Sup3rnality

#31

Contrary to popular belief, I was never kissed by any one of the two boyfriends I've had prior to Asdil. Nor have I ever kissed or been kissed by anyone by accident, on an impulse, on a dare... Cheeks don't count, of course. I'm talking full on lips here.

So, in case you haven't caught on yet, I was a kiss virgin at 22; that is, until Asdil and I shared that fateful kiss in the early morning light in the back of Yumi's car.

It wasn't something I meant to hide, it's just that I never committed my answer to a "yes" or a "no", since well, nobody really asked. Everybody assumed that I have kissed, and I never thought to correct them. I'm sorry, though, to the friends that have asked me things like "Is so-and-so a good kisser?" and I just said something like "Yeah, he's pretty alright". You people know who you are, especially on one occasion at the Karak highway McDonald's where some of the Twisties quizzed me on kissing techniques.

So yeah, that would explain the blush and the reluctance to answer the questions asked of me that time and the reason why I declined to kiss a certain Twistie during that Truth or Dare session we had. Truth was, I was saving my first kiss for someone, someone who I felt would make that kiss special and I wanted the kiss to be a promise of something more, not a meaningless peck between platonic friends to fulfil a dare. I didn't know who that someone would be, but I was willing to wait.

My waiting didn't take long.

A few days after our game of Truth or Dare, in what would be the beginning of something wonderful, heart in my throat, in all uncertainty yet certain that this was the moment I was waiting for, I met Asdil halfway for a wonderful first kiss.

And the rest, they say, is history.

Unconciously, I've been singing Queen's Another one bites the dust. I at first figured that it was from all the uploading of Freddie's pictures the other night. After all, I did name him after Freddie Mercury.

But now that I think about it, I think I'm singing it because Aaina just got hitched to Walad -- Finally! So so happy for them. So glad that they are safely married and now starting a new life together as husband and wife. Whoa...life is going by so fast. It feels like only yesterday we were all still in IIU and going to classes and going for late night drives...

It caught my heart abit, seeing my friends getting married... It's like, you ask yourself, when did we grow up? No matter how old we felt when we were still students, thinking we have grown so much, it turns out that we have grown abit more than that. And here's a new chapter now.

So Aaina, many many congratulations from the bottom of my heart. I was your roommate for quite some years, and I've seen your ups and downs and felt helpless when you were hurt, not knowing what to do. I'm happy to see you finally reach this point of your relationship, and hope that it will last you both forever.

We may not have been in constant touch over these past couple of years, but it doesn't change how much I care for you as a friend. So Walad, you better take care of her, because there are a lot of people to answer to (including me), if you don't.

But threat aside :P, congratulations. I hope you like the gifts :)

And another one gone and another gone...

Love, Linzy~

I'm glad I pestered myself to pester the duty roster person to have my off days changed so I could make it for the Terengganu trip. Risky as it is (as I've heard many bad things about the person), I don't regret my last minute change of mind.

After thinking it over, I really have to say, I cannot possibly miss my best friend's wedding; and with Fidzy's mom persuading me as well, I'd feel guilty if I didn't go. Also, the idea to get away a while with Asdil being in the mix definitely sealed the deal for me.
So I got my off days, and I packed up for the Friday morning-Sunday morning trip on a chartered bus.

• Asdil picked me up early Friday morning from my apartment to go to Fidzy's place. I was assigned baju pengantin-minder duty which sat with me the whoole trip. The bus came at around 9.30am, and after we loaded everything on the bus, we went off.
• Traffic smooth-moving, since it was a weekday and is not a peak period when everyone is off somewhere. Watched cartoons all the way to Terengganu. Got to watch Meet the Robinsons, a favourite :)
• Stayed at a rented bungalow by the beach. So the first thing we did as soon as we got settled into the 7 rooms with 44 beds house was hit the beach obviously. Asdil took the kids into the water while I frolicked at the shore taking pictures and catching hermit crabs with Fidzy :p
• Walked to the closest restaurant which was not actually close. And yet, despite that, I took a walk along the beach and shops further up from the place we're staying with one of the aunties who were on the trip. We walked so far, and then had a late night snack at A&W. Ash came looking for us later and escorted us back. Note to self: bring walking shoes when with Auntie Gina.
• The rooms and beds were comfy. From past experience of staying in rented bungalows, conditions can get real bad, but this one was actually nice. Lucky Ash got a room all to himself (which was good cos I could sneak in to get some smoochies before I went to my room next door to sleep :p)
• We went in search for nasi dagang early the next morning. Again, we walked all the way down the road for a meal, especially since there was only one shop selling nasi dagang.
•  When we got back, I quickly got ready for the wedding at Shu's home in Pulau Rusa. I was Fidzy's somewhat of a pengapit, so nasib baik I decided on taking my green-blue baju kurung with me, so I somewhat matched the theme.
• There was no persandingan on this end, but just Fidzy sitting on a dais next to Shu's mother accepting money/gifts from visitors and giving out eggs. I just sat next to Fidzy to fan her and make sure her makeup from don't run. Kesian Fidzy looked so nervous. Relax babe :)
• We stayed there awhile, then headed back to the bungalow, since we had to check out by 2.30pm. After we packed, we headed to the pasar so the ladies can go check out batiks, clothes, foodstuff and other things. We were given 2 hours to shop.
• Ash and I took off by ourselves. We went around the entire pasar, which was quite big, bought some souvenirs and were done. And when we looked at the time, we had only spent 20 minutes :p So what were we to do for the next 1 hour and 40 minutes? We saw some bechas by the side of the road and decided to take a ride around town. It was fun, and it's been a while since I've been on one. It was nice a breezy, had a chatty becha-paddler, and it was a nice quaint place to see while on becha. A nice and slow ride was a good way to spend time to see the place up close with running commentary by the pakcik.
• What was not conveyed to everyone was that the bus we were on had problems with its suspension, which needs repairing. So it was highly possible we'd be stranded for a while. So after the shoping was done, and after we visited the Masjid Kristal, we headed back to all the restaurants by the beach part of town (Batu Burok) and stayed there til about 12am.
• Before it hit 7pm, Ash and I took the kids to the beach for a swim. Had some fun in the water before we headed to the shops for dinner. The kids have warmed up to me by then and stuck to me for the rest of the night, and the aunties were commenting that I was preparing for motherhood :p Hey, I just love kids, kay. They were adorable, I couldn't help fawning over them.
• Took the kids to the playground where we stayed til late, waiting for the bus to be repaired. The guys headed to the nearest restaurant with a big screen to watch the World Cup (Germany vs Argentina). Was there for many many hours until the bus driver finally announced the bus was alright and we could go.
• Drive back was freakingly cold. Tapi I lagi kesian one of the kids who didn't have a jacket and was only wearing a sleeveless dress, so I let her wear my jacket. I instead put on 3 layers of clothes. But was still cold...yeah, I hate air conditioning. Stopped by McDonald's at Taman Melati for brekkie at around 6am.
• Reached TTDI around 7-ish. Kids didn't want me to go home, and I didn't feel like going home too. Two of them sat on my lap so that I couldn't leave. The kids were just the darlingest and I still wanted to sit around and play and chat with them. But I had to work at 4pm (yes, on a Sunday), so I needed to get some much needed Zzzzzs before work.
• Was sad to go home and leave the kids. They're just so lovable. But I'm at work now, and still reeling from the afterglow of a good trip.

All in all, it was good to see Fidzy and Shu happy. The trip was worth it, both in the sense of being at the reception, and having fun on the trip as well :) Loved every second.

Love,
Linzy

I’ve been… I don’t want to say. Saying the words, or typing them for that matter, gives it life. Makes it real enough to jump out of the screen and consumes me whole. It commits my colourful life to the black and white of these words against the background. But unspoken or not, there’s no muting the echoing vacancies of unspent time.

I’ve been…lonely. There, I’ve said it. I didn’t want to. Words like that bounces off the walls when there’s no one in the room but you. And no pillow over ears could drown out the sound. I didn’t want to say it. Too proud to profess weakness. Too afraid to make it known. Too tired to make it any more the truth. But I have been, and I can’t shake it off.

I’ve found driving around aimlessly to be a companion. With music blasting to retain my focus, and sudden bursts of speed for a little rush, for a little sense of urgency. I stride about in shopping malls and browse shops just to do something than nothing at all. Staying at home and behind close doors only magnifies the emptiness of my room. So I walk out. I do what I can to occupy the long gaps of time ticking by. Otherwise all I hear is the loud crashings of the seconds-hand announcing the passing of moments gone by.

Friends that I could talk to are too far away. And I often wonder whether we’ve gotten out of touch. I know that we haven’t; cos when we meet we all fall into familiarity; but a lingering doubt reigns, having me dwelling on questions and wonderings. And even if I could see them, I’m not about to pull them into my sense of displacement. Nah, I can’t. Meeting with good friends who are far away is to be made a celebration. And the friends that I have close by, the ones I can easily see everyday, well, don’t live in the same book. Let alone be on the same page. They don’t know me, or think they know me to pass words that don’t belong to them for them to say.

Everyday I’ve been tempted to drive to see Ash. So many times. But time doesn’t permit. Traffic jams and the looming nighttime will only frustrate me more. I’d only have an hour or two, and then I’d have to go again. And times like this, that’s something that I can’t take. I need days. Hours will only find me lonelier, knowing that I’d have to let him go, and not being able to. I’m just counting until I could have days and days of quality time with my Sayang, and for the moment, I do not know when that is.

I’m lonely. I feel like I’m standing amongst people but cannot connect. I need to feel. I need to not feel lonely.

~Linzy

Sorry, this is a little late. Was planning to post sooner, but as mentioned, my new place ain't got no internet connection. Thus, I am off the line for the moment, and all posts for the timebeing, will be written whilst I am at work. But since June is proving to be a rather hectic month, I haven't had the time to sit down and jot down some thoughts.

After having worked here in Wolters Kluwer Enterprise Services Partners (WKESP) for three months, now, I thought it is time I gave you all a glimpse into my daily life here. Yep, my everyday in WKESP, Cyberjaya. A little tour, if you will; since I can't actually take you around. Well, okay, fine, it's not like you asked to be shown around to begin with but humour me, would you? I enjoy the mundane aspects of life and always find they are worth a little story-telling. So I shall now be giving anyone with the time to read a (hopefully) short written/visual tour of my quaint office on the fourth level of FSBM Plaza.

Some episodes that I have neglected to post up due to being too distracted. I shoulda done this sooner on the days itself, but hey, I was busy then.

So, where were we last? Oh yes, the last episode would have been when we had our end of the semester (nevermind not all exams were done yet at the time) celebration at Yumi's place and our all-nighter sessions. Well if that episode were any indication, I was too blind to see. Perhaps a certain dare was a beginning...? Or a beginning to a beginning? Maybe...

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7th April 2008

Episode 12

So we've been going out, seeing too much of each other and spending nearly 24/7 in each other's company. And for the most part, it was Ash, Yumi and I. There were times even when we had dinner together which is off the record as there are no pictures. But the three of us nonetheless.

But on this day, Ash didn't wanna follow us, and it became just a girl's night out. Well, actually not so much a night out as it was a dinner at McD's. Aaina and Maj had to make a move and so left Yumi, Lina and I on our own to chat at Burger King. After having some heart to hearts and some laughs, we had to send Lina back since she had an exam the next day.

It was about 11pm by then, but Yumi and I decided to go check on Ash to see if he was alright as he sounded a bit down on the phone earlier and cos we also wanted to get/give a cd. And so we drived up to the guys' colleges. What was supposed to be just a short visit turned out to be a drink at a mamak. And but of course we went over the curfew time and had to stay out :p

8th April 2008

Episode 13

So we stayed on at the mamak way past 12am. Next thing we knew, we were driving aimlessly like we always do. Yumi was in the backseat instead cos she was tired and was soon sound asleep as Ash and I joked around and sang to the songs he had on the cd player. Having grown up listening and loving oldies music (my mother's influence, mostly), I could remember most of the words, the chorus at least and sang along.

Ash drove on. Through KL and some roads unknown to me, and then the winding roads of Kuala Kubu and Rawang; the old roads, mind you, and he asked me to tell him stop when he has gone far enough. But I let him just drive. I was enjoying the comfort of cruising along and watching the dark of night go past. The roads were dark but instead of being scary, it was relaxing. The music set a nice ambience to the stillness of the night, and Ash was good company as we went about some silly bantering.

Ash drove and drove. And where else would we end up if not Tanjung Malim. Yep, we crossed the state line and now found ourselves in Perak. It was 5am by then, and we looked at the signboard as we turned the junction into town and yep, we were in Tanjung Malim alright.


Yumi woke up by then and we stopped for a bit at a bus terminal and couldn't stop laughing at the how ludicrous we were. Yes, we looked like a bunch of drunks who were doubling over in fits of laughter. But it was funny to us. Our being so far out seemed so unthinkable.

We got back in the car after catching out breaths and explored Tanjung Malim town by pre-dawn. It seemed like a sleepy town and yet, when we were cruising the shophouses, we saw a Hotel Bunga Raya. I grabbed at Ash's arm and pointed, cos just hours ago he was telling us about Sakip's notorious make believe place he tells people he's going to. That again, brought us into fits of laughter :P Yes, we were having a laugh riot.


After a while, we winded down and decided to take a breather in front of a 7-11. We were thinking of having breakfast at Yik Mun, a restaurant I have been going to for as far back as I can remember. So we decided to wait it out til they opened. Yumi was again sound asleep in the backseat, and Ash got himself a newspaper while I watched the lightening horizon. The dark blue was turning a sorta purple, and then hints of orange appeared. It was beautiful. And I felt oddly serene in that moment.

As Ash finished his paper, we started a light banter. Something about him being a paedophile and my being incestuous. Sorry, ain't going into details as to why. But we were going back and forth with theat argument, quietly though, as we did not want to wake Yumi up. And, well, in the stillness of the early morning and the calmness of the coming dawn, I felt a...spark. I cannot really explain it, but I found myself drawn into the person who was sitting next to me, and leaning against me, as we pointlessly argued.

And suddenly Yumi wakes up. And I am taken aback.


It was 8am by then. And Yik Mun showed no signs of opening. So decided to forego some childhood reminiscing and head back to good ol' Gombak. I waved goodbye to Yik Mun as we drove off .


And so we drove on back. This time we took the inner roads and passed by homestays, riverside chalets, getaway huts and the like. It looked so beautiful and cozy, and with the window down and the morning breeze blowing in, it felt like a getaway of sorts. Nevermind the fact that I was in yesterday's clothes or that I haven't washed my face or brushed my teeth, it was fine by me. I mean, heh, no one else in the car was any better :P


We passed a little nook in the road that had some stairs leading down to a river. We missed it first time around, but we decided to turn back. We stopped, parked, got out, and made our way down the steps to a beautiful stream. It felt so refreshing to be there in the morning and feel the cool water on your face, and dip your feet in it.

Twisted Natureboy was tempted to just jumpn in with everything on. But the only thing holding him back was the fact that it was Yumi's car and he didn't get it all wet from him clothes :P So he refrained, and he was frustrated that he couldn't jump in. Heck, even I was. But we had to leave without feeling the coolness of the water...


Before we reached campus, we decided to have breakfast. We enjoyed some nice roti canai and only then Yumi sent us back to campus. Having been up all night, I slept the day away, right up until 2 or 3pm or so.

Maj, who was graduating that sem had just cleared out her room, stuffed her car to the brim, checked out, and had nowhere to go til our next lepak session. Yes, after being out all night the night before, we were gonna go lepak again that night. So Maj came to our room and we watched The Good Son while we waited out the others.

As soon as Lina finished her paper, we got ready and headed out again. We had dinner at the same place Yumi, Ash and I had for brekkie, and then we headed to OU to watch a movie. On the way there, when Yumi got me alone, she asked me what happened between Ash and I that morning. I told her that I honestly did not know. She said that it was ok if there were feelings, and whatever it was, she had my back all the way; in spite of the situation then. I felt a little better, because, yeah, I wasn't sure what it was.


I was sitting between Ash and Yumi in the cinema. At one point during the movie, Aaina smsed me to say *Ahem ahem* Don't get too cozy with Ash.

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9th April 2008

Episode 14

We came back in the morning again. We lepaked at some Arabic restaurant all night playing cards, drinking coffee, eating hummus, while I caught up with some Zs that I've been lacking severely. After that, we made our way to McD Karak, where we had one last lepak before we said goodbye. It was check out day, and we'd be leaving. And Maj, well, she'd be leaving UIA. There were some tearful farewells to Maj, cos it was an end to an era; and she would no longer be just there on campus with us, nor hang out with us at the Square.

We headed back and helped Aaina load her car with her things. We would be moving out of the current room, so she had to bring all her stuff back. And me, well, I still had to pack. Having gone out so much, I haven't the time to get to packing.

When we were done loading the car, we gone back to sleep. Aaina wanted to follow Ash, Yumi and I on our plan to go back to the river and have a swim before I headed back later that same day.

But you see, we all have been out every single night, and so our plans to wake up at 8am and go back to the stream went *poof*... Because myself, who was supposed to call everyone, and Aaina, who is in the same room with me fell asleep right up to 1pm. Yep, we slept the morning away. And we didn't even hear our roomie leave, but she left us a message. And Yumi nor Ash called us. And I was supposedly suppose to go swim in the stream, come back and leave at 1pm.

Yeah right.

It was already 1pm as it was.

So, Aaina had to leave then, cos it was already late. I decided to check out and go out with Ash and Yumi before I left for home. And so I checked out, packed abit and Aaina sent me to Yumi's. Yumi and I then picked Ash up and had a late lunch at a mamak. By then, it was late, and I was having second thoughts about going back that day. I had loads of stuff, and it was late. There will be no space in the train, and I was super tired.

So I called my mom, and I told her I'd only be coming home the next day.


So, what we did was, since Yumi was leaving for Ukraine for the whole of the short semester and we wouldn't see her for about 3 months, and Fidzy have not seen Yumi since she couldn't join us cos of her curfew, we decided that we would drive to TTDI to pay Fidzy a visit.

We had dinner, while Yumi texted me some messages about there must still be dinosaurs in my tummy, and we decided that we should take Fidzy out on one of our all-nighters. So Fidzy grabbed her guitar at home, and took of with us.


There was still one more night of adventure left....

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Yes, I know it's been a year ago. But I swear to God that I remember every detail. I remember how I felt. I remember the feel of the air, the smells, the sounds... It all seems fresh in my mind. And it's because I keep replaying it over and over in my head.

Love,
Linzy

One year ago, to the day, Darling, at this time...

...this is where we began.

It started with a tickle.

I've been malas again. I haven't been much in the mood lately to spin out words to tell my stories. I've been more involved in being uninvolved. Just keeping to myself. Because there is no one else but myself. And that is my triumph and my downfall.

Anyway, I digress. I'm here to recount the year that passed.

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31st March 2008

Episode 9

I woke up again much later, just before midday, after waking up early in the morning to have a shower. Lina was still asleep, and I wasn't sure of what to do. I wandered abit in the room, til I heard Yumi coming out of her room, so I came out, too.

We chatted a while in her room about things we talked about last night and I checked my e-mails abit, while waiting for Lina to wake up. And when she did, and after she showered, we decided that we should go out for breakfast, or better known as lunch by then. Or tea, even. Since Ash would have finished his paper by then, we called him up, picked him up; and we had lunch at a Malay restaurant somewhere.

On the way back, and I don't recall how, but we suddenly had the inspiration to go have a swim in the river. By that time, to go to Ulu Yam was a little late, and a quite a drive at that. So we decided to go to Sungai Pusu which is just behind campus. So we did. Yumi stopped for 5 minutes at each of our mahallahs for us to get our gear, and then we went.

It was fun, after waking up late, starting the day off in the afternoon and with the need to just refresh; to just frolic in the cool stream. And the fact that I grew up going to that place, camping with family and all, brought back lotsa memories.


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1st April 2009

Episode 10

It was a fun semester together and it was coming to a close. Two of our ranks were leaving us (Maj and Stitch) and we knew this camaraderie will not be something that we could achieve again. Hence, much merriment and celebration was called for, to mark the end of a semester and a Twisties' celebration.

So we all (Aaina, Ash, Lina, Maj, Raqib, Sharina, Stitch and I) trooped to Yumi's one evening to have a makan-makan. We ordered Dominos pizzas and made kuih batik and ate our fill of food galore. We bought chips and drinks and all sorts of nonsense and got high on sugar and fun. It was a good feeling.

Which of course, escalated to a round of impromptu round of a hybrid between spin the bottle and truth or dare. Now, I'm not gonna dish out the juicy details of the beans spilled that night--which, by the way, I happened to be the first on the chopping block with a truth question by Lina--or who got to kiss who (and yes, I was a kisser and a kissee--cheeks only, though!); but let me tell you, it was hysterical. There were weird, awkward and eye-popping questions, and there were dares, and lots of kisses going on. A scenario that you wouldn't get to see otherwise. Bloody priceless. There were scenes that I relive again and again and they just make me laugh like crazy.

It was soon coming close to 12am and some of us needed to go off. Yumi had a house to clean, Maj and Sharina had to go, Stitch had to head home and the rest of us (Aaina, Ash, Lina, Raqib and me) had the whole night. So what else? We headed out.


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2nd April 2008

Episode 11

So we headed out. First stop, Bangsar. We went to a mamak to have a round of teh tarik and the like while playing our favourite game to pass the time, Uno. But while we were going around having our normal laughs while at it, the mamaks at the mamak told us to keep the cards, even if we were playing Uno or Bluff, and not gambling. Fed up at not being able to play, we moved out. Circled around looking for another mamak and ended up in Hartamas. There we had no problem.

We were there til about 5am just playing cards, getting high on sugary drinks and lack of sleep, til one point I was singing to myself and everyone chimed in as well. We were like a mini-chorus group at a mamak playing cards. Weird sight, it was. But we were having fun, and we were happy and no one kacaued us. Except, of course, for that time when I rat runned under our table and Aaina jumped and shrieked.


Finally, we left Hartamas and for a short while, drove around Bukit Tunku. It was just for the heck of it, and we left soon after. And headed to another normal lepak place for us; McDonald's Karak.

We were there for abit, just to wind down and prep ourselves to getting back to campus. We were a little toned down, still high from not sleeping, but more quiet. We had early breakfast and were just joking around. And I, of course, being fidgety at my hands being idle, took out my swiss army knife and started carving a hole out of Raqib's Big Breakfast box. The outcome that you get from a bunch of high bunch of Twisties and an quirky object is pretty much apparent below:


We left for campus, while Raqib headed back, right after it was the time when we could get into campus.

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At this point of time, the wheels were already turning. To the questions and the accusations and suspicions. I never felt a thing, other than wondering what is triggering the sudden bombarding of bullet-like interrogations. But it made me question myself, is there really? If people are asking so...? Only time will tell. But as Aaina say often, I was in denial. Was I? Or was it just that I didn't realize it yet?

Love,
Linzy the Twisted Redface