station. We ordered some foodstuff and we were there for many hours; just talking abot all sorts of things. It really was a heart to heart session between the three of us.. Towards morning, around 4am or so, we started getting a little sleepy and decided to adjourn to Yumi's place for some shut-eye.

Lina and I took the master room, and I remember something being asked about whether I was a sleep talker... Nope I wasn't, so lucky me. At some point Lina woke me up to ask me what was that sound. I spotted Cek Tom fidgeting about that was causing the noise. I pointed, and promptly feel back to sleep. I woke up rather early cos my Entrepreneur class lecturer was looking for my assignment. He found it, though. I took a bath, and feel asleep again. Only woke up again sometime mid-day...

To be continued in ep.9...

Love, Linzy~