Sup3rnality

I haven't been writing. Well, that's just stating the obvious.

My head's been full, but my hands even fuller. And my heart feels empty.

Hence nothing fills this empty space.

So here are a few things from the top of my head:

• Raya was one of the most uneventful I've had in years. My dad had to leave for HR training in Sweden on the first day of eid. This means that (a) - we cannot go back to my mom's hometown in Kelantan, (b) - we are stuck in Seremban for the rest of Raya, and (c) - we won't be doing anything at all. So sure enough, we stayed at home, played games, watched tv, ate and sleep.
• Attended my ex-boss' wedding in Seremban and Melaka. Am so very very happy for him. If there was one person I really respected in WK in months gone by, it was him. He had faith in me and stuck by me all the way through despite all the crap stuff I got from my other superiors. It's nice to see him happy.
• I'm glad the fasting month is over. I can get back to my normal eating habits and lose all that I've gained. Yes, fasting month is not a month to lose weight as many might assume. It's the complete opposite.
• I was VERY VERY DISAPPOINTED that the one thing that I was craving for I did not get. I wanted BUBUR LAMBUK so bad. And I didn't even manage to find any. And I am still craving :(
• I'm considering joining a fitness programme cos since I started working, I've put on a lot of weight rapidly. 
• I would like to say that I prefer a subtle obsession for the Whedonverse. I do not like to gush about it nor do I like to discuss it out in the open for everyone to hear. I like to indulge in my infatuation quietly but surely.
• I am too proud. I need to tone it down. It has toned down some this past year, and yet, it needs to go down several notches lower.

I have to admit, for the first time since I started my working life, I feel appreciated for my quality of work. I feel accomplished, like I'm part of something and I am contributing towards it. I feel like I am needed in order for this machine to function. I go to work with a sense of purpose, and responsibility lies heavy yet easy on my shoulders. I feel like for once, I am an employee.

Setar has been good to me my first month. Although I felt abit out place, I jived easily into the workflow. My colleagues and superiors are nice, and they help me and give me pointers every now and then. Although they are much much older than I am (most of them must be around my parents' age or older, even), they don't make me feel stupid and immature. The benefits here are great, as they give security to me as well as my family. And while the pay is not as great as before, it's a small price to pay for a sane mind.

Before, in Woter Kooler, I was trapped in their fishbowl. I felt as dumb as a 3-second memory goldfish who swam around the tank and was constantly scrutinized to the very detail. Oh, your eyes are too bugged out or Oi, your fins stick out at an odd angle or Hey there, your tail is out of shape. Like please, shut up. They're my eyes, my fins and my tail. And if they are not like yours, then leave me the hell alone. You cannot expect me to be the very same like all the other fish.

On top of that, I felt like a failure. I felt stupid, unwanted, good for nothing and a waste of space. Most days I spent the my time after work crying or staring into space feeling like a loser. I was weary of that. I was tired of sobbing uncontrollably in Asdil's arms being weak and insecure. I couldn't deal that way. I am not that kind of person. It was not fair to myself, unhealthy. I didn't recognize my own self in the mirror. I was a shadow of myself. It wasn't fair to the people I love having to bear the brunt of my insecurities and anger. I couldn't treat them that way. I just needed a way out.

And Setar was it.

Don't get me wrong, though. I miss my friends in Woter Kooler. Being in that team, made the torment bearable. With them, I could smile through my pain, even on days when I escape to cry in the restroom. They were good friends to me, and I felt accepted and well loved and happy. Unfortunately, it is not reason enough to stay.

At the end of the day, it's the work that matters. While earning the money that puts food in your belly, a shelter over your head and a bed to sleep in is the point of being employed and earning a good salary, you have to enjoy what you do. And you need to be appreciated for they work that you do so that you may stay on and keep on doing said work. You need it to stay sane, to be able to wake up each morning and want to continue living the way you do. We all need a reason to keep pushing on.

So for me, Setar is my saviour. Of course, it may be too early for all this to be said. It may be so that I ain't seen nothing yet, but I'm with the strength I've re-gathered after surviving my last experience, I am sure I can go though whatever they throw me. I think I am a much stronger person now than before. Just give me time.

I think I'll shine through.

Love,
Linzy

P/s: My one and only Asdil, thank you for putting up with me during those difficult times. Your patience and words  and comfort gave me strength when I had none. I love you.

I haven't been in the right frame of mind to talk about the things that have been happening for the past few weeks. Everytime I begin to attempt typing out my thoughts, I am stunted by my inability to write and/or put them into words. So here's what I've been doing these past few weeks

• I left WKESP officially on the 29th of April 2010. More specifically, I left Aust-B. I had a very very long cry, not being able to believe I won't be walking into that office again and see them each day. They gave me hugs, which made me cry harder and they all had a procession for me, walking me to the door, for one last time. Leaving them feels like letting go of family. But the best thing about family is that, they're always there for you. I'm halting any entries about leabving WK at the moment until I can sort out my thoughts and feelings.
• I moved out of Cyberjaya on the 30th of April. Ash did most of the job. I packed everything up and he loaded it into the van we borrowed from my uncle. Then we drove to PJ and he unloaded the van for me. I couldn't have done it without him (thanks Sayang). And of course, thanks to my family, too. Who helped me carry the second round of stuff. Yes, I have that much stuff...mostly books and clothes.  
• Starting on May 3rd, I am now an employee of the Star. To be specific, a sub-editor for the Star. The Star newspaper that I've been reading daily. Feels almost like a dream. It's different here, but I like it. Work-wise, I do feel very much more accomplished than how I felt in WK.
• I'm now living in PJ. Around the Tropicana area to be more precise. No, not next to Tropicana City Mall like people keep asking. It's near the Tropicana Golf Resort. The condo is called Bayu Puteri Tropicana. It's quite a nice place. House is a bit of a fixer-upper due to an irresponsible landlord, but I'll manage.
• Did I mention my working hours are from 4pm to 12am daily? Uhh, yeah, I start work at 4pm and leave for home around 12am. Wonderful hours for me, cos that's when I work best. And it's not like I have a nightlife anyway, so it's no problem for me. I get to see Ash in the daytime and spend more waking hours with him especially since now I live about 15 minutes away from him and not 50 minutes like when I was in Cyberjaya.
• I'm still getting used to my new area, new job, new schedule, new house...alot of things are still on my mind. But all in all, I'm feeling content right now; like things are falling into place, just need a few things sorted before they can fit even better.

It's only days until I say goodbye to Wolters Kluwer for good. Only hours, in fact. Since if I were to offset my annual leave balance, I'd only have 3 hours and 45 minutes left to be in the office.

What was this:

Hazlin Aminudin

Sub-editor

(Australia B - Tax & Accounting)

Wolters Kluwer Enterprise Services Partners 

Level 3A, Plaza FSBM,

3539, Jalan Teknokrat 7,

63000 Cyberjaya,

Selangor Darul Ehsan,

MALAYSIA.

Tel. (O) + 603 8312xxxx ;

       (M) + 6012 xxx xxxx

E-mail: Haminudin@cch.com.my

www.cch.com.au

Accurate. Authoritative. Relevant

Hazlin Aminudin

Sub-editor

(TaxCo)

Wolters Kluwer Enterprise Services Partners 

Level 3A, Plaza FSBM,

3539, Jalan Teknokrat 7,

63000 Cyberjaya,

Selangor Darul Ehsan,

MALAYSIA.

Tel. (O) + 603 8312xxxx ;

       (M) + 6012 xxx xxxx

E-mail: Haminudin@cch.com.my

www.cch.com.au

Accurate. Authoritative. Relevant

It's the little things that could make everyday life wonderful. Often it's not the over the top gestures that get me, but the often taken-for-granted things that are often overlooked that gets me, and it puts on a smile on my face the whole day.

The little things that I love in my everyday life:

• Waking up to a wonderful sight of dawn.
• The janitors around my apartment (the one at my old block C1 especially) who are always ready with a "good morning, miss".
• Upon reaching my office building, stopping by at the side of the road to buy my morning dose of nasi lemak and/or meehun (or I eat it for tea time or lunch if I'm not going out). The man who sells the nasi lemak is always smiling and very friendly.
• My team's spam mails that we send each other, but really, it's the accompanying commentary that is really fun, not the original content of the email itself.
• My one-on-one lunch sessions
• The small gestures that he presents me with that may seem small and insignificant to some, but means the world to me
• Cooking dinner (when I do cook)
• Chatting with my housemates, or colleagues
• My gtalking with my mom/Sarah/Raqib and occasionally others
• Reading my daily comic, LICD
• Our saying goodnight to each other before I go to bed.

Everything is official now.

I've tendered my resignation with WKESP on the 1st of April. And no, it was no April Fools' joke. This must have been one of the most difficult things I've ever done...I'll miss my teammates terribly.

I've signed the contract wit Star. I shall commence employment on May 3rd. I shall be a sub-editor for the daily newspaper, editing from 4pm to 12am, 5 days a week.

I'm looking for an apartment in the PJ area...something much more affordable from the place I am now, since I'm taking a hefty paycut (but the upside is better benefits). I've found a place, and that is tentatively the place I'll be taking up.

I feel anxious and scared, also unsure of whether this is the best decision. But after a long talk with my Team Leader, Arvind, I think this is for the best. And I no longer feel so heavy with uncertainty and guilt.

But I feel lighter, relieved. And looking forward to better things and opportunities.

Everything is bearing pretty heavy in my mind at the moment, and I cannot find the words to really put this heart to rest. But for now, this will do.

So, wish me luck.

Love,
Linzy

The edge I'm on cuts deep like the sharp edge of a knife.

Feels like drowning even when I'm breathing.

I've come home crying in frustration more times than I could count.

Gone to the lowest of lows I remember going to in a long time.

And now I am anticipating reaching higher up to grasp at that lifeline that have been much too far above my head. Come tomorrow, a new chapter will begin.

I no longer want to come home to hide my face in the chest of my Love and cry away my anger helplessness. I don't want to leave my fate in the hands of people who do not know that I have feet to walk my own. I don't need their words to know the person I am. I know. I just forgot. And now I need to be reminded.

When tomorrow comes, I hope with it I'll regain what I have lost. I'll get reacquainted with the part of me that has been stomped down hard to the bottom of my self-worth, dragged along behind me like litter stuck on my heel. I'll climb back onto that horse and ride. I'll wipe those tears and look to the world head up and in the face once more.

Tomorrow, I hope to reach for the star(s).

Love,
Linzy

Disclaimer: Picture by kaotickell at DeviantArt.

This is me disconnecting
This is me detaching
This is me walking in the rain
This is me dulling the pain.
You'll see me today. No.
You'll see me tomorrow.
Don't count on it, though
I won't show any sorrow.
I'm lying through these smiles
My head is far, miles and miles
My heart is hoping all the while
For these ends to reconcile.
Is this where I end the show?
See me leave and turn to go
Don't wanna wait for the jeers to sound
Or it that your call, calling me around? 
This is me hardhitting
This is me contemplating
This is me at the end of the rope
But tell me, is there still hope?

(c) Hazlin Aminudin, 2009

If you break me down, strip all the layers that build me up and buffer harm from touching vulnerable skin, there will be nothing left but bone. Just the make-up of my being, but none of the substance.

I am the parts of my life that brought me to this bend in the road. Every single fiber that knits itself together with this bigger picture is the essence of what I really am. There is no use trying to digest me whole if you could not appreciate the details. The patch of red on my cheeks, the brown shade of my hair, the scars on my face, the burn on my right arm, the lines on my palms, the spots on my shoulders... These are what I am made of, and if you plan to perfect it, you'll find that I won't be standing there as the mist clears.

My ego is what makes me me. I am built on it. Layered and coated by the hurt that pained me as I passed along in this existence. It is the scar tissue that healed itself time and time again to create an armor of webbed defenses. Take that away, and I stand as only a shadow of who I am.

Me. My confidence. My knowledge. My wit. My humour. My sympathy. My empathy. My love. My friendship. My intelligence. My thoughts. My everything... is built on the basis of my ego. I grew up being constantly criticized by my peers and by people whom I thought would know me better than that. Hurt as I was, I always knew I was better than that. And as much as I bled inside, I let it slide and heal over. I did not, no, could not let them beat me down and leave me in the dirt.

So I took the hurt and molded it into sympathy for the lessers. I took the pain and made it into insight and knowledge for things people would never understand. I took the accusations and turned them into love and trust. I took the jeers and developed my internal beauty. I took all the bad, and made it to good. It fed my ego. For without my belief in my superiority, I would have never have gotten far.

As years pass me by, I learned not to take crap from people. I developed an intense hatred and apprehension towards anyone who wanted to break me down, who wanted to humiliate me into submission, who wanted to shame me into compliance. No one could tell me I'm not good enough. No one. Cos I am not, and you cannot tell me otherwise. You can try, but I would not listen.

I am Superego. And you are?

Do not ask me if breaking my ego is what it takes to make me see reason, what it would take to see my errors, feel ashamed and worthless and drive me to do better to impress. This is not boot camp. This is no Full Metal Jacket. Breaking down and humiliating one's pride does not make for reverse psychology that will put me back on track. That is not how it works. Not with me anyhow.

You take down my ego, and you'll see every talent you ever thought I had stripped away. I'll be left with nothing. Whatever you thought I had would be gone. Whatever you thought I could do would have been raped away together with my armour. I would be nothing. Pointless. Meaningless. You would be throwing away all that I work for by taking my ego away from me.

So let me be. If this wasn't meant to be, let it be on my terms. Let me triumph in failure. Let me be. Let me see how this goes. Let me see how far I go. And if I'm lucky, I might join you all on the other side. If not, then I'll leave before the tide comes in.

Love,
Hazlin

Last night was a blast. Last night, which was Wolters Kluwer's 2009 Annual Dinner, held at Cyberview Lodge, Cyberjaya. After much anxiety and energy poured into the making of this night, it went by smoothly and much fun was had. I was tired by the end of the day, but it felt worth it.

As a Fun Inc representative, I was on the committee who organized the entire event. So I have been on my feet these past few weeks, and had months of meetings and brainstorming for this event to come to be. So I went through all the tears, the thrown-out ideas, and paperwork. But after much much discussions, we came up with this year's annual dinner with the theme, Madhatters! (we chose this theme due to budget constraints -- hats decor).

So last night was almost perfect. I didn't win any lucky draw prizes, but  it was good. I went as Cleopatra. I was in a red grecian-like dress, with two golden snakes wrapped around my neck, poised to attack, and my headgear? Beaded strands of hair, the classic Cleopatra headwear. Thankfully it acquired many compliments, but I was overthrown by another girl who came as Nefertiti :p But then again, as a committee member, I could not be in the running for best-dressed.

But...despite all that, the food was terrific (the herb mashed potato was awesome!), the company was good, I had fun dressing up, had a few laughs watching them play games, boogied down on the dancefloor with the rest of them when after the dinner, and reclined in a fantastic complimentary room (alone mind you, someone was not around to keep me company) where I am typing out this entry.

It was swell. I regret not bringing a camera (I was afraid my running around throughout the event would end up in it being lost) to take all the many highlights of the night, but it's ok. Hopefully there will be a lot of pics put up in the common drive. And it was fun seeing my colleagues let loose, watching them dance and all. The general manager, the bosses of bosses, Sunita, managed to pull me on the dancefloor and had me dance with her :p (I've never danced, like never, so it felt awkward and I so don't have rhythm).

It was a night to remember. And I hope next year would be just as great :)

*I'm loving the room... The bed and pillows are super-squishy and oh-so comfy. I have a huge tv to watch with many channels and I have a pc to use. I've stayed in the executive suite here long time ago, but this feels different, when you have the entire room to yourself. Although, I do pretty much wish I had some company.

Anyway, I'll try scavenging for photos tomorrow and will post them up when I can.

Love,
Linzy~

Moi?

I was, still am, but this is a bit much. I've been leaving the office between 11pm-1am nightly, and it's making me feel lonely. Wandering around between empty cubicles, looking out a dark window and jumping at every sound and every movement at the corner of my eye does not only creeps out the usually infallible me, but is a disease that eats into me. And that disease is called "loneliness".

In the silence of the office, so much so that all you can hear is your breathing and your fingers dancing along the keyboard, the echoing of your being alone reverberates all the more. And I am left wanting.

I miss my Asdil too much. Haven't seen him in over a week. We've been apart longer, but so much work and no reprieve nor comfort, I ache to be with him even more. And I'll be glad when this is over with; this product of mine that is causing me so much distress.

Well, it says 12.08am on the clock. I should be going home now...I have a feeling that there is so much more to do, and that tomorrow morning (which is the deadline), I'll be fighting for sanity. But, I'm tired, aching, and just plain exhausted of all effort and life for the day. Best I be on my way.

Goodnight, all. Goodnight Sayang.


Love,
Hazlin

I've been busy.

Planning.

Buying.

Conspiring.

Hence, the lack of much needed words to be typed into this space. But I needed to prioritize, and while this is important to my sanity, there was another thing that needed much attention paid to it.

I was elected as Aust-B's team representative for the Fun Inc. group. And once having done so, Fun Inc is planned for tomorrow to be the next Dress-up Day. Only this time around, it would be a team thing, and the best team would get a sum of money for them to spend. And after discussing in our weekly meeting, we all decided to become vampires in entirely black attire. So my having been made team representative, I went all out to make sure we will do great and win. So far, most of the team seems to be very game. So I hope the turn out will be super.

We've been keeping it a secret so to not be a "dead" giveaway since the "stakes" are high. We wanna win this thing and give the other teams something to sink their teeth into.

I've made a banner that'll hang over our team's corner of the office that says: "Blood Donation Drive: Donors Needed". And we'll keep mum throughout the day, being only in our black clothes. But during our assembly, we'll bare our fangs and give them a bite!

So tomorrow, my ensemble is this:

• A black lace knee-length dress
• Blood red heels
• Blood red nail polish
• Blood red lipgloss
• Black dangly earrings
• Vampire fangs
• A cape
• My JWIMMN/Whedonite badge
  

I have recovered from my semi-depression. I wanted to say get over, but that isn't the case. It's still there at the back of my mind hovering like a dark shadow that is threatening to take over me if I let it. But...I won't. I can't. That's why I say recovered; because so far, I've only been able to blanket it; but it's there underneath the surface.

Yesterday, after feeling detached and emotionally absent from everything and everyone around me, I impulsively took off to Alamanda right after work. I tried booking tickets to a movie online, but they were fully-booked. But I decided I'd take my chances and see if a movie -- any movie -- was available.

So I drove, and I got there, and I managed to get myself a ticket for the 6.15 pm screening of Blood. I've watched several episodes of Blood before, and I know the vague background of the story, so I thought I'd see if the movie would do it any justice. But of course, as movie remakes go, this one is no different. It was boring. The plot was non-existent. Characters were stoned and static with no depth or substance. Had an unbearably childish dialogue. And had amateur-ish effects. Basically a no-go for me. Terminator would have done more for me despite me not wanting to spoil my memory of the first two with the current takes. But then, come to think of it, it was a toss between Blood, 17 Again, Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak, and Hannah Montana. So, as you can see, I didn't have that many choices.

But the whole idea of taking off was basically to get away and not have to stay home and dwell and wallow in anger. I wanted to be occupied. Needed to. I was lonely and angry and mildly depressed, being home alone with nothing to take up the spaces of my thoughts wasn't on the cards. So bad or not, Blood was as good as anything. Of course, this morning I woke up to the thought that I just lost an hour and 35 minutes of my life, as well as RM8 of my salary that I will never get back.

Prior to the movie, after buying the ticket and waiting for it to start, I decided to head towards Sushi King to have my first meal of the day. I haven't eaten the entire day and was lightheaded and almost ready to keel over from hunger. Yes, it does seem odd to want sushi when you're hungry as it seems virtually impossible to assuage a hunger with little itty-bitty plates of equally itty-bitty pieces of sea creatures wrapped in rice and seaweed. You'd need a lot to get full, and sushi is not exactly cheap. But I was in the mood to splurge on myself and not care, so I went in, sat down and looked into the menu.

My cravings for salmon was yet to be fed, so I ordered every salmon dish I could possibly afford. My main course was a plate of salmon steak, served with some kinda crab and mushroom pudding, rice and miso soup. Believe me, it was good. Then I had salmon sushi, salmon sashimi, fried salmon skin and fried salmon skin hand roll. I even took some to go for my movie and sat happily crunching salmon skin in the cinema as well as savouring every bite of my salmon sashimi.

It was a luxuriously delicious meal. Albeit being not fun since I was eating all alone. The guys working there even took the time chatting me up, seeing there was only one other customer. They were asking did I just finish work, and why I was alone, why I liked salmon so much etc. It was nice of them to somewhat keep me company, and even though I'd rather have been left to my thoughts, thoughts wasn't something I wanted to dwell on. So I obliged them by giving into their small talk, smiled when they tried to joke, and graced them with a smile and wave when they gave me a chorus of thank yous or rather, arigatos, as I left.

It was only then that I rushed off to my movie, watched, and left for home. Oh, but not to forget, I bought a boxful of donuts before I left, and shared them with my landlord's kids when they came over to open up my kitchen door.

Anyway, time off on my own is something I haven't done in the longest time. I don't particularly miss it, I'd rather have company to talk to, or rather, have my Sayang with me for guaranteed cheer-up time; but being on my own for a few hours gave me some time to reflect and think, and put things into a little perspective, without being swallowed up by emotion. It was a good setting, a hustling and bustling shopping mall as a background and soundtrack to my contemplations. Its non-quietness allows me to think without wallowing.

I came out of the Sushi King and the cinema with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. I definitely felt better. Better, but not wholly. But better, nonetheless.

Mission accomplished.

Love,
Linzy

I've been working here for what, four months now?

Four months and my review never gets any better. There was one glimmer of light once, but the lightbulb got smashed just as soon as it sparked.

I'm tired of this. It brings me down to such a low that makes me feel like an idiot child. Like my knowledge is all for naught. As if I am not good enough. It takes away all my smiles for the day and replaces it with a expression of worry, anger and frustration.

Working here has been absolutely wonderful. I've said it many times before, and I have no regrets being here. But this...this seemingly (to me) elaborate attempt to make me look like a fool is driving me to feel agonizingly incompetent.

I seem to never be able to please the guy. Whatever I send his way always comes back with snide, and almost bitchy remarks. Hazlin noticed this but she didn't notice that. Is she reading with understanding? She is careless and does not pay enough attention. Why did she suggest this here but didn't suggest it there? More effort has to be put in. Blah de blah de blah.

What I hate about these reports are that his comments are mostly assumptions on the possible reasons for mistakes or what he thinks are mistakes. He assumes that I did not read carefully, but in truth is that since it has happened once and I've highlighted it, I need not have to retype another comment all over again. It's redundant. I mean, I mentioned that it once and made a note of it, so there's no need for him to put in the report is an all too definite tone that Hazlin did not understand what she was reading or was not paying attention.

It's embarassing to have people other than you read that report and they'd think that you cannot get the job done. It's bad enough to read a very critical review on your work. But it's much much worse when it is read by my superiors whom I am trying so hard to prove myself to. I seem to be capable to them, but if I keep getting these reviews, what are they really thinking of me? It drives me mad thinking that it doesn't really reflect what happened or who I am. And that those who read it will be lead to think I am probably more of a liability than an assett to the company.

I wish the review reports were made by the other guy.

Screw it. I hate this. I feel like my day has been ruined.

And I feel incredibly stupid.

I really need a pick-me-up.

Maybe I'll go to Alamanda, Putrajaya later with Ayus and get me some donuts.

Love,
Hazlin

P/s: I wish my Sayang was here :(

After having worked here in Wolters Kluwer Enterprise Services Partners (WKESP) for three months, now, I thought it is time I gave you all a glimpse into my daily life here. Yep, my everyday in WKESP, Cyberjaya. A little tour, if you will; since I can't actually take you around. Well, okay, fine, it's not like you asked to be shown around to begin with but humour me, would you? I enjoy the mundane aspects of life and always find they are worth a little story-telling. So I shall now be giving anyone with the time to read a (hopefully) short written/visual tour of my quaint office on the fourth level of FSBM Plaza.

So we begin at the lobby of WKESP, as can be seen in the picture on the right hand side. This is where I've sat anxiously waiting to sit for the test the first time around, and for the interview the next day. Now I pass it daily without a quiver of uncertainty as I enter and leave the office. Fatimah, who sits at the reception desk is the friendly face who meets and greets all that come through WK's glass doors. And besides that, she also receives my parcels for me... Always wondering what exactly I am doing with the Poslaju deliveries I get almost weekly.

And if you wals down the path from this reception, you shall be going deeper into the inner sanctum of the green-themed office. You'll pass by Jason's office on your left, and then you'll come to a juncture at which you'll see the multi-purpose room, mainly used for big meetings and gatherings, Mount Fuji, which, true to its name, is super-cold. If you turn a left, you'll pass by Sunita, who is the GM, and Raymond's offices on your left, and the Training Room on your right. Then straight on, you'll enter one side of the office, where the Asia Teams and the NZ Team reside, as you can see from the picture on the left.

If you were to go straight past the Mount Fuji room earlier instead of turning left, you would pass the emergency exit, Ladies' Room, Cleaner's Room and the Men's Room on the right. And you will have to turn left and arrive on the other side of the office, where all the Australian Teams reside. But first, you'd pass the board room on your left, where I have weekly meetings with my team, Australia B - Tax and Accounting.

Standing at the point with the Boardroom on your left, you'd see the view as in the picture <----. You'd see this aisle that seems to go on and on, acting as a great divide between Australia C, which is the group of desks on your left side, and Australia B which is on the right side of the picture. If you look closely, about three desks away from the viewfinder of the pic, there is a woman intently looking at her monitor whose table is the one next to the pillar; that is Carol, and I sit at the desk just before hers, the second desk. Yep, that is my humble abode in the WK office. But it is also the most non-strategic place, cos it's situated at the aisle where people walk back and forth and see what in the world you're doing on your PC. In my case, it's my online shopping which is my eye-candy between tasks, when I need some relax time. Not to mention it is un-strategic cos it's near the boardroom. So when we have visitors and the like, they can pass by and have a peek at what I'm doing. I was particularly worried when they had the head honchos from Netherlands here and taking pictures. I thought they'd surely be taking pics of my non-work. But instead, on that day, they took pics of me stressing out at Zul's desk, worrying about Denise's blunder with ABAG 145 ;p

So here's my work station... It's still a little bare from my not having put up much besides some notes and reminders. But it's now definitely more of a Hazlin-like place with my literature books on one corner and my organized clutter here and there. Charmander was sitting on my keyboard while waiting to be brought back to my sister as you can see... Other than him, my usual necessities line up in the picture. My mug of tea, a tumbler of water, my Victoria's Secret body butter, a box of tissues and my tracking sheet for each product I'm doing. Also, if you can spot it, my headphones lie behind my mug, from which I listen to Tori/Jewel on constant replay, and just behind my yellow tumbler, you'd see a square piece of paper pinned to the green divider. That's an acrostic poem that my Sayang wrote to me early in the year when I was feeling sad at not being able to see him often. I put it up next to my monitor so that when I look up at it, it serves as a reminder to me to keep smiling even when the going gets tough, because it reminds me that out there I have someone who loves me nonetheless and is willing to wait for me :)

Anyway, let me digress abit and introduce you to my teammates. There are currently 16 of us on the team: Arvind (TL), Aravind (SE), Tham (SE), Saiful (SE), Maryann (PE), Helen (Senior PE), Caroljit (SE), Zul (PE), Alan (SE), Sharina (PE), Ling Ling (PE), Adrian (Senior SE), Siew Choo (PE), Nubly (SE), David (PE), and myself (SE). When I started at WK, Lin was our TL; but as of April, due to Lin's promotion, Arvind who was and SE from Aust C previously, moved up and became our TL. And if rumours are true, we will soon have a new addition, a PE maybe, next month. We don't have a complete team picture cos so many people come and go, so the last team picture I found is the one above. But even then, some of those in the pic has either left, or changed positions. So if you look closely, the ones with the red dots above their heads are the ones still with us. Lemme introduce the ones with the dots: Top row (L-R) - Helen, Tham, Siew Choo aka Cheese Terrorist, Ling Ling, and Carol. The girl in the middle who wear glasses and has her hair tied is our former TL, Lin. Bottom row (L-R): Adrian, Alan, David and Nubly. The guy next to Adrian, the one is checkered shirt is Charles, who is now a trainer. Since this team, there has been many additions and changes. For example, these two on the right: Maryann and Zul who joined WK about 6 months before I started... So they are still relatively new. But they're PEs and our team haven't had a new SE in the longest time. So myself was the first SE in almost a year, and then Saiful was added to the team. And now we are all a bunch of laugh riots who, despite being one of the busiest team in WK, are the friendliest, funniest bunch ever. Which is why I love my team so much. We have a nice intimacy, and teamwork spirit going on which makes working very pleasant. I remember when I just started, everyone was so eager to make me feel welcomed.

Speaking of newbies, us newbies had our picture taken for the purpose of putting it up on our eCLS (employees come loose) message board. And of all the days they wanted to take the picture, it was the day when I was in malas mode and just grabbed a baju kurung to wear to work. So unglamorous. It wasn't a day when I was up and about in my dresses, so I ended up looking extremely comot and frumpy at that.

But anyhow, I didn't really care but I just hope they take down the picture soon since newer newbies have come in since the four of us (Ann, Juliana, Saiful, and myself). In the picture above, from left to right is Ashwin and Malar (I think), who are both on the IT team, and then Xiou Ann, Juliana and myself, the trio who is always up to no good with our online shopping and daily fashion shows. The three of us have made WK into our personal runway with either one of us having a new top or dress to put on each day :p And finally we have Saiful who is happily sitting down with women surrounding him. But Saiful's married, so Charles' comment on the pose went unheard.

But the three of us production newbies; Ann, Juliana and I now form a little group of people who congregate daily for laughs and blogshopping finds and gripes. We have bonded over our love for clothes and our rapport with one another that we will always be seen together. It's nice, to have your own crowd to get together with a few minutes during work just to take the stress off every now and then.

Anyway, back to the tour, we end it with the very heart of WKESP, the ePub. This is where the life of the WK is. The ePub is at the very center, and is the centre for mass gatherings and monthly general meetings. This is also where eat and socialize, because it works as a sorta lounge and/or dining area.We have our sink dish/mug rack on one side, the water and beverage dispenser on another. There are fridges, microwaves, a multitude of teas and coffees and sugar and creamer for us to brew our drinks to our liking and 2 tins of biscuits for us to chow on. We meet here for team lunches/gatherings/parties or to enjoy lunch together or do our work (especially for PEs) or read the paper or magazines. This where all the watercooler talk goes on.

And so we end the tour. But wait, what exactly does my work here entails, you ask? Well, I know you're not asking, but hey, humour me futher, I'll be done soon.

I managed to dig up this info in the shared folders drive:

"The sub-editor is responsible for project managing product updates and ensuring that the sub-editing and content tagging of publication data is of the highest possible quality. This means that they liaise with the editor and the indexer over the content that is to be included in the product update. The sub-editor is also responsible for providing a detailed handover to the production editor after the content of the update has been released for publication. They work closely with the production editor to ensure that the electronic and print components of an update and cleared to schedule".

General responsibilities:
· sub-edit for sense, grammar and literals by inserting queries in comment tags
· changing quotation marks to the curly quotes
· checking structure of the content, ie heading levels
· check tagging if text is converted by the PE
· insert tagging and check tagging where content is authored within Sigmalink by the editor
· spell checks
· resolve links
· check for broken links and redo links that have failed
· check graphics
· check tagging of tables
· insert queries where required
· remove all comment tags
· clean-up content before dragging the content to the editor for feedback on queries once external reviewer has made comments
· clean-up content based on comments
· accept/reject changes
· preparation of job tracking sheets
· general communication with production editor, editor and indexer on update
· insertion of CCH citation

So, that's it. That's what it is to work as a sub-editor here in WKESP, Cyberjaya. I am so far enjoying the work I do. It has its ups and downs, but the atmosphere, the people, the team, the friends, the kinda work I do all makes it a great place to be in. I'm happy here. I think this is a good place that will definitely help me in going further in my career, I'm earning a good sum, am surrounded by good people and overall happy. There are the downs like being too far away from my Sayang, my family and my friends, but hopefully soon, with a car, it wouldn't be that hard. So I don't regret my decision to pursue this place like crazy. It's definitely worth it.

Love,
Haminudin

I didn't after all.

My team leader, Arvind, didn't let me.

He told me to stay home and get some rest.

Sheesh, never thought my superior would tell me to stay home and laze instead of doing work :P

So I'm here at home, listening to Tori's American Doll Posse at max volume.

And waiting for my laundry to get done.

I'm bored.

I wanna be subbing ABAG.

:p

Love,
Linzy

There's a reason why they used to call me The Responsible One.

Situation (right now):

It's 10.30am, and I am at home in bed, still in my nightie, and obviously unshowered. I am coughing and sniffling and have tissues littering the floor next to my bed from having sneezing all night, but was too caught up in my sleep to get up and throw them in the bin at the far corner. I have that heavy feeling in my noggin and it makes getting up from my pillow feel like torture (a little more than the usual).

In cases like these, there is no other thing that I could do but to just stay home and recover. But the Annoying Responsibility-Addict+Ever Constant Guilty Conscience in me is feeling bad for not being at work. I feel like I should be there to at least do something, even if there is nothing needing my immediate attention. I feel guilty for being here at home doing nothing in particular while my friends and colleagues are in the office slaving away doing what they need to do. I feel useless.

If responsibility was a disease, then it musta been something I've contracted and never recovered from. As I am typing this, I am actually contemplating going to the office after lunch time. I cannot just sit around and laze. Especially not when I am alone with my guilty thoughts and fighting my conscience that says go to work while logic says, get some rest. Haih...

After much thought, I think I will be going to work.

:p

Diseased with Responsibility,
Hazlin