Sup3rnality

Due to a small honest mistake, a wrong judgment in choosing of front covers, an oversight... we might be losing a good friend in the office. A comrade. One from our ranks. All over a voluntary job he decided take up, he might lose his career altogether. Over something that was blown out of proportion. It was a mistake, yes, and it was sloppy of him to miss that detail, but the consequences...is much too harsh. His fate now lies in the balance. And we can only hope that the party gunning for his suspension, for our shutdown, will take a step back. It's Ramadan for God's sake, forgive. Stop the swearing and accept the apology already.

And speaking of shutdown, as rumour has it, we might just...if people push hard enough. And that means, no pay. No salary. No anything. And it's just a few days to Raya. We have bills to pay, rent to meet, cars, and ultimately, families... A shutdown doesn't mean a free holiday. It means no money in our pockets. How to pay for travelling, for clothes, for food? We'll be celebrating Raya without a cent. Tell me how is that fair punishment for what is only theorised to be a ploy to poke at racial/religious sensitivities?

It's Ramadan. You said it yourself. Tak hormat Ramadan? Perhaps you should look in the mirror when you call out "bullsh*t" and maki us nicely.

I don't mean to stumble upon you.

But you've got me stumbling...

I don't want to be you. Don't get me wrong, I love you. But I don't want to be you. I don't want to live your life. I don't want to be second-guessing life. I don't want to live but not live. I want to live. And I don't want your life. You are beautiful, but I don't want the life you have to live. I hope I don't make the same mistakes. I hope my luck is better than yours. I hope I can correct your wrongs with my right. I hope I can live what you couldn't.

These thoughts occur very far and long in between one another. It is during these moments of weakness, this helplessness and weariness that makes me want to just give up the fight. I wonder, just wonder and not want, I wonder how easy it would be to just lay down arms and just give up on everything? Surrender every strength I've thought I have and just stop? What is it to just close my eyes and let life leave me? I'm so tired about so many things that my two hands cannot hold on to. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of waiting for things to get better. I'm tired of climbing into bed each night in search for that elusive fiend called sleep. How would it be to just give up the fight? Take the coward's way out and flee from the coming dark? How would it be, just to forget about all that I hold dear and close my eyes and disappear?

shit.

Those little moments, his small gestures, the simplest of words; they play again and again in my head like a melody you cannot get out of your head. It makes me hum along and smile, like an inside joke only I understand. They are the simplest kind, something as forgettable as your next breath, a moment so fleeting you'd miss if you blink. But only to another person. To me, these are the moments that make time without him fly by. They keep me warm in my chilly office and caresses my heart to comfort the tense nerves. These are the moments I treasure, a catalogue of intimacies between the two of us that closes the chasm lying in the middle when we are apart. His gestures like a tattoo burned into the expanse of my skin leaves a lingering warmth that I wear on me like a second skin. And when we're together again, he renews these emotions, stirs them up again and set me on fire anew.