Sup3rnality

In the Star today, my horoscope reads:

"Capricorn:

Your mind is on intimate
relations. There are aspects for turning these fantasies into reality but not
yet."

• Yes, Facebook has become overrated now that everybody is using it. So what? I don't give a rat's hairy ass that you were among the first to discover the wonders of Facebook or whatnot. That doesn't give you privs to diss all the Malays who have recently started using Facebook to make their pathetic life more meaningful. It's a free (cyber)world that everybody can use, so let them choose what they wanna do with it. If you don't like that set of people, then make your profile private/inaccessible etc. I find it to be a useful tool for me to keep in touch with the kinda friends who love to change their phone numbers every time they blink or those who are now living in countries beyond my reach. Does that make me guilty, too, cos I use Facebook along with everyone? If only a select few used Facebook then where's the fun in that? There'll be no friends to connect with and the activities wouldn't be as fun, and there'll be no one to tag. So, stop dissing people who you think are following fads and are making you uncool. Why don't you stop living since everybody is doing it and see how that treats ya.
  
• Dude, stop deluding yourself and stop calling yourself an alpha male in that self-important voice and all serious-faced cos you can't pull it off. Believe me, you're not. You're not man enough to say that. In fact, a real man won't even need to say that. You're just a boy with big words with no substance to hold yourself up. Lights on with nobody home. I'm sorry, but that doesn't impress me much. Get yourself a troll of girls who love such big talk, and leave us well alone. She says you're only as annoying when I'm around? Well, I suppose it's the only time when a girl don't fall at your feet cos you're so smart and instead challenges every word you say. Get off me and my friend, cos I don't think you can handle our minds. Oh, and while I'm at this, you got no right telling my friend what to wear and how to dress. Just cos she doesn't dress like them skanky girls you follow around in my friend's presence, doesn't make her unsexy. She's sexier being who she is, and not how you want to make her. Take her for the person she is, or leave her well alone.
  
• Stop being so stuck up, girl, cos one day you're gonna realize that you're on the losing end. There's more to life than what that has to fall under your preferences and your perception. The world was made to be diversified, not just the one ideal. The world wouldn't be half as fun if it were. Don't look down on the people you don't see fit to fit into your little world. Acknowledge people for what they are and what they choose to be like or choose to like. There is no one set mould. There is no type. We are all bits and bobs that fit into one another.
• Stop interrupting everything I say, Motormouth. I can never get a word in when you are around. You always have something better to say. You always have a better story to tell. So what? Wait your turn and let other people have a go. Don't jump in when people are mid-sentence or mid-story. It's rude and very hurtful. Stop it.
• Not wanting to generalize, but the foreigners living in my block are terribly dirty. Not all foreigners, but a certain few from certain countries. They seem not to be in the know of the existence of things called garbage bags or trash cans and anything of the like, the things where you put the trash in. It seems so because they never know where to put their trash. They throw all manner of things out the window. Shoes, files, old books/magazines, bottles (glass and plastic), clothes, and anything else they could fling out the window litter the ground outside my window. And being on the lowest floor gives me the luxury of hearing all of that bouncing off the pavement. Oh, and the kitchen window? Well, as mentioned, I'm the one located closest to the ground, so the ledge outside the kitchen is full of old styrofoam boxes gone moldy, stale bread, food that has gone basi and all foodstuff or relating to it. And yes, I've seen the faces of the kinda people who throw them. And yes, the locals do it, too, but there is a certain level of decency to their doing so (if there can be such a thing). I don't care la, foreigner or not, whatever race; just be clean. We all wanna live comfortably, so stop being so goshdarn filthy.
  
• Stop being holier than thou.
• Please please please please please please please please please don't cancel Dollhouse. Don't do this to Joss again. Don't let another Firefly happen.
  
• Something must be done about the cabbies in Cyberjaya who not only not use the meter, but charge twice the fare to head to one's destination. One cabbie who was a newbie used the meter cos he didn't know the route and I saw that the real fare to get from Cyberia to FSBM Plaza was about RM4.50. I've always known it was much lower than my normal 7 or 8 bucks but here I had the proof in plain numbers. Just cos people here are willing to fork out that much cash doesn't give them the right to charge however they like. Come on la, we don't all have a pocketful of cash.
• Why hasn't my gaji come in yet :(

I've met another Whedonite! I've met another Whedonite!

As it turns out, Juliana, my fellow new recruit, the person whom I carpool with, the one whom I walk to work and joke with, go for training with and sometimes have lunch and get chased by dogs with is a Whedonite. Yes, a Whedonite. And here I thought they were becoming extinct.

I discovered it over lunch while I was explaining to her why I don't watch much tv; about how a certain Director Extrodinnaire have ruined me for tv. I just opened my mouth to say "His shows are Buff..." and Juliana says, "Oh, you mean Joss Whedon? I love his shows!"... And I am left dumbfounded with my mouth hanging open.

We talked for over an hour...Discussing episodes and season and characters. We talked about Dollhouse, Firefly/Serenity and Dr. Horrible...Yup, Linzy was in her element, and I had to pause and tell her that this is what happens when you get me started. Before long, we realized we're already late and should've been back in the office about 10 minutes ago :p

It's a relief for me to let go; because a huge part of me is influenced by Joss Whedon's philosophy and thought. And to be able to discuss it freely and have the other person know what you are talking about is a rare treat for me. I mean, I know people who watch those shows, but not many would know scenes and certain characters and quotes and all those little details. People whom I actually know who are in the know of the Whedonverse are only a handful...and you know who you guys are :)

So, me over here, somewhere in my mind is doing Numfar's Dance of Joy.

JWIMMN (for the benefit of those not in the know, it means Joss Whedon is My Master Now),
Hazlin

I read this article this morning, from my trusty Whedon.info newsletter I get in my inbox every now and then. And reading it gave my heart the familiar tug whenever I watch some of them scenes here in the list. It's just one of those reasons that keeps Whedonites coming back for more. After all, Joss said once, "I don't give them what they want, I give them what they need".

It's the strong emotions that Joss invoke that make you feel the reality of the show despite its fantasy-like setting. And that's the point; because no matter how insane life gets, the reality of it is that we all bleed and we all die. Even if you get resurrected, life is still temporary, and you can be swept off your feet even before you set foot.

And that's the beauty of the Whedonverse.

By the way, I just realized that Yanna has posted a similar post :)

Anyway, here's the article:

My favourites are #3, 4, 6, 7...Ah crap, I love them all. But I cried the hardest watching Joyce, Fred, and Angel die. And not to forget Season 8 #19 when Willow dies... I cried while I was sitting on the bench in front of Kinokuniya after buying it.

Joss Whedon’s 16 Most Painful Character Deaths

Joss Whedon’s new series Dollhouse debuts tonight. How long till one of the characters is killed in some heartbreaking and horrifying way? Only time can tell. In the meantime, let’s reflect on some of Joss’s previous victims… namely, the sixteen which most affected the plots of their respective series. When you have a list like this that’s narrowed down to the top sixteen, you know you’re dealing with a serious offender. Many, MANY characters have died in Joss’s works, but it would be impossible to name them all. Obviously, spoilers abound in this article, so if you’re not up to date on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly & Serenity, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, or Astonishing X-Men, you might want to avert your eyes.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

1. Buffy Summers (”Prophecy Girl” and “The Gift”)

"Hey, I’ve died twice..."

It’s not often that the main character of a show is killed off — let alone the title character, let alone TWICE. But that’s exactly how both Season 1 and Season 5 end, with Buffy sacrificing herself to save the world. The difference is that she’s brought back to life within a few minutes in “Prophecy Girl,” while viewers had to spend the summer between seasons 5 and 6 wondering how on earth UPN was going to pull off the show with Buffy dead. But even knowing her death was unlikely to be permanent didn’t make watching it happen any less emotional an ordeal.

2. Jenny Calendar (”Passion”)

"This is where you get off."

When Angel loses his soul and becomes Angelus, it is unclear at first how evil he really is. Sure, he’s callous toward Buffy after their consummation, but until he breaks Jenny Calendar’s neck he hasn’t done anything truly horrific. Possibly even worse than the murder itself, however, is his cruel joke on Giles thereafter. Come to think of it, his careful planning and his uncanny ability to find the most excruciating way to torment his “audience” is reminiscent of Joss himself.

3. Angel (”Becoming Part 2″)

"Close your eyes."

As Angelus, Angel had opened a portal to a hell dimension (how many of those are there, anyway?) and only his death would close it. The fact that Buffy would have to kill him to save the world, then, is awful enough. But to make matters worse, Willow’s spell to restore Angel’s soul works just in time, yet not — too late to prevent the portal from being opened, yet in time to get back his puppy-dog eyes as Buffy rams a sword through him and shoves him into hell. Ouch.

4. Joyce Summers (”I Was Made To Love You”)

"Mom? What are you doing?"

As one of the few non-supernatural deaths during the show’s run, Joyce’s is particularly shocking and disturbing. Her tumor had been removed earlier in the season and everything seems to be looking up — never a good sign in the Jossverse. The realism with which her death is treated in the following episode, “The Body,” is almost unheard of in fiction, which makes it ache all the more.

5. Tara Maclay (”Seeing Red”)

"Your shirt."

Like Joyce, Tara is killed not by magic or demons, but something more familiar: an angry kid with a gun, a stray shot not even meant for her. As a “natural” death, it is irreversible, even by Willow. More than any other death in the show’s history, Tara’s directly affects major actions that follow; i.e. Evil!Willow and her killing spree of pain. It’s also one of the few times a character dies and doesn’t return in any form (a
deliberate choice made by Amber Benson to preserve the integrity of the character she portrayed so lovingly).

6. Anya (”Chosen”)

"Bunnies. Floppy, hoppy, bunnies."

As a regular character for four seasons, Anya had become a fan favorite and one of the most vital members of the Scooby Gang. So it’s a shock when, instead of the usual drawn-out death in her lover’s arms, she’s sliced in half so quick you could easily miss it. Though it seems unfair for her to go out this way, it fits perfectly with the
tone of the episode. No one is safe, and with thousands of casualties in one battle, there’s no time for glamorous deaths.

7. Spike (”Chosen”)

"I want to see how it ends."

OK, so maybe Spike gets a glamorous death. As the self-appointed “champion,” he uses the amulet given to Angel by Lilah Morgan (crossover alert!) to cleanse the Hellmouth of its evil. Unfortunately for him, this involves him burning up from the inside out and exploding in a brilliant ray of effulgence (that’s right, effulgence).
Fortunately for his fans, he would return on the final season of Angel just a few months later.

Angel

8. Doyle (”Hero”)

"Too bad we’ll never know if this is a face you could learn to love."

The first casualty of Angel’s spinoff series, Doyle was a lovable character from the start and it was a shock to see him go so soon, especially as Cordelia finally seems to be noticing his affection for her. Reportedly, he was written off due to Glenn Quinn’s real life drug problems and, sadly, Glenn himself died of an overdose in 2002.

9. Darla (”Lullaby”)

"This child... Angel, it’s the one good thing we ever did together."

Considered a villain for most of her run on Buffy and Angel, Darla miraculously becomes pregnant with Angel’s son — a human — after their romp in Season 2’s “Reprise.” With the mortal baby’s soul inside her, she develops a sense of morality she hasn’t felt in centuries. As a result, she selflessly stakes herself to save her baby’s life.

10. Cordelia Chase (”You’re Welcome”)

"That chick’s in rough shape."

After having spent half of Season 4 possessed by an evil goddess and the other half (plus half of Season 5) in a coma, it seemed Cordelia would never get the closure she deserved. Thankfully, the episode “You’re Welcome” gives her that closure, as she seems to recover from her coma, back to her old self. But at the end of the episode, it’s revealed that she returned only in spirit form, just long enough to tell Angel goodbye and share with him one last vision before she dies. All along, she knows this, yet keeps it to herself; the irony born from Angel’s ignorance is what makes her death so bittersweet.

11. Winifred “Fred” Burkle (”A Hole In The World”)

"Please, Wesley, why can’t I stay?"

Just two episodes after Cordelia’s death, the show lost its other female lead, at least strictly speaking. After being infected with the essence of Illyria, an “Old One,” Fred’s life slowly fades away. In a turn of events which is both relieving and distressing, the demon who has invaded her continues to possess her body. Thus, the character is not completely gone, and Illyria has the ability to impersonate Fred, but Fred herself is truly dead.

12. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce (”Not Fade Away”)

"We’ll be together."

After Fred’s death, tortured-soul Wesley becomes even more broken than usual. Having his memories of all that Connor drama returned doesn’t help matters, either. During the final fight of the series, Wesley is killed in a sorceror’s battle with Cyvus Vail — though from a knife stab to the abdomen, not magic. Illyria enters to see him mortally wounded, and asks if wants her to lie to him — to be Fred. He agrees, and dies in Fred’s arms as she did in his.

Serenity

13. Shepherd Book

"Can’t order me around, boy. I’m not one of your crew."

With nine cast regulars on the series Firefly, it was only a matter of time before one of them bit the dust. But, as it was so short-lived, Joss had no time to flex his murdering muscles. So when the show’s sequel movie came along, he had to make up for lost time by killing two of the nine. Shepherd Book, who appears in the film more as a supporting character than as part of the main cast, dies at the hands of the movie’s villain, The Operative. Rather unceremoniously, Mal and the gang are forced to use his body, along with those of his fallen neighbors, to desecrate Serenity in order to disguise her from the Reavers.

14. Hoban “Wash” Washburne

"I’m a leaf on the wind."

After Book, it seems unlikely that another member of the crew would be killed within the same movie. We’re caught off guard when Wash, declaring himself “A leaf on the wind,” is skewered by a Reaver ship’s harpoon, dying instantly. Naturally, this comes shortly after a conversation between Zoe and Wash about starting a family as soon as this crisis ends.

Astonishing X-Men

15. Kitty Pryde (Giant-Size Astonishing X-Men #1)

"God, give me strength."

Though Joss’s stint writing Astonishing X-Men was relatively brief, he ended it in his signature style: by killing his favorite character. In the final issue of his four-part arc, a giant bullet is fired at Earth by an alien race. In order to prevent the bullet from destroying the planet, Kitty Pryde (incidentally, one of Joss’s inspirations for Buffy) uses her power to phase the bullet through the Earth. Unfortunately, she is unable to stop the bullet from continuing its trajectory through space, so she is doomed to ride it indefinitely. Presumably, she will at some point be too exhausted to continue phasing it through objects in its path, and it will crash into something. Since she is not actually seen dying, it’s likely she will return to the Marvel universe eventually (it is a comic book, after all!).

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

16. Penny

"It’s OK. Captain Hammer will save us..."

An experiment in web media, Dr. Horrible quickly became a cult phenomenon. Told in three acts, it is a musical about a wannabe supervillain driven by his love for Penny, a sweet, benevolent girl who is, unfortunately, more enamored by his nemesis, Captain Hammer. The first two acts are dark yet playful, as Dr. Horrible at first seems to not be very good at being evil. But in the third act, when he tries to kill Captain Hammer, a tragic series of events ensues which culminates in the inadvertent death of Penny. Some argue that her death is necessary for Dr. Horrible to truly begin his journey into villainy, while others are exasperated that Joss seems to have gotten fixated on his characteristic killing-off-the-love-interest device. Perhaps it’s both.

Love,

Linzy the Whedonite

I read this post on Facebook which was put up by Idzaid and thought it'd be fun to list out these 25 random things about myself. Turns out, it was quite harder than I thought. My typing slowed down at about #11 or so, and I had to think hard about what else was there about myself that I could actually publish for public consumption. So, I ended up with this list... Maybe I'll add another 25 more if I think of any :)

Tagged by Idzaid Idros

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you!

1. I am in love.
2. I am acrophobic and ranidaphobic.
3. When I was a kid, I loved science very very much and wanted to be either a scientist or a doctor/vet. I'll actually watch them documentaries with operations in them. As time went by, they were reduced to being just hobbies. Now, I know for sure that even if I was good at it, I can never see myself doing anything of the sort.
4. I, for the life of me, cannot ride a bike.
5. My biggest fear is rejection.
6. I got the inspiration to pursue English as a degree (and hopefully more) and also as a career when I was 11; from my cousin-in-crime, Kak Ana.
7. When I'm in my own space, clothing is optional...hehe, I have nudist tendencies. That's why I try to avoid sharing rooms :p (Thankfully, in my new apartment, I'll have the master bedroom all to myself)
8. I can watch all sorts of graphic, bloody movies where people get cut up, or lose their limbs in battle or get tortured etc. And while watching, I can nonchalantly eat. But show me or let me hear someone brushing their teeth, and I start gagging.
9. I know I'm weird, but it's ok if you want to tell me that; I kinda like it.
10. My vice is clothes. I can never have too many of them. And lingerie, too. (It's such an irony, cos it clashes with point #7)
11. For many years now, I've been dreaming of owning a cafe. It should have a cosy atmosphere with regular open mic nights. Think 'The Bronze' without the dancing, or perhaps 'The Espresso Pump'.
12. I always have dreams where I'm the commander on the frontlines of war. Often I'd dream about the preparations before the battle, or about the end, where I'd give my life to save another.. Quite gloomy. Anyone a dream reader?
13. My Deadly Sins ranked, as suggested by Tickle.com, are as follows: 1. Pride, 2. Lust, 3. Greed, 4. Gluttony, 5. Sloth, 6. Envy, and 7. Wrath.
14. My ultimate dream in life is to get married to the man I love, have wonderful kids, make my family happy and have a fulfilling life.
15. I want to write a paper that would first of all affirm the importance of literature. With that being said, I'd continue to present how literature influences/provokes discourse and thinking/ideas/philosophy, whilst merging it with the Whedonverse.
16. I have a slight case of OCD. Some things need to be a certain way or I get a mite tetchy.
17. I have an obsession for cheese.
18. I think Nature's best wonders are the smell of rain, the dawn/sunset and waterfalls.
19. I hope to be a scholar, have a good career, be the daughter that my parents can be proud of, be a good wife, be a good mother, and be a good person overall.
20. I am perpetually optimistic, even when I'm complaining.
21. When I'm charged and determined, I have this song playing in my head: These Boots Were Made for Walking.
22. I'm glad to say that throughout my life (so far), a majority of my friends, old and new, have stood by me and stayed friends. This, I feel, is a great accomplishment. You guys know who you are :)
23. The most important things in life, to me, are: Family, Friends and Faith. In a word: Love.
24. My favourite movie themes are: War, Dystopia, History/Periodic, Horror/Thriller.
25. My thoughts, ideas and discourse are majorly influenced by Joss Whedon (i.e. Buffy, Angel, Firefly/Serenity, Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog)

Love, Lin~

The time of the year draws near, in two more weeks, on Christmas to be exact; I'd be turning another year older. Yup, I'll finally be joining the fold and will be turning 23.

And as per usual, like many Christmases before this, when posed the question "What do you want for your birthday?", I am stumped. My usually hyperactive mind screeches to an abrupt stop, turning my expression dumb and spaced. What do I want for my birthday?

I never seem to know what I want. At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, I'd like to say I don't really want anything in particular because I have everything that I need. I have a great family, I have my extraordinary Sayang, and wonderful friends. I have comfortable homes, a stable life, and a future to look forward to. I have a good mind, sanity, hope, love and faith. I cannot possibly ask for more.

My parentss are bound to ask me this question and I'd have know idea what to tell them. It bothers me because they'd ask and ask and ask when I have no answer. And if I don't answer, they might just get me something I don't really like...especially my other parents. So it's better that I tell them. But back to my dilemma, what do I want? Sheesh. You might say I am bloody difficult, and maybe I am, or maybe I am just too nice to say 'no' or reject the gifts I do get. So it's better if I just tell them something, yea?

So I've decided to make a whatever list of things that would I would like to have:

• The BodyShop's Christmas range of products ie. body butter, shimmer lotion, body polish


• Books ie. Margaret Atwood, book of poetry, anything Whedonesque


• BtVS comics omnibus


• Acer's One laptop (something my father would usually get)


• Silver jewelry (necklaces/pendants, rings, bracelets)


• A phone that has an mp3 player and a good camera (I miss my N70)


• Take me clothes shopping


• The BodyShop's Amorito EDT


• A good pair of comfortable yet stylish shoes


• Angel Season 1 & 2 DVD sets


• Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog DVD set


• Serenity special edition DVD
• Claddagh jewelry
• Jewelry boxes

So there you have it. If my parentss ask, I'll print this out for them. That would save me from answering questions. Cos, well, like I said, I'm not one for asking for things. Hell, I'd be happy if I even get anything. Gifts and surprises are just wonderful, but really, I have all that I need :)

Love, Hazlin~

It's only Wednesday and I feel so drained. Like, really. There's so many things to do but I haven't gotten started on any of it. It feels like my body is walking ahead of my mind. Or my mind is ahead of my actions. Whichever one it is, I'm out of sync. There's alot of catching up needed.

I need to find a sort of balance right now. Because it feels like I just can't focus on the tasks at hand. I have a lot of work which needs doing, group discussions and 5 days-a-week classes that hardly afford me some rest time. I just need a little getaway to find my center. Some time to think and organize my thoughts into neat little folders so I can actually function in class; so that I won't have my brain struggling to roll down the Nusaibah Steps while my body is already in class.

I guess this is the disease that eats you up within; the thing I would name "Pre-graduation syndrome".

My mind is not on campus anymore. Don't get me wrong. I love classes. I love discussions. I love assignments. I just basically love the college life. But the anticipation of something new and much bigger; the bigger picture of life, I'd say; is stealing the thunder of my last semester. My mind is constantly wondering what my life would be like leaving the familiarity of my room in Nusaibah, the IRKHS building, the classes, the Square, the HS cafe (I still have that fantasy to fulfill, by the way), the library and the whole thing. Who'd I meet once I'm separated from my Twisties? How often would I see my sayang when he's still on campus and me at home or working or whatever?

All of this is constantly at the back of my mind, drumming a steady but annoying beat. And it wanting to contend with everything else in my head (i.e. classes and work etc) is making my mind a little too jumbled than I like.

I need to find my center.

I need to find Ning Jing.

Again, I ask, can we have a little getaway?

Love, LinZy~

Last night was one of those nights. One of those nights I used to have sometimes when all I could feel was a frustrating helplessness that made me feel weak and alone. Of course, I refer to 'one of those nights' as a rhetoric to myself. It's not like I told anyone of those nights so that anyone can recognize last night as being one of those nights...I'm not making any sense, right?

I'm just saying, it was one of those nights last night. And I didn't know what to do to assuage the feeling that made me feel so alone. The best thing that I could do was to find something to dull the sharp ache in my heart and try to occupy my time so I'd not think about it much. The answer? Laundry. Zuma Deluxe. Spider Solitaire. *sigh* It was just one of those nights.

I don't know what brings me to feel the way I feel sometimes. It happens for no apparent reason, it just happens. And when I'm like this, well, all I need is company. So Ash sayang, if you were wondering why I called many times last night, this was why... It's weird, I know; but it was just one of those nights.

I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling helpless and that nothing I do is right. I hate not being able to rely on myself. I'm so used to controlling my life and being in control, that when I feel vulnerable and unable to overcome my own demons, I get so upset.

But then again, I know that I am blessed with people whom I love and love me back in return.

And when I say all this, it does not mean that I do not feel your love, no matter where you are.

It's just one of those night when serenity is too far in the 'verse to catch up with. It just happens sometimes. It's just one of those nights.

I need to find Ning Jing again.

Love, LinZy~

27th May 2008. Tuesday. By right and schedule, I have World Literature in English at 10am with Miss Aishah. But where was I? Not in class, that's for sure. Nope, I was somewhere doing something much out of my character, or usual day-to-day life, even. Where was I at that time? I was at NTV7 studios, having my make-up done in their make-up room, waiting for Fairuz to arrive, while being anxious about being on air in an hour's time.

Yup, I was gonna be appearing on tv. NTV7 to be exact on a show called 'Venus'. Apparently after the stint in Female Magazine, now NTV7 decided they wanted to interview us as well on their daily women's talk show. And what for? What else if not to talk about my obsession, Joss Whedon and his works. All hail Joss. The show was gonna focus on my friend Fairuz and I and our interest in collecting various things, including movie/tv show/music memorabilia among other things. And me, of couse, would be showcasing my Whedonesque collection. From my BtVS/Angel/Firefly action figures to books and comics. I was feeling so damn proud.

So, after my make-up, I was ushered into the sound room or whatever they call it and was hooked up with wires for microphones and such and was brought onto the set. The host/producer. Sariah Wan Jaafar, was gonna interview us instead of their other host, Aishah Sinclair, and we chatted a bit before we went live. Fairuz soon came in and we were both just psyching one another to relax. I swear to God, when the cameramen started counting down to going live, I panicked a while, suddenly forgetting what I was there for and worrying about what I was gonna say, how I was gonna look on tv and how I would sound. But it was all good when it started, and was able to gather my wits and do my thing.

It was all good. I knew my collections through and through. It's not something foreign for me to talk about. I mean, I was talking in my lingo, how hard can it possibly be? So I did my thing. I would say I did rather well. I didn't clam up or get nervous or start babbling...so that's definitely 'well' in my book. Although, Sariah jumped us with the 'do you have a boyfriend' question and what our boyfriend's think about our collectibles. Me, not expecting any of that kind of questions became sweaty all of a sudden and was thinking 'Bloody hell. What do I say?'. I wasn't gonna deny the fact that I'm with Ash but at the same time, I have yet to tell some of my family members about my new status and I don't think they're ready just yet. After a bit of a pause, I said that 'It would remain a mystery' and thankfully we went to commercials so I could regroup.

Heheh...It was all good. I would have liked it if Ash was there but it's ok sayang. You had class and you couldn't afford to miss it. And anyway you were there for me when I had to go to Cyberjaya for the shooting for the cover story at Fairuz's house. I appreciated it lots that you were there with me. Love you.

So, that's one helluva experience. My half-an-hour of fame, I suppose. Hehehe...I should be so lucky. Apparently it costs 30k a person to come on a show like that and we simply got invited. And even more, I got to talk about Joss and promote his work and spread the love. So...that's it. My half-an-hour on live national tv. It was cool. An experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Of course, my father being my father (I have no resentment; just some slight exasperation and amusement), he went on about how these things can be dangerous. How there are always people preying on young, 'impressionable' people, luring them with false promises of popularity and such. First of all, I was not attention-hungry when I got into it. I am not one to thrust myself too much into the limelight, I am not comfortable with it. I don't even fancy showbiz. I was just honestly piqued by the idea of promoting Joss Whedon and his works. And also, I didn't just jump into it without really knowing whether it was for real. Besides, I had Ash with me most of the time to keep an eye out. So I did not have to worry.

As for the others? Well, I got a whole bunch of comments and stuff, but all in all good.

Thanks Jasmine for the experience. Ayus for getting us into crazy stuff like this. My sayang, Ash, for the support and company. FidZy for lending me your 'other men' in your life. My mother, my biggest fan. And all you others, friends and family alike for various reasons. It wouldn't have been half as fun without you guys being around.

So here's the clips from the show. I may have seemed anxious, fidgety and concious; but what the heck, it was fun.

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

Love, LinZy~

~I feel rushed and excited~

Grr Arrgh.

No better phrase can possibly hope to sum up the condition of my mind than those two words up there. Well, that is, if you can consider them to be words at all. They are better described as non-words that can either be a verb a noun and even an adjective. Ain't that neat?

I've been rather irritable for the past few, and I'm not altogether comfortable with that fact. That would usually mean several odd hours pondering on whether or not I've hurt anybody in the process; and that would be coupled with the feeling of guilt if I did.

Feeling this way would also bring about a short fuse, me mumbling and ranting to myself, piercing glares, a litany of curses under my breath, among other things. But I'm all chipper otherwise, just don't purposely put out your leg when I'm walking by, then we're five by five.

Heh, I don't really know what the cause for this sudden bout of irritation is. Honestly, everything is all fine and dandy in this space I call my own. Unless....well, that might just be it. But still, even then I hardly am irritable like I am now.

Ah, maybe it's just cos I'm tired. Although, I wasn't tired when I got all pissed about my work being rejected. I was well rested then, but I still felt like taking a flametorch and cindering all trace of paper. Recycling be damned. That would have been a mighty fine ironic end to that piece of rejected work; seeing how it was about pollution. And that is just the beginning of my irritation.

Thinking about it now, this feeling might have come from two little incidents which would have been considered a nothing to someone else's ears; but it was like sticking a hot poker into my ear and into my brain to me. Words like that is an insult to me and mine and it makes me feel less than I am. It is annoying indeed especially since it comes from the mouth of a person who does not know and only wants to believe what he/she believes, even if the evidence is sitting there glaringly.

Well, that solves it. I know where the annoyance came from. And here I was being absolutely sombre with no knowledge why and only now finding out the reason that was no more than 3 or 4 days ago... Oh well, I do always say that my mind is Dory-like at its worst.

Having that out of my mind, at last I can get myself a restful mind whilst I try to catch some Zs. Had a good old crack at my brain earlier to get myself to write a new narration for Fairuz's advert and my nap was rather fitful earlier; so it's best I close shop for the night.... Although, with my mind being somewhat overworked, that would probably lead to some very odd dreams tonight... I'd better gear myself for some reality testing. Maybe I'd achieve lucidity tonight, eh Alfred?

So, anyway, that's all for now. My mind's somewhat clearer now so I'm carpe diem-ing the time to do some things that does not need my irritable bias-ness. And by the way, just cos I figured this all out doesn't mean I'd be whistling a jaunty tune up and down the hallways. Bottom line is, don't rain on my parade, and my vice would pretty much be versa.

Love, Lin~

DISCLAIMER: I obviously do not own Mutant Academy. If I did, I would think that the Grr Arrgh Monster would sound a bit more feminine. NO copywright infringement is intended. "Grr Arrgh" remains to be that of the EVIL GENIUS, JOSS WHEDON.

"Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down...tells you she's hurting before she keels."
- Capt. Mal Reynolds, "Serenity"

When my world falls down, and I cannot be the strong person people always want me to be, all I really want is for someone to be strong for me. Because when I cannot bear the weight, I buckle and stoop; and I need a helping hand to take the weight off of my shoulders.

I love every one of my friends. And with every strength that I have in me I would do what I can to make them happy and make it easy for them to live day to day in a world so full of adversities. And when they cannot stand on their two feet, heck, I'd give them mine.

Rarely have I been in need to be on the receiving end of such strength; a kind of stability, a rock that grounds me when I'm about to drift away. I like solving my own problems, facing my own demons; moreover, I don't like bothering people with the things that are troubling me.

But there are times when even the strongest fall. And I, I'm only human, I fall sometimes. And there are times I fall so hard I can't find the strength in me to get back up.

I cannot be expected to walk upright all the time. We all have crosses to bear. And I sometimes need time and understanding and comfort and love to gather myself again to get on and live. I cannot be strong all the time. Sometimes *I* need strength.

So Alfred, this one's for you: Thank you for understanding me when no one else would or could. Thank you for giving me strength and reminding me that I have strength. Thank you for reminding me about who I am when I thought I've lost myself. Thank you for the lunch+dinner and the four hour++ conversation. Love you loads.

Love, Lin~

We have to keep on fighting even when it is an endless struggle. Have faith. Believe. The rising dark may always seem to be too tough to overcome, but we have to keep on fighting. I've always believed so and will continue believing....

"GingerBread" Season 3, Episode 11

Buffy: So I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad
just keeps coming back and getting stronger.
Angel: Buffy,you know, I'm still figuring things out. There's
a lot that I don't understand. But I do know it's
important to keep fighting. I learned that from you.
Buffy: But we never--
Angel: We never win.
Buffy: Not completely.
Angel: We never will... That's not why we fight. We do it
'cause there's things worth fighting for.

"I Believe" by Blessid Union of Souls

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apart

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

Violence is spread worldwide and there are families on the street
And we sell drugs to children now oh why can't we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
Money is our incentive now so that makes it okay

But I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

I've been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year
She said she's never been so happy but Lisa lives in fear
That one day daddy's gonna find out she's in love
With a black man from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then but she's still here with me
'Cause she believes that love will see it through
And one day he'll understand
And he'll see me as a person not just a black man

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Please love find the way
Please love find the way

"Love.
You can learn all the math
in the 'verse...but you take a boat in
the air that you don't love...she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air
when she ought to fall down...tells you she's hurting
before she keels. Makes her a home."

-the wise words of Captain Malcolm Reynolds

Love, Lin~