Sup3rnality

My heart has been in all the wrong places. It's pulling me in so many directions that I cannot tell which way is right. Which way is right?

I'm fragile. My heart is fragile. I can feel it threatening to break at every jostle, every rough edge. I can feel it waiting for the fall, waiting for the other shoe to drop, dreading the end of a fairytale.

I've been fragile. The road seems too long, and I feel to fragile, too vulnerable. I'm afraid of the in-betweens.

It's still hard for me to believe it all. Too used to heartache to know the difference. Surrounded by one too many hardened, jaded souls to completely let myself go. People have me thinking, what-if what-if.

I'm too fragile. I'm standing on the edge of a knife, and I think I might just be split in two.

I'm wrong to feel this way. I know I am. The doubts are eating into me. My faith is shaken.

But these doubts are baseless, other than underlying fear.

I'm just fragile. I don't ever remember being this way. So used to keeping my heart so well-guarded from any more pain. I've been there once, and I live in fear of that happening again.

I am afraid. I am afraid of fragility. I am afraid of things I cannot control. I am afraid of losing. I am afraid of being alone.

One side of me has utmost faith, can see the future playing out. The other side of me is in constant fear, dread, waiting for my time to run out, just like before.

I don't know where my mind is. I don't know where my heart is.

Can you please come put it back where it's supposed to be?