Sup3rnality

It makes my blood boil when I see negligent parents who do not know how to take care of their children; or are very complacent or indifferent about their children's well-being. I very much feel like slapping any parent who cannot prioritize their children and see no urgency in ensuring their child's safety.

On top of that, I hate the complacency many Malaysians adopt; the attitude in which they would very much prefer to not get involved in anything that might inconvenience and instead, prefer to watch things and see how it goes. They all like a good drama, but if they need to get up and out of their comfort zone, then let whatever will happen happen. Bad or good, it'll probably be a chance for them to say something on tv later.

Stupid, pathetic waste-of-space people.

My mother told me this story; it happened that day when I was in Cyberjaya signing the contract, so I wasn't around to witness it myself:

That morning, after I left with my dad; my mom just backed out of the driveway to send my siblings to the nearby school. As she was about to drive off, she saw a frail, tiny girl of about 3 or 4 running barefoot and crying on the tarred road from a junction. There was no one else in sight. Well, no one pursuing her that is. She was alone, other than some neighbours who were outside looking. Just looking.

The little girl ran and ran and ran, as fast as her little feet can carry her. She turned the junction and came onto the street that I lived on, and she kept runnig. She reached the main road and she just crossed without looking left or right. What would you expect from a little girl that age? And you know what the people who were standing exactly at the junction at the main road, buying their kuih and nasi lemak, did? Nothing. All the makciks just watched the girl run and cry and didn't bother to do a thing.

My mom pulled over, told the kids to lock the car doors and chased after the girl just as she was about to cross the main road. But it was already on the other side when my mom finally caught up with her. My mom grabbed her and she collapsed in my my mom's arms sobbing. She told my mom that her mother went to work... So she was presumably chasing after her mother. When my mom asked where her house was, she did not know.

Then suddenly, a guy turned up leisurely on a bike. Operative word; leisurely. And mind you, that was about 10 mins later. He nonchalantly told my mom that that was his daughter, and the little girl called out to her father and went to him. But here's the thing, there was no trace of urgency nor concern in his voice. So worry at all for his daughter. As if he didn't care. As if he didn't spend the last few minutes frantically worried. It was as though my mom went to the girl just for the sake of holding her. And the father only turns up after 10 minutes?! Where the hell was he when she was running barefoot and crying and crossing a busy main road?? Did he even care? He didn't even say thanks, and it was not like my mom expected it; but his demeanor was as though he was just claiming his her from a woman who was trying to take her. My mom couldn't care less, she was just glad the girl was safe; but she felt almost sorry to hand her to a guy who did not show any concern for his own daughter.

Come on la, even if I was just in my under things, and my daughter was chasing after a car like that, I'd rather make myself the laughing stock of the town than let my daughter go like that. And in the first place, what is a little girl like that doing unattended? I don't care how busy a person is, a little kid needs supervision and the house always has to be childproofed. No excuse the father could have given me would appease. If you can't look after your child, then don't have one.

And those makciks and other people who just stood and watch? They had the nerve to go to my mother and bombard her with all sorts of questions. Now they're concerned...probably looking for a good story to share over the table as they eat their breakfast with family or friends. When it was happening, not a soul bothered. Too "busy" to care.

So here's the thing, why have Malaysians become so stupidly complacent and uncaring? I remember the case when a girl was being raped in an alley in broad daylight, everyone was passing by and looking, but no one went to help. And how another girl who was the victim of snatch thieves lay there bleeding and no one bothered to aske her why. Or how in shopping malls when some ladies are juggling holding their child and pulling their stroller up a slight flight of stairs, everyone just looks...

What happened to us? How can it be hard, to just walk a few extra steps and scoop the little girl up? She's light as a feather and cannot fight back. And so what if she kicks and screams? You want to live your entire life remembering how you could have saved her life before she got hit by a car? Or what if my mom was a kidnapper? In the time the father took to get there, my mom could have made off far away by then. Would you forgive yourself? What will you answer God at the Day of Judgment? How can people be so heartless?

I'm ashamed. Very ashamed. How have we come to this?

Lin~

Dear Asdil/Ash,

Yesterday felt like a balm that healed many an ache that was creeping into me. I've missed you and the added fact that I couldn't call you made it all the worse. But when I met you at our rendezvous point in front of MPH, Midvalley and you came to me and put your hand to my cheek, I felt all longing just melt away.

Even when you're far away, you're always close to my heart. It's with thoughts of you that I sleep, and it's remembering that I have you that puts a smile on my face each morning. Your words, love and support carries me through when I feel like these walls are threatening to come down. You make me feel like I have a lot of things to look forward to.

I feel your love wherever I am; but nothing beats being able to see you, hear your voice as you are in front of me, for me to reach out and touch you, to know that you're not a dream. I didn't want to let you go yesterday. I wanted to hold on to you and just stand there and let the world around us fade to black. I wanted to be selfish and have you all to myself.

Sayang, I can never stop telling you that I love you. I love you more than you know. And you mean so much to me, more than you will ever realize. I know that I sometimes don't know how to show it, how to tell you... I'm a writer, after all, not a talker. I express myself better when I'm putting it to the written word. And when you read this, I hope you know I mean every word I write.

Know that I love you. I love everything that you are, even if you don't believe me when I say it. I love the way that you love me, the things that you say to me, and the way that you hold me. I love the little mundane things about you. I love your smile. I love your eyes. I love your voice. I love the acrostic poems that you write to me, about me, about us; makes my heart and eyes swell with wordless emotions. And I can go on about everything else that you are...but there would be no end.

I wish I could have spent forever in a day with you yesterday.

I hope things get easier soon. I hope I'll be able to come see you more often, so we wouldn't have to be patient with phone calls and messages. Again I ask you, wait for me. Because who else will I catch up to if not you?

Yours, Linzy~

Suddenly I feel my life rapidly changing. Scared? No. More like worried. I can't see beyond the bend, now that the road is no longer a straight path; and I cannot know for sure what lies in wait. So, I'm worried.

I signed the job contract on the 22nd, and then yesterday while I was out with my Darling, my dad found a Kenari which is in terrific condition but at an affordable price and decided that that's the car for me; and then today, we've looked at an apartment in Cyberia and made up our minds to take it. So now I'm all set and ready to go. But somewhere in me I feel almost sad, lying under the vast happiness I'm feeling.

Of course, the happiness goes without saying; but the sadness...well, it's there, too. That divide between my family and I is stretching wider. Not that we're becoming distant, but that I really feel that pull now; the pull to live life on my own. Soon, I probably woudn't have that much time to spend with family other than on some weekends. I'll be juggling work on top of everthing; but that isn't the problem. The problem is not having too much on my plate; but actually the knowledge that life is no longer going to be easy.

And then there's the question of finances. Once I'm on my feet, I'll be responsible for paying off my car, my rent, my food and other things. No such thing as asking money from my parents any more. I'm my own person now. And again, it's not the money itself that I feel is the problem, but the fact that I'll be responsible for myself; just going to show just how far in life I am now.

I admit now. Yes, I am a little scared.

And it's not that I feel like I cannot do it. I know myself, and I know that I am driven and determined and get things done; but I really feel like I'm in another realm now, and at this point in my life, there's no going for resits, or make-ups or corrections. This is it.

But you know what? What always brings me back to earth when I feel like my mind has floated too far is my saving graces: My family who offers never-ceasing and unconditional love and support. My friends who always are there for me no matter what, even if I don't see them in ages. And My Sayang who means more to me that he'll ever know; who loves me and is patient and always surprises me when I sometimes feel like I'm losing faith. I love all of them with all the love that I have.

So, yes, I'm scared and I'm worried. My life is really starting in so many brand new ways. But then, I have so many people around me who keep me grounded, and they make my worries seem so small.

Love, Lin~

This not being able to call you and talk to you and hear your voice is driving me crazy. I wanna see you but it's so hard to plan when I can't call you constantly.

I want to see you tomorrow.. But it might be too late to plan, especially since it's tomorrow and I can't be sure you'll read this in time. If not tomorrow, then Monday then, since it's the Chinese New Year Holiday. That is, if you don't have plans already.

Let me know?

Love, Linzy~

Posted by Yanna on Facebook. Decided to give it a go:

Instructions:
I. Put your music player on shuffle.
II. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
III. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1. If someone says, “Is this Okay?” you say…
Dilate - Four Star Mary (or 'Dingoes Ate My Baby' in BtVS)

2. What would best describe your personality?
A Man's Gotta Do - Captain Hammer aka Nathan Fillion ('Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog OST)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Heatwave - Martha Reeves and the Vandellas

4. How do you feel today?
Pretty as a Picture - Lindsey McDonald aka Christian Kane ('Angel' OST)

5. What is your life’s purpose?
Down So Long - Jewel

6. What is your motto?
Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows

7. What do you think of your parents?
Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar

8. What do you think about very often?
Why Do You Love Me? - Garbage

9. What is 2+2?
Save Me - Aimee Mann

10. What do you think of your best friend?
Your Winter - Sister Hazel

11. What do you think of the person you like?
Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson

12. What is your life’s story?
Vermillion Borders - Virgil

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Believe - Blessid Union of Souls

14. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Broken - Seether & Amy

15. What do your parents think of you?
Playboy Mommy - Tori Amos

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Crash and Burn - Savage Garden

17. What will they play at your funeral?
Put Your Head on My Shoulder - Paul Anka

18. What is your hobby/interest?
A Song to Sing - Hanson

19. What is your biggest secret?
Sign on the Door - Edwin McCain

20. What do you think of your friends?
Shadowman - K's Choice

21. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
I Wanna Love You Forever - Jessica Simpson

22. How will you die?
Deep Inside of You - Third Eye Blind

23. Does anyone like you?
I Shall Believe - Sheryl Crow

24. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
White Houses - Vanessa Carlton

25. What hurts right now?
Til It Feels Like Cheating - Jewel

26. What will you post this as?
Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan

As excitedly advertised by yours truly before, my contract signing with my future employers was yesterday. I had to be there at the office in the morning and so I took my normal route to Cyberjaya. Well, partly normal..

My usual route when going to Cyberjaya would be following my dad on his way to work, and he'll drop me off at the Seremban train station. There I would get myself a komuter ticket to get to Bandar Tasik Selatan. From there I'd switch train and take the ERL to the Cyberjaya/Putrajaya station. It is a detour, I know, but there ain't much more convenient options. Anyway, so when I get to the Cyberjaya ERL station, I'd usually get myself a cab to the office or Ayus' apartment. That would usually cost from between RM11-15, well, that's my estimate. So, yesterday, since I got there a little early (I managed to catch the last train early morning train), I'd try my luck by taking the RapidKL bus, which saves me a whole lotta cash. And after milling about a little lost and lining up in the wrongline and all, I finally got on the right one, which is bus T149.

Being me, my thoughts often fly when I am in a car. I like daydreaming when I'm in a car or any moving vehicle, so yeah, riding the bus was no different. The next thing I knew I saw my office rapidly fading from view as the RapidKL bus drove on, err, rapidly. At first I thought, It'll pass by that route again. But then, I also was worried that it might not. So, I decided, a little too late, that I will get down at the next stop and catch a cab. I did, and then waited for a cab. But when no cab passed by, I thought I'd walk further up. Still no cab. Nevermind, just a little further. And still no cab. I soon was changing my heels to my trusty selipar jepun that I had stashed in my bag. And soon, it became apparent that I won't be getting any cabs, I just walked on to the office. Yup, I walked about 2km (the first kilometer in heels) to the office on a dry, hot morning.

It wasn't so bad. I mean, I'm not averse to walking and don't feel like I am sacrificing my standards when I do, so I just walked on. The only downside to walking is that, being me, I was sweating profusely and it ruined any make-up I had on. My hair was quite soaked with perspiration and my top was, too. So, it didn't make for a good impression sight. Ugh, if there was one thing I would love to change about myself is that; the generous amount of sweat glands that I have.

Oh, and the other bad side to it was getting wolf whistles from the construction workers on the other side of the road. Also, honks from people in cars with their suggestive smiles and leers. One even somewhat stopped and asked me whether I needed a ride... Errr, I'd rather walk. I was very glad when I turned the corner to FSBM.

As soon as I got into the office, I found myself a washroom and changed back into heels, cooled down, adn reapplied make-up. When I finally made it to the fourth floor, where the Wolters-Kluwer office is situated, I was somewhat more presentable (minus my semi-wet clothes and hair). Thankfully, the air-conditioning was out that day, so they attributed my sweating to that.

*Phew*

So, Mr. Raymond and I talked a while and he handed me my contract and had me read it first. Everything seemed well in order, other than the surprise that working hours started at 6pm. I so know my father wouldn't be keen on that. But Mr. Raymond did say that the team leader would usually start from between 8-9am, so no worries about coming in at 6am... The only problem is if the team leader, too, wants to start at 6am :P

After I signed everything, all that was left was for me to come in on the 2nd of February. On paper, I am now officially an employee of Wolters-Kluwer Ent. Services Partners Sdn. Bhd. as a sub-editor! Yay me!

When I left, I felt good inside, and now very very determined on looking for a room to rent. So I took a cab to Ayus' place (suddenly ade lah pulak. Tadi takde. Grr Argh) and we both went apartment hunting.

As it turns out, the apartments that are owned by agencies there are in terrible terrible shape. They are so hell-bent on maximizing profits that they sacrifice safety and cleanliness and livability altogether. They restructure the interiors by getting rid of the living room by making partitions to make rooms. So instead of just having 2 or 3 rooms per apartment, it becomes a 5 to 6 room apartment. It's so horrible. And the condition of the place is just pathetic. At this one place I looked at, part of the kitchen was made into a bedroom and it stank to high heaven. Outside, what was left of the living room, foyer and kitchen was in a frightful condition. Mess was everywhere and it was gloomy and dingy. It looked like something out of a C grade horror movie came to life. Also, at one apartment, to make another room, they somehow put up planks over, what I was told by Fairuz, an old flight of stairs. So, if you were to knock on the flooring, it was actually hollow, making the stability and safety questionable. Or, as Fairuz Guy said. The apartment below, which is also owned by the same agency, have guys living there. So I'd either, a) fall through the floor, causing the room below's floor to also cave in, or b) fall through the floor into the guys apartment where I'll be their snack. Thank you very much, neither is an option :s Other than those horrifying compartment rooms, which made IIUM (even MCIIUM) a thousand times better, I also had a look at some which were nice, ut had their prices hiked up to an extra RM200 or so, which is just too ridiculous. So I said 'no' to all of them.

At the end of the day, I earned myself a job, but am still apartment-less. However, this Sunday I'll ba having a look at a master bedroom which is quite reasonably priced, and if everything's fine, I'll be taking it straightaway.

So, that's my misadventure for yesterday. I know it's not as crazy as the time when I locked myself out of the room naked or getting lost in a red-light district, but it was something nonetheless. Besides, I did leave out some details like when that crazy Indian lady approached me asking whether I needed a place and insisting that I stay with her where everybody's vegetarian. And also how one agent who showed me one house looked so scary, especially knowing that he's got keys to all the rooms....I guess it can be said to be one of the trials and tribulations I have to go through in getting a job, and an apartment :P

Anyhow, most importantly is this:

This is a Wolters-Kluwer sub-editor signing out,
Linzy~

The dawn's light creates patterns on my face as I am deep in slumber, unaware and much too far and deep in my dreams to see what morning brings. And I long for those dawns I used to greet, now only seen every now and then; that is, if I was graced with such luxury that allows me to take in the light at will.

I want to see you everyday, dear wonderful dawn. I yearn to greet each day with the warmth of your glow alighting myself as I rouse from sleep. I want nothing more but to be able to see each morning with you .

So please be patient with me. Wait for me. And I promise we'll see the dawn til dusk through.

Love, Linzy~