Sup3rnality

I haven't been in the right frame of mind to talk about the things that have been happening for the past few weeks. Everytime I begin to attempt typing out my thoughts, I am stunted by my inability to write and/or put them into words. So here's what I've been doing these past few weeks

• I left WKESP officially on the 29th of April 2010. More specifically, I left Aust-B. I had a very very long cry, not being able to believe I won't be walking into that office again and see them each day. They gave me hugs, which made me cry harder and they all had a procession for me, walking me to the door, for one last time. Leaving them feels like letting go of family. But the best thing about family is that, they're always there for you. I'm halting any entries about leabving WK at the moment until I can sort out my thoughts and feelings.
• I moved out of Cyberjaya on the 30th of April. Ash did most of the job. I packed everything up and he loaded it into the van we borrowed from my uncle. Then we drove to PJ and he unloaded the van for me. I couldn't have done it without him (thanks Sayang). And of course, thanks to my family, too. Who helped me carry the second round of stuff. Yes, I have that much stuff...mostly books and clothes.  
• Starting on May 3rd, I am now an employee of the Star. To be specific, a sub-editor for the Star. The Star newspaper that I've been reading daily. Feels almost like a dream. It's different here, but I like it. Work-wise, I do feel very much more accomplished than how I felt in WK.
• I'm now living in PJ. Around the Tropicana area to be more precise. No, not next to Tropicana City Mall like people keep asking. It's near the Tropicana Golf Resort. The condo is called Bayu Puteri Tropicana. It's quite a nice place. House is a bit of a fixer-upper due to an irresponsible landlord, but I'll manage.
• Did I mention my working hours are from 4pm to 12am daily? Uhh, yeah, I start work at 4pm and leave for home around 12am. Wonderful hours for me, cos that's when I work best. And it's not like I have a nightlife anyway, so it's no problem for me. I get to see Ash in the daytime and spend more waking hours with him especially since now I live about 15 minutes away from him and not 50 minutes like when I was in Cyberjaya.
• I'm still getting used to my new area, new job, new schedule, new house...alot of things are still on my mind. But all in all, I'm feeling content right now; like things are falling into place, just need a few things sorted before they can fit even better.

I've been behind on the current news these past few days, I've hardly touched any newspapers, nor even I have the time to switch on the tv for the 8 o'clock news. Heck, I'm not even home for the 8 o'clock news.

So I was shocked when I saw several of my schoolmates joining groups dedicated to a 15 year old boy named Aminulrasyid.

Who is this boy? What happened? And then I read the news...

My heart stopped. Why would the police shoot a 15 year old boy dead? What did he do? Why this juvenile who is not even of age to be tried as an adult? This boy who is the same age as my brother?

It hit especially close to home because, it simply was. The boy was from Shah Alam. Section 11. I used to hang out there often. Spent many a lazy day at the mamak. The boy went to my school. Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Seksyen 9. He's stepped on the same ground I used to tread when I was his age. I sat in those same classrooms. I stood at attention in that same hall. And at his age, in that school, PMR looming closer, I felt the wonder of tomorrow, and a future that soon will be mine.

And his was taken away from him.

What could warrant a shootout at a young boy? 26 shots went into him for what? For driving without a license? For doing what any kid would do caught in the act...running away? Where is the justice in that? Even if the police couldn't see who it was, how old the driver was...why shoot him 26 times? In cases like that, why couldn't they shoot the tyres so he couldn't get away? 26 times? That was shooting to kill. That seems like the doing of some trigger-happy bunch of people.

Here was a 15 year-old boy who went to take the family car for a spin, but had a run in with the police and tried to get away, just a mere 100 meters from his home. And to stop him from taking off, the police shoot him. 26 times. Tell me what in the bleeding hell is that.

And the excuses I've been reading? I think it's all pure BS. The initial report, I can hardly believe. I think they're stories to make up for a terrible mess up.

Perhaps I am cynical, but I've been having a hard time believing in people nowadays. And perhaps I'm just too skeptical, but I cannot imagine what I read be the actual case.

And the saddest thing? This boy will probably never see justice be upheld.

So dear Aminulrasyid, may you rest in peace, and may Allah bless you. And I pray that justice be met. Amin.

A former Nyn9r,
Hazlin

Do read:
This, and
This.
And tell me what you think.

It's only days until I say goodbye to Wolters Kluwer for good. Only hours, in fact. Since if I were to offset my annual leave balance, I'd only have 3 hours and 45 minutes left to be in the office.

Saturday morning, I was being seduced into cheating on Asdil.

In a dream, that is.

But it felt real. So real that I woke up feeling uneasy, feeling like something was wrong and that there was dirt on my hands that needed washing off. But there was also a sense of relief, knowing that the dirt was there not because of my own volition.

I dreamt that a man wanted me, knowing full well I was not to be had by anyone else but Ash. I remembered him at first just hanging out with me innocently as friends and nothing more. But then I noticed him inching closer, finding excuses to make subtle skin contact with me. It felt like all kinds of wrong, him touching me, and yet he just couldn't be deterred.

I was uncomfortable and scared; as it became more apparent he wanted more than just spend some time with me having coffee or such. And when I tried to make a get away, he grabbed me by the waist from behind and tried to kiss me. I don't remember what I did then, but I wrestled my way out, disgusted. He was frustrated and angry, saying we had chemistry and that we'd work together, better than anyone else could. I remember telling along the lines: that I already belong to somebody, willingly and wholeheartedly, and we fit perfectly together.

Waking up from that left a bitter taste in the mouth, violated.

But I remembered the most important thing about that dream: Even despite it being a dream, my own subconscious, I'd choose my Asdil over anyone else. I couldn't want for more than what we have. I am content as his and only his.

When I told Ash about my dream, we joked about it. But jokes aside, I hope you know Sayang that what I say in the dream is not a random words tumbling out of my mouth, but it was what I really felt and thought. I have no desire to in any way risk the love we share.

It reminded me of what my mom told me once, after watching a talkshow about cheating wives. She said that women who are content with their partners would never stray. It is not in their nature. Women are, for the most part, in it for the longhaul, and those who walk out the door (putting aside those who are abused/mistreated etc, of course) are often discontent, want attention, or don't know what they want etc. And I somehow have Elton John's "Sacrifice" video playing in my mind now...

I'd like to think just that. Like what my mother said. Why would I want to stray? I am content. I am loved. And I belong. I couldn't ask for more. He gives me all that I want and more. And he makes me feel exactly how I've wanted to feel.

Love,
Linzy

I somehow came across this site which allows you to ask a person anything you want, and you can either stay anonymous or announce yourself as the person who asked.

I thought this was pretty cool because of two main things; the first being the fact that I love filling in forms and questionnaires. And the second would be because it would be interesting to see what people would like to know about me, or would want my opinion on. And they have the freedom on whether they want to make themselves known as the asker, or be blissfully anonymous as I find the words to answer the question, not knowing by whom it was posed.

Of course, it goes without saying that I will answer the best I can, as long as the questions are reasonable and answerable. And in the even any sensitive and/or candid questions be asked, I would answer tactfully, and would give a non-answer if need be.

But go ahead. Don't let that stop you. Let's see what you've got for me.

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Sup3rnal