Sup3rnality

I admit, my headlines are not as interesting as this one.

Thought: To become a sub-editor, is a formal education on the English language necessary?

That was a topic of discussion, or rather, argument between Ash and me a few minutes ago before he dropped me off at work. Yes, we are both hard-headed and will keep on arguing to prove a point :-P Don't worry, it's my favourite part of being in the car with him, we always have some kinda something to talk or argue about.

Now I'm not trying to prove a point, but just using myself as a case study to explain why I think the education itself is not necessary. Instead, I think it all boils down to talent.

Big headed kan? But hear me out.

I've spoken English all my life. It's my first language, as in the first language I started speaking and the language I prefer and choose to converse in. I only started speaking Malay later around the age of seven or so. Until now, I have not been able to master it.

I read a lot. Not so much now as before I started working, but I definitely read more than the average Malaysian. And yes, I read almost only books written in English. I started reading at a young age, and spent a large amount of my time burying my head in a book while growing up.

On top of that, I love literature and pop culture. References and allusions don't go by me unnoticed.

I grew up being entertained by tv shows and movies. I was the only child and my father did not encourage me to go out, so besides books, tv was a constant companion.

Mix those key ingredients together and you have my brain, a non-stop pot of words boiling and mixing and absorbing each other. Granted, I'm not very creative, but my lifetime love affair with words and how they work has brought me right here at this desk at Setar.

Words have a certain flavour, you can tell when they don't mix or have been placed in the wrong order or combination. Sometimes I make mistakes, yes, no one is free from mistakes, okay? But the point is, I know if I'm wrong and know how to correct it. And in the face of my job, I know when words don't flow right or have a better way to be worded. I can switch them around and put them together again. And to top it off, I'll try to give it an extra punch with a catchy headline. It's not always possible due to space, but when the occasion calls for it, I can provide a noticeable punch.


Now, my argument with my significant other was somewhere along the lines of whether or not education enables a person to have my job or do my job.


For me, the answer is 'no'.

My job: Read. Edit. Layout. Write headline.

Reason? For one, I think I got this on talent. I may not be the best they've seen, but I'm one of the best they've got.

(Yeah yeah, perasannye)

Well, I'm not great at this, maybe not yet, but I can do this. I think this kind of work takes years of experience to get those creative juices on tap.

Two - At the end of the day, my degree is really just a piece of paper. Yes, I have a degree in English Language and Literature. I took it because that is what I have dreamt of studying since I was 12. I wanted to learn more, be among people who appreciated the English language and its literature (well, not quite), I wanted to soak in the ambience and discuss theories and lines out of poetry and research the history from when the words were written. Tough luck, my expectations were not entirely met, but in any case, I enjoyed IIUM. But...

In terms of learning about language and literature that I would later use in my career, that didn't happen -- much.

No, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying IIUM did not play a role in making me the sub-editor I am today. My literature classes and  sociolinguistics etc helped a lot in understanding the role of language in attracting readers. I learned quite a bit from Discourse Analysis about making words sound good but I hardly absorbed much from all that pure linguistics and have never applied anything I learned in my work (applied linguistics, however, I enjoyed).

Truthfully, at the end of the day, I just wanted that piece of paper saying I graduated so that I could get out and get a decent job to earn a living. I learned a lot in IIUM, but not really of the academic variety. More in the experience sense, I would think.

But...in spite of that, I do believe that I am here for what I already was before I started my degree. It was part of my personality, not education.

I mean, if that were the case, all my colleagues would be from an English degree background. Really, it's not just English majors who are in this line of duty. We have lawyers, engineers, scientists....all who, despite what they studied, found their calling in words.

And, if I were to ask any of my fellow undergrads from my course to join me in my sub-editor-ness, I can hardly even provide you a handful of names who would be interested.

So there you have it. That is why I feel I was not chosen for my qualifications, nor did I choose this job because of it. I was all in my innate nature.

My writing poetry by the age of 7, keeping a journal since I was 8, collecting newspaper articles to read over and over at about the same age, and correcting grammar, even my own teachers', as soon as I entered school..It was all part of my tightly-wound nature of wanting things to be in order.

Yes, I admit it, I'm anal like that. But that's just what I am.

Points to ponder:

Did you never talk to us because your mind had always been far away? Or had you been far away because we never talked to you?

But then again,

Why is it that every wrong word that comes out of our mouths are met with swift backlashing, even if it was accidental, or not meant to hurt? It only forced us back into silence.

So,

Were we never enough to begin with that you found fault in everything we did, and forced us to tread on eggshells in your presence? Or was it that you never realised that you pushed us into silence, which caused you to get bored of us?

What do people call you?

Do your parents have a special name for you? How about your other relatives, do they have cutesy nicknames that only they use? Or does your circle of friends call you something in particular because of something you once did and that name just stuck? Think about it, do you have a lot of nicknames?

I know I do.

Let's see if I can list them down. Hazlin. Lin. Ayin. Haze. Hazelnut. Hazeline Snow. Linzy... And those are just the ones that pertain to my name; the ones I remember that is. I haven't included the other names I've been called due to some reason or other, like Tomatimmy (from the Arabic rootword tomatim, meaning "Tomato"). Why? Because I blush easily and profusely and get so red that I resemble a great giant tomato. And how about "The Responsible One"? I was given that because my friends thought that I was very responsible and always updated the rest of the group with news and whatnot so that we wouldn't be left behind in an assignment/test or something. I have lots, some of which I do not even want to mention, but you get the idea.

Commonly, I'm known as Lin or Linzy or Ayin (if you're family), if not called by my given name.

I don't really mind being called by my nicknames. Heck, to be honest, only a few people call me by my full name, and my full name is not even long, only two syllables. I sometimes feel disoriented when people call me Hazlin because it's so rarely used. So yeah, nicknames feel a whole lot more comfortable.

And honestly, I prefer to be called Lin, it's short and sweet (and I love how it means "soft/gentle" in Arabic and "waterfall" in old English) but to me it shows that I know that person enough to be comfortable with him or her calling me by a nickname. I don't like to be called Ayin by other people other than my family, because I've associated the name with people who are blood kin, or close enough to be treated so. When Ash wanted to call me Ayin once, I felt kinda funny, because for him to be calling me that made me feel like he was a brother or something :p Linzy is a name that is widely used now, although I very much would have preferred it to remain among my Twisties and Bendits. But expectedly, people hear it and use it and now it's use by everyone. Oh, and calling me Alin is a total NO; unless you want a death glare from me.

But why do we need nicknames?

I'm not against it having one, but something a classmate from Bosnia said to me made me think. She asked me once: Why do you Malaysians like to shorten your names and/or give yourselves nicknames? You have such beautiful names but you want to be called by a not-so-unique shorter name, even if your name is already short.

Why indeed do we do so? And is it really a Malaysian habit to shorten our names?

Come to think of it, yes, we Malaysians do like shortening our names; and it's almost expected. When I think back on times when I first meet people, or am required to introduce myself, the person asking my name would then ask; "What do people call you?", or I would be obliged to say: "You can call me Lin". Or sometimes in a situation where somebody keeps on repeating my full name, I would immediately say, "Oh, no need to call me Hazlin, just call me Lin".

It would sound to me that my friend has a point. Why so much effort into making up a nickname when a person has already been given a unique name painstakingly thought out by their parents (we'll leave out those with names with a negative meaning -- in which case they could have it changed -- and those who have too long a name)?

For me, well, I don't mind nicknames because it tells of the bond I have with the person. Like when I hear myself being called Linzy by the right people, I know they call me that because we share a type of friendship that is different from ones I have with others, and they know the history behind the name. And I feel all warm and fuzzy when Ash uses his nicknames for me, because it's an intimacy that only we share. My mother calls me Lin, even though every other family member calls me Ayin, because she and I go beyond the common bond of mother and daughter, we are best friends and confidantes, too.

But at the same time, yes, I do love my name. My actual given name. Hazlin. It's not particularly common; especially on it's own. Most times it is part of a longer name or accompanied by Siti or Nur, etc. So I suppose it is pretty unique. But at the same time, the use of it seems rather formal and impersonal. But the use of it makes also me sit up straighter, and take on a more professional stance, knowing I'm being referred to with respect.

It's funny, though, despite my liking nicknames; a colleague of mine has this habit of calling someone however she likes. She means no harm, it's just for fun, but I don't quite like it when she calls me Hazlinah or Siti Hazlin, or something like that. It feels as though she is making fun of my name, and giving me a name which isn't mine/referring to someone else.

And is it really a Malaysian habit? Well, of course it is not uniquely Malaysian, but it would seem to me that we are apparently very prone to doing so, this name-giving, name-shortening and such. Good or bad? You decide. I sit on the fence, as usual. I like it both ways.

I'm Hazlin, but you can call me Lin for short.

Love,
Linzy.

I was tagged by Sarah Elizabeth @Nomadic Soul.

I'm supposed to list seven things about me, and here I chose to put what's been on my mind; those thoughts that have been clouding up my noggin.  So here goes...

Seven things that has been on my mind:

1.  I've been having a case of baby envy these past months. Seeing friends I've grown up with getting married and having children is hitting me very hard. I'm feeling that longing and ache for my own children, so much so that I am green with envy seeing others with children. It's not a bad thing, I adore children and I am happy for friends/relatives over their bundle of joy... but I feel a little left out and wistful. I can't wait for my turn :)
2. I am needing and anticipating a career change. I'm at the end of my tether and just am constantly on edge. The knot of tension in my head and heart is threatening my health and sanity. I desperately want to get out. I am just waiting for that one good offer, then I'm out the door. I'll be sad to leave this team that I have come to think of as family, but for my sake, I would need to go.
3. I am angry at myself for letting myself put on so much weight in the past few months. Another reason why I should get out of this desk job. Sitting in front of the pc all day is making all that energy turn into unwanted bulges. If only I had the time to go walking in the park or something.
4. I'm working on two short stories. Don't know whether they'll ever see the light of day, but I'm hoping to get them finished at least, cos I'm not a fiction writer, I don't really have it in me to write about someone else. But every now and then, the inspiration strikes, it's just that often they just stay as beginnings and unfinished paragraphs. I hope these two would make it through. One is a rewrite of "Usually" the other is inspired by Tori Amos' Comic Book Tattoo. I'm writing a story based on A Sorta Fairytale.
5. I know this is mighty racist to say, but it's just been on my mind and it's pretty grating, so bear with me. Eversince my hellish nightmare of an experience living with my previous housemates who took my things, swindled me out of cash, who were insensitive and immature, who were careless and did not lock the doors/close the windows which caused my laptop to get stolen (lest they themselves took it), I've been hating hearing people speak in, well, the language they speak. The sound of it plummets me to a sorta rage that makes my blood boil. I know that their attitude and ignorance has nothing to do with where they come from or the language they speak, it is their character that makes them so, but hearing that same language just brings back bad bad memories. 
6. I am planning the launch of Project Reconnect. What is that? Well, it's my own personal project and goal to reconnect with friends that I have been out of touch with. Particularly Hamzah, Alfred, Suneetha, Ajan/Sya/Nadiah, Elwyn, the BENDits, the Twisties and many many more. I feel like I have been distancing myself too much and need to get back to my roots.
7. Having been to weddings and hearing/reading/finding out that more and more friends are getting married, I'm starting to feel the pressure. This day and age, the age I am now is considered somewhat too early to wed; so maybe it's still too early to get worried, but that doesn't mean I don't want it or don't think about it. But pressure aside, I want to, even if not now then sooner or later. And I can hardly wait. But it'll come when it does. Some things are worth waiting for, and when it happens, it'll be awesome :) *No pressure Sayang, you know my heart already belongs to you.

Who to tag?

• Encik Sedil
• Fidzy
• Sarah
• Ayus
• Bella
• Yanna
• Idzaid

Hope you enjoyed those little insights into my twisted mind.

Love,
Linzy

No, I don't literally mean you on me.

Gutterhead :p

Due to the fact that the purpose of this blog is for me to have an outlet, and not really for the purpose of people actually reading it; I doubt that there'll actually be much response to this. But I saw it posted on a friend's FB notes, and I thought it's rather cool. You might find out a little something about your friend you never knew before. So I'm just pasting this here for the fun of it. If anyone happens to come upon this entry, no worries, no pressure. I just thought it'll make a nice filler to my long spaces in between entries. But if you reply, that's fantastic :)

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1. Who are you?
2. How long have you known me?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Did you ever had a crush on me?
5. What do you think of me?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression of me?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't/shouldn't?
14. Ever wished to hug/kiss me?
15.What is my best attribute/characteristic?

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If I could answer these myself, I might just. I just love these questionnaires :p

Love,
Hazlin

When I arrived at my front door of my Cyberjaya home last night, there was a pile of broken glass scattered all over the porch. It striked me rather odd, since it did not look as though it was accidental. It seemed to me as though someone intentionally smashed a bottle against the grill of my front door... But why?

My first instinct was to tell me parents and Ash about it, but I didn't wanna my parents any unnecessary distress and worry, and I forgot to tell Ash altogether because I was half asleep by the time I called him. But anyhow...

Why would somebody take a bottle and smash it all over the entrance to my apartment? Was it done in a drunken state or in rage and my door was the one the person just happened to come up against and so became a victim of the person's unpredictability? Or was there some malicious intent in the person doing so? And even so, did they get the right house? I mean, just the other side is a unit with same house number only that it has a letter 'A' at the end (which Ash, too, mistook for mine :p). It really is odd to me.

The bottle, upon closer inspection, looked a little bit like a Livita bottle; but also not quite. It could also pass for a medicine bottle; but then I can't really tell from it having been broken into pieces and all. But anyhow, it smelled sickly sweet and was all sticky on the floor, with shards of glass dangerously littering the ground.

Could it have fallen from the upper floors or thrown even? It's possible, looking at how many of the occupants just love throwing all manner of things, even dangerous breakable things, from the top floor not caring about the people down below who might just get hurt. But then, it doesn't look like it felt. The position of the bottle and the way it is broken seems like a close range smashing...

Maybe my having to move is timely. I don't wanna be in an apartment that *might* be a target for something. Now, if I could just find an apartment to move into...

Love,
Hazlin

I forgot on whose blog I found this, but I just thought it'd be a nice way to pass the time. Besides, the questions seem interesting.

7 facts you may not know about me

• I would have had another sibling three years younger than I am. But my mother miscarried.
• I dislike being called 'Ayin' by my peers. It's a name reserved only for family, whether immediate or extended. But I suppose someone overheard it being used and decided to use it, too. I personally prefer 'Lin' or my actual name, even.
• I was actually due to be born on the 4th of January 1986; and nowhere within 1985.
• I would have been named either Sarah (my mum's idea), Heidi (also mum's) or Azlin (my mother's); but my father objected to all of them, particularly 'Azlin'. Him having the initial 'A' provided him with much experience of being called first for everything.
• I have a birthmark on my right arm; just a darkened patch of skin.
• I only act ditzy for the satisfaction of seeing a person's face change when their perception of me is proven wrong. Or, so to not seem like an exasperating know-all. Or, so to not draw too much attention to myself. But for the most part, to get out of trouble.
• I am of no mix heritage (as far as I know, anyway), nor have I ever lived overseas; contrary to popular belief(s).

7 things that scare me

• Losing the people I love.
• Being the only person left (it's scarier than any horror movie, being alone).
• Bringing my defences down.
• Departing without leaving an impact or change or a contribution.
• Being told that I am insignificant, or not good enough.
• Never marrying and never having my own children.
• Never being able to record everything that crosses my thoughts. Which is why I write alot. Sometimes about utter nonsense. But writing gives me purpose; regardless of content.

7 songs that I like most

• Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
• Always - Bon Jovi
• Angel - Sarah McLachlan
• Who Will Save Your Soul? - Jewel
• Playboy Mommy - Tori Amos
• I'll Be - Edwin McCain
• Strong - Robbie Williams

7 phrases that I say the most

• Bloody hell.
• What the heck? or What the frickin' hell...?
• Tulaa pasal... (yes, Hamz. I'm still using it til this day)
• ...lah.
• Yep yep.
• Okey dokey.
• No problemo.

7 of my precious things
We talking about people, inanimate objects, or both? I'll go for objects; for people, the list is too long.

• My Claddagh ring
• My laptop
• My phone
• My collection of Whedonverse-related stuff
• My collection of photographs (whether digital or in print)
• My journals
• My poetry

7 memorable first times

• *that*
• oh yeah, that
• uh-huh, that, too
• not to forget that ;)
• also that
• definitely that, and
• that!

7 friends to tag

• Encik Sedilku
• Fidzy
• Bella
• Idzaid
• Sarah
• Anis
• Yanna
• ...and actually everyone else who's a regular reader. Sorry I can't tag everyone. But you know who you are :)

Love, Hazlin~

Or theories, more like.

After finding out that my entire stash of BtVS S8 comics had gotten damp because of God-knows-what, I had to iron out every single page to crispy flatness. I panicked when I found them all crinkly and stuck together, and almost had a panic attack. Thankfully, I managed to peel the pages apart safely and the only tell-tale signs now that they ever got wet is the slight yellowish discolouration. But even that makes me rather pissed...but well, better than having them ruined.

But anyway, after ironing them, I took to rereading them from the beginning to catch any details that might have been overlooked before. Now that I am catching up with the plot, it's good to look back and detect whatever that will foreshadow the future; which is a signature Joss style.

Rereading them comics had me wondering who Twilight is. He strikes me as a character that that knows Buffy well; and as someone we audience have seen before... But who? And why? So I started making an inventory of the likely suspects:

1. Caleb - his sexist statement "Just like a girl" and his knowing "that move" reminds me alot of that scary preacher guy (nevermind the fact that the same actor is my beloved Captain Reynolds). But he got halved, and should be dead...
2. Angel - I've read this theory somewhere, and there is some truth to it; especially the frame where he holds Buffy's face close (issue #11), it looks exactly like the move Angelus pulled in Season 2. Plus, Angelus' advice to Spike once was that to kill Buffy, you have to love her, and to know where her weakness lies; and Twilight's speech at the end of Issue #11 is reminiscent of that.
3. Spike - Only because of Twilight's build. Oh, and the fact that Spike is not quite a fan of magic. Other than that, I doubt it is Spike...but who knows? His Yoko Factor strategy is coming to play again, as seen in Issue #9. But the accent is all wrong. So, maybe not...?
4. Ethan Rayne - He crossed my mind, but since he's dead, it couldn't be him...or is he? After all, death doesn't nececssarily mean the end in the Buffyverse.
5. Xander - After the Fray crossover, and Willow (of the future) dying and all; I kept wondering what happened to Xander? Where does Xander fit into the future? Surely what happened between Willow and Buffy has Xander in the mix. They are after all, the original three. So I'm not totally ruling out a future Xander bitter at Buffy for all the heartache he's been through. And that line "My first gift is my last"...kinda reminds me of the fact that Xander gave Buffy life, and he wants to take it away... I know that doesn't really link up nicely, but it's one of my strongest theories. Oh, and the part when Twilight scratches his neck? It was like when Xander thought he was gonna get gills and turn into the sea creature in Season 2's Go Fish. And the next frame has Satsu reiterating that people who love Buffy get hurt...and Xander is definitely a candidate.
6. Riley - He got scratched out of my list as soon as I read Issue #21. I mean, what the heck?

I can't think of anymore. I'm trying to shortlist a few more candidates that seem to fit the bill, but no one else is coming to mind at the moment. Oh, and when I started writing this, I actually had my strongest of suspicions that it is Angel...but as I began elaborating, I realized that my money's on Xander. Anyone care to share theories?

Love, Hazlin~

P/s: I wrote this in a hurry, so excuse the half-baked theories and explanations. Will (hopefully!) explain with as much finesse as I can muster soon...especially on the bit about Xander. Til then!

Hey, oxen do have horns, okay? Don't give me that look :p

With it being the year of the ox and everything; which, by the way, means that I have completed two cycles of the Chinese lunar years, which makes me 24 this year; I thought I'd have a little ox-themed entry:

For the past month or so, I've been ordering sup ekor (oxtail soup) whenever I find myself in a good ol' Malay restaurant. Sri 9, which is near my place in Seremban, is one particular place where I would order nothing else but. There's no particular reason as to why, but I just love it.

Perhaps there's something about the flavour that I find irresistable. And the tender texture of the meat. And the combination of celery, onions, tomatoes, daun sup etc mixed into the soup; topped with bawang goreng and daun bawang that gives the soup its delicious flavour. Plus, of course, the spices and little things added to that.

One day, after a nice bowlful of hot sup ekor; I said heartily: "God, I love sup ekor". My mom quickly turned to me and told me that I might not wanna say that out loud in public. Upon asking her why, she said that sup ekor is considered (I'm not sure which, but still, associated with something sexual) an aphrodisiac or eaten to up one's prowess or something like that. And supposedly, those who eat it regularly have the intention of adding stamina for their...uhh...bedroom antics.

Well, so far I've not showed any signs of turning into a wanton, randy sex kitten, so I've yet to test that theory.

To me, I can't make a connection as to how or why. Anyone care to enlighten me?

Love, Lin~