Sup3rnality

I've been working here for what, four months now?

Four months and my review never gets any better. There was one glimmer of light once, but the lightbulb got smashed just as soon as it sparked.

I'm tired of this. It brings me down to such a low that makes me feel like an idiot child. Like my knowledge is all for naught. As if I am not good enough. It takes away all my smiles for the day and replaces it with a expression of worry, anger and frustration.

Working here has been absolutely wonderful. I've said it many times before, and I have no regrets being here. But this...this seemingly (to me) elaborate attempt to make me look like a fool is driving me to feel agonizingly incompetent.

I seem to never be able to please the guy. Whatever I send his way always comes back with snide, and almost bitchy remarks. Hazlin noticed this but she didn't notice that. Is she reading with understanding? She is careless and does not pay enough attention. Why did she suggest this here but didn't suggest it there? More effort has to be put in. Blah de blah de blah.

What I hate about these reports are that his comments are mostly assumptions on the possible reasons for mistakes or what he thinks are mistakes. He assumes that I did not read carefully, but in truth is that since it has happened once and I've highlighted it, I need not have to retype another comment all over again. It's redundant. I mean, I mentioned that it once and made a note of it, so there's no need for him to put in the report is an all too definite tone that Hazlin did not understand what she was reading or was not paying attention.

It's embarassing to have people other than you read that report and they'd think that you cannot get the job done. It's bad enough to read a very critical review on your work. But it's much much worse when it is read by my superiors whom I am trying so hard to prove myself to. I seem to be capable to them, but if I keep getting these reviews, what are they really thinking of me? It drives me mad thinking that it doesn't really reflect what happened or who I am. And that those who read it will be lead to think I am probably more of a liability than an assett to the company.

I wish the review reports were made by the other guy.

Screw it. I hate this. I feel like my day has been ruined.

And I feel incredibly stupid.

I really need a pick-me-up.

Maybe I'll go to Alamanda, Putrajaya later with Ayus and get me some donuts.

Love,
Hazlin

P/s: I wish my Sayang was here :(