Sup3rnality

I'm so excited! I got a call from a recruitment company today regarding my application for the job vacancy as an editor. We set up an appoinment for this Thursday afternoon in Wisma UOA, KL, and if I pass that interview, I would be called for a second round to determine whether or not I would be hired.

I am so exhilirated that I don't know how to put it into words. I haven't even sent in an actual resume, but only KIVed the application, and yet I got a call anyway. It's definitely a little pick-me-up to get me up and going. I know it's just the preliminary step, and I might get disappointed, but it doesn't hurt to try and see where I stand. If I don't do well, then I know where my strengths and weaknesses lie, and do what I can to improve myself. And if they don't deliver, like my friend's advice suggested, then I would know how to handle things in the future.

It's a brave new world for me. I'm still not sure what to do. I still don't know the steps. But I'll learn in time, and I'm anticipating to see where this would take me. Wish me luck, all. Ta.

Love, Linzy~

Nighttime is usually reserved for family time. My dad would be back from a long day at work and we'll have dinner and all sit in the living room together. It's like an unwritten rule. We wouldn't be upstairs in the room or elsewhere. Even if we wanted to do something else other than watch tv, we would bring it downstairs to be in the living room; like how I'd be blogging while the my father, mother, brother and sister would be watching a movie or some other tv series.

Tonight we watched a movie called My Dog Skip, which is about a boy, Willie, acted by Frankie Muniz and his Terrier dog called Skip, short for Skipper. The movie is narrated by an older Willie (Harry Connick Jr.) looking back at his younger years starting from his 9th birthday, when he was first given Skip, and he tells of how Skip taught him about life. How with Skip by his side, he matured from boy to young man, became an insecure loner to one of the boys, got the courage to talk to the prettiest girl in town and , and mostly, taught him the value of friendship. Skip died when Willie was in Oxford.

I shed a few tears watching that movie, not because of the movie itself, but because I was reminded of a dear friend that I still miss so dearly.


Sawadikap was a mixed breed Siamese born sometime in 1998. He was born totally white, and developed his brown tips as he grew older. He was a great companion of mine. Loving, loyal, concerned; he never ceased to amaze me with the things he did in his love for me.

Every morning when I had to go to school, he knew the time when I'd come out of the room, cos he'll be there outside my bedroom door, ready to escort me downstairs. When we were downstairs, he'd be right on my heels, following my every move. And when I stood outside to wait for my bus, he would be there standing right with me, the companion by my side til I got on the bus, but not before I gave him a scratch under his chin.

When I got back, he'd be there, too, on the front porch anticipating my arrival. I was always a VIP with him around, with him by my side like a little bodyguard. But don't be fooled, he may be a cat, but he's tough and very muscley. The other cats were afraid of him. But with me, he was loving and took care of me, made sure I was safe. He even walked me to my tuition teacher's house, which was on the street behind mine, and he'll be waiting outside when I was done, and we'd race each other home; him chasing after me madly.

We were inseparable. He was my best friend whom made my life so cheerful each day. He was there through thick and thin. He loved sleeping on my chest or in the canopy of my caftan, he would insist on my picking him up and would roll around until I did, he licked my face when I cried, defended me from other cats and whatever else he deemed was his responsibility to me.

Then I went to MCIIUM, and then moved to Seremban. I hated Seremban and refused to take him there, confident that I would be in Shah Alam more and cos I didn't wanna traumatize him, taking him so far away. But there was where my mistake lay, and I have regrets til now.

I saw very little of him, and when my uncle did renovations to the house in Shah Alam, my Kap got poisoned from all the chemicals that was in the water puddles. Being stuck in MCIIUM and Seremban, it took me 2 weeks to actually go see him after my uncle first told me that Kap was sick. And when I did....

My Uncle told me that Kap already went missing for several days, and I was already fearing the worst, already crying with regret. I sat outside the house for a long time, calling out his name. After so long, he came hobbling back, hardly able to stand. As soon as he reached my arms, he collapsed into a heap, tired from his effort to walk all the way home.

He was dying by then. He was emaciated, skin and bones, and hardly any energy to even lift his head. I was crying non-stop, regret filling every space in my mind, wishing I was there sooner, wishing I had taken him to Seremban with me, wishing I had never neglected him... I took him home to Seremban that night, holding him close, whispering to him not to die, that I would take care of him. But as the night drew on, I knew he wasn't going to make it.

I was awake all night with him. First crying for him not to leave me, saying I was sorry over and over. Then as he looked at me with his wise eyes, tired and weary, I knew in his way he was saying goodbye. I reconciled with myself, all my regrets and all my sadness, and told him it was ok for him to go, that I'd be ok. I held him all night, as I cried, with him looking up at me. His eyes a blue of calm, which saddened me so.

In the morning, around 7am, I took my eyes off him for just a few minutes to open the door. When I turned around, I saw his body jerk, and then he was gone. I sat for a long time holding his lifeless body, crying into his fur.

I miss my Kap. Every now and then, when I am reminded of him, my heart aches, and I would feel that involuntary tear run down my cheeks. The stalwart loyalty he showed, his love and companionship, is something that's hard to find. I failed him in many ways, and yet, he still believed in me. The fact that he waited all that while for me to come home, pained me even more, knowing I should have been there sooner when he needed me most. I know I can say sorry over and over, but it'll never change a thing. I just hope you know it.

Some people may never understand the bond I have with my cats, the friendship and love we share... It's not something many people are privileged to have. But believe me, the pain is deep, and you never stop forgetting. But then, you remember the good times, and how they're always there for you, and you smile a little...Eventhough you know you'll never have them back. That's just how much they touch your life.

And I, will never stop remembering you, my Kap. Your unconditional love and loyalty you showed me taught me how to love even better, and most of all, to appreciate the things I have...before they're gone. I love you, Kap.

~Lin

It has only been 2 weeks since I finished my last paper, American Literature. From then, I have been busily packing and moving out of campus, staying at home and helping out with chores where I can and I have also *ahem ahem* been tinkering with my resume and cover letter. Yup, I am unemployed and looking to banish that title as far away as I possibly can.

It's been nice staying at home and lazing about. Sleeping late and sleeping in has surely been good, seeing how last semester was such a horror. But it's getting old fast, and I can actually feel myself getting more sluggish by the day, and getting fatter, too. Not to mention I am feeling very much useless.

There is just a need to get up and do something. As much as the prospect of just relaxing for a month or two is great, I don't think I can for long. And I know my mother and the rest of my family would love me to be around longer, but I cannot be at a standstill. This in-between, transitioning feeling has to go. Not to mention I feel like I'm too old to be reliant on them, and I need to do something to earn my living.

Thus, I have finished writing my resume and cover letter, and am sending them out to wherever I can. So far, I have received one call, but I turned it down due to it not exactly being my forte. I'm looking more into editing and content/creative writing, and they're very limited, so I best be sending in my application now so not to miss out. There are many great jobs that have caught my eye, but now, all I have to do is wait to see whether I'm shortlisted.

So, wish me luck. I'm on a job hunt and ready to go. Lets see where the hunt takes me.

~Linzy

Not 10 minutes ago, I fell asleep in front of this computer while copying my recent entry onto my Xanga blog. I guess I've been so tired from my erratic sleep that I could actually fall into deep sleep despite it only being minutes of shuteye. I better get my sleeping habits straight.

The short lil snooze in front of my laptop must have been rather deep, seeing how I actually managed to dream something quite substantial. You know, when the dreams are not just jigsaws but actually a story with a plot? Yeah, that's what happened just a few minutes ago.

In the dream, I had a date with Ash (Sayang, I must be missing you so damn much to have dreamt of you) and promised to go meet him at this apartment. I actually went there by motorbike, and yes, I was the one riding it; which in itself is a wonder seeing how a) I can't even balance on a bicycle, and b) I am scared of riding motorbikes. I got to where he was waiting, without much fuss, and he was there with 6 other people, 3 guys and 3 girls.

Nope, I didn't know any of them. The girls all look the baik-baik type, all demure buta lil bitchy, while the guys seemed like the louder, more obnoxious set. I wondered why they were there with us but didn't say anything. Since we were at this apartment; we were not in an apartment, but outside and waay downstairs and the parking lot, or void deck. They were laughing and calling out to their friend on some floors up telling him to come down, but he didn't want to.

Then we went to a restaurant and Ash and I were the last one to sit down, and the girls all had their eyes on me. Looking at me with that I-know-something-you-don't-know look. I was puzzled but shrugged it off since I don't know them. Then one of the guys addressed privately, and obviously asked about me since he was looking in my direction many times. Again, I just pretended not to care.

Later, Ash told me that they wanted me to join them. And they were somesort of cult. Ash was newly initiated, and since they had to be in pairs, the next step was for me to be a part of it too. I was reluctant. Very. Cos I didn't know what it was about. And I never did, cos that was where the dream ended.

When I woke up, for a while I thought it was real cos it seemed so. Despite it being very brief, and the sleep itself was even less than half-an-hour, it felt as though it really happened. Now I'm wondering whether it means anything...hehehe.

But then again, with my lack of sleep and my watching some few weird movies lately, I'm not surprise to have dreamt that. In the past few days I've watched Believers, Numb3rs, Joshua, 28 Weeks Later and many many other thrillers, so it's no wonder. Especially since Believers is about a weird sect of religion and the episode of Numb3rs I watched was also about a cult. So yeah, no wonder.

So, back to reality now. I have guests coming over today so the house needs some spick-and-spanning. It's a college friend of my parents who used to babysit me and call me Cik Bedah, so he's pretty close even if we don't see him often. The last time we met him must have been about 2-3 years ago.

So, signing off for now. Bye.

~Linzy

When I was much younger, around the age of 13 or so, I always wondered why my cousin made a beeline to the lingerie section whenever we went shopping. Then we got home (we lived together cos she was studying in UiTM Shah Alam as that time and she's like a sister to me), she would excitedly rush to the room to try them on. It always left me puzzled.
The way I figured it, no matter how pretty they are, you're only gonna be wearing them underneath your clothes. And rather than spending on lingerie, she might as well use the cash to buy herself nice tops.

Of course, that was a decade ago, and times have changed. For one, for a person who used to hate clothes because I hated having to try them on and feel that itchy new-clothes sensation, or go to the changing room etc.; I am now obsessed with clothes and cannot resist the temptation of looking, trying and buying clothes. And this obsession with clothes was coupled with also the insane love for lingerie.


Clothes aside, it being already a well-known vice of mine; lingerie is just...thrilling. I love looking at the different colours and designs, the materials and textures, the lace and the ribbons. They're all such pretty and frilly wearable colourful kaleidoscopes. The feeling of putting on something nice makes you feel good about yourself, makes you feel like you can get out there and just strut your stuff regardless of what people think. It doesn't matter if people don't get to see you in it, but the knowledge that you have on something sexy and beautiful just puts that extra sway in your walk. But then, if you have a specific audience, I guess it wouldn't hurt. *grin*

I love lingerie. So much so that's it's a sin. I love flowery bras with lace that just wraps around your body intimately and feels so good. Or the satin like feel of t-shirt bras that fits snug against you like a second skin. Don't let me get started on underwear...

For me, like clothes, I've no patience to get meself expensive brands that I'll splurge on once in a blue moon and would not buy again for the next few. Nope. I am content with going to supermarkets and going through their range of lingerie for a much cheaper and affordable price. For the price I'd have to pay at a lingerie exclusive shop, I could get several pieces of lingerie and not just one. It's more fun that way, coming home with a whole load of pretty frills to put on.

Oh, and I can't stand those people who look down their noses at us people who prefer to purchase their underthings at hypermarts and all. I've had the occasional expensive lingerie buys, and I also have the affordable buys, and I can tell you there's not much of a difference. They're all fragile and need special care when washing and handling, and either way, will still get worn out with wear (or tear, if it gets hastily ripped off of you...hehe). Lingerie is lingerie is lingerie. It's how you wear it, not where you bought it.

Oh, lingerie, such an indulgence. If there's one thing you could put on to feel, well, all woman-like and sexy, it's the intimacy between you and your bras and panties. Hehe :D

So here's to being a woman and being proud of it.

Love, Linzy~

My days lately have been blemished by the shadow of mild nausea. It hovers slighly by, present, but not altogether there. It's made worse by my habit of eating no earlier than 10 or 11, because by the time I want to actually have something to eat, I'd feel like tossing my cookies. Not that I have had any cookies yet, mind.

Wait, before you jump to conclusions. No, I'm not pregnant.

I think it's my sleeping patterns. Well, not think, it is the sleeping habits I've been falling into. Not having anything much to do the next day has prompted me to be awake the night away being online and such. It's not that I have anything in particular to do when I am awake at night... It's only that I find that the nighttime is my favourite part of the day, and I like being up at that time to savour it.

But of course, the downside is that in the day I would feel a dull throbbing in my head and an incessant lethargy. And the fact that I have nothing to do in the day makes me all the more sluggish, and thus not contributing to my situation. If I was up and about, I'd at least be able to force my brain to be up and going to chase off sleep and headaches.

So, I suppose, tonight I'd schedule my shuteye to an earlier time. But earlier for me would mean about 1am or so. Well, it's better than nothing anyway.

Anyhow, I'm off for a kenduri today and have to visit my uncle who is not feeling so well. Saturdays are always a little busy for me. Who says that weekends are relaxing, I have no idea. But no lah, I'm not complaining, cos I haven't been out for days, and I'm getting a little bored.

*sigh* Another month til the beginning of the new semester... I'm missing you like supercrazy, Sayang. Counting the days til I get to see you. I love you.

Signing off, I've to go get ready now. Catch you later.

~Linzy

I have a million and one words that I would love to put into writing. Unfortunately, with the existence of my blogs, I have ceased to write in my actual journal because a) it's too tiring to write about the same thing twice, and b) I've gotten so used to typping everything out that I actually dread writing it all down by hand. Me, tired of writing? Now that is blasphemy.

And since we're in that vein of thought; the million and one things would seem blasphemous to be made concrete. They involve the neurons in my brain working overtime connecting with one another in harmonious fashion to give birth to a bundle of sinful words. Everything from paganism to eroticism, sharpening the dull edge of words that cut like a knife. All inspired by my hell-bent mind with the help of, well, some other inspiration *dangerous smile*

Ah well, they're not even written down yet. They're just there teasing my mind to bring my fingers to tap them down onto the screen. But they'll be substantiated when the need arises. For now, let them play in my own personal playground.

~Linzy