Sup3rnality

Suddenly I feel my life rapidly changing. Scared? No. More like worried. I can't see beyond the bend, now that the road is no longer a straight path; and I cannot know for sure what lies in wait. So, I'm worried.

I signed the job contract on the 22nd, and then yesterday while I was out with my Darling, my dad found a Kenari which is in terrific condition but at an affordable price and decided that that's the car for me; and then today, we've looked at an apartment in Cyberia and made up our minds to take it. So now I'm all set and ready to go. But somewhere in me I feel almost sad, lying under the vast happiness I'm feeling.

Of course, the happiness goes without saying; but the sadness...well, it's there, too. That divide between my family and I is stretching wider. Not that we're becoming distant, but that I really feel that pull now; the pull to live life on my own. Soon, I probably woudn't have that much time to spend with family other than on some weekends. I'll be juggling work on top of everthing; but that isn't the problem. The problem is not having too much on my plate; but actually the knowledge that life is no longer going to be easy.

And then there's the question of finances. Once I'm on my feet, I'll be responsible for paying off my car, my rent, my food and other things. No such thing as asking money from my parents any more. I'm my own person now. And again, it's not the money itself that I feel is the problem, but the fact that I'll be responsible for myself; just going to show just how far in life I am now.

I admit now. Yes, I am a little scared.

And it's not that I feel like I cannot do it. I know myself, and I know that I am driven and determined and get things done; but I really feel like I'm in another realm now, and at this point in my life, there's no going for resits, or make-ups or corrections. This is it.

But you know what? What always brings me back to earth when I feel like my mind has floated too far is my saving graces: My family who offers never-ceasing and unconditional love and support. My friends who always are there for me no matter what, even if I don't see them in ages. And My Sayang who means more to me that he'll ever know; who loves me and is patient and always surprises me when I sometimes feel like I'm losing faith. I love all of them with all the love that I have.

So, yes, I'm scared and I'm worried. My life is really starting in so many brand new ways. But then, I have so many people around me who keep me grounded, and they make my worries seem so small.

Love, Lin~