Sup3rnality

I was a bright child, my mom used to tell me. Ever inquisitive, loved IQ-related puzzles and toys and solved them fast, a reader, and observant. But there were some things I took a while to catch up on. I was late in being able to tell time. I had trouble remembering left from right. Mathematics was a pain, cos it takes me forever to understand a concept (takes months), and often, I would come up with a different way of calculating which gave me correct answers, but round-about, complicated and not accepted in exams. This and many other things.

These were just passed off as just some things that I was weak at; because in different areas I learned superbly fast and was top of the class, or understood better than others. After all, we all have strengths and weaknesses, so no one can possibly be mad at me or anyone else to be not good at everything.

There were other oddities about me that people used to point out, but I never quite took them to be anything else but just a quirk of character. I suffer from Spoonerism. I hold a pen at an odd angle and grip (my cousin once sat me down and tried to get me to hold the pen the way that everyone else does and is more "comfortable". I tried, couldn't, and got so frustrated I cried cos I didn't see what was so wrong with the way I write--It was comfortable to me). It took quite some time for me to understand how to tie my shoes. I understood and learned how to spell quite late (thankfully later I mastered it, and am a school spelling bee champion). I tend to daydream alot and often.

Along with that, I found that there are many things about myself that happened too often. Like problems with depth perception, reading a passage but skip a line or reread the same line, see movements at the corner of my eye and lots of other things. But I never mentioned any of this as I always thought it was not unusual. I was sure that any other person could have this problem.

One time, though, Ash and I were playing Inspector Parker on his laptop. I've never played that game so he was teaching me how, and then let me play a few rounds on my own. He noticed that I could not assess the puzzle before me just by looking at it. I would have to sort of "read out loud" that this is left, and this is right, or this is 2 boxes away and this is 3 boxes down and what not. So he decided to mess with me and ruin my concentration. When I was going on about this being left and that being right, he would "correct" me and told left is right and right is left. I blindly followed, not noticing that it was wrong. And if he pointed to the left and said right, I would follow too. It took me awhile to notice the discrepancy and readjust my thoughts to think that right is right and left is left. We were laughing so hard, and he playfully and lovingly patted me on the head and said I was "cacat" :p

Part of me that night realized that--while all this while I had a problem with direction, but always thought of it as a slip of the tongue--what I had was a condition. Dyslexia came into mind, and it sorta made sense, because when I thought back to my childhood, there were symptoms. It's just that I never said anything about it therefore or complained about it therefore it was not apparent.

I went online and looked for symptoms of dyslexia, and there it was. As it turns out, all those things I used to have all pointed to me being dyslexic. But my parents or anyone never noticed because: a) they're not apparent, b) they could easily be thought as a lack of judgment/slip of tongue/miscommunication/etc, c) I never complained about any of this symptoms, and d) nothing pointed out to the common dyslexic symptoms.

According to symptoms listed on this site, these are the ones I have, which are signs of dyslexia:

• Appears bright, highly intelligent, and articulate but unable to read, write, or spell at grade level.
• High in IQ, yet may not test well academically; tests well orally, but not written.
• Feels dumb; has poor self-esteem; hides or covers up weaknesses with ingenious compensatory strategies; easily frustrated and emotional about school reading or testing.
• Seems to "Zone out" or daydream often; gets lost easily or loses track of time.
• Learns best through hands-on experience, demonstrations, experimentation, observation, and visual aids.

• Complains of dizziness, headaches or stomach aches while reading.
• Confused by letters, numbers, words, sequences, or verbal explanations. 
• Reading or writing shows repetitions, additions, transpositions, omissions, substitutions, and reversals in letters, numbers and/or words.
• Complains of feeling or seeing non-existent movement while reading, writing, or copying.
• Seems to have difficulty with vision, yet eye exams don't reveal a problem.
• Extremely keen sighted and observant, or lacks depth perception and peripheral vision.
• Reads and rereads with little comprehension.

• Has extended hearing; hears things not said or apparent to others; easily distracted by sounds.

• Trouble with writing or copying; pencil grip is unusual; handwriting varies or is illegible.
• Clumsy, uncoordinated, poor at ball or team sports; difficulties with fine and/or gross motor skills and tasks; prone to motion-sickness.
• Can be ambidextrous, and often confuses left/right, over/under.

• Has difficulty telling time, managing time, learning sequenced information or tasks, or being on time.
• Computing math shows dependence on finger counting and other tricks; knows answers, but can't do it on paper.
• Can do arithmetic, but fails word problems; cannot grasp algebra or higher math.

• Excellent long-term memory for experiences, locations, and faces.

• Extremely disorderly or compulsively orderly.
• Had unusually early or late developmental stages (talking, crawling, walking, tying shoes).
• Strong sense of justice; emotionally sensitive; strives for perfection.
• Mistakes and symptoms increase dramatically with confusion, time pressure, emotional stress, or poor health.

So I found out I was dyslexic. I'm not at all bothered by it. It's just a condition, not who I am. I am just surprised that it all went unnoticed for years. It explains alot of things. Really. There are all these things about me that I have and am sometimes annoyed by, but cannot help. Or mistakes I often make and can never seem to correct, or takes a while to correct or learn. Turns out it all points to one thing.

I'm glad I didn't know it earlier in my life. Otherwise I would have used it as an excuse for everything. Or if people knew about it, put a name to my quirkiness; people would treat me differently, and second-guess me, or think I have a sort of dysfunction and am not normal.

As far as I know, I'm normal, but with some malfunction that makes my brain work a little different than others'. But I eventually get there. People might think it's weird, but then again, people already think I'm weird cos of my being a little off-center. So let's not add to that thought.

Dyslexic or no, I am like any other person. I have my strengths and weaknesses. And even if dyslexia didn't hinder my other abilities, I suppose I would always be a language person, who loves books and words and thinking and analyzing and abstract ideas. And that had carried me far, cos I find that I excel in these areas, sometimes more than others. I see what others don't see and understand things deeper and faster than most. And I did well in my studies and now on my chosen career path. So maybe, I would have to thank my dyslexia for that.

So I guess what I'm saying is that, if you are dyslexic, or know somebody dyslexic, don't put them down, or treat them different or talk down to them. They are like everybody else; only that their disabilities have a specific name. If everybody was good at everything, life wouldn't be half as fun, and everybody would all be just the same. So appreciate diversity, it's why I'm not you and you are not me.

I love how one's imperfection can make them so perfect.

Love,
Linzy

Disclaimer: Pictures from Learn Something Every day and Dyslexia Testing Australia.