Sup3rnality

Unconciously, I've been singing Queen's Another one bites the dust. I at first figured that it was from all the uploading of Freddie's pictures the other night. After all, I did name him after Freddie Mercury.

But now that I think about it, I think I'm singing it because Aaina just got hitched to Walad -- Finally! So so happy for them. So glad that they are safely married and now starting a new life together as husband and wife. Whoa...life is going by so fast. It feels like only yesterday we were all still in IIU and going to classes and going for late night drives...

It caught my heart abit, seeing my friends getting married... It's like, you ask yourself, when did we grow up? No matter how old we felt when we were still students, thinking we have grown so much, it turns out that we have grown abit more than that. And here's a new chapter now.

So Aaina, many many congratulations from the bottom of my heart. I was your roommate for quite some years, and I've seen your ups and downs and felt helpless when you were hurt, not knowing what to do. I'm happy to see you finally reach this point of your relationship, and hope that it will last you both forever.

We may not have been in constant touch over these past couple of years, but it doesn't change how much I care for you as a friend. So Walad, you better take care of her, because there are a lot of people to answer to (including me), if you don't.

But threat aside :P, congratulations. I hope you like the gifts :)

And another one gone and another gone...

Love, Linzy~

I'm glad I pestered myself to pester the duty roster person to have my off days changed so I could make it for the Terengganu trip. Risky as it is (as I've heard many bad things about the person), I don't regret my last minute change of mind.

After thinking it over, I really have to say, I cannot possibly miss my best friend's wedding; and with Fidzy's mom persuading me as well, I'd feel guilty if I didn't go. Also, the idea to get away a while with Asdil being in the mix definitely sealed the deal for me.
So I got my off days, and I packed up for the Friday morning-Sunday morning trip on a chartered bus.

• Asdil picked me up early Friday morning from my apartment to go to Fidzy's place. I was assigned baju pengantin-minder duty which sat with me the whoole trip. The bus came at around 9.30am, and after we loaded everything on the bus, we went off.
• Traffic smooth-moving, since it was a weekday and is not a peak period when everyone is off somewhere. Watched cartoons all the way to Terengganu. Got to watch Meet the Robinsons, a favourite :)
• Stayed at a rented bungalow by the beach. So the first thing we did as soon as we got settled into the 7 rooms with 44 beds house was hit the beach obviously. Asdil took the kids into the water while I frolicked at the shore taking pictures and catching hermit crabs with Fidzy :p
• Walked to the closest restaurant which was not actually close. And yet, despite that, I took a walk along the beach and shops further up from the place we're staying with one of the aunties who were on the trip. We walked so far, and then had a late night snack at A&W. Ash came looking for us later and escorted us back. Note to self: bring walking shoes when with Auntie Gina.
• The rooms and beds were comfy. From past experience of staying in rented bungalows, conditions can get real bad, but this one was actually nice. Lucky Ash got a room all to himself (which was good cos I could sneak in to get some smoochies before I went to my room next door to sleep :p)
• We went in search for nasi dagang early the next morning. Again, we walked all the way down the road for a meal, especially since there was only one shop selling nasi dagang.
•  When we got back, I quickly got ready for the wedding at Shu's home in Pulau Rusa. I was Fidzy's somewhat of a pengapit, so nasib baik I decided on taking my green-blue baju kurung with me, so I somewhat matched the theme.
• There was no persandingan on this end, but just Fidzy sitting on a dais next to Shu's mother accepting money/gifts from visitors and giving out eggs. I just sat next to Fidzy to fan her and make sure her makeup from don't run. Kesian Fidzy looked so nervous. Relax babe :)
• We stayed there awhile, then headed back to the bungalow, since we had to check out by 2.30pm. After we packed, we headed to the pasar so the ladies can go check out batiks, clothes, foodstuff and other things. We were given 2 hours to shop.
• Ash and I took off by ourselves. We went around the entire pasar, which was quite big, bought some souvenirs and were done. And when we looked at the time, we had only spent 20 minutes :p So what were we to do for the next 1 hour and 40 minutes? We saw some bechas by the side of the road and decided to take a ride around town. It was fun, and it's been a while since I've been on one. It was nice a breezy, had a chatty becha-paddler, and it was a nice quaint place to see while on becha. A nice and slow ride was a good way to spend time to see the place up close with running commentary by the pakcik.
• What was not conveyed to everyone was that the bus we were on had problems with its suspension, which needs repairing. So it was highly possible we'd be stranded for a while. So after the shoping was done, and after we visited the Masjid Kristal, we headed back to all the restaurants by the beach part of town (Batu Burok) and stayed there til about 12am.
• Before it hit 7pm, Ash and I took the kids to the beach for a swim. Had some fun in the water before we headed to the shops for dinner. The kids have warmed up to me by then and stuck to me for the rest of the night, and the aunties were commenting that I was preparing for motherhood :p Hey, I just love kids, kay. They were adorable, I couldn't help fawning over them.
• Took the kids to the playground where we stayed til late, waiting for the bus to be repaired. The guys headed to the nearest restaurant with a big screen to watch the World Cup (Germany vs Argentina). Was there for many many hours until the bus driver finally announced the bus was alright and we could go.
• Drive back was freakingly cold. Tapi I lagi kesian one of the kids who didn't have a jacket and was only wearing a sleeveless dress, so I let her wear my jacket. I instead put on 3 layers of clothes. But was still cold...yeah, I hate air conditioning. Stopped by McDonald's at Taman Melati for brekkie at around 6am.
• Reached TTDI around 7-ish. Kids didn't want me to go home, and I didn't feel like going home too. Two of them sat on my lap so that I couldn't leave. The kids were just the darlingest and I still wanted to sit around and play and chat with them. But I had to work at 4pm (yes, on a Sunday), so I needed to get some much needed Zzzzzs before work.
• Was sad to go home and leave the kids. They're just so lovable. But I'm at work now, and still reeling from the afterglow of a good trip.

All in all, it was good to see Fidzy and Shu happy. The trip was worth it, both in the sense of being at the reception, and having fun on the trip as well :) Loved every second.

Love,
Linzy

Always knew we'd be fighting air
Not really seen but always there
The soft breeze blows through my hair
But blinds my eyes, not playing fair.

Dear air, I know you're there
I know you tease me, not to despair
Living in this space we share
We both know our worlds don't tear. 

Oh air, I know you've always been there
It's no place of mine to compare
You've lived a lifetime, oh no I don't dare
I'm hardly even worse for wear.

Let's leave this at this, if you care
I'm struggling, braving against your gale affair
These clinging constrictions I have to pare
Leave me like this, I'll see how I fare. 
(c) Hazlin Aminudin, 2009

Breaking the sound barrier, we are condensed to be one, moving united at a speed to the chagrin of the dropping pressure. We are supersonic. We boom.

But we all know I'm no pilot. No captain. No first mate. I was tethered to the seats as this plane took off for a ride. I was strapped in and was forced to watch the flight attendants put on their wordless pantomime of how to not die. Thinking back, I wish I could have passed out at least and skip straight to the landing. I didn't book this flight. I just happened to be in transit.

My ears popped as we came in for touchdown. Words so clear and no longer a muffled irateness that left me yelling to be heard. Trying to speak over the din of the pilot chattering on as the plane sways dangerously through the turbulence. But now we're here. We are at our destination. The beginning of an adventure. Where do we begin? Damn well anywhere we want.

Because me, I'd rather fly low. Have my feet on the ground. I like knowing that I have not far to fall. So that I can walk when I need to. Crawl if I have to. Run when I feel like it. And jump when in joy. For I am no pilot. I have yet to earn these wings. Still learning the ropes. Still practicing the controls. I wanna soar; but let's take it slow, and make it a flight to remember.

Love,
No Pilot.

My prayers be with Anis and Matt and their son, Faris.
May all turn out well in this test of His.
InsyaAllah, all will be fine.

Be strong.

Love,
Linzy

I was suddenly overcome with a wave of various emotions as soon as I got Anis+Matt's message announcing the arrival of their son. It was a mixture of amazement+awe+happiness accompanied by wistfulness, and an indescribable rush of emotions. So much so that I felt my eyes welling up, close to tears.

Not unlike my reaction when I found out that Anis was pregnant.

I am happy. Thankful. Syukur, Alhamdulillah. Anis has safely given birth to a healthy baby boy via C-section. I am grateful to Him that they are both safe...

It's such a beautiful thing that words cannot describe. Isn't life such a wonder?

Love,
Aunty Linzy

P/s: Anis+Matt's Little Knight shares a birthday with my brother :)

Happy Birthday, Hazrein Iman.
Happy Birthday, Yumi-san.
Happy Birthday, Little Knight.

Be forewarned.

Never be fooled by the deceiving, nonchalant expression of Sarah's face.
The woman is the devil.

Sarah just came up with the most scandalous ideas.
But admittedly hot!
I mean, sizzling.
And they have just piqued my interest.

I might just jump in headfirst.

*evil grin*

Love,
Linzy

A captured demon, or a demon captured

Last Saturday had me waking with a panicky start, thinking that I was late for work. The sun was bright outside my window, and my mind was racing with thoughts of how Juliana must be mad at me for not showing up, my teammates wondering where I was and a product left hanging on its own. But as sense and logic rushed back in, only then I realized that it was Saturday, and I was here in Cyberjaya as I would be meeting up with the BENdits for Anis' baby shower. *slaps forehead* Duh.

So I rolled out of bed, and got to my usual getting-ready routine. It was only about 8.30am, and the baby shower was not til 5pm, but I planned to meet up with Sarah to do a little shopping before we set off to Anis' place. So I went through the normal bathe+tone and moisturize+pants+make-up+top+hair regime and set out.

It felt like a good day, panicky wake up notwithstanding, and I walked out with a spring in my step. It was a Saturday, I was in Cyberjaya, I got to wake up late and I didn't have to go to work. Those were the makings of a good start. Then, the Bangladeshi worker I passed by who mopped the corridors every morning looked up from his work and greeted me 'good morning' with a smile. It made me smile all the more and I greeted him in kind. I have to say that I am a sucker for old fashioned politeness and courtesy; and I miss that among human beings, who are now cold, lonesome robots without a smile to spare. So I salute you, Mr Block C1 Caretaker, for smiling when many wouldn't. Yes, it was a good morning.

I decided to take a cab instead of the bus to the ERL station, cos as I was walking, I saw the bus driving fast past, and it would be another half an hour til the next one came. So, screw it, cab it is. After the incident with the sleazy cabbie, I have been extra extra careful, but I was pleasantly surprised by this cabbie who was pleasant and friendly. On the way, I decided to ask him how much it would cost to go to Midvalley, and having negotiated a reasonable price, I agreed for him to send me straight there.

So I got there, I shopped at MPH while waiting for Sarah, bought loads of stuff, and when Sarah got there, we went to Gardens to get her Stila stuff. I was starving by then, and having been craving for Carl's Jr., I decided to belanje Sarah and have our brunch there. After that, we headed to OU to get more of Sarah's stuff (heheh...lotsa stuff, huh, Sarah?) and stopped by MPH to catch the Poetry Readings held there in conjunction with World Book Day. Managed to meet with Madame Sheena and watch some poets do their stuff. Right after that, Sarah and I immediately met up with Fidzy and Shu and headed to Kota Damansara to get donuts and go to Anis' place.

When we got there, I have to say it was a huge relief to see some familiar faces that I haven't seen in such a long time. These are the friends that made MCIIUM bearable despite being depressing as it was. These are the faces that taught me alot about a friendship that I had yet to discover. These were the people who were very much a family to me. Sadly, Aaina and Zeph couldn't make it cos Aaina had work at the last minute and Zeph had to fly. So, it was just the 6 of us. Let's see if I still remember this: It was Pesky+Kitty+Sleepyhead+Philosopher+Fingerprints+Responsible-Silent-Horny=6 BENdits.

Lemme say this, no matter how long we get separated, we can still laugh like the bunch of 17/18 year olds we were all those years back in Matric. It's been about 6 years since then, and we are still the BENdits who hogged the Lepak Place and shared stories, laughs, food, tears and the like. Heck, we shared a lot back then. We're still the bunch of girls who had nothing in common, but found friendship in spite of our difference in background, lifestyle and mannerisms. We are still the same, but we're not.

What makes the now different from those years long gone is that we're now on a new phase in life. And while we don't share the same situations like we used to when we were all cooped up in the Holy Grounds v.1, we still find ourselves to be kindred in ways. And I find comfort in that.

It was nice sitting around the table and catching up, joking and laughing, and reminiscing on memories. Who'd have thought we'd be see each other through this far? We've had our misunderstandings and arguments and yet, there we were.

And the reason we were there in the first place was to celebrate our very own Anis and Matt, whom are expecting their knight in a month's time. We came bearing gifts to welcome their baby when he is born. Their very first child. And also the first child, shall I say, in our BENdit family. We are going to be aunts. Hehe, I'm going to be Aunty Linzy...

It's amazing to think all those years ago, when we were all just girls who found friendly faces in a sea of unknown people, that we would become the women we are, here and now, as a family of sorts--still.

This feels like war.
Incessant.
Inescapable.
Constant.
Unfair.
Unnecessary.
For what?
I thought waters flow beneath your bridge.

As I sat curled up in bed while facing the laptop, I noticed a little something about myself that never really crossed my mind to ponder upon. Eversince I was a child, I had this habit, whenever I am comfortably in a lying position with the intent of resting and/or sleeping, my right foot will softly brush up and down. Weird, I know, and I can't really explain it; but my foot, not my entire leg, will just gently glide back and forth from the ankle. And it's only my right foot that does that, my left would stay still or just flex slightly.

It's just those little quirks that you don't quite pay much heed to. I mean, you do it and the action registers somewhat in your mind, but you don't actually ponder upon it. After all, what much of a purpose does it serve?

I find them to be one of them unique oddities that a person might have. They might range from subtle to just downright strange. But it makes you you, you know? Like my mom, sister and I just have to have a blanket over us when we sleep. Even if it's hot night, a blanket is a must.

Oh, and another thing; the quirkiness about the way we sleep. Of course, one wouldn't know about them unless someone tells you about it; cos obviously you aren't awake at the time. I've been told that I talk in my sleep, or sometimes even laugh or cry. This is what Sarah told me when we were roomies back in MCIIUM. And Aaina tells me that every now and then I would snore, especially on those tired nights after alot of work.

But I think when it comes to quirkiness whilst sleeping, I'd know the most because I would be the one to sleep the latest. Being the night owl that I am, I'd be awake til at least 3am or so. So by the time I decide to doze off, others would have been long gone into their slumber.

When we (Fidzy, Sarah, Aaina and me) were roomies, I'd lie awake and listen to the various sounds coming from each compartment. Fidzy snores at times. Aaina grinds her teeth real loud. Sarah makes sounds every now and then, but I mostly remember how she must sleep with something on her forehead. Haha. And then there were my roomies from before, like Kak Ziana, Zaza and Aiman who used to talk in their sleep all the time (especially Kak Ziana and Aiman who were Law students...I guess all that studying and memorizing went to their heads). A cousin of mind who sometimes would come over had this sleeping position that quite resembles the Superman pose i.e. one arm outstretched above her head and the other at the side with one leg slightly drawn up. Too bad there weren't any digital cameras or camera phones at the time to capture them. Oh, and my cousin, Kanna, used to sleepwalk. I remember her opening my cupboard and trying to walk into it, thinking it was the bathroom.

Ah, such funny quirks. I think mine are rather minor, unless my former roommates sengaja don't want to share them crazy escapades I get myself into when I'm asleep. But otherwise, I've no complaints from anyone who have shared the same sleeping space.

So I'm a occasional snorer and sleeptalker, who has a twitch in the right foot before falling asleep. These are my sleeping quirks.

What are yours?

Love,

I was up late last night. I couldn't really sleep thanks to my getting a flu and slight fever. Was talking to Aaina a little bit cos she just came back then, and while I was doing so, thought to myself to check my e-mail my phone as I would sometimes do.

Of course, my e-mail inbox was in its usual clutter of various notifications from Facebook and the ocassional e-mail from Kak Mei regarding classes and the like. Also thrown into my inbox would be the various invoices from eBay for the clothes I've been buying online. Nothing unusual. And then I picked out a notification for a message I received on Facebook. I quickly clicked on it to see what it was about.

What I didn't expect at all was to receive this message:

I was so happy that I was very close to tears. I was OMG-ing so many times and told Aaina the news. We were both speechless for quite some minutes. And I was jumping happily. My God, this is such good news. I'm gonna be Aunty Linzy!

Anis & Matt, am so happy for you guys. I know how much you've been wanting to have mini versions of yourselves. Congrats to you both!

Love, LinZy~

I just want to getaway.

No, I'm not feeling depressed or angry or anything remotely bad that makes me want to run away from the world. It's just that I have been having so little time to spare for the people I love (Ash, my family and my Twisties and friends I've not seen since forever-that means you, Hamzah, Alfred, Suneetha and the BENdits, too.....but in this entry's context, I mean mostly youlah sayang) that I just want to drop all my responsibilities for the moment and have a sort of reprieve. I know it's not possible, but I can dream, can't I?

It doesn't have to be anywhere fancy. Heck, I could lock myself in a house and switch off all modes of communication and pretend the world just revolves around that house and there would be nothing outside the door but darkness. And I'd be happy to stay just like that. Of course, we'd need to stock up on some food and all, but otherwise, I would think that we'd need nothing else.

Can we?

*sigh* I know we can't. That would require me having to rewire my brain to not be so worrisome and not so much of the Responsible One. We'd have to stop time. We'd even have to look for someplace where no one would look so I can pretend that the world does not exist for a few days.

But nothing like that could happen, so I guess that the least I could do is be content with the now.

Maybe we can plan something soon?

Love, Lin~

I am the type of person who cares alot about what people think of me. I don't let it control me wholly, no, but sometimes enough for people to misinterpret me and come to all sorts of comclusions; which are sometimes in both extremes. No, I don't let people dictate the way I dress or speak or act, but I am concious enough of what people would think of me to dress/act/speak in a moderate manner. But like I said, despite moderation, there are always one theory or another that read me wrong.

It is important to me, the way people see me. I cannot really explain why without going on a long litany of stories and explanations; but what I can say is that it stems from things deeper in my experience and nature. So it is enough for you to know it is important to me because I constantly feel like I need to prove myself, and that I do not want to fall into the cliched stigma of other people my age, and also because of I feel like I need to live up to something. Well, something like that lah... I think no matter how much I try I'd never be able to explain my motivations for the things I do.

It works sometimes, the way I carry myself. I think I've had more than my fair share of compliments regarding my character. And I am happy the way it turns out, how many people would sometimes tell me how they like that I am like this or that and so and so. It's a good feeling, thinking you're doing something right.

The downside however, is many as compared to the up. The first being, sometimes I try too hard to make sure I come off impressively, so much so that people do not see the real person in me. Of course, that would take time either ways, but still, they tend to judge me by what they see, and don't bother to go any further than that. But then, I suppose, that is more or less my fault for putting up that wall... The second is that, in my trying too hard to impress, I build up defences in fear of being letdown in the end. This makes me seem as though I'm a bit of a snob of aloof or sombong. I'm not. I'm not snooty or anything like that but I know I seem so, especially the first time you meet me. I would not be surprised, cos many of my good friends got the wrong idea when they first met me. The most memorable comment would be from Alfred who said "I thought you were a Bitch when I first met you".

On top of that, eventhough I think I dress pretty moderately, some of the elder folk would have that stigma saying I'm a budak bandar (city girl) who lives the city life just judging from the way I would dress myself. In some respects I am, but not the way they are implicating...which is, in their minds, a wild child. I don't see myself as one; and while I am not putting down those who love the nightlife etc., whatever you want to do is your right of way; I just have to say I do not fancy the lifestyle. I'm just not one for it. So when people imply that I do, I find it rather an insult. But some people do anyways, not all, but quite a few. They're quick to analyze the things I wear, having that sneer on their faces and comparing me to their angelic children... All this without even knowing who I am.

And so, I worry constantly about what people would think of me. Even more so now that I am thinking of my future, once I graduate. I am thinking about various interviews that I would have to go to, and wonder how I would come off. To make matters worse, being the worrier I am, it will be something that will be constantly on my mind and worry me incessantly. I worry whatever mistakes that I have done before in front of a person would come back to nip me in the bud someday.

Was talking to a Anis sometime ago, and she was telling me that first impressions don't matter, since they're never accurate. And continued to tell me her first impression of me (which is totally hilarious) and how she was later proved wrong. It goes to show how some people are not always the way they seem the first time you meet them, only when you get to know them will you discover their real character, that is when they've settled into the acquaintance and have gotten comfortable. I agree, since I've many times wrongly judged a person from just what I see. But then again, the worrier in me will never cease to worry. I constantly need to be assured that I do not give the wrong idea towards people....because it is quite a while before I let go of myself. I might seem sometimes quiet/reserved/rude at first, but it's only because I need a few moments to adjust and compose myself. And so, I keep on worrying.

First impressions last a good long while in me; with the impressions of other people because it is
how I remember getting to know them, even if they are proved wrong later. And of myself because I care about that initial response to my character. So for that I have to apologize for any wrong impressions that I may have made to you or to people you know, and sorry if I misjudged you the first time I meet you. I've realized my mistakes and I hope you can as well....Ta.

Love, LinZy~

It's been a week, now. I thought I'd have found the words I needed to say what needs saying. But as much as I would like to think that words bend and break at my bidding, I'm at a lost for them. I don't have them. They have me.

I cannot give you anything if you were to ask me how things have came to be. I don't know. We don't know. Did it start with me or him or did we both jump into it together? Heh, he wants to take the credit (or blame, hehe)...but I still am not all that sure. I'm just glad it happened.

Admittedly, we found the situation very funny indeed, but it does not discount the fact we knew there were things to resolve. But we did and we're here and I'm glad. So very glad.

It's been a dreamy week. One that has passed almost somnambulistically, but I know it isn't. I'm just awake as you are, just not like from a nightmare-like awakeness, but more of a lucid dream in which everything was felt and heard in surround sound kind of awake. I'm awake and I'm glad that I am. I'm glad because I realize that it's not a dream at all.

I need to have my phone surgically removed from myself. I need to wipe the constant smile from my face. I need to find a better excuse to explain my running to the room whenever my phone rings. I need to bribe my sister so she'd stop giving me knowing grins....

I should, but I don't want to.

It's been so long since I've had it on good authority to feel this way. Sometimes it feels like I need to brush the cobwebs from my long idle self. I'm getting reacquainted with this part of me...and it feels good.

I cannot help the rush, the rapid beat of my heart, the butterflies (or dinosaur, as Yumi puts it)... And I don't want to be helped, because everything he makes me feel reminds me that I'm awake and alive.

Be still my heart.

So this is it, I'm not single and I'm loving it. Thanks to those who had a hand in all this and thanks to those who I talked to for reassurance. Love you all. But most importantly:

I love you, Ash.

Love, LinZy~

Looking at my friends, be it the ones I've known for a long time or just these past few years, ones I see often or the ones whom I've not for years; I am constantly amazed at how much they've changed over the years. Thinking of how I first got to know them and where we are now present time, it never cease to amaze me just how fast the clock is ticking.

And I feel like I've been at a standstill. Seeing people around me evolve when all I've done is turn my head away for a little while. And I feel like I'm in the eye of a storm, so silent and still when all around everything is spinning so fast. But I know, the truth is I'm spinning fast too.
It's easy to see the change in others. Easier to see how the time has forced those I know to turn into familiar strangers. But looking into the mirror, I know that I haven't stopped spinning either.

Never in the past would I have envisioned that I'd be this present person. It's hard to begin to explain what got me where I am now. Experiences changed me little by little: scratched the surface and planted seeds. Pulled them out and made them hollow. Violated and left them broken. Stunting them in the dark. Let it grow under the bright sun. Watered them and let them bloom. And I cannot be what I am without any of those things I've been through. I'll never change them memories for anything.

I've been a child, a teenager (yes, I still hate the word and it cannot roll off my tongue without feeling odd and leaving a bad aftertaste; but that's the best word to use), and now a woman (and I can't grasp this one either. Still so much in accepting-denial. I know what I am, and I've always been one to count the days I'd no longer be considered a child, but the future is staring straight at me and for the first time, I feel actually scared). No wait, I am all of them; I AM a child, a teenager and a woman. And importantly: I'm a daughter, a sister, and a friend.
Those are the things that never change.

My experience may change me. Alters beliefs and principles and thinking and mannerisms and outlook and a thousand other things. But I remain to be what I am.

Love, Lin~

I think I turned so many shades of crazy last week that beginning is just so difficult... Where do I find the words?

well, to be honest, I never had much of a problem with crazy. It's always there, a constant in my head. What am I, if not a little crazy? Heh, I've heard people tell me that I am over and over again, so there's not much to hide anymore. I've left normal long ago, crazy is definitely the way to go. What with my theories about lecturers taking over the world with frogs as their pawn?

But last week, well, crazy took up many different forms. Well, I'm not surprised. As a Language and Literature student, I know that there are always more than one way to look at things. If you can see things in only one dimension, it means your mind is not open enough...Or so my crazy mind thinks.

There are so many levels of crazy, and it's quite possible to say that each one of them visited themselves upon me last week. Now, I'm always so hospitable, so I welcome all for tea and crackers whenever they come a-knocking. And the crazies? Yeah, them too.

I guess I cannot really turn them away. A little time out of my mind is a reprieve like you can't imagine. Not having to have your thoughts swirl around the same vicinity of things like 'How am I gonna finish that paper tonight?' or 'will I study Sociolinguistics in time?' or 'I don't get Research Methodology just one bit', is such sweet respite.

But then again, crazy has more than one way in making themselves known. And not all of them brought about the jollies in me. Nah, some of them were the kind that drove Spike bug-shagging crazy in the basement of Sunnydale High V.2. You know, the kind that would make you so crazy that you'd offer yourself up to burn, very much like Spike's smoking Jesus pose... (nooooo, not Jesus cereal, you guys. And no, you can't use the Judgment Day card)

So, yeah, there are many types of crazy. And while I like the thought of being crazy (of course, not Tanjung Rambutan crazy), I'm not a fan of the ones that just make you wanna hit your head repeatedly against the wall so you'll be forced to get your mind back in place again. Although, come to think of it, doing that will only serve to rattle my brain out of order to another shade of madness. Oh well.

Last week was just mad. But let me tell you, despite the mental suffering of it all; it was a pleasant albeit a painfully pleasant week.

Monday was all pick'n'mix if you ask me. A whole jumble of emotions. I woke up early to meet up with FidZy regarding the Sociolinguistics presentation. There was some confusion about it, but we decided to go ahead anyways. However, we couldn't as other presenters just took bloody forever. But I guess it was kinda of a relief. I mean, at least that gave us a little extra time. Methods of Da'wah was the usual...we got our midterms paper back. I did good...and that's such a relief. From here on end, I know I'd be fine doing that paper. Usul Fiqh was the same as well. We had a replacement class that night though. Aaina and I got back to the room, I rested a bit and later we got ready to go for the replacement class at 8.30pm. After the class we had a major craving for ice-cream and we picked out a childhood favourite: Paddlepop Rainbow. It tasted so good...brings back a whole lot of memories. We even got others to crave it as well... heh, we were walking adverts. watched abit of Lina's class' Romeo and Juliet rehearsal. Later, our Methods of Da'wah groupmates came over to give us their part of the assignment. Had a bit of a gossip session.

Tuesday....Hmmmm....not much honestly. I guess this is the one day that actually did not have me go all crazy and out of my mind. In fact, I was blessed with so many hours of blissful sleep... I suppose I should have taken that as a sign that I should get as much sleep as I could on that day. Because for the rest of the week, I barely slept a wink. Oh, I did meet up with FidZy, though; and we discussed our presentation that was to be the next day. But other than that, I was in my room the whole day enjoying the day off.

Oooh...Wednesday.

Where do I begin? I have to say that this is the day that started the onslaught of craziness throughout the week.... It was mad, man. It started with Sociolinguistics. We finally did our prsentation, FidZy and I. What was weird was the fact that the lecturer actually thought that it was well-prepared. I was on the edge and ready to kill anyone who got in my way and he actually thought we were well prepared? Well, in the wise words of Captain Mal Reynolds and Oz, "Huh".

Hmmmm, then came Methods of Da'wah. It was our last class. She had a bit of a lecture, just some things before we left. Then she told us that the semester has been great and she had fun teaching us... I think I was a bit teary thinking it was the end of the sem. Despite actually getting kicked out of the class that one time, I love her class. It's just one of the classes that relied more on opinion rather than hard-facts.

The same was with Usul al-Fiqh. Ustaz Maszlee was a bit teary eyed himself. I really have to say it has been a really inspiring semester with him as a lecturer. He really changed my perspective on religious lecturers... He's a man to be respected. He genuinely sees the bigger picture of religion, and that is something hardly anyone has.

classes finished early due to the fact that it was the last day. So everything was just some parting words and stuff. So Aaina and I had a lot of time to get ready for the big event of the day. We got back to the room and I had a short snooze. I was dead tired and needed a bit of R'n'R. Woke up and started getting ready. I forgot that the thing was this week so I forgot to bring any nice bajus. Ended wearing this simple blue top. When we were ready, we headed down. We were early so we thought we'd catch a bus instead of a cab. But of all days, luck wasn't on my side. I got stopped by a security guard who said my top was too see through. He told me to go up and change. I went to the building, hid for awhile, decided to take a jacket thing to wear on top and crept back down. Thank God the guard wasn't there anymore. We were already a bit late and it was starting to rain. We ended up having to take a cab. We got to the LRT station to the LRT to KL Sentral. But I guess luck decided to let us play our own game this time around.

We couldn't get a damn komuter... it was full and it was delayed. So after quite a while hanging about KL Sentral, we decided to catch a cab. We bought the cab coupons, only to find out that the line for te cab was long....damn. However, we eventually got ourselves a cab a arrived in Midvalley at the time we were supposed to meet up... So I guess we weren't so late after all. And we were the only ones.... The rest were not there yet.

We met up with Julia and Zeph first. God, babes, I miss you guys so much. It's been way too long. Zeph was a bit of a surprise, cos she didn't confirm her attendance. But it was soo good to see the both of them. These two were the two (very Willow of me) whom I've not seen for quite some years. We headed down to Kenny Rogers to wait for the rest. FidZy and Tasha came next, then sarah, and lastly, Anis and Liyana. Oh, and not to forget Matt. Anis couldn't stay though. But it was nice to be together, the eight of us for the first time in more than 3 years. It brought back so much nostalgia. can't believe that's how much we've aged throughout the years. Anis and Matt left, leaving the seven of us, eight including Tasha. We were so crazy there in Kenny Rogers. So crazy that every now and then, God I am the Responsoble One aren't I?; I had to remind everyone that it was a family restaurant. Talking about things like umm...well, lets just say things like that are confined to the well, nevermind. But I guess people around us caught the vibe and there was actually avoided us like the plague. There was no one sitting around us, everyone was sitting in seats several feet away.

Zeph paid for the food. THANKS FOR DINNER BABE! And we went looking about for another place we could sit and hangout. We decided on Secret Recipe. Sat there, fooled about, took pictures and basically just caught up with one another. It was nice, just sitting together like old times. I know it's no Lepak Place, but it was cool nonetheless.

Too bad we had this meeting at night. We couldn't stay long cos we had a curfew and had to get back to campus before we get locked out. Getting locked out is not so bad...but Aaina and I had to finish up a major assignment and we could not afford to just sit around and not do anything. Especially since our laptops were in the room.

So after our goodbyes (I was so sad, it's not often we meet and when we do, it's always so brief), we headed back. FidZy volunteered to send us back, but we managed to get held up by some traffic, missed a turning and I was just at the edge of my seat. Stress and anxiety gets me testy, I guess I snapped a little too often. HOwever, we got there right on time, exactly at 12am and thankfully didn't get into any trouble. Thanks FidZy, and I am sorry for getting abit testy and I do hope you didn't get into any serious trouble for being late.

So, when we got back, hearts all a-thundering, I was high on adrenaline. There was no way I could sleep after all that. Plus, the coffee I had before that made me a bit jittery. So I decided to take however long it takes to finish my assignment. I was awake all night, working on that paper entitled "Da'wah by means of the Internet: A study on Concept, Methods, Reliability and Effectiveness". Besides, it was due the next day. So....I did not sleep all night, save for the hour I had before I had to get up for Research Methodology.

So, that brings us to Thursday...

I couldn't get up. I was groggy. Bone tired. Brain tired. Physically tired. I just couldn't get myself to move. Even my brain was a bit slow on the uptake. I was officially spiraling into madness. The night before was circumstancial madness, but this, well, this was craziness nothing can stop.

I couldn't go to class. Unless I wanted to tumble down the Nusaibah stairs like a domino, I could. I was just not fit to walk. so I told Aaina to not expect me. I sat in the room and finished up whatever I can of the assignment before my brain lapsed again. Then Idzaid called to check if I was free. He was leaving for Germany that night. We agreed to meet in Gombak at 12pm, so I had to get moving. GOt ready and stuff, with my head simply swimming and mind just gone. The bus decided to NOT make an appearance that day so I had to catch a cab.

I got there in one piece. And without murdering anyone! That's progress! Mwt Idzaid and decided to skop our usual McDees and head to Secret Recipe. Sat down and decided on 'Mango Delight'. It's this cake with creamy mango-ey goodness. We finished that and decided that we wanted another cake. So we got a brownie with ice-cream and chocolate sauce. I have to say that was perfection. It was a beauty. It looked so good. But we dug into it anyway. Aah, it was nice to have a little respite amidst the craziness of the week. Eventhough I was still high on crazy and was not completely right in the head. Sorry you had to see that, Idzaid. Don't worry, it doesn't happen often. That knida crazy only makes its appearance every now and then.

Idzaid's friends joined us a little later and we hung out abit. It was great, meeting nice new people. I really haven't had the time to go out, so it was just so good to be out and about, thinking of things other than work....although the assignment was constantly at the back of my mind.

I was having fun, but work was not leaving me alone. I had to make several frantic calls all through the outing (sorry again for that), discussing what time to meet up and what not. However, it started raining heavily and there was no way I could get out of the rain and get back to UIA. So I called Aaina and we decided to take a chance and send it in the next day. A message to Mdm Megawati assured us that it was alright. So I stayed on with Idzaid and his friends and waited the rain out.

By the time I left Gombak, I was very tired and it was quite late. I got back to campus, met up with FidZy and was just brain tired. I guess it was obvious to everyone looking. I was walking like a zombie and spouting nonsense. Even started speaking Kelantanese when Raqib and FidZy was sending me to Nusaibah. When I got there, I was given firm instructions by FidZy and Raqib to sleep and get enough rest. I straightaway conked out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

What a great snooze that was. But with my assignments on my mind, I couldn't sleep that long. The next thing I know I was up again and on the paper again. I was just so determined to finish it and see the end result. Got a call from Idzaid who was from KLIA, again reminding me to get enough rest.. I guess I really was all crazy that day; cos everyone had that concerned look on their faces and concerned tone of voice.

Friday...

I woke up a little later than I wanted to; but it was early nonetheless. Put in some fianl touches to the paper. With Aaina's part of te paper combined, we had a total of 50 pages! Phew, wow, no wonder we were going all mad. look at the number of pages we wrote... And the lecturer, I think was only expecting about 20 or so. We printed it, submitted it and was so damned relieved!!!!!! It's done. Omigod, it's FINISHED!!!!!

I met up with FidZy, went up to my room to pack up my stuff, then left with FidZy to KL Sentral. There we discussed our paper on Sociolinguistics (yes, another paper). We were gonna submit it on Monday and we don't care if it was overdue. Had lunch there and talked some. Probably scared a few people away with our topic of choice.

Then I left for Shah Alam. Ooooh....sweet heaven, I was going back home at last.

But craziness never stops. can't stop the signal. It's always there in my brain. I was down with fever the second I reached home. My temparature was high and I had a killer headache.

But I managed to pull myself together to watch 'Bridge to Terabithia' and then later 'Pan's Labyrinth'. Both were just so sad. I guess I was super emotional due to the assorted chaos of the week, that i was extra sob-by when I watched those movies. But all is well and good now.

So, you see, craziness is just inherent to me. Sometimes I may not be the one to evoke it, but it comes to me all the same. And I somehow welcome it. It's part of my life. It drives me crazy (heh), well, ok, it drives me off my rocker, but I love it all the same.

So, there goes my crazy week. I would have been more specific on the happenings of the week, but I just got so tired of typing. So, that's all for now.

Love, Lin~