Sup3rnality

I thought 6 weeks was difficult to overcome, but this is even worse. Knowing that just about 2 hours away by Komuter and LRT, is the man I love. And yet, even with all the conveniences of transportation that technology can offer, I am here in one state while he is in the neighbouring other.

Not being able to see him for six weeks when IIUM took a long semester break was very very trying. That anticipation I used to feel each morning on campus when I knew I'd be seeing him later in the day or in class gets killed as soon as it occurs, when I wake up in the morning to see myself in my bed at home. And counting down the days to when semester opens never helped; I'd only realize how far away that is.

But now, my Sayang is back on campus; definitely much closer to me now than when he was in Baling, Kedah. And yet, this separation is even more painful. At least when he was home I knew there was nothing that I could do about it, and that had to wait til he was back. Instead, now he's back in Gombak, I have to fight the frustration knowing he's so close yet so far.

For one, his classes all ends in the afternoon, so even if go to campus, I cannot have him to myself the whole day. I'd probably be able to be with him for an hour or two, and then he would have to run off to class; and by the time he was done, I'd have to leave because my darling does not want me returning home after dark. And then, coming from Seremban has it's downsides. I need cash to travel back and forth, and it takes alot of time to get from here to there. So much time is wasted in the process; and it's not like I can go very often. There are things that need doing, and my conscience tells me I should be home to do it or help with it.

It kills me inside that the span from one meeting to another with my Sayang stretches so long. I want to be able to see him everyday, even if for just a while. It's just a comfort to be able to see his face and hear his voice; it's simply the best part of my everyday. I miss being on campus knowing that he is only just a few minutes away if I want to see him, and I miss how he'd sometimes come on a bike to the hill I live on to pay me a visit and we'd sit and talk and subtly hold hands, afraid that someone might see. I miss our stowing away from class or after to enjoy some time to ourselves, usually by watching a movie or strolling through shops and talking about everything and nothing in particular. I miss all that.

But it doesn't mean that we can no longer enjoy fun times together. It's just that, I've entered a new phase in life, and I'm still getting used to it. It'll take time to settle in on this new situation and find a new groove to fall into. But it doesn't change a single thing about how I feel about you. If anything, I love you even more, and appreciate you all the more when you're not here.

I hope you be patient, Love. Trust me if there was a better way, I'd sure have taken it. Perhaps soon when I've found myself on steadier ground in these next few months, we'd have more time to be together. Until then, know that I love you beyond any words can say, and I love you even more as days go by.

I think of that morning, and it always give me shivers.

I love you Asdil/Ash.

Yours, Linzy~