Sup3rnality

Things can get a little crazy here in Linzy Land. Cash is always an issue thanks to finicky housemates, hefty TNB bills that only makes an appearance after two months with warning letter about paying bills on time (Hello? How about giving me the bill on time?), car problems that need repairing, much needed car petrol, and stupid Maxis bills that don't make sense.

Things are quite hectic as well, taking as many OTs (meaning that I finish at 2am) as I can, and doing freelance proofreading. These two I'm not complaining about, because the extra cash helps me stay afloat. But it does sap energy off of me.

Some days I wake up late and in a daze, feeling guilty of having missed the morning. It's hard to take that first step out of bed and out of the room and out of the house after working all night. My inactivity has further led me to put on more weight which makes me furious at myself.

Oddly though, life is good. Yeah, the crappy parts are, well, crap, but overall, it's been good. I enjoy my work, it finally feels fulfilling and I see a future in where I am. I think I can go far working here. I think I can give more to my family now, because my constant depression (when I was at my old company) has faded away and I can be a better person for them. And eventhough I don't see them as often, but the distance has made me feel all the more thankful of what I have.

The anticipation of going home to see my family makes me so excited that I feel like I need to buy gifts for everybody each time I go home. Making stops here and there to pick up a book for my sister, some Popeye's fried chicken for my brother, some home decor stuff for my mom and something my dad would like if I find any (he's a tough person to buy for :p). And when I get home, an almost audible sigh of relief escapes me. 

Living in PJ also means I get to see friends more often. Well, not that often, but with  my no longer being so far away in Cyberjaya, it's easier to plan for meetups with friends. And my colleagues are great friends, too. It's important, you know, to love the people you work with. Otherwise work will be only partly fulfilling, and you'd feel an emptiness when going to work everyday.

Asdil, of course, fills in the gaps, being all that I need. We don't see each other as often now, with my working at night and on weekends, too, and with him having classes all the way in Cheras every weekday til late. But I think that makes us stronger as a couple, and makes us grow better with each step, and hopefully prepares us better for our future.

I like the days when I have the day off, and we don't feel like going out for dinner. He'd come over and we'd cook dinner ourselves, and he'd cook up one of his mystery dishes. Then we'd have dinner while watching a comedy. It's simple, homey, and better than any fancy dinner we can ever have.

Yes, life is good. It seems like that is all I've been saying these past few entries (as far in between as they are), but that's the basic fact. Trying to make ends meet, living on your own and scraping through the month makes you go crazy, but in the end it is all worth it.

Because the bottom line is, you know that nothing in life comes for free. You have to work to get what you want, and that includes going through the hard times. I always keep in mind that Allah SWT gives to those who puts in the effort to work to reach their goals. And that keeps me going. One day, this will all pay off.

One day I will repay my parents for all they have given to me. I will make sure my little brother and sister will have a good role model and grow up to be good people. I will see that I will be there for my friends when they need someone to be their friend. One day, God willing, Asdil and I will be together for keeps and keep on being each others' shoulder to lean on.

Love,
Linzy

....then I'd be living in bloody peace.

I haven't been in the right frame of mind to talk about the things that have been happening for the past few weeks. Everytime I begin to attempt typing out my thoughts, I am stunted by my inability to write and/or put them into words. So here's what I've been doing these past few weeks

• I left WKESP officially on the 29th of April 2010. More specifically, I left Aust-B. I had a very very long cry, not being able to believe I won't be walking into that office again and see them each day. They gave me hugs, which made me cry harder and they all had a procession for me, walking me to the door, for one last time. Leaving them feels like letting go of family. But the best thing about family is that, they're always there for you. I'm halting any entries about leabving WK at the moment until I can sort out my thoughts and feelings.
• I moved out of Cyberjaya on the 30th of April. Ash did most of the job. I packed everything up and he loaded it into the van we borrowed from my uncle. Then we drove to PJ and he unloaded the van for me. I couldn't have done it without him (thanks Sayang). And of course, thanks to my family, too. Who helped me carry the second round of stuff. Yes, I have that much stuff...mostly books and clothes.  
• Starting on May 3rd, I am now an employee of the Star. To be specific, a sub-editor for the Star. The Star newspaper that I've been reading daily. Feels almost like a dream. It's different here, but I like it. Work-wise, I do feel very much more accomplished than how I felt in WK.
• I'm now living in PJ. Around the Tropicana area to be more precise. No, not next to Tropicana City Mall like people keep asking. It's near the Tropicana Golf Resort. The condo is called Bayu Puteri Tropicana. It's quite a nice place. House is a bit of a fixer-upper due to an irresponsible landlord, but I'll manage.
• Did I mention my working hours are from 4pm to 12am daily? Uhh, yeah, I start work at 4pm and leave for home around 12am. Wonderful hours for me, cos that's when I work best. And it's not like I have a nightlife anyway, so it's no problem for me. I get to see Ash in the daytime and spend more waking hours with him especially since now I live about 15 minutes away from him and not 50 minutes like when I was in Cyberjaya.
• I'm still getting used to my new area, new job, new schedule, new house...alot of things are still on my mind. But all in all, I'm feeling content right now; like things are falling into place, just need a few things sorted before they can fit even better.

Tomorrow is moving day.

Or rather, later today, seeing how it's already 1am as I type this.

I'm glad and I'm thankful to be out of that hellhole of a house with those two rude, money-faced, irresponsible and immature Indomees. However, I feel very bad about the girls who took over my place, the girls that ensured my being able to move out. They have now become unwilling scapegoats for my escape. My gain became their loss; and now the Indomees are harassing them, forcing them to pay for things they didn't use; after all, they've only lived there a week.

I feel bad and glad; and those two are not sure-fire recipes for the jollies. Conscience is getting in the way of relief, but as far as I am concerned, my work here is done. It's their turn to face the evil Indomees. But knowing me and my constant worrying, I cannot sit still knowing these girls are in turmoil. They're being harassed because of me, because of my not wanting to give in to the demands of that horrid and rude and insensitive Indomee, Anna. And it's totally not their fault. I stuck them with the problems I previously faced, which was in a way my intention, because I know that Indomee will never see reason. But after getting to know those girls and after how nice they've been, the heart gets in the way.

*sigh*

We'll see how this works out in time. It's tiring and it's unnecessary stress. But this is a cross that I have unknowingly let drop onto my shoulders, so I shall carry it as far as I can.

Love,
Linzy

The week has been exhausting.

I'm homeless.

I'm overworked.

I'm hungry.

I'm lonely.

I would love a break.

But I am glad for one thing, and that is being out of the house with those two Indomee (term coined by Sarah) girls. I no longer live there. I can say sayonara b*tches and never see them ever again. I couldn't take their crap and their astoundingly overpriced bills any longer. I just got meself replacements, and found myself a new place away from them. Too bad I had to con three girls into taking up rent with those Indomees, but for sanity's sake, I'd have to turn the other cheek.

But then, the head b*tch of the duo have been annoyingly rude to me which ruined my mood a few days back; but my solace is that they can't really track me down. Not really anyway. So I hope they would get the hell outta my life and leave me alone. After their extortion, their causing my laptop to get stolen, their using up my things, their rudeness, their ruining my car seat and other offences, I will not be taking any more.

So that's one relief. The only catch is that, I had to move out on the 23rd and I could only move in to my new place on the 1st of November. That means that, for one week, I will be homeless. And I will have to live in Seremban. And I would have to travel back and forth every morning and evening; which burns a hole in my wallet cos of petrol and toll, not to mention it wears me out like crazy and I'm out like a light by 10.30pm. Then up I get at 5.30am and am out the door at 6.30am and I get to work around 7.30am. I leave at about 7.30pm and reach home around 8-9pm. I eat and then I sleep and the cycle begins again. It's only been 4 days and I'm already worn out.

On top of that, it's been a busy week. Fun Inc organized a 3-day Diwali celebration which involves dressing up, henna tattoos, palm reading, Bhangra dancing and eating. I've barely had time to do my work and my work is piling up like crazy. I haven't been going out for lunch and I've been very hungry. I haven't had enough sleep. And most of all, I miss my Asdil like crazy.

If there is one person who could make everything else feel weightless, it's him. And I miss him so terribly much. I can't wait to see him when everything resumes as the usual.

So for now, I'm trying to be patient. And I'm looking forward to another new beginning in a new place. So I'll endure this exhaustion and wait til I could breathe again.

Love,
Linzy

Alrighty, then. Here's another thing that I've been wanting to type out for some time.

My laptop was stolen. Well, not exactly mine. It's my brother's; which doesn't make the situation any better since now I have to buy two: one for myself and one for my brother to replace the one that got stolen.

Well, anyway. After having dinner with Ash at our favourite Arabic restaurant, I returned home to watch some dvds that I borrowed from Carol. It was then I realized that my laptop was not at it's place. My heart hammered like crazy against the wall of my chest. And as realization hit, my heart sank. It was not misplaced, nor could it be outside. My laptop is always in that one place, and I've never taken it into the living room ever. If it's not there then...

Yes, no doubt about it. From the moment that I found my laptop not where I left it, and it was not in the surrounding area, I knew for sure that it was gone. And sure enough, upon investigating, someone crept in through the ventilation window of my bathroom. See, I have the master bedroom which has its own bathroom. The bathroom has this huge ventilation window which opens to the laundry room. So anyone in the house can pretty much get into my room provided that they can open up the ventilation window. So when I had a look, there was a chair propped against the wall to climb up into the window, into my bathroom and into my room. And voila, no more laptop.

I was down. I felt like I was grabbed and thrown into the deep end, leaving me cold and drowning. I could not explain how horrible I felt, and how stupid and just angry at myself. Ash holding me provided me comfort, but the voices in my head kept blaming myself over and over. I know I can't possibly blame myself, but I couldn't help asking what-ifs over and over.

My parents came and we reported to the police. The biggest suspects were of course my housemates; especially seeing how there was no sign of a break-in, and that it was most likely an inside job. I dunno though. I wanna say it's them, especially since I had been arguing with one of them about the extremely expensive monthly bills (what should usually be just slightly less than RM50 in other places became RM158) just the day before. So if there was a motif, that could be it; their dissatisfaction with my not wanting to pay and then stealing my laptop as compensation. Also, one of them always have a bunch of guys over, and the police were saying that a couple of guys could have easily climbed in and swiped it. It wouldn't be a surprise... But was it my housemates and their cronies? Or was it someone who sneaked in somehow? Especially since my housemates are so careless as to always forgetting to lock door or stuff like that. I dunno... Personally, I wanna say that it was my housemates, my housemates and their friends, or just their friends...but that would be bad of me. But I dunno. When I called them to tell them of what happened, they didn't bother to come back, nor did any of them ask if their rooms were affected... It was as though they knew that it would only be me who would be in that crap.

The police weren't of much help as expected. They aren't gonna bother to take samples of the many fingerprints on the dusty window or at least take the initiative to question my housemates. They just questioned one of them and went through her things... but they didn't ask the other girl in whom my biggest suspicion lay. All they said in the end was that I should move out. And that was it.

*sigh*

There's nothing I can do now, of course. It's gone. And I am in a bloody huge debt. Not to mention that I am petrified of what can happen with the photos in there. I mean, I love taking photos, and pictures can easily be doctored or what not... It's been almost a month since, but I still am scared of all that.

Anyway, I don't feel like talking about this any more. It's starting to make me feel upset. I'll think of happier things to write soon. Bye.

Love,
Linzy

Alright, rant time. I haven't done this in a while, so allow me my luxury.

I effing hate my housemates. No doubt about it. I hate hating people. And I always give people the benefit of a doubt whenever I get angered my something they do. But these housemates of mine keep reaping them benefits and never give anything back. Not that I want any, but I expect to be treated just as fair.

First of all, there was that time when we all first moved in back in June. Having just known one another and all, the three of us (there's me and 2 girls from the country that begins with 'I' and ends with 'ndonesia' who are students in MMU) decided we should go out and buy groceries together for the house so we all get what we want and we all can bond or something. What miffed me the first time was when they all decided on Monday. So Monday at 8pm, I got ready and waited for them to come home so we could go. But no, they didn't turn up, and nobody called right until almost 2 hours later. I let it slide thinking it was a genuine mistake. So we planned to go the next day.

The next day, just before I left, I discovered that something I had placed outside as it did not fit my room was missing. Later they told me they lent it to their friend. Okaaayyyy...wtf? It's not yours and you lend it to a friend whom the owner does not know? That's just plain dumb. I would expect it from a 6 year old, but not from those who are in their 20s. Then my disassembled shoerack which I wanted to put in my room magically assembled itself and was put outside and had shoes piled upon it with only one slot for shoes left. You'd think that knowing the rack belongs to someone else you'd not take the liberty to just assemble it and use it? And not just use it, but take up all the space, which would probably have fitted 15 pairs, and leave just one for me?

It doesn't end there. So we went out to grocery shop. We bought what we needed. On the way back, the girl sitting in the backseat kept asking for tissue. I didn't think anything then. Then we decided to stop and have dinner. When we got to a restaurant and sat down, the two girls started conversing in their dialect and stole glances at me. I didn't think anything of it. That is, until tomorrow afternoon, when I was about to get into the car after leaving the office. I was assaulted by an unpleasant smell and upon investigating, I found that the backseat was covered by some weird-looking substance that had dried up and was sticking to the seat. It was all over. Even on the car door. And there were bits of tissues which were left there where she had wiped. I was fuming. I straightaway went to get my car cleaned and texted her about it. She ignored it. She didn't even apologize or acknowledge it. And after that, whenever I was around, she never left the room. Or as soon as I entered my room, I hear her come out. Stupid *****.

And now this. Alot of the everyday necessities are mine. Cos I buy mine and use mine. I don't like using what belongs to others unless it is expressly mentioned that I can use them. And even then I'd rather buy my own cos I would feel uncomfortable using something that isn't mine. But these girls seem to think that what's mine is theirs and what's theirs is theirs. I love doing laundry, and yesterday I found that my detergent and softener which was substantially full just the other day to be finished. Zero. Zip. Zilch. I mean, what the heck? If you finish it, don't you have the decency to buy a new one? What do I look like, a banker?

And also, I found that my bucket that I wash my precious lingerie in was defiled when one of them decided to use it to put paint in so that she could repaint her room. What the fricking hell man. And today, the other girl is using it to stuff paper mache'-like thingies for her art project. I wouldn't have minded if it was used for a cleaner purpose... but this is for dirty stuff. And why couldn't they even ask permission...? Why is it so hard?

Don't think that I'm being a petty princess who doesn't like to share. I love sharing. I do not like hoarding things knowing that it could help others. But if I were in their shoes, I would use my common sense. I would not use something belonging to others without permission, especially if my purpose for it would involve dirtying it and maybe upsetting the owner. If I dirtied or spoiled something not belonging to me, I would take the initiative to clean or replace it and profusely apologize. And I will definitely not use something until it finishes if that thing belong to someone. So you see what I mean?

This people have a problem with their brain not functioning. This is common sense. This is something we should know by instinct... But I guess these girls just don't have it. It would be too mean to say it is a trait from where they come from, but I've met other people from there and they are not stupid like these two. I tire of this stupidity... I can't wait to find a new apartment and move out.

Linzy~