Sup3rnality

A realization I just had:

I am up keeping myself busy with things I'd only have thought would be something I'd be doing at 16. Or maybe even younger. I've been up all night, and sleep has yet to come to subtly remind me of its looming presence upon my eyelids. There are things that need making, and words that need writing...I'm not going to be sleeping any hour soon.

And I realize that, it's been long since I've been up doing something other than being on the computer. Of course, excuse this entry for I just felt this sudden need to write it. The presence of the computer, or even more, the laptop; has long proven to be a damning necessity, whereby despite it having made things all the better; it has also consumed too much of my time glued to the screen while also rendering me weak by being too reliant on it. And yet tonight, I am detached from it as I arm myself with various stationery; which is a rare sight.

It is not the laptop that is the focus. Not at all. The point is, 'love makes you do the wacky', as Buffy said. Here I am, a 23 year old young woman acting like a lovestruck 16 year old. And it's not a bad thing that I'm mentioning this. It's just that I don't remember ever being this way.

I've never really experienced that feeling of being so in love, that puppy love kinda love that people talk about having when they were still so young and still oblivious to what lies ahead. Been in love at 16, yes, I have. But never have had the chance to live it. I never experienced the anticipation of going to school to see him, walking home together, having recess together, sharing innocent first kisses, talking on the phone for hours on end... I never had that. We never had that chance since we were in a long distance relationship. Nope, I never knew what people were going on about when they discussed highschool sweethearts.

And then, here I am now. I am unexpectedly and blissfully in love at 23 with Ash, and suddenly feeling all the rush of emotions that were absent all those years back when others would have felt it first. And while it's been some years since I was 16 and I'd be joking if I said I had that same kind of innocence; there is still that thrill of youth that comes over me, still that giddiness of a 16 year old girl about to see her boyfriend.

It's crazy and overwhelming and surprising and all kinds of wonderful. And I'm ever thankful for that. Thankful that even after so many years have go by, and getting hurt along the way, I can still love like I've never been hurt. And I love it, this being in love. And I have you, my Sayang, to thank. Baby, I love you with all my heart.

Love, Linzy~