Sup3rnality

Bills. Rent. Car. Petrol. Food. Money for my family.

All need paying, but funds are slowly diminishing.

So congratulations, people, you are taking away the livelihood that I enjoy and that actually appreciates me compared to my past experience.

Congratulations, you have achieved your goal while making the lives of others caught in the crossfire difficult.

Yes, thank you, I do love rationing my food supply every month like what I've been doing lately. And I do love turning down meeting old friends because I cannot spare the extra cash. I do love not seeing my family in Seremban because travelling back and forth consumes petrol and petrol means cash.

It's nice how people can live their ideals without reality getting in the way.

On a related note, it's funny how people fight for their freedom of opinion, yet reject and criticise others for having their own.

Hello 2013,

What do you have in store for me?

I don't ask for a lot because I often feel I do not deserve it but, I ask for happiness for my family and the strength to persevere, come what may. I wish for patience so things may be the way it wants to be.

I ask for willpower to take care of my health. And willpower to be better to myself and to fulfill my responsibilities.

I wish that I would be in touch with my friends more, and appreciate them more. I hope to be a better friend to those I have neglected.

And I hope that this year would be another year in a lifetime that I would share with the person who makes every crazy day either crazier or keeps it real for me. Asdil, this is my hoping you would always take me for who I am, be there for me at weakest, help me to be better. I love you.

Thank you for being kind to me 2012, for the most part. I'll take the trials and tribulations you gave me and hope they would make me a better person.

Love,
Hazlin

Have you heard of 8tracks?

It's hand-crafted radio - meaning a mix of songs chosen by a user.
It can be a compilation following a certain theme, genre or just a plain ol' mix of your favourite songs.

For my 4th anniversary with Asdil, this mix suited me really well: 

This one's for you, dear

• - Selamat Hari Raya, everyone :)
• - And happy Merdeka, too.
• - To those who know what I mean, the phases are over. I'm on my own. Liberating, yet scary. But here's to hoping I'll hold my own.
• - Setar was not forced to shut down, thank God. Was already teetering on the edge, but we were pulled back. So yes, salary salary salary. I can pay for my car, rent, petrol... I can afford to give my parents cash, to my siblings and my grandma, too, and help my mum with some funding for her trip to Holland. Alhamdulillah, that was a very huge sigh of relief. 
• - Thinking back on a previous entry and other scathing and unapologetic commentaries, I am not sorry for what I said. I feel what I feel and I cannot be sorry for them, lest I be a hypocrite to myself. It may hurt the feelings of some in the process, but as I've said, I write these words here as it is solely a medium of expression. I'm not interested in feedback or reactions towards what I write. And though it is for all to see, I write them thinking as if these are for my eyes only. So whatever nerve I may have struck, if anybody read it for that matter, you are entitled to your opinion and me, mine. Just don't step on my toes while you're at it.
• - Again I say, no matter what you think of me, I love my job, and I love where I work. In the same vein as the above point, if you have a problem with me, well, then don't talk to me. We'll get along so much better that way, by not communicating. I'm tired of rude/insensitive/ignorant remarks on my profession or the company I work for. You're not the one working there, so just shut up la right? Let me earn my living the way I see fit, and if you don't like it, then don't follow suit; and even better? Don't talk to me and criticise me. 
• - Looking forward to an impromptu trip to Langkawi (my colleagues and I impulsively bought a voucher off Groupon for a night's stay in Langkawi, we bought two for a two-nights' stay) in early October :)
• - This Raya, it had been nice being able to give than to receive. After so long, it's nice to see the roles reversed for once.
• - As these years pass, it's getting harder to explain the absence additions to the family. It's easier in my head, but not as easy on the ears of those who expect reasons.
• - On the first day of Raya, I woke up to the voice of the other half of me, separated by distance, but at one in heart. My Asdil's words never fails to light up my day, and it surely did.
• - Merdeka was almost forgotten, as predicted. A little sad, even though I'm not particularly one to celebrate it. 
• - My feline son Freddie went missing for 10 days (4 days before we left for KB and 6 days while we were in KB). Went into a state of sadness that I couldn't help feeling irritable for the first few days in KB. For that I was sorry. But my heard leapt when he was there starving in front of the house when we came back. He was so light and oh so manja. He most probably got chased by the dominant male cats in the area and he got lost and couldn't find his way back. He's been so scared to leave the house and his fur is constantly half fluffed up, like he's ready to get into battle mode. Tonight he got chased again and he got so scared he crapped himself. Poor baby. 
• - I like taking photos of things, and of myself with friends and family, but not really the type to ask someone to snap a pic of myself. I feel so odd doing that. I will camwhore alone in my own privacy, but never ask someone to take a pic of me if I can avoid it.
• - Back to work in a few hours. Time to save the nation. 

Due to a small honest mistake, a wrong judgment in choosing of front covers, an oversight... we might be losing a good friend in the office. A comrade. One from our ranks. All over a voluntary job he decided take up, he might lose his career altogether. Over something that was blown out of proportion. It was a mistake, yes, and it was sloppy of him to miss that detail, but the consequences...is much too harsh. His fate now lies in the balance. And we can only hope that the party gunning for his suspension, for our shutdown, will take a step back. It's Ramadan for God's sake, forgive. Stop the swearing and accept the apology already.

And speaking of shutdown, as rumour has it, we might just...if people push hard enough. And that means, no pay. No salary. No anything. And it's just a few days to Raya. We have bills to pay, rent to meet, cars, and ultimately, families... A shutdown doesn't mean a free holiday. It means no money in our pockets. How to pay for travelling, for clothes, for food? We'll be celebrating Raya without a cent. Tell me how is that fair punishment for what is only theorised to be a ploy to poke at racial/religious sensitivities?

It's Ramadan. You said it yourself. Tak hormat Ramadan? Perhaps you should look in the mirror when you call out "bullsh*t" and maki us nicely.

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A conversation with a friend revealed a certain comment made by her then significant other that I could be un-taken if I so wished it. The comment was made due to there being some interest in me by some people affiliated with this then significant other of a friend.

The first mention of it made me rage a little, pissed off at the thought that he would even presume that it is possible. But perhaps circumstances would have made that seem possible indeed, and because of that, I did not pursue the matter.

But here's me thinking on my own, no, I cannot be untaken, as he so simply said. I have just this one heart to give. It is not to be broken to pieces to be distributed. It cannot be shared. It cannot be exchanged for new. It's mine, and I'd only give it to somebody whom I trust and know could keep it safe. And it already is.

Maybe it's easy for some people to play around with hearts. But mine is not. It's yours, and I'd like it to stay that way,

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Sometimes I worry that my odd working hours would jeopardise our relationship. I work from 4pm to 2am, and even on weekends. I hardly get to see you. Between my work and your classes, the only time we have is when I have off days, no matter how rare they are, or when you drop by between or after classes.

These are precious moments to me. My off days, I have to split between seeing my family and seeing you. Whatever time I get I want to spend as much as I can with you. It's not easy, but even if they are just a few moments, they mean the world to me. Just being close to you, talking to you, laughing with you and just enjoying a few brief moments with you, makes my heart swell.

It's difficult. But when I think of a wonderful life we have ahead of us, of how wonderful it'd be to spend my life with my best friend, I know this will all be worth it in the end.

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Asdil had to attend court today. He received a subpoena the day before asking him to present himself as a witness to a crime that happened in November last year. I accompanied him there, first time for both of us ever being near or in court. The court case is to be moved to another day, though, because the accused claimed that he is not well enough to go through the hearing. Total bull, of course, but I suppose that's how it goes for these kind of case.

So what happened? Well, long story short, Asdil saw a man fall off a bike, and another man yelled out that the man just stole the motorbike. The man ran and Asdil gave chase. After some heart-stopping stunts, Asdil, along with some help, managed to nab the guy and turn him in.

I wasn't there, of course, when the crime happened. when Asdil told me about it, how he chased the man right up along the LDP, for the most part I was worried about how much he risked his safety. But at the same time, I couldn't help feeling so proud of his selflessness in wanting to put an end to the crime.

This is a glimpse into why when I'm with him, I know I can trust him with my life. He selflessly puts others before himself, he's protective and makes me feel safe. And even when he's not around, I know he's just at the other end of the phone, and will always be here for me. Asdil's my hero, and I love him.

P/s: Happy 26th wedding anniversary to my parents :)

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Okay, we both know I don't drink coffee...but for my sake let's imagine that I do (I do like the smell anyway). Or better yet, replace coffee with tea. I LOVE TEA!