Sup3rnality

#31

Contrary to popular belief, I was never kissed by any one of the two boyfriends I've had prior to Asdil. Nor have I ever kissed or been kissed by anyone by accident, on an impulse, on a dare... Cheeks don't count, of course. I'm talking full on lips here.

So, in case you haven't caught on yet, I was a kiss virgin at 22; that is, until Asdil and I shared that fateful kiss in the early morning light in the back of Yumi's car.

It wasn't something I meant to hide, it's just that I never committed my answer to a "yes" or a "no", since well, nobody really asked. Everybody assumed that I have kissed, and I never thought to correct them. I'm sorry, though, to the friends that have asked me things like "Is so-and-so a good kisser?" and I just said something like "Yeah, he's pretty alright". You people know who you are, especially on one occasion at the Karak highway McDonald's where some of the Twisties quizzed me on kissing techniques.

So yeah, that would explain the blush and the reluctance to answer the questions asked of me that time and the reason why I declined to kiss a certain Twistie during that Truth or Dare session we had. Truth was, I was saving my first kiss for someone, someone who I felt would make that kiss special and I wanted the kiss to be a promise of something more, not a meaningless peck between platonic friends to fulfil a dare. I didn't know who that someone would be, but I was willing to wait.

My waiting didn't take long.

A few days after our game of Truth or Dare, in what would be the beginning of something wonderful, heart in my throat, in all uncertainty yet certain that this was the moment I was waiting for, I met Asdil halfway for a wonderful first kiss.

And the rest, they say, is history.

In Memory of Amirah Anuar 
4th May 1985 - 26th October 2010

It's heart-warming, and yet heartbreaking, to see old friends from SMK Seksyen 9, Shah Alam unite as one to pay their last respects in memory of an old friend and schoolmate, Amirah Anuar. After years of being apart, separated by distance, time, jobs and various obligations, we are all different people now; but in a time of sorrow, it reverberates through all of us the gravity of this heavy weight that bears down on all of us.

We have lost one among our ranks.

We all shared one memory of being in the same school, walking down the same corridors, standing in that same hall, singing the same songs. We were different people, we were from different groups and cliques, maybe liked or hated each other. Nevertheless, we had camaraderie, we had a friend in common.

At one point or another, we might have bumped into Amirah, talked to her, shared a smile as we passed one another, been classmates... At one point or another, even if it was just for a moment, Amirah had been a part of our lives.

For me, I was her classmate in Form 2. 2 Yakin 1999 to be precise. My memory of her was that she taught me the love for make-up. We discovered the many different types of lip gloss and balms, eye shadow and the power of facial blotters. We shared posters from magazines and exchanged lyrics. She borrowed a few of my tapes to listen at home. We shared magazines to read when we were bored. We sang the same songs and joked about in class. We gossiped and laughed like any 14-year-old would. She was also a comforting friend when the challenges of being 14 got too hard to bear. In a few words, Amirah was my friend.

I may not have had the chance to get to know her past the year of being classmates. I may not have kept in touch beyond school, even. But Amirah, you will be remembered, and you will be missed.

May you be placed among those with faith. Al-Fatihah.
Condolences to your family.

Sometimes I come across albums newly posted on Facebook of schoolmates who just got engaged or married. I don't bother to look into the album, it's a waste of time really. But I cannot help thinking thoughts that are mean, and yet very gratifying, even though they just cannot happen.

Like I said, I know it's mean, and so vengeful, but I look at many a schoolmate, especially the guys who were painfully mean to me, and I feel like sending a message to their fiances/wives to tell them that the guy they are associating themselves with have no respect for a person who does not fit into his viewframe. I feel like telling these girls to make sure men like these don't breed more of such people when they have offspring. There is no more room for people who cannot appreciate uniqueness.

That is, of course, assuming that these girls don't hold the same outlook as the guy they're gonna be hitched to.

I had my share of pain in highschool. I'm sure everybody did. While I don't hold my demons close and dear to me, I cannot accept that there are so many stupid people in the world. And I dread for my children to have to go through the same. I had to go through too much, and while it has made me a better person, this day and age, such pressure could almost kill.

I don't want my children growing up with people who tell you that you are unworthy of being loved because you are ugly and are not of the same standards of certain people. I don't want people telling them they are ugly and fat and unattractive. I don't want my children to be told that the only way to have somebody even give them the time of day, they would need to pay that person. I don't want my children have teachers pick on them because they are not popular or pretty like the others.

Patience, knowledge that I am better than such people, and serenity of mind kept my chin up, even though many times I felt like caving, and believing the words people said. But nowadays, the pressure is high, and not being able to live up to peer pressure takes a deep toll on many kids. I'm afraid of my children's future.

So I often feel like giving my highschool tormentors a piece of my mind. And tell their wives/fiancees also that they should keep an eye out and ensure that no such scum of the earth is brought up. Of course, I can also give them a reason of a doubt and say they're changed now, but well, just in case.

In any case, I have no frakking idea why these people are in my Facebook list of friends anyway. I should definitely annihilate them. Spring cleaning here I come :P


Love,
Linzy

I'm glad I pestered myself to pester the duty roster person to have my off days changed so I could make it for the Terengganu trip. Risky as it is (as I've heard many bad things about the person), I don't regret my last minute change of mind.

After thinking it over, I really have to say, I cannot possibly miss my best friend's wedding; and with Fidzy's mom persuading me as well, I'd feel guilty if I didn't go. Also, the idea to get away a while with Asdil being in the mix definitely sealed the deal for me.
So I got my off days, and I packed up for the Friday morning-Sunday morning trip on a chartered bus.

• Asdil picked me up early Friday morning from my apartment to go to Fidzy's place. I was assigned baju pengantin-minder duty which sat with me the whoole trip. The bus came at around 9.30am, and after we loaded everything on the bus, we went off.
• Traffic smooth-moving, since it was a weekday and is not a peak period when everyone is off somewhere. Watched cartoons all the way to Terengganu. Got to watch Meet the Robinsons, a favourite :)
• Stayed at a rented bungalow by the beach. So the first thing we did as soon as we got settled into the 7 rooms with 44 beds house was hit the beach obviously. Asdil took the kids into the water while I frolicked at the shore taking pictures and catching hermit crabs with Fidzy :p
• Walked to the closest restaurant which was not actually close. And yet, despite that, I took a walk along the beach and shops further up from the place we're staying with one of the aunties who were on the trip. We walked so far, and then had a late night snack at A&W. Ash came looking for us later and escorted us back. Note to self: bring walking shoes when with Auntie Gina.
• The rooms and beds were comfy. From past experience of staying in rented bungalows, conditions can get real bad, but this one was actually nice. Lucky Ash got a room all to himself (which was good cos I could sneak in to get some smoochies before I went to my room next door to sleep :p)
• We went in search for nasi dagang early the next morning. Again, we walked all the way down the road for a meal, especially since there was only one shop selling nasi dagang.
•  When we got back, I quickly got ready for the wedding at Shu's home in Pulau Rusa. I was Fidzy's somewhat of a pengapit, so nasib baik I decided on taking my green-blue baju kurung with me, so I somewhat matched the theme.
• There was no persandingan on this end, but just Fidzy sitting on a dais next to Shu's mother accepting money/gifts from visitors and giving out eggs. I just sat next to Fidzy to fan her and make sure her makeup from don't run. Kesian Fidzy looked so nervous. Relax babe :)
• We stayed there awhile, then headed back to the bungalow, since we had to check out by 2.30pm. After we packed, we headed to the pasar so the ladies can go check out batiks, clothes, foodstuff and other things. We were given 2 hours to shop.
• Ash and I took off by ourselves. We went around the entire pasar, which was quite big, bought some souvenirs and were done. And when we looked at the time, we had only spent 20 minutes :p So what were we to do for the next 1 hour and 40 minutes? We saw some bechas by the side of the road and decided to take a ride around town. It was fun, and it's been a while since I've been on one. It was nice a breezy, had a chatty becha-paddler, and it was a nice quaint place to see while on becha. A nice and slow ride was a good way to spend time to see the place up close with running commentary by the pakcik.
• What was not conveyed to everyone was that the bus we were on had problems with its suspension, which needs repairing. So it was highly possible we'd be stranded for a while. So after the shoping was done, and after we visited the Masjid Kristal, we headed back to all the restaurants by the beach part of town (Batu Burok) and stayed there til about 12am.
• Before it hit 7pm, Ash and I took the kids to the beach for a swim. Had some fun in the water before we headed to the shops for dinner. The kids have warmed up to me by then and stuck to me for the rest of the night, and the aunties were commenting that I was preparing for motherhood :p Hey, I just love kids, kay. They were adorable, I couldn't help fawning over them.
• Took the kids to the playground where we stayed til late, waiting for the bus to be repaired. The guys headed to the nearest restaurant with a big screen to watch the World Cup (Germany vs Argentina). Was there for many many hours until the bus driver finally announced the bus was alright and we could go.
• Drive back was freakingly cold. Tapi I lagi kesian one of the kids who didn't have a jacket and was only wearing a sleeveless dress, so I let her wear my jacket. I instead put on 3 layers of clothes. But was still cold...yeah, I hate air conditioning. Stopped by McDonald's at Taman Melati for brekkie at around 6am.
• Reached TTDI around 7-ish. Kids didn't want me to go home, and I didn't feel like going home too. Two of them sat on my lap so that I couldn't leave. The kids were just the darlingest and I still wanted to sit around and play and chat with them. But I had to work at 4pm (yes, on a Sunday), so I needed to get some much needed Zzzzzs before work.
• Was sad to go home and leave the kids. They're just so lovable. But I'm at work now, and still reeling from the afterglow of a good trip.

All in all, it was good to see Fidzy and Shu happy. The trip was worth it, both in the sense of being at the reception, and having fun on the trip as well :) Loved every second.

Love,
Linzy

It's only days until I say goodbye to Wolters Kluwer for good. Only hours, in fact. Since if I were to offset my annual leave balance, I'd only have 3 hours and 45 minutes left to be in the office.

Two years ago, my Asdil -- the other half of me -- and myself discovered a mutual spark between us that would bring us to where we are now. And we've stoked that spark to a flame that burns bright independently and surely.

My thoughts run dry as I search for the words to describe the feelings that I feel for him, to say how thankful and relieved I am for that one special day that we just found that spark in the dark. Those words, as much as I would like to think that I have a hold on them, merely dance along the edges of my heart, and could never dream to fall deep enough to drown and  test these deep waters.

And this day, this anniversary of ours, is just a day. It could be any other day, and I will still love you, I will still be thankful for this very same day, two years ago. I will thank whatever urge, whatever instinct, whatever voice that told me to turn to you that day and fall into the unknown with you. It can be any other day, cos I'm not counting, as those days will count on and on until we can't count no more. And it can be any other day, and yet we remember it because without it, who knows whether we would have ever done the same thing at another time, or that we would even feel that spark again.

So, because of that Sayang, I will not try to put this love into words, it'll only put my love to shame. But to commemorate this day, let me just say, I love you. You know how much, because I try everyday to tell and show you but never seem to feel justified. But I know you know. And that's what matters most.

So again, I love you Asdil.

Love,
Hazlin

• Had a very good morning, the way all mornings should start ;)
• Had a good brunch with Sayang at Tropicana City Mall at a restaurant called Otak-otak Place. It has an ol'skool, classroom concept which is pretty endearing. The food was served in them good ol' mangkuk sia or mangkuk tingkat which is pretty neat. And the restaurant was decorated with toys from the yesteryears, ie those khaki green toy soldiers, marbles, pick-up stix, boardgames like ludo, and their notice boards were of course the those blackboards (or green, rather) like in school. The table itself had bottle caps and a deck of Happy Family cards to play with while waiting for our food. At their cashier counter, there were glass jars of Tora, lollipops and other childhood favourite snacks. And their menu was like school exercise books. Niceness! Oh, and did I mention the food was good, too? I had nasi lemak and rendang ayam. The rice was really lemak and the rendang so yummy. Check out these reviews for more info and pictures:

1. You get what you give
2. KYSpeaks
3. ShoppingSalesQueen
4. KLue, or
5. visit their site itself to know what I mean: Otak-otak Place 

• Lepaked at Badass Coffee for a cuppa while waiting for the time to push off to Section 16, PJ for my appointment. The appointment itself had me sigh a sigh of relief...a new chapter is beginning, and I'm scared but excited. I cannot wait. I'm sad, but also happy. I can't wait.
• Went back to Tropicana City Mall to wait out the rain and jam time. Decided to go watch a movie. I picked How to Train Your Dragon and it was simply awesome. Hands down the best movie I've seen this year and the most fun animation I've watched in a while. I've gotten tired of the run-of-the-mill animation movies but I decided to give this one a try. Definitely worth it :) Sayang and I had a good time laughing and  being at the edge of our seats at the more scary bits.
• Went to the game arcade for two rounds of Daytona USA. Highlight was when I smashed into Ash's car from behind to slow him down...nevermind that I lost :p
•  Drove back to Cyber -- one of the best times spent with Ash would be when we are in the car, driving somewhere and just talking.
• Had a good dinner at Rahim's and my chapati was yummy. Abit weird for chapati texture, but was good nonetheless...very buttery and soft. Yum.

And now I'm home and reliving the best parts of the day...which is all of it. I'm content, and no words anyone could say could change that.

Love,
Linzy

I was a bright child, my mom used to tell me. Ever inquisitive, loved IQ-related puzzles and toys and solved them fast, a reader, and observant. But there were some things I took a while to catch up on. I was late in being able to tell time. I had trouble remembering left from right. Mathematics was a pain, cos it takes me forever to understand a concept (takes months), and often, I would come up with a different way of calculating which gave me correct answers, but round-about, complicated and not accepted in exams. This and many other things.

These were just passed off as just some things that I was weak at; because in different areas I learned superbly fast and was top of the class, or understood better than others. After all, we all have strengths and weaknesses, so no one can possibly be mad at me or anyone else to be not good at everything.

There were other oddities about me that people used to point out, but I never quite took them to be anything else but just a quirk of character. I suffer from Spoonerism. I hold a pen at an odd angle and grip (my cousin once sat me down and tried to get me to hold the pen the way that everyone else does and is more "comfortable". I tried, couldn't, and got so frustrated I cried cos I didn't see what was so wrong with the way I write--It was comfortable to me). It took quite some time for me to understand how to tie my shoes. I understood and learned how to spell quite late (thankfully later I mastered it, and am a school spelling bee champion). I tend to daydream alot and often.

Along with that, I found that there are many things about myself that happened too often. Like problems with depth perception, reading a passage but skip a line or reread the same line, see movements at the corner of my eye and lots of other things. But I never mentioned any of this as I always thought it was not unusual. I was sure that any other person could have this problem.

One time, though, Ash and I were playing Inspector Parker on his laptop. I've never played that game so he was teaching me how, and then let me play a few rounds on my own. He noticed that I could not assess the puzzle before me just by looking at it. I would have to sort of "read out loud" that this is left, and this is right, or this is 2 boxes away and this is 3 boxes down and what not. So he decided to mess with me and ruin my concentration. When I was going on about this being left and that being right, he would "correct" me and told left is right and right is left. I blindly followed, not noticing that it was wrong. And if he pointed to the left and said right, I would follow too. It took me awhile to notice the discrepancy and readjust my thoughts to think that right is right and left is left. We were laughing so hard, and he playfully and lovingly patted me on the head and said I was "cacat" :p

Part of me that night realized that--while all this while I had a problem with direction, but always thought of it as a slip of the tongue--what I had was a condition. Dyslexia came into mind, and it sorta made sense, because when I thought back to my childhood, there were symptoms. It's just that I never said anything about it therefore or complained about it therefore it was not apparent.

I went online and looked for symptoms of dyslexia, and there it was. As it turns out, all those things I used to have all pointed to me being dyslexic. But my parents or anyone never noticed because: a) they're not apparent, b) they could easily be thought as a lack of judgment/slip of tongue/miscommunication/etc, c) I never complained about any of this symptoms, and d) nothing pointed out to the common dyslexic symptoms.

According to symptoms listed on this site, these are the ones I have, which are signs of dyslexia:

• Appears bright, highly intelligent, and articulate but unable to read, write, or spell at grade level.
• High in IQ, yet may not test well academically; tests well orally, but not written.
• Feels dumb; has poor self-esteem; hides or covers up weaknesses with ingenious compensatory strategies; easily frustrated and emotional about school reading or testing.
• Seems to "Zone out" or daydream often; gets lost easily or loses track of time.
• Learns best through hands-on experience, demonstrations, experimentation, observation, and visual aids.

• Complains of dizziness, headaches or stomach aches while reading.
• Confused by letters, numbers, words, sequences, or verbal explanations. 
• Reading or writing shows repetitions, additions, transpositions, omissions, substitutions, and reversals in letters, numbers and/or words.
• Complains of feeling or seeing non-existent movement while reading, writing, or copying.
• Seems to have difficulty with vision, yet eye exams don't reveal a problem.
• Extremely keen sighted and observant, or lacks depth perception and peripheral vision.
• Reads and rereads with little comprehension.

• Has extended hearing; hears things not said or apparent to others; easily distracted by sounds.

• Trouble with writing or copying; pencil grip is unusual; handwriting varies or is illegible.
• Clumsy, uncoordinated, poor at ball or team sports; difficulties with fine and/or gross motor skills and tasks; prone to motion-sickness.
• Can be ambidextrous, and often confuses left/right, over/under.

• Has difficulty telling time, managing time, learning sequenced information or tasks, or being on time.
• Computing math shows dependence on finger counting and other tricks; knows answers, but can't do it on paper.
• Can do arithmetic, but fails word problems; cannot grasp algebra or higher math.

• Excellent long-term memory for experiences, locations, and faces.

• Extremely disorderly or compulsively orderly.
• Had unusually early or late developmental stages (talking, crawling, walking, tying shoes).
• Strong sense of justice; emotionally sensitive; strives for perfection.
• Mistakes and symptoms increase dramatically with confusion, time pressure, emotional stress, or poor health.

So I found out I was dyslexic. I'm not at all bothered by it. It's just a condition, not who I am. I am just surprised that it all went unnoticed for years. It explains alot of things. Really. There are all these things about me that I have and am sometimes annoyed by, but cannot help. Or mistakes I often make and can never seem to correct, or takes a while to correct or learn. Turns out it all points to one thing.

I'm glad I didn't know it earlier in my life. Otherwise I would have used it as an excuse for everything. Or if people knew about it, put a name to my quirkiness; people would treat me differently, and second-guess me, or think I have a sort of dysfunction and am not normal.

As far as I know, I'm normal, but with some malfunction that makes my brain work a little different than others'. But I eventually get there. People might think it's weird, but then again, people already think I'm weird cos of my being a little off-center. So let's not add to that thought.

Dyslexic or no, I am like any other person. I have my strengths and weaknesses. And even if dyslexia didn't hinder my other abilities, I suppose I would always be a language person, who loves books and words and thinking and analyzing and abstract ideas. And that had carried me far, cos I find that I excel in these areas, sometimes more than others. I see what others don't see and understand things deeper and faster than most. And I did well in my studies and now on my chosen career path. So maybe, I would have to thank my dyslexia for that.

So I guess what I'm saying is that, if you are dyslexic, or know somebody dyslexic, don't put them down, or treat them different or talk down to them. They are like everybody else; only that their disabilities have a specific name. If everybody was good at everything, life wouldn't be half as fun, and everybody would all be just the same. So appreciate diversity, it's why I'm not you and you are not me.

I love how one's imperfection can make them so perfect.

Love,
Linzy

Disclaimer: Pictures from Learn Something Every day and Dyslexia Testing Australia.

Like any child of the 80s who grew up on a steady diet of cartoons and movies from the era that was, I am dreading all the "remakes" and the "modern twists" many film makers insist on doing year after year. For example, I've seen a childhood favourite, Alvin and the Chipmunks, get mutilated. I felt like [this] when I saw the trailer. I refused to watch the movie.

Thing is, Hollywood sees that it is their right and duty to give us old timers a bit of nostalgia by remaking them old cartoons and movies so we would remember them again. And, they also think that they're doing the young'uns a favour by reintroducing the ol' skool stuff. Wrong, Hollywood.

I like my nostalgia as it was, thank you very much. I would like to remember all them cartoons and movies I loved as they were, in their original form and not the sad excuse of a remake you keep churning out and pushing into our faces. And kids nowadays, well, they couldn't care less. Not most of them anyway. In this fickle world today, everything lasts as long as a flavour of the week, and sometimes, day even. Interests change at the click of a mouse, and voila, you have something new.

Twenty years ago, you had to wait til next week to see the next episode of your favourite show. You had to wait forever for a movie you watched today to be available in the video shop, or even get in line to borrow it from the video rental place and they were not cheap. Cinemas were quite far and uncomfortable (we used to have to sit on benches). You bought books to read more about that movie/series, or cut it out  of magazines and kept them in folders so you can have a look at them again and again.

And now, there are cinemas everywhere. They are somewhat affordable an comfortable. Series' episodes have up to 4 repeats a day, and if you can't wait for next week's episode, you can always go download it or watch in on Youtube. DVDs are sold at dirt-cheap prices. If you wanted to research the movie more, you can just go online and it's all there. No need to print and keep, they'll be there anytime you want.

So you see, some kids I know don't get invested in these things anymore. They don't need to. They live fast-paced, never stopping to enjoy the simpler things. It's one thing at this moment, and they forget it the next, and are in search for something new the very next moment. Hence, there is no need to put much substance in things, as what the masses want is a quick fix til they can get their hands on the next best things that comes their way.

What I'm saying is that, movies/series nowadays, for the most part, don't have that much a substance in them. It's all flash and bash, and bits and bobs, and colour and light, and pretty pretty illusions. But substance is sorely lacking.

The flavour of the week now is 3D movies. Of course, it's not like they didn't have it before, but now it's ever the more rampant. Everywhere I turn, it's 3D. But when you watch it, you realize that that's all it is, some 3D crap that doesn't amount to anything. If you are easily distracted, you won't have time to blink as you take in all the visually-pleasing aesthetics, that you don't realize that at the very core, you are left hollow.

I love Clash of the Titans (1981). It was the ultimate movie for me at the age of 3-5 years. I suppose it was my love for that story that paved the way for my love of Greek mythology and epic movies. My mother taped it off TV2 long long time ago, and as soon as I learned how to operate the VCR, I was popping the video in to watch the movie again and again.

It was the stuff of fantasies and dreams. I loved Bubo, Athena's owl. I had dreams of owning the owl cos it was just so cute, and it made sounds like R2D2. The inferior special effects left a lot to be desired, but I loved it, and thinking about it now, despite it's obvious "fake-ness", carried more weight and was much more memorable. I remembered being scared as hell of Medusa (when I downloaded the movie last year in my doomed laptop, I still couldn't watch the Medusa scene alone).

What I'm saying is, I'm afraid the remake that is coming out this April 1st would just turn out to be another CGI-3D fest with not much of story told. I have a good mind not to go see this movie, afraid it'll shatter my last memory of it. But at the same time, I'm curious to see as to whether they did the movie justice. But from experience, nothing good ever comes out from the likes of remakes.

Love,
Linzy

Coincidentally, I've had three of these happen within 12 hours. The first being a conversation I had with Ash last night regarding how we grew up, socializing and language preference, the second being a conversation with my teammate Saiful (he too graduated with a degree in English) about the usage of the English language in schools/unis and its stigma, and the last was a talk show which had "Mat Salleh Celup" (loosely translated as "wannabe Westerner") as a topic of discussion.

In a nutshell, these three centered around speaking English (in Malaysia) and its repercussions.

For myself, this is not a new piece of thought to chew on. It has been one of the many banes of my existence eversince the day I discovered the hard way that not many approve of the language I speak, and that dear people, was when I was only 3 or perhaps younger.

There are of course, many ways to look at this. Factors to be brought in would be one's upbringing, social factor, surroundings, exposure, thinking and a myriad more. But since this is my blog, let me have my say in the way I see and experience it. Like everyone else, I have my reasons for being what I am and nothing anyone could say will ever change that.

Let's lay down the basic facts first:

• My first language is English, and I only started understanding Malay when I was about 4 or 5, and only grasped my Malay conversational skills when I was about 6.
• Reason? My parents were concerned that if they did not start me young in practicing English, I would miss out and not catch on. However, as it turned out, English developed to be my first language and Malay faded into the background. 
• I grew up very very sheltered and hardly socialized. My closest friends all spoke English. I was only exposed to other people when I entered kindergarten. *I hate it when people say I'm a spoilt brat who don't want to leave home and socialize. Truth is, I could not. I did not have a choice. So shut the hell up and don't criticize my upbringing. I didn't turn out judgmental, insensitive and rude, so I think I'm alright.
• Hence, I never really developed my Malay speaking skills and I cannot carry on a full and proper conversation in Malay without feeling awkward and conscious. 

My personal experience regarding my speaking in English:

• Socializing was difficult. Not only did I have limited exposure to other kids, I spoke in a different language altogether. And on top of that, having grown up with books and all sorts of educational material, I never had much interest in talking about boys, gossip and who's who. 
• When I speak in English, well, there are the positive reactions, and then there are the bad. And the bad? Everything from oh-my-God-who-do-you-think-you-are-you-must-think-you're-so-much-better-than-everyone-else-cos-you're-speaking-the-language-of-the-West, or you must have no self-respect and patriotism because you're speaking the language of our colonizers, or even, you must have very low morals because you speak the language of the immoral devils of the West. 
• People talk down to me or not talk to me at all because I'm not like them. Or they offend me by refusing to speak Malay to me even when I do thinking that I would not accept someone who speak to me in Malay.

My thoughts on the matter:

• The talk show I watched had valid points, and the guests they invited put forth some interesting outlooks. They invited a couple of Malay guys who grew up overseas, and a caucasian guy who grew up in Malaysia; and they gave some very good point of views and experiences. But I still feel this need that this has to be reiterated and drilled into the minds of people. First of all, language cannot be associated with a culture. Like how once learning German was banned thinking that it might spread Nazi ideology; learning and speaking English does not mean you adopt the lifestyle of people who started speaking English in the first place, so why the fuss about learning it and speaking it?
• Maybe my parents are at fault for not balancing those two languages, but so what? That doesn't make this matter any less a point. Why is speaking English so wrong?
• I can be patriotic in any language I speak. I understand that our own national language is an identity that we should be proud of and I don't deny that. But to think that not preferring to speak Malay undermines what I am offends me. Of course, the fact that language itself has been politicized doesn't help any, ie literature written in any other language than Malay is not considered to be valid to be called Malaysian literature. And here I thought the concept of a multiracial and multilingual country meant something. One Malaysia my arse.
• Speaking English means I'm immoral? I am emulating Western girls? First off, you are generalizing people from the Western hemisphere to be evil. That alone has me putting your name down for future avoidance. Second, you are judging me from the way I speak only. What happened to not jumping to conclusions? 

I say wake up and smell the identity. Malaysians are so hung up on "identity" but could hardly even agree on it. We are first and foremost people. Human beings. That's the way God sees us anyway. We are not race, or colour, or language. We are people. Why so much fuss on the language I speak? Melayu akan pupus? Malays will grow extinct? BS la. It's this so many restrictions on definition that is eroding our sense of self. We do not know how what we are because we are constantly at fight of what should and should not be, which widens the possibilities and narrows the term Malaysian.

It's not that I don't speak Malay at all. I do. When situation and company calls for it. But in situations where I have a choice, I choose English. Why? Because I express myself better. Those listening get what I'm saying and reads me loud and clear. And I feel comfortable that way. And even then, often I mix both languages at once for the benefit of others and myself, especially when I get that sidelong glance like I'm a disease.

This issue goes much deeper than just what I'm saying, and if I were to really go in depth, I'd be better off writing a paper. There is just too many angles to look at this. And I know some people will not understand or agree with what I say...but like I said, these are my thoughts on it and this based on what I have endured in my lifetime. I'm not saying that this is what should be, but this is the ignorance that I think we are suffering from.

Language is the words we choose to use pass a message on to another. It is a choice. It is a preference. It should not matter what language you choose to speak. You are what you are.

And I?

I'm a gorram Mat Salleh Celup, so sue me!

Linzy~

I stumbled across some old, unpublished blog entries of mine in my old laptop. The entries that never saw the light of day due to it being redundant or irrelevant by the time I got around to finishing it, or it just never was finished. For the most part, it's the second situation I often find myself in.

But redundant or not, forever unfinished or will be completed some day, one phrase caught my attention in an unpublished entry sometime in early April 2008. It went somewhere along these lines: "...I've never met Linzy in Love, I'm sure she's someone I would love to meet".

Reading that put a smile on my face, because, almost two years on, and Linzy in Love is still standing here loving more and more, and I'm still getting to know her mysterious ways.

I'll tell you a little story:

Linzy in Love was at the beginning an elusive shadow. She came in the night and whispered words like secrets and gave visions of contentment. She enticed me with dreams of warmth and smiles and a fullness beyond anything I understood. And amongst the haze of happiness, a familiar face, a comforting smile held out his arms.

I knew him. And I felt the familiar tug at the heartstrings wanting to play. But I held back to ask myself if I could play this tune? Was it mine to take to the stage? And so I toyed with doubt. Let questions play its broken record. And I continued singing out of tune.

But Fate has her way with things. She orchestrates time and places to come together and make something happen. And in my story, it has something to do with a botched trip to the sungai, Yumi's backseat, and a lone pin embedded somewhere in Yumi's car. A weird combination to say the least, but it's one helluva story to tell the kids one day :)

And it happened. The pieces of bolts and wheels put in place ran like clockwork and played on. Oh how it played on. And who else be playing at the strings but Linzy in Love.

I've met Linzy in Love, and she redefined my life.

And my Asdil, the man whom Linzy in Love gave that love to, is the reason to why Linzy is in Love. No one makes me smile all the more than having him in my life. My days are wonderful, and stormy weather never stays all that long. His arms are promises of safety and comfort. Thoughts of him are accompanied by a tingling ache somewhere in the region of my heart. A lump gets caught in my throat as my emotions overwhelm me. And in my mind's eye, all my thoughts of the future has him as the feature attraction. And who am I to deny that? :p

This is Linzy in Love signing off. Off for more lovin'...

Love,
Linzy in Love

This feeling so wrong
I think I knew it all along
I just wanted to belong
But then I heard it: "So long".
And now, world at my feet
Nevermind a light sense of defeat
I can't help but wonder abit
A little wistful yes, but what got me beat?
My heart's full, and I'm content
There is no need to smile and pretend
I'm just wondering, if this light bends
Would we have chosen these same paths again?

(c) Hazlin Aminudin, 2010

Love,
Lin

An hour until the clock strikes 12am.

An hour until I turn 24.

And before that bell tolls, not that there is one, but figuratively speaking; a few things have crossed my mind in quick succession in these past few days:

I am in my 24th year of living. At my age, my mother got married to my father. And at 24, my mother carried me for almost 9 months and gave birth to me at the end of the year. And while I am still far from walking in those shoes, it doesn't mean that I don't plan to. It doesn't mean that I don't want to. I'm longing to. I look forward to that day. I've found a man whom I love with all my heart and plan to be with for the rest of my life. When I think of the future, he is in every space of that vision, and no matter how long it'll take, I'll work to realize that future. When the time comes, and we will know when, we'll walk those shoes I'm can hardly wait to wear.

The year has been difficult. Painful. I've hurt in spaces of my heart I never thought could get hurt. My hair grayed when it shouldn't have. And I've cried for reasons I never thought possible. Many plans went destroyed. My heart got broken over and over. I've thought all was lost many times over. I've wanted to give up many times, and still do feel so. But...

I have a family who loves me unconditionally; despite my shortcomings and the pain that I can be. Friends near and far, in ways big and small, never fail to show me that they think of me, care for me and love me, even when I fail them. And my ever constant best friend, lover and simply, the other half of me, my Asdil, has showered me with love and has stood by me through everything. He's caught me everytime I stumbled, gave me his shoulders for my tears, and carried what I could not carry on my own. This year has been easier with him by my side.

So here's to 24 years of living. Here's to the achievements and downfalls. To my family and friends. To my darling, Asdil. Here's to life and more of it.

Life is long, and it can be difficult and it can be lonely, but when you are surrounded by love, pain ceases hold, and you breathe easier. When all is said and done, life is worth it in the end, because it's not what you suffered that you dread to miss at that the very last breath; but you remember the sweetness life has brought.

Love,
Hazlin

I dislike it when people say "Oh, I don't have Facebook. It's become uncool now that everybody is using it", or "I don't Facebook, it's for losers with no life", or even "Facebook?! Yeesh! Why would I stoop that low?". Well, to each his own, really; especially to the last two instances but do you really have to be that rude and condescending? And to the first comment, I honestly think to myself: So why don't you stop breathing now since every single person on earth is doing the exact same thing?".

Well, boohoo to you people lah. I wouldn't really give a damn but it's just that people like that grates at your nerves. I FB and I have a life, thank you very much. And Facebook (and other social networking sites) has time and time again made my day.

So what do I use Facebook for? Well, on the whole, I connect with friends old and new via my FB account. I've learned things I never knew about them, reconnected with them, keep in touch and stay current with them, watch them grow and change, wish/greet/congratulate them when occasions occur etc. Of course there are other attractions life games and other applications, but FB has really widened the ways I could interact and socialize.

I know it may sound lame to some, doing so via lit screens, mouse-moving and tapping keyboards, but it works; and friends whom I've been separated from by miles and time don't seem all that far away. I mean, eversince primary school, secondary school and uni-life, friends go separate ways. Some leave the country, some lose contact, some just disappear and you have no idea how to find them. When I left school, things like handphones were still a luxury, hence we only got housenumbers. But people move, and so did I; so those numbers became void.

Apart from that, via the applications (especially the earlier ones, before the revolutionized FB), I've discovered much about what my friends think of me. For example, the app that has your friends choose 5 words they think apply to you; I was pleasantly surprised to know that the top 3 characteristics my friends chose for me were intelligent, attractive and sweet. That tells me that I've been doing good all this while, and I should keep it up. I've also read testimonials friends write about me that brings tears to my eyes, like the touching ones Hamzah and Alfred used to write about me. It really made me feel very appreciated. And earlier, when the privacy settings were still a little sketchy, random guys would message me with pickup lines and fancy embellished prose to get my attention. Yes, I do realize that probably only a fraction of them were sincere and the others were just scum wanting to get laid, but it still did the ol' ego good, thinking I at least had the stuff to get them to even bother to make an effort :p

One of the best wonder Facebook has done for me is that it reconnected me with long-lost friends. Like one guy whom was my "boyfriend" in playschool whom I've not heard from or seen since we left kindergarten. I met him online some years back and he is still as cheeky and sweet as ever, and the best thing is he remembers all the silly things we did back in the day :p Oh, and recently, I reconnected with an old friend I've not met in a decade, thanks to her moving to the states and not having her contact number. It's such a wonderful feeling to have found her again... And of all ways to find her, is when I suddenly got tagged by a friend who saw my picture in this long lost friend's album... Wanna see the picture? No prize for guessing which one am I. I think it's bloody obvious. But keep in mind I was 11 at the time :p

Last night was a blast. Last night, which was Wolters Kluwer's 2009 Annual Dinner, held at Cyberview Lodge, Cyberjaya. After much anxiety and energy poured into the making of this night, it went by smoothly and much fun was had. I was tired by the end of the day, but it felt worth it.

As a Fun Inc representative, I was on the committee who organized the entire event. So I have been on my feet these past few weeks, and had months of meetings and brainstorming for this event to come to be. So I went through all the tears, the thrown-out ideas, and paperwork. But after much much discussions, we came up with this year's annual dinner with the theme, Madhatters! (we chose this theme due to budget constraints -- hats decor).

So last night was almost perfect. I didn't win any lucky draw prizes, but  it was good. I went as Cleopatra. I was in a red grecian-like dress, with two golden snakes wrapped around my neck, poised to attack, and my headgear? Beaded strands of hair, the classic Cleopatra headwear. Thankfully it acquired many compliments, but I was overthrown by another girl who came as Nefertiti :p But then again, as a committee member, I could not be in the running for best-dressed.

But...despite all that, the food was terrific (the herb mashed potato was awesome!), the company was good, I had fun dressing up, had a few laughs watching them play games, boogied down on the dancefloor with the rest of them when after the dinner, and reclined in a fantastic complimentary room (alone mind you, someone was not around to keep me company) where I am typing out this entry.

It was swell. I regret not bringing a camera (I was afraid my running around throughout the event would end up in it being lost) to take all the many highlights of the night, but it's ok. Hopefully there will be a lot of pics put up in the common drive. And it was fun seeing my colleagues let loose, watching them dance and all. The general manager, the bosses of bosses, Sunita, managed to pull me on the dancefloor and had me dance with her :p (I've never danced, like never, so it felt awkward and I so don't have rhythm).

It was a night to remember. And I hope next year would be just as great :)

*I'm loving the room... The bed and pillows are super-squishy and oh-so comfy. I have a huge tv to watch with many channels and I have a pc to use. I've stayed in the executive suite here long time ago, but this feels different, when you have the entire room to yourself. Although, I do pretty much wish I had some company.

Anyway, I'll try scavenging for photos tomorrow and will post them up when I can.

Love,
Linzy~

Convocation went by on the 12th like it didn't even disturb the air. A rustling of leaves in the background, all too soon swept away and forgotten. So much for the swaying branches and holding of breaths as it momentarily suffocates; it is over too soon for the tattooing of a memory against the mind. Life resumes as normal, it was nothing but a few hours in a lifetime.

It's funny how something you wait your whole life for, look forward to the whole year, prepare for, splurge on, ends in no more than 10 seconds. You couldn't even hear the ticking of the seconds going by even if you listened; the moments move by much to rapidly between the space of time from point one to the X that marks the spot you stand on to receive the mock scroll, where you smile a mock smile, and mock happiness when all you feel is crappiness.

Convocation was...not what I had envisioned. Not what I had in mind. Not the way I wanted it to be. Not the way I planned. Not the way I thought it would feel. Not everything that it could have been. I was disappointed. I was angry. I was sad. I was crying. At the end of the day after dropping Mine at TTDI, my head hurt and my eyes were blurring with tears and confusion that I almost ran a red light and drove into cars crossing the junction from the right. The road had a streak of my tyre's skid marks. People glared from their cars. I turned around and drove back to Fidzy's. Back to Mine's arms. I bunked at Fidzy's overnight cos I didn't have the strength to drive with sanity anymore.

Yesterday felt more like Convocation than the Monday before did. I took my scroll. Took my DVD. Took my photos. Took my Commemorative book. I kept my mortarboard. I felt...graduated. Albeit still standing alone with all of that in-hand, but I felt accomplished, done. I was only missing my robes.

I'd like to say, "Don't ask me about my Convocation"; because it was a climax never reached. So much unachieved potential hung in the air heavy on my back. But to even begin to say why, would be going far beyond the extent of my exhibitionism, and will take longer to tell than the human ear can take. And to decline to explain and a shake of a head will only invite more questions too difficult to have answers for. So if you were to ask me how convo was, I'd just nod my head, smile, and give that mock smile I gave as I received my mock scroll. It was alright, I'd say. But not in entirety alright.

My Convocation and I, we have a love-hate relationship. For the most part, I love it for being what it is, it's mine, and it was my day or few seconds of glorification, even if the rector forgets my name in the next second. It was a few hours of seeing once-familiar faces, faces of whom I am unsure of whether I will ever see again. It was a moment in a lifetime I have looked forward to all my life that I will never get back. But I hate it, because with it came the tide of sadness and anger and a tinge of betrayal. I shrank into myself, had my feelings hurt and emotions toyed with, and when the day came around, I was hard and unfeeling, defensive and angry. And in years to come, looking back at this moment, all I will ever think of is how my plans and my hopes for that moment came down in crash of...anger? Selfishness? Insensitivity? I cannot find the words... But that day will always be shadowed in darkness over what it never was, and the reason that lead to that.

Convocation came and it went, without so much of a goodbye. I stare out the window and wonder where it went; missing something that I never really got to know. Convocation came and went, and it left me standing alone amongst a crowd with a weight in my arms and in my heart. And it's more than I could carry.

But all the same, Happy Convocation, friends. It was good to see your smiling faces... Good luck in life, and may we cross paths again.

Love,
Linzy~

I just came back from the post office, went there to send in my payment and photograph to IIUM for the commemorative book for the Class of 2009. It struck me just how not long ago I was just walking the hallways of the IRKHS, going up and down the Batu Caves stairs, getting to classes on time, and living in a college. It wasn't that long ago.

What, it's been like, 6 months ago? Half a year? The number sounds like quite a few, but it wasn't that far back that I had trudged to the maze-like pathways of IIUM. And now I am working, earning my own living, paying my own bills, have my own car which I am paying for, and just surviving day to day by my own means. Where has the time gone?

Because, when I think about it, it seems like a lifetime ago.

It's funny, to think that it feels like only yesterday, but it also feels like it happened to another person, in another life. It's unexplainable.

As I sat eating my lunch and reminiscing, some memories come flooding back:

• 25th May 2003, 6 years to the day, my family and I, drove from Shah Alam to Section 17, Petaling Jaya, where the Holy Grounds of the Matriculation Centre, UIA, stood. As soon as I entered the AMF, I asked myself "What have I gotten myself into?". And the first person I talked to in UIA was rude and a snob. Hmmph.
• Meeting Zaza, my first roommate in UIA. We both were so innocent then. I remembered Zaza in her baju kurung and big, slip-on tudung, as we made our way to the topmost floor on the Zainab college.
• Had a horrific ta'aruf week. My shoes were uncomfortable and melecet in a dozen places. Hardly had the time to bathe or wash clothes, so we wore the same baju for a week. Had no time for food, so I went hungry on most days. And on a day that I did eat, I got food that had gone bad, and also had a soya bean drink that was already basi.
• One time, I almost left the room topless, and I have no idea how, but I put on my tudung and forgot my top... Thankfully Zaza was in the room to stop me.
• After ta'aruf, not having seen guys for a week, I went out with my friends and was half-drunk by the sight of guys walking in the street. I wound down the window of Iylia's car and waved at any cute guys passing by in.
• Meeting Julia for the first time. She connected me to the rest of the BENdit crew, so I remember her most of all. In the dingy classroom underneath the restaurants, I turned around to the girl behind me whom I heard Ms. Adlina calling 'Julia', and asked her whether she was 'Julia' and whether she knew anything about being exempted from taking English, since I saw her name on the list.
• I remember my camaraderie with my roommates, the actual ones and the extended ones. There was myself, Zaza, Kak Ziana, Shikin, Nurul, Halem, Ira, and Liyana. Imagine the tiny ZC room being stuffed with double the number of people. But we had good times. Like that time on Shikin's birthday and her brother (also Nurul's boyfriend) bought her a Secret Recipe cake. The frosting tasted weird, so we scraped it off and had a food fight. Oh, and that time when I did not realize there was a bowl of yong tau foo on the floor, and I jumped down from my top bunk and right onto the plate. You would not believe the extent of the splatter of the soy sauce. It went high up the wall where I could not reach to wipe clean. It splattered on my roommates' clothes and towels, and notice boards, and books...but not in the slightest did it touch mine. It would seem as though I was trying to sabotage their things... Thankfully, Halem and Nurul were in the room as witnesses.
• How we all (BENdits) trooped into an empty classroom and took a marker pen we found and started writing things about UIA that we didn't like. Sarah was the one doing the writing... and when we have written too much, and wanted to erase it, only then did we realize that the marker was actually permanent. We crossed out what we can with the marker pen...and hurriedly tried to leave the scene of the crime...that was when Sarah yelled "Fingerprints!", and proceeded to wipe the board :P It was a laugh riot.
• Our Lepak Place. It was a very comfortable group pow-wow nook that we went to eat, joke, talk, sleep... But the important word here is "comfortable". It was such a nice place to be in between classes and just have some like-minded company share a laugh with you.

There are so many things that I can talk about, and thus far, I've only covered a part of my experience in Matric. I haven't even gotten to the main campus... I could fill a book. But for now, this is it.

Can't believe that it has already been 6 years since the day.

Love,

Linzy

Some episodes that I have neglected to post up due to being too distracted. I shoulda done this sooner on the days itself, but hey, I was busy then.

So, where were we last? Oh yes, the last episode would have been when we had our end of the semester (nevermind not all exams were done yet at the time) celebration at Yumi's place and our all-nighter sessions. Well if that episode were any indication, I was too blind to see. Perhaps a certain dare was a beginning...? Or a beginning to a beginning? Maybe...

*************************************************************************

7th April 2008

Episode 12

So we've been going out, seeing too much of each other and spending nearly 24/7 in each other's company. And for the most part, it was Ash, Yumi and I. There were times even when we had dinner together which is off the record as there are no pictures. But the three of us nonetheless.

But on this day, Ash didn't wanna follow us, and it became just a girl's night out. Well, actually not so much a night out as it was a dinner at McD's. Aaina and Maj had to make a move and so left Yumi, Lina and I on our own to chat at Burger King. After having some heart to hearts and some laughs, we had to send Lina back since she had an exam the next day.

It was about 11pm by then, but Yumi and I decided to go check on Ash to see if he was alright as he sounded a bit down on the phone earlier and cos we also wanted to get/give a cd. And so we drived up to the guys' colleges. What was supposed to be just a short visit turned out to be a drink at a mamak. And but of course we went over the curfew time and had to stay out :p

8th April 2008

Episode 13

So we stayed on at the mamak way past 12am. Next thing we knew, we were driving aimlessly like we always do. Yumi was in the backseat instead cos she was tired and was soon sound asleep as Ash and I joked around and sang to the songs he had on the cd player. Having grown up listening and loving oldies music (my mother's influence, mostly), I could remember most of the words, the chorus at least and sang along.

Ash drove on. Through KL and some roads unknown to me, and then the winding roads of Kuala Kubu and Rawang; the old roads, mind you, and he asked me to tell him stop when he has gone far enough. But I let him just drive. I was enjoying the comfort of cruising along and watching the dark of night go past. The roads were dark but instead of being scary, it was relaxing. The music set a nice ambience to the stillness of the night, and Ash was good company as we went about some silly bantering.

Ash drove and drove. And where else would we end up if not Tanjung Malim. Yep, we crossed the state line and now found ourselves in Perak. It was 5am by then, and we looked at the signboard as we turned the junction into town and yep, we were in Tanjung Malim alright.


Yumi woke up by then and we stopped for a bit at a bus terminal and couldn't stop laughing at the how ludicrous we were. Yes, we looked like a bunch of drunks who were doubling over in fits of laughter. But it was funny to us. Our being so far out seemed so unthinkable.

We got back in the car after catching out breaths and explored Tanjung Malim town by pre-dawn. It seemed like a sleepy town and yet, when we were cruising the shophouses, we saw a Hotel Bunga Raya. I grabbed at Ash's arm and pointed, cos just hours ago he was telling us about Sakip's notorious make believe place he tells people he's going to. That again, brought us into fits of laughter :P Yes, we were having a laugh riot.


After a while, we winded down and decided to take a breather in front of a 7-11. We were thinking of having breakfast at Yik Mun, a restaurant I have been going to for as far back as I can remember. So we decided to wait it out til they opened. Yumi was again sound asleep in the backseat, and Ash got himself a newspaper while I watched the lightening horizon. The dark blue was turning a sorta purple, and then hints of orange appeared. It was beautiful. And I felt oddly serene in that moment.

As Ash finished his paper, we started a light banter. Something about him being a paedophile and my being incestuous. Sorry, ain't going into details as to why. But we were going back and forth with theat argument, quietly though, as we did not want to wake Yumi up. And, well, in the stillness of the early morning and the calmness of the coming dawn, I felt a...spark. I cannot really explain it, but I found myself drawn into the person who was sitting next to me, and leaning against me, as we pointlessly argued.

And suddenly Yumi wakes up. And I am taken aback.


It was 8am by then. And Yik Mun showed no signs of opening. So decided to forego some childhood reminiscing and head back to good ol' Gombak. I waved goodbye to Yik Mun as we drove off .


And so we drove on back. This time we took the inner roads and passed by homestays, riverside chalets, getaway huts and the like. It looked so beautiful and cozy, and with the window down and the morning breeze blowing in, it felt like a getaway of sorts. Nevermind the fact that I was in yesterday's clothes or that I haven't washed my face or brushed my teeth, it was fine by me. I mean, heh, no one else in the car was any better :P


We passed a little nook in the road that had some stairs leading down to a river. We missed it first time around, but we decided to turn back. We stopped, parked, got out, and made our way down the steps to a beautiful stream. It felt so refreshing to be there in the morning and feel the cool water on your face, and dip your feet in it.

Twisted Natureboy was tempted to just jumpn in with everything on. But the only thing holding him back was the fact that it was Yumi's car and he didn't get it all wet from him clothes :P So he refrained, and he was frustrated that he couldn't jump in. Heck, even I was. But we had to leave without feeling the coolness of the water...


Before we reached campus, we decided to have breakfast. We enjoyed some nice roti canai and only then Yumi sent us back to campus. Having been up all night, I slept the day away, right up until 2 or 3pm or so.

Maj, who was graduating that sem had just cleared out her room, stuffed her car to the brim, checked out, and had nowhere to go til our next lepak session. Yes, after being out all night the night before, we were gonna go lepak again that night. So Maj came to our room and we watched The Good Son while we waited out the others.

As soon as Lina finished her paper, we got ready and headed out again. We had dinner at the same place Yumi, Ash and I had for brekkie, and then we headed to OU to watch a movie. On the way there, when Yumi got me alone, she asked me what happened between Ash and I that morning. I told her that I honestly did not know. She said that it was ok if there were feelings, and whatever it was, she had my back all the way; in spite of the situation then. I felt a little better, because, yeah, I wasn't sure what it was.


I was sitting between Ash and Yumi in the cinema. At one point during the movie, Aaina smsed me to say *Ahem ahem* Don't get too cozy with Ash.

****************************************************************************

9th April 2008

Episode 14

We came back in the morning again. We lepaked at some Arabic restaurant all night playing cards, drinking coffee, eating hummus, while I caught up with some Zs that I've been lacking severely. After that, we made our way to McD Karak, where we had one last lepak before we said goodbye. It was check out day, and we'd be leaving. And Maj, well, she'd be leaving UIA. There were some tearful farewells to Maj, cos it was an end to an era; and she would no longer be just there on campus with us, nor hang out with us at the Square.

We headed back and helped Aaina load her car with her things. We would be moving out of the current room, so she had to bring all her stuff back. And me, well, I still had to pack. Having gone out so much, I haven't the time to get to packing.

When we were done loading the car, we gone back to sleep. Aaina wanted to follow Ash, Yumi and I on our plan to go back to the river and have a swim before I headed back later that same day.

But you see, we all have been out every single night, and so our plans to wake up at 8am and go back to the stream went *poof*... Because myself, who was supposed to call everyone, and Aaina, who is in the same room with me fell asleep right up to 1pm. Yep, we slept the morning away. And we didn't even hear our roomie leave, but she left us a message. And Yumi nor Ash called us. And I was supposedly suppose to go swim in the stream, come back and leave at 1pm.

Yeah right.

It was already 1pm as it was.

So, Aaina had to leave then, cos it was already late. I decided to check out and go out with Ash and Yumi before I left for home. And so I checked out, packed abit and Aaina sent me to Yumi's. Yumi and I then picked Ash up and had a late lunch at a mamak. By then, it was late, and I was having second thoughts about going back that day. I had loads of stuff, and it was late. There will be no space in the train, and I was super tired.

So I called my mom, and I told her I'd only be coming home the next day.


So, what we did was, since Yumi was leaving for Ukraine for the whole of the short semester and we wouldn't see her for about 3 months, and Fidzy have not seen Yumi since she couldn't join us cos of her curfew, we decided that we would drive to TTDI to pay Fidzy a visit.

We had dinner, while Yumi texted me some messages about there must still be dinosaurs in my tummy, and we decided that we should take Fidzy out on one of our all-nighters. So Fidzy grabbed her guitar at home, and took of with us.


There was still one more night of adventure left....

********************************************************************

Yes, I know it's been a year ago. But I swear to God that I remember every detail. I remember how I felt. I remember the feel of the air, the smells, the sounds... It all seems fresh in my mind. And it's because I keep replaying it over and over in my head.

Love,
Linzy