Sup3rnality

Bills. Rent. Car. Petrol. Food. Money for my family.

All need paying, but funds are slowly diminishing.

So congratulations, people, you are taking away the livelihood that I enjoy and that actually appreciates me compared to my past experience.

Congratulations, you have achieved your goal while making the lives of others caught in the crossfire difficult.

Yes, thank you, I do love rationing my food supply every month like what I've been doing lately. And I do love turning down meeting old friends because I cannot spare the extra cash. I do love not seeing my family in Seremban because travelling back and forth consumes petrol and petrol means cash.

It's nice how people can live their ideals without reality getting in the way.

On a related note, it's funny how people fight for their freedom of opinion, yet reject and criticise others for having their own.

Truth be told, 
Oh, yes it must be told
You have been like a lifeline
To me.
To you, 
I must be like kite
Way up too high, cloudbound
Without you, my kitestring.
And you hold me down
No, you anchor me
Like a lost boat 
Floating out to sea
But you found me
You caught me swaying
In the Wind.
Wind me down
I'm too spun around
Tight.
Not looking to fly high
Just enough to touch the sky
And then you ground me
Heaven meets the Earth
Everytime it's like the first
Yes, you're a lifeline to me.
Me -- hold on to me.

(c) Hazlin Aminudin, 2013

* Written in less than two minutes with a tune going with it as each line flowed.

The presumptions - there are so many on what they call "excuses". But not even one hits the mark. Not mine, anyway. They don't understand and they don't want to. Further proves to me that people only see what they want to see. Further proves that people just love being holier than thou. Well, it's okay. I will not stoop to their standards. What's mine is mine alone, me and my heart. They will never feel the ache I feel.

All I can for polling day/the aftermath are:

- It's like Raya and the shopping malls were empty. I managed to do my shopping in a jiffy.
- I know now how it is like in the newsroom on polling day and after it.
- I now know the amount of food that will be provided so that we will stay awake til the wee hours...and not to bring more food or eat right before coming to work.
- I know why I do what I do...or don't.
- I am thankful that I still have a job and that I can continue to pay my rent, my bills, give my parents money and live comfortably enough.

The Attitude - only proves what I already feel to be true to me.

The Attitude - gives me conviction to choose what to do or not to do.

The Attitude - makes me upset, knowing that this is from those I think more of.

Ah well, and they ask me why I do what I do.

Bottom line is, practice what you preach and there is more than one way to see things.

I hate that you have taken a part of me that may be a long time coming until I find again. The fact that unwillingly you have let a monster loose inside me to poison my heart and cast dark shadows on my sight, fills me with an ache that knows no depth.

I thought you were gone, but here you are again.

I don't know who you are, but what I know of you has done enough damage that will take time to rebuild. (I hope it does).

The helpless romantic in my heart (the one I hide so nobody knows where my vulnerability lies) assures me that all will prevail if you trust enough. My mind, my never-resting over-analytical mind, tells me to proceed with caution.

Why does my fate feels like it belongs in the hands of another?

Can I close my eyes and take myself back to August? Before I woke up to that nightmare. Before I started going to sleep every night after staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours, sometimes with tears staining my pillow.

Can I no longer dance with Doubt?

I don't know how to cut you out. Cut out my heart and search for that piece of venom you lodged in the recesses of my being? Can I? And if I do, will you have left?

I hate you. Oh God know how much I do. You have stolen piece of me. Or have you stolen more than that?

Please, can I ever sleep easy?

I cannot say much right here at work lest I break down and cry.

But Pirate, I miss you already. Time with you has been brief, but you have added to my collection of happy memories. I am sorry you were accidentally locked out of your home where your siblings were and that you happened upon some poison and innocently ate it. I'm sorry you suffered a long cold night wracked with pain. I'm sorry we found you too late. And I'm sorry you died lonely in the clinic without the familiar faces of your family. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to say goodbye. Goodnight, Pirate.