Sup3rnality

In the Star today, my horoscope reads:

"Capricorn:

Your mind is on intimate
relations. There are aspects for turning these fantasies into reality but not
yet."

• Once the kitchen at my place is in order, please experiment with at least one dish per week to hone them cooking skills.
• Please start saving more money. Now that I have to pay for my car on top of rent, bills, car park and other miscellaneous things, I am starting to feel the pinch. Food in Cyberjaya is expensive, so stop splurging. And you have to pay for petrol to get around and tolls, too.
• Eat better food at a set time. My eating habits are erratic and have caused my body to go haywire.
• Talk to your housemates about locking the door and grill at all times.
• Buy some furnishings for the room to organize it better.
• Hunt down the dude, Aizad, and shoot him dead.

Love,

Linzy

I just suddenly felt compelled to say this:

I am Muslim.

I may not look the part. And I may give in to one too many of my weaknesses. But that doesn't make me any less a person who whole-heartedly believes in Islam.

I may have my ideas, my opinions and my arguments. And just because I am young, a female, dress the way I do, think the way I do and am seemingly a non-conforming Muslim, doesn't in any way make my opinions invalid. I study my religion both academically and independently, and have consulted respected learned lecturers/profs etc, and it is in that way that I have come to the understanding that I hold. I do not blindly follow, nor do I blindly draw conclusions without knowledge. I know what is right and I know what is wrong. I understand why some things are right and why some things are wrong. I know that Islam is about "This is best for you because...", not "You cannot do this because We say you can't". And I know the flaw in the system that is eating its way into many believers here in this country that makes being a Muslim so difficult. And I know the flaw that makes Islam so difficult to believers and non-believers in this country. And I know the flaw that makes me such a heretic in the eyes of many whenever I open my mouth about religion.

I believe Islam is common sense and what is natural. And I follow my common sense and my natural tendencies for goodness and avoid whatever that will bring bad. Or perhaps I try the best I can to. I believe in my belief. Do not judge me. Only God has the right to that. There are many elements in Islam, after all, that is up to interpretation, other than what is clearly laid out in the Qur'an and Sunnah. I know what I know, and I know that I don't know everything. So I'll rectify what I lack and strengthen what I already have.

I carry Islam with me all the time, even if you don't see it. I am Muslim because I am a person who wants what is right. I am Muslim for I uphold common sense. I am Muslim because I acknowledge that I am a cog in a wheel, and it takes me and the whole world to make this wheel turn. I am Muslim because I am me, and no one else is.

Love,
Hazlin

My dad's company celebrated their annual family day last Sunday. We all went there early that morning, since my dad after all is in the committee. My ibu and bapak, my brother and sister, and my cousin, Kanna, and I had fun fooling about that day. Here are some photos to share:

Had my face painted there.

Yes, I actually took the time to do the sand art thingy. Yes, I am a little girl in a young woman's body, so sue me.

And yes, my sand art picture thingy is that of a Care Bear :p

Don't be fooled, my cousin ain't just looking on and watching over my sister while she gets her face painted...

She wants to get her face painted, too. There was no way I'd have my dad's company logo painted on me, though :P

Love, Linzy~

I’ve been… I don’t want to say. Saying the words, or typing them for that matter, gives it life. Makes it real enough to jump out of the screen and consumes me whole. It commits my colourful life to the black and white of these words against the background. But unspoken or not, there’s no muting the echoing vacancies of unspent time.

I’ve been…lonely. There, I’ve said it. I didn’t want to. Words like that bounces off the walls when there’s no one in the room but you. And no pillow over ears could drown out the sound. I didn’t want to say it. Too proud to profess weakness. Too afraid to make it known. Too tired to make it any more the truth. But I have been, and I can’t shake it off.

I’ve found driving around aimlessly to be a companion. With music blasting to retain my focus, and sudden bursts of speed for a little rush, for a little sense of urgency. I stride about in shopping malls and browse shops just to do something than nothing at all. Staying at home and behind close doors only magnifies the emptiness of my room. So I walk out. I do what I can to occupy the long gaps of time ticking by. Otherwise all I hear is the loud crashings of the seconds-hand announcing the passing of moments gone by.

Friends that I could talk to are too far away. And I often wonder whether we’ve gotten out of touch. I know that we haven’t; cos when we meet we all fall into familiarity; but a lingering doubt reigns, having me dwelling on questions and wonderings. And even if I could see them, I’m not about to pull them into my sense of displacement. Nah, I can’t. Meeting with good friends who are far away is to be made a celebration. And the friends that I have close by, the ones I can easily see everyday, well, don’t live in the same book. Let alone be on the same page. They don’t know me, or think they know me to pass words that don’t belong to them for them to say.

Everyday I’ve been tempted to drive to see Ash. So many times. But time doesn’t permit. Traffic jams and the looming nighttime will only frustrate me more. I’d only have an hour or two, and then I’d have to go again. And times like this, that’s something that I can’t take. I need days. Hours will only find me lonelier, knowing that I’d have to let him go, and not being able to. I’m just counting until I could have days and days of quality time with my Sayang, and for the moment, I do not know when that is.

I’m lonely. I feel like I’m standing amongst people but cannot connect. I need to feel. I need to not feel lonely.

~Linzy

The past few days have been very demotivating for me; so many things have been clouding my mind that I've been very detached, very distant from everything around me. I haven't had the strength to goof and joke and couldn't find the funny in anything. I need a break.

Times like these, the best remedy is not sit in the office wrapped up in jackets with nothing to do. Nah, this sorta feeling calls for lazy days at home curled up in my most comfortable casuals and burrowing under blankets on a nice fluffy couch watching movie after movie. The bonus would be having Ash with me keeping me company as I revive myself from all sense of anger and uselessness.

I wish I was anywhere but here.

No, wait. Not anywhere. I want to be at home.

Not my home in Cyber, cos it doesn't have the things I'm imagining, and I have a very different setting in mind.

Right now, I'm thinking, I wanna be at home in nothing but shorts and a tank top, and not in full on clothing in my freezing office. I wanna be cooking up some pasta and enjoying the making of it. I'm thinking, fettucine carbonara, cos I know Ash loves it. The recipe's pretty easy and the ingredients are attainable, and but of course, it's super yummy. I'd dump them into two plates and we'd pig out on the couch watching movies, without a care. Enjoying a plateful of creamy sinfulness watching a movie with my Sayang by my side; priceless. Oh oh, wait, not to forget some nice blankets to wrap around myself to keep warm, since I always feel cold no matter the time of day. I wanna be all snug as a bug within the softness of the blankets. But wait, come to think of it, I don't want a couch. Instead, I want a cozy daybed with more cuddling space for myself and my Sayang. I want to be able to just lounge about lazily without caring about the time of day and whatever work that might need to get done. I want to recline into a daybedful of pillows in front on the tv, wrapped in blankets with my Sayang right next to me... *sigh* Heavenly. I just know that I have to have a daybed in my house one day. A must have in the tv area. Something like the ones in the pictures. It'll be perfect; it's not exactly a bed but not exactly a couch either. Meaning, it'll have the same cozyness of a couch, but will be single-bed-sized. Now movie-watching would not mean just sitting up stiffly; on a daybed I can lie down, lean back, prop my feet up or fold it under me, or roll around. Much much more fun ;p And to make it even more fun, would be having a bowl of ice cream to share with my Sayang. That would complete it all. The cherry on top, eventhough Ash doesn't like cherries :p. Sinfully good food+cozy daybed+blankets+casual clothes+ice cream. But then again, the ice cream is not what completes the ensemble. It's having my Sayang close, whom I only have to myself one or two days out of a month. Having him next to me, doing something as simple as watching a movie at home, is more than I could ask for.

So yeah, that's where I'd rather be. And who I'd rather be with. I'd choose being with my Sayang over being at work any time of day. That is, if I could be anywhere but here.

Love,

N.e-Q

My darling tagged me in his FB note, so I'm responding to it here:


Things you do when you've nothing to do. Now you've been tagged, read the instructions below ;)

1 - Open http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
(alternatively, if the first article you hit is short, hit Random Article two more times.)

2 - Open http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Open http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop/paint or similar to put it all together.
-I used Picasa 3.

5 - TAG the friends you want to join in.
-Anyone lah.

• the band name is the name of a wildfire that occurred in Arizona caused by a lightning strike during a monsoon.
• the quote is from Salma Hayek which goes "It's very easy to feel someone's pain when you love them"
• the picture is a photo taken by DeDaniel entitled "A Digital Reflection of a Natural Idea".