Sup3rnality

I decided to revive this blog after a very long absence...

The last entry I posted up here was in 2004, methinks. I was thinking, since I have so much time on my hands nowadays, and the wireless connection here at my place causes my main blog site, Xanga, to load excruciatingly slow; I best get this one up and going again so to post my entries faster. After that I'll just post them again on Xanga when the connection's ok. Plus, I get to connect to others easily here since many bloggers I know use Blogspot. So yeah, here I am.

Do be patient with me while I painstakingly re-post all my entries from Xanga to here. I've had Xanga since 2003, so, that's quite a few to copy+paste. But I guess it'll be easier to have a secondary blog that can connect easily to others as well as get more traffic, so... I'll try my best to juggle between the two.

Well, ta.

<Sup3rnal Thoughts: Xanga>
<Sup3rnal Thoughts: Blogspot>

Love, Linzy~

Late last night, or should I say this morning, since it was already about 5am; I was bitten by this tiny black bug with wings. Oh wait, let me correct that statement: I was bitten twice by this tiny black bug with wings. The first bite was on my right forearm, cos the bug apparently got stuck underneath it. The second came from nowhere, and the next thing I knew there was a burning, stinging sensation on my left elbow.

Damn, I thought to myself.

From young, I have been absolutely allergic to certain bug bites. Especially bugs that carry a sting. The allergic reaction, at its mildest would cause a swelling around the area of the bite. While at its worst, my entire body would be covered by huge bumps that would keep on swelling. In the worst case scenario, I could suffocate and die due to the swelling as it would cause my throat to be constricted from breathing in air.

For some reason I didn't have any allergy (antihestamine) pills handy like I usually would, so I decided to wait an hour and see what reaction I would have to it. If it got bad, I'd wake my parents up. If not, well, nevermind then. Within the hour, it didn't spread to my entire body, and all I felt was a mild prickly sensation on my skin. The bites just swelled up likke crazy and stayed that way, and didn't affect me in whole. The next thing I knew, I was asleep and woke up about 9.30am.

I checked my body, and there was nothing amiss. The swellings were still there, red and angry, and so swollen it looked like it was some flesh separate from my body and glued on to me (ok, eew, I know). But then, the prickly sensation has gotten worse. The palms of my hands felt like they were on fire, and my skin felt stingingly painful in places. I had a quick shower and got my mom to bring me to the clinic. My body was hurting so bad.

I was considered an emergency, so I bypassed everyone else in the clinic and got into the doctor's office. His name was Sam and he looked like he was 19. I was tempted to ask where his father was and why his father would let him take over today. The fact that he wore jeans and a very casual orange t-shirt make me feel even more doubtful. But he was good, he knew what he was talking about and dealt with everything swiftly.

He told me he had to give me an allergy jab, and so he began to administer it. I braced myself for the gorram huge measurement of dosage (the pressure of the syringe pumping in the dose into my veins was frickin painful). It took my mind off the pain of the allergy cos damn, the jab was so damn painful. My entire arm went numb and lost all sensation. They felt heavy and lifelessand all I could do was drag them along with me.

When I got home at about 12pm, I got upstairs and into bed, tried calling Ash a few times but fell dead asleep in the process. The next thing I knew I got a phone call from Ash just before 1pm asking what it was. I told him what happened and then just collapsed again til 4pm when Ash messaged me and my sister waking me up to eat some food.

I'm much better now, although the swelling on my arms has yet to go down. My arms are still somewhat numb but not painful. I have to take about 7 pills in one go everyday for 5 days, so I think I should be ok. Argh, I hate bugs.

Oh, by the way, I caught the stupid bug that bit me and out it in plastic bag and squished it do death. So there.

Love, Linzy~

A realization I just had:

I am up keeping myself busy with things I'd only have thought would be something I'd be doing at 16. Or maybe even younger. I've been up all night, and sleep has yet to come to subtly remind me of its looming presence upon my eyelids. There are things that need making, and words that need writing...I'm not going to be sleeping any hour soon.

And I realize that, it's been long since I've been up doing something other than being on the computer. Of course, excuse this entry for I just felt this sudden need to write it. The presence of the computer, or even more, the laptop; has long proven to be a damning necessity, whereby despite it having made things all the better; it has also consumed too much of my time glued to the screen while also rendering me weak by being too reliant on it. And yet tonight, I am detached from it as I arm myself with various stationery; which is a rare sight.

It is not the laptop that is the focus. Not at all. The point is, 'love makes you do the wacky', as Buffy said. Here I am, a 23 year old young woman acting like a lovestruck 16 year old. And it's not a bad thing that I'm mentioning this. It's just that I don't remember ever being this way.

I've never really experienced that feeling of being so in love, that puppy love kinda love that people talk about having when they were still so young and still oblivious to what lies ahead. Been in love at 16, yes, I have. But never have had the chance to live it. I never experienced the anticipation of going to school to see him, walking home together, having recess together, sharing innocent first kisses, talking on the phone for hours on end... I never had that. We never had that chance since we were in a long distance relationship. Nope, I never knew what people were going on about when they discussed highschool sweethearts.

And then, here I am now. I am unexpectedly and blissfully in love at 23 with Ash, and suddenly feeling all the rush of emotions that were absent all those years back when others would have felt it first. And while it's been some years since I was 16 and I'd be joking if I said I had that same kind of innocence; there is still that thrill of youth that comes over me, still that giddiness of a 16 year old girl about to see her boyfriend.

It's crazy and overwhelming and surprising and all kinds of wonderful. And I'm ever thankful for that. Thankful that even after so many years have go by, and getting hurt along the way, I can still love like I've never been hurt. And I love it, this being in love. And I have you, my Sayang, to thank. Baby, I love you with all my heart.

Love, Linzy~

The dream, or possibly dreams I had last night was pretty interesting, if not weird. I say 'dreams' because we have several dreams in a night whether we realize it or not, and often they bleed into one another, therefore giving the impression that they are one.

So anyway, there's this dream I had the night before; an odd combination it was indeed.
I cannot remember them in chronoligal order, of course. Even if I did, it is not like it would make any better sense than if it wasn't. But anyhow..

I think it started somewhere about Ash and me out together. There were two other people who were with us, I'm not sure who but I am quite positive it was Fidzy and Shu. For some reason, we were breaking and entering into places unknown and forbidden... I don't know where but we were climbing over gates and were sneaking past to some restricted areas. I have no idea why.

Then we jump to another scene. There's just me and another person now, though I am not sure who. The main focus here is me, because I am in this wide valley with no cover except for the tall grass. And I needed cover cos I was apparently being chased by a T-rex. Crouching low and running fast was what brought me to the next scene.

Some part of this dream echoes my craving for Nelson's Pick'n'Mix frozen yoghurt which I haven't had in the longest time. Maybe I'm craving it so much it made an appearance... or well, non-appearance. Ash and I were in a mall, when I told him I was craving for that frozen yoghurt (like I was telling him the other day at Amcorp). Miraculously, we found a Nelson's stall, and I ordered my yoghurt. I turned around for a second or so, and when I got back to the lady at the counter and repeated my request, she told me they were fresh out. So instead, I asked for the ice-cream... And so she started making it, and when I wanted to take it, a dude claimed it was his. Turns out, he even took the yoghurt I wanted earlier. At this point, Ash punched the dude and yelled at him.

And the next thing I know, I'm a third person observer watching a spiderman-ish game except it's a monkey crawling around. This monkey just went around and around, then I find out that it was looking for it's owner, a dude wearing a funny yellow fedora-ish hat.

And that's when the dreams end. Weird? Yeah, I would think so. Pretty weird combination, too. But the theme, where I'm running from/chasing something as well as fighting is still prevalent. A reoccuring theme in all my dreams... I wonder what it means? Anyone here a dream reader?

Love, Linzy~

I am now an unemployed bum, as I have been advertising everywhere. I'm done with Uni, and now only waiting for my final results to see what kinda student I make. What kinda student I've been all this time. Results will probably take almost 3 weeks or so... So I have a long time til then. And the next semester (which *hopefully* I will not be a part of) is about 5 weeks from now. So yeah, long time.

In this time, I'll be left to my thoughts to ponder upon what I've acheived all this while. I have to think about what I want to do next. What I want from this life. And the best way to reorganize my life to this new beat I am stepping to, is to make a list of things that needs doing. Mind you, it's not a list of huge things to accomplish. It's a just a basic list of things I gotta do and catch up with while I have time on my hands. Just a little here and there to improve myself and keep me occupied, lest I feel lazy and useless in this time of unemployment.

1. Practice and perfect my driving. I've yet to gain confidence in driving :p
   
2. Perfect my cooking.
   
3. Write up and perfect my resume.
   
4. Think of lecturers I can get recommendations from.
   
5. Go get myself a bunch of passport sized photos.
   
6. Rummage through my huge wardrobe and sell whatever I don't need on eBay.
   
7. Compile and rearrange my notes to give away, keep or discard.
   
8. Clean up my room and the rest of the house.
   
9. Write more in this blog.
   
10. Eat more veggies and fruits and fix the horrific diet I've been on when on campus.
    
11. Write 'thank you' cards to my lecturers.
    
12. Write down the poetry that's been swimming about in my head.
    
13. Download movies online, now that I have the time.
    

Ok, that's all I can think of for now... I was pretty sure I had more on my list. But I can't seem to recall them at this time. Ah well, I shall add more when I remember. Til then, then.

Love, Linzy~