Sup3rnality

I have recovered from my semi-depression. I wanted to say get over, but that isn't the case. It's still there at the back of my mind hovering like a dark shadow that is threatening to take over me if I let it. But...I won't. I can't. That's why I say recovered; because so far, I've only been able to blanket it; but it's there underneath the surface.

Yesterday, after feeling detached and emotionally absent from everything and everyone around me, I impulsively took off to Alamanda right after work. I tried booking tickets to a movie online, but they were fully-booked. But I decided I'd take my chances and see if a movie -- any movie -- was available.

So I drove, and I got there, and I managed to get myself a ticket for the 6.15 pm screening of Blood. I've watched several episodes of Blood before, and I know the vague background of the story, so I thought I'd see if the movie would do it any justice. But of course, as movie remakes go, this one is no different. It was boring. The plot was non-existent. Characters were stoned and static with no depth or substance. Had an unbearably childish dialogue. And had amateur-ish effects. Basically a no-go for me. Terminator would have done more for me despite me not wanting to spoil my memory of the first two with the current takes. But then, come to think of it, it was a toss between Blood, 17 Again, Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak, and Hannah Montana. So, as you can see, I didn't have that many choices.

But the whole idea of taking off was basically to get away and not have to stay home and dwell and wallow in anger. I wanted to be occupied. Needed to. I was lonely and angry and mildly depressed, being home alone with nothing to take up the spaces of my thoughts wasn't on the cards. So bad or not, Blood was as good as anything. Of course, this morning I woke up to the thought that I just lost an hour and 35 minutes of my life, as well as RM8 of my salary that I will never get back.

Prior to the movie, after buying the ticket and waiting for it to start, I decided to head towards Sushi King to have my first meal of the day. I haven't eaten the entire day and was lightheaded and almost ready to keel over from hunger. Yes, it does seem odd to want sushi when you're hungry as it seems virtually impossible to assuage a hunger with little itty-bitty plates of equally itty-bitty pieces of sea creatures wrapped in rice and seaweed. You'd need a lot to get full, and sushi is not exactly cheap. But I was in the mood to splurge on myself and not care, so I went in, sat down and looked into the menu.

My cravings for salmon was yet to be fed, so I ordered every salmon dish I could possibly afford. My main course was a plate of salmon steak, served with some kinda crab and mushroom pudding, rice and miso soup. Believe me, it was good. Then I had salmon sushi, salmon sashimi, fried salmon skin and fried salmon skin hand roll. I even took some to go for my movie and sat happily crunching salmon skin in the cinema as well as savouring every bite of my salmon sashimi.

It was a luxuriously delicious meal. Albeit being not fun since I was eating all alone. The guys working there even took the time chatting me up, seeing there was only one other customer. They were asking did I just finish work, and why I was alone, why I liked salmon so much etc. It was nice of them to somewhat keep me company, and even though I'd rather have been left to my thoughts, thoughts wasn't something I wanted to dwell on. So I obliged them by giving into their small talk, smiled when they tried to joke, and graced them with a smile and wave when they gave me a chorus of thank yous or rather, arigatos, as I left.

It was only then that I rushed off to my movie, watched, and left for home. Oh, but not to forget, I bought a boxful of donuts before I left, and shared them with my landlord's kids when they came over to open up my kitchen door.

Anyway, time off on my own is something I haven't done in the longest time. I don't particularly miss it, I'd rather have company to talk to, or rather, have my Sayang with me for guaranteed cheer-up time; but being on my own for a few hours gave me some time to reflect and think, and put things into a little perspective, without being swallowed up by emotion. It was a good setting, a hustling and bustling shopping mall as a background and soundtrack to my contemplations. Its non-quietness allows me to think without wallowing.

I came out of the Sushi King and the cinema with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. I definitely felt better. Better, but not wholly. But better, nonetheless.

Mission accomplished.

Love,
Linzy