Sup3rnality

It's the little things that could make everyday life wonderful. Often it's not the over the top gestures that get me, but the often taken-for-granted things that are often overlooked that gets me, and it puts on a smile on my face the whole day.

The little things that I love in my everyday life:

• Waking up to a wonderful sight of dawn.
• The janitors around my apartment (the one at my old block C1 especially) who are always ready with a "good morning, miss".
• Upon reaching my office building, stopping by at the side of the road to buy my morning dose of nasi lemak and/or meehun (or I eat it for tea time or lunch if I'm not going out). The man who sells the nasi lemak is always smiling and very friendly.
• My team's spam mails that we send each other, but really, it's the accompanying commentary that is really fun, not the original content of the email itself.
• My one-on-one lunch sessions
• The small gestures that he presents me with that may seem small and insignificant to some, but means the world to me
• Cooking dinner (when I do cook)
• Chatting with my housemates, or colleagues
• My gtalking with my mom/Sarah/Raqib and occasionally others
• Reading my daily comic, LICD
• Our saying goodnight to each other before I go to bed.

There is more than this, and perhaps I've even typed all this out before. But these things are so beautiful to me that it needs constant repeating. It's really the simple things that makes life all the better. And I thank God for letting them happen every day. And I thank God that I still have everyday to have these things.

Love,
Linzy

Everything is official now.

I've tendered my resignation with WKESP on the 1st of April. And no, it was no April Fools' joke. This must have been one of the most difficult things I've ever done...I'll miss my teammates terribly.

I've signed the contract wit Star. I shall commence employment on May 3rd. I shall be a sub-editor for the daily newspaper, editing from 4pm to 12am, 5 days a week.

I'm looking for an apartment in the PJ area...something much more affordable from the place I am now, since I'm taking a hefty paycut (but the upside is better benefits). I've found a place, and that is tentatively the place I'll be taking up.

I feel anxious and scared, also unsure of whether this is the best decision. But after a long talk with my Team Leader, Arvind, I think this is for the best. And I no longer feel so heavy with uncertainty and guilt.

But I feel lighter, relieved. And looking forward to better things and opportunities.

Everything is bearing pretty heavy in my mind at the moment, and I cannot find the words to really put this heart to rest. But for now, this will do.

So, wish me luck.

Love,
Linzy

• Had a very good morning, the way all mornings should start ;)
• Had a good brunch with Sayang at Tropicana City Mall at a restaurant called Otak-otak Place. It has an ol'skool, classroom concept which is pretty endearing. The food was served in them good ol' mangkuk sia or mangkuk tingkat which is pretty neat. And the restaurant was decorated with toys from the yesteryears, ie those khaki green toy soldiers, marbles, pick-up stix, boardgames like ludo, and their notice boards were of course the those blackboards (or green, rather) like in school. The table itself had bottle caps and a deck of Happy Family cards to play with while waiting for our food. At their cashier counter, there were glass jars of Tora, lollipops and other childhood favourite snacks. And their menu was like school exercise books. Niceness! Oh, and did I mention the food was good, too? I had nasi lemak and rendang ayam. The rice was really lemak and the rendang so yummy. Check out these reviews for more info and pictures:

1. You get what you give
2. KYSpeaks
3. ShoppingSalesQueen
4. KLue, or
5. visit their site itself to know what I mean: Otak-otak Place 

• Lepaked at Badass Coffee for a cuppa while waiting for the time to push off to Section 16, PJ for my appointment. The appointment itself had me sigh a sigh of relief...a new chapter is beginning, and I'm scared but excited. I cannot wait. I'm sad, but also happy. I can't wait.
• Went back to Tropicana City Mall to wait out the rain and jam time. Decided to go watch a movie. I picked How to Train Your Dragon and it was simply awesome. Hands down the best movie I've seen this year and the most fun animation I've watched in a while. I've gotten tired of the run-of-the-mill animation movies but I decided to give this one a try. Definitely worth it :) Sayang and I had a good time laughing and  being at the edge of our seats at the more scary bits.
• Went to the game arcade for two rounds of Daytona USA. Highlight was when I smashed into Ash's car from behind to slow him down...nevermind that I lost :p
•  Drove back to Cyber -- one of the best times spent with Ash would be when we are in the car, driving somewhere and just talking.
• Had a good dinner at Rahim's and my chapati was yummy. Abit weird for chapati texture, but was good nonetheless...very buttery and soft. Yum.

And now I'm home and reliving the best parts of the day...which is all of it. I'm content, and no words anyone could say could change that.

Love,
Linzy

The edge I'm on cuts deep like the sharp edge of a knife.

Feels like drowning even when I'm breathing.

I've come home crying in frustration more times than I could count.

Gone to the lowest of lows I remember going to in a long time.

And now I am anticipating reaching higher up to grasp at that lifeline that have been much too far above my head. Come tomorrow, a new chapter will begin.

I no longer want to come home to hide my face in the chest of my Love and cry away my anger helplessness. I don't want to leave my fate in the hands of people who do not know that I have feet to walk my own. I don't need their words to know the person I am. I know. I just forgot. And now I need to be reminded.

When tomorrow comes, I hope with it I'll regain what I have lost. I'll get reacquainted with the part of me that has been stomped down hard to the bottom of my self-worth, dragged along behind me like litter stuck on my heel. I'll climb back onto that horse and ride. I'll wipe those tears and look to the world head up and in the face once more.

Tomorrow, I hope to reach for the star(s).

Love,
Linzy

Disclaimer: Picture by kaotickell at DeviantArt.

oh hush
serpent tongue
preaching choir
horse's mouth
swim not
shallow pond
holed sieve
holds no water
mind you
flipped coin
different sides
reverse lies.

(c) Hazlin Aminudin, 2010

Well, I think this speaks for itself. 

Love,
Linzy

Disclaimer: Picture entitled "Serpent's Tongue" is by elainedori from DevintArt.

I was a bright child, my mom used to tell me. Ever inquisitive, loved IQ-related puzzles and toys and solved them fast, a reader, and observant. But there were some things I took a while to catch up on. I was late in being able to tell time. I had trouble remembering left from right. Mathematics was a pain, cos it takes me forever to understand a concept (takes months), and often, I would come up with a different way of calculating which gave me correct answers, but round-about, complicated and not accepted in exams. This and many other things.

These were just passed off as just some things that I was weak at; because in different areas I learned superbly fast and was top of the class, or understood better than others. After all, we all have strengths and weaknesses, so no one can possibly be mad at me or anyone else to be not good at everything.

There were other oddities about me that people used to point out, but I never quite took them to be anything else but just a quirk of character. I suffer from Spoonerism. I hold a pen at an odd angle and grip (my cousin once sat me down and tried to get me to hold the pen the way that everyone else does and is more "comfortable". I tried, couldn't, and got so frustrated I cried cos I didn't see what was so wrong with the way I write--It was comfortable to me). It took quite some time for me to understand how to tie my shoes. I understood and learned how to spell quite late (thankfully later I mastered it, and am a school spelling bee champion). I tend to daydream alot and often.

Along with that, I found that there are many things about myself that happened too often. Like problems with depth perception, reading a passage but skip a line or reread the same line, see movements at the corner of my eye and lots of other things. But I never mentioned any of this as I always thought it was not unusual. I was sure that any other person could have this problem.

One time, though, Ash and I were playing Inspector Parker on his laptop. I've never played that game so he was teaching me how, and then let me play a few rounds on my own. He noticed that I could not assess the puzzle before me just by looking at it. I would have to sort of "read out loud" that this is left, and this is right, or this is 2 boxes away and this is 3 boxes down and what not. So he decided to mess with me and ruin my concentration. When I was going on about this being left and that being right, he would "correct" me and told left is right and right is left. I blindly followed, not noticing that it was wrong. And if he pointed to the left and said right, I would follow too. It took me awhile to notice the discrepancy and readjust my thoughts to think that right is right and left is left. We were laughing so hard, and he playfully and lovingly patted me on the head and said I was "cacat" :p

Part of me that night realized that--while all this while I had a problem with direction, but always thought of it as a slip of the tongue--what I had was a condition. Dyslexia came into mind, and it sorta made sense, because when I thought back to my childhood, there were symptoms. It's just that I never said anything about it therefore or complained about it therefore it was not apparent.

I went online and looked for symptoms of dyslexia, and there it was. As it turns out, all those things I used to have all pointed to me being dyslexic. But my parents or anyone never noticed because: a) they're not apparent, b) they could easily be thought as a lack of judgment/slip of tongue/miscommunication/etc, c) I never complained about any of this symptoms, and d) nothing pointed out to the common dyslexic symptoms.

According to symptoms listed on this site, these are the ones I have, which are signs of dyslexia:

• Appears bright, highly intelligent, and articulate but unable to read, write, or spell at grade level.
• High in IQ, yet may not test well academically; tests well orally, but not written.
• Feels dumb; has poor self-esteem; hides or covers up weaknesses with ingenious compensatory strategies; easily frustrated and emotional about school reading or testing.
• Seems to "Zone out" or daydream often; gets lost easily or loses track of time.
• Learns best through hands-on experience, demonstrations, experimentation, observation, and visual aids.

• Complains of dizziness, headaches or stomach aches while reading.
• Confused by letters, numbers, words, sequences, or verbal explanations. 
• Reading or writing shows repetitions, additions, transpositions, omissions, substitutions, and reversals in letters, numbers and/or words.
• Complains of feeling or seeing non-existent movement while reading, writing, or copying.
• Seems to have difficulty with vision, yet eye exams don't reveal a problem.
• Extremely keen sighted and observant, or lacks depth perception and peripheral vision.
• Reads and rereads with little comprehension.

• Has extended hearing; hears things not said or apparent to others; easily distracted by sounds.

• Trouble with writing or copying; pencil grip is unusual; handwriting varies or is illegible.
• Clumsy, uncoordinated, poor at ball or team sports; difficulties with fine and/or gross motor skills and tasks; prone to motion-sickness.
• Can be ambidextrous, and often confuses left/right, over/under.

• Has difficulty telling time, managing time, learning sequenced information or tasks, or being on time.
• Computing math shows dependence on finger counting and other tricks; knows answers, but can't do it on paper.
• Can do arithmetic, but fails word problems; cannot grasp algebra or higher math.

• Excellent long-term memory for experiences, locations, and faces.

• Extremely disorderly or compulsively orderly.
• Had unusually early or late developmental stages (talking, crawling, walking, tying shoes).
• Strong sense of justice; emotionally sensitive; strives for perfection.
• Mistakes and symptoms increase dramatically with confusion, time pressure, emotional stress, or poor health.

So I found out I was dyslexic. I'm not at all bothered by it. It's just a condition, not who I am. I am just surprised that it all went unnoticed for years. It explains alot of things. Really. There are all these things about me that I have and am sometimes annoyed by, but cannot help. Or mistakes I often make and can never seem to correct, or takes a while to correct or learn. Turns out it all points to one thing.

I'm glad I didn't know it earlier in my life. Otherwise I would have used it as an excuse for everything. Or if people knew about it, put a name to my quirkiness; people would treat me differently, and second-guess me, or think I have a sort of dysfunction and am not normal.

As far as I know, I'm normal, but with some malfunction that makes my brain work a little different than others'. But I eventually get there. People might think it's weird, but then again, people already think I'm weird cos of my being a little off-center. So let's not add to that thought.

Dyslexic or no, I am like any other person. I have my strengths and weaknesses. And even if dyslexia didn't hinder my other abilities, I suppose I would always be a language person, who loves books and words and thinking and analyzing and abstract ideas. And that had carried me far, cos I find that I excel in these areas, sometimes more than others. I see what others don't see and understand things deeper and faster than most. And I did well in my studies and now on my chosen career path. So maybe, I would have to thank my dyslexia for that.

So I guess what I'm saying is that, if you are dyslexic, or know somebody dyslexic, don't put them down, or treat them different or talk down to them. They are like everybody else; only that their disabilities have a specific name. If everybody was good at everything, life wouldn't be half as fun, and everybody would all be just the same. So appreciate diversity, it's why I'm not you and you are not me.

I love how one's imperfection can make them so perfect.

Love,
Linzy

Disclaimer: Pictures from Learn Something Every day and Dyslexia Testing Australia.

I do not have much work to do these past few weeks. And on top of that, I've been finishing the balance of last year's annual leave (it expires the end of this month), so I'm not in the working mood. Instead I've been reading random articles, fails and blogs.

This article caught my eye: Sixteen interesting facts you did not know about kissing

These being the most interesting :p

1. An act of kissing puts 29 facial muscles in motion. In other words, kissing can be used as an effective exercise to prevent the development of wrinkles.

13. Kissing can help women relax and ease the effects of stress.  

15. A kiss that lasts one minute can relieve your body of 26 calories.

The above are a few more reasons why I should ask for more :p


Brace yourself Sayang...

Love,
Linzy