Sup3rnality

I'm in the addictive Cc instead of studying for the poetry exam which I'll be sitting for in another 2 hours or so. I don't feel like studying, but then again, when did I ever? I'm with Julia right now, supposedly studying but noo...we just take one look at the CC and we are, well, *I* am all hell-bent on going on-line.

The truth is, I've nothing to say. But hell, I'm going crazy over my ex boyfriend. All of a sudden, I'm feeling the deep loss. To Hell with the feeling I'm feeling. It's eating me and it makes my mind numb. I keep thinking of ‘what ifs' and 'if onlys'. I just hate that feeling. It makes you vulnerable. And vulnerability makes you weak.

Honestly, I just wanna stop being so depressed about stuff. I can't afford to. It only kills me... But I still kill myself anyway with all these thoughts....Damn it.

Okla, fine. I obviously have nothing to talk about so...I'll go for now. Bye!

Hey dudettes, I’m still alive and breathing on this side of the world. Ain't just gone yet...Like you'll ever get rid of the Corruptor.

Again, as bloody usual that is, I left the bloody diskette containing all the stuff for my blog entry in my bloody room somewhere and came down to the bloody ZC CC empty-handed, except for my wallet, of course.

So anyways, yup I’m back onto the Holy Grounds. That's for moving to You-Know-Where. Now I'm perpetually stuck to traveling like a maniac up and down to that bloody place to this bloody place... but hell, I'll just have to live with it now, mustn’t I? I'm not that worried about Poetry surprisingly. Especially since I got only 3/10 for my blimming Quiz; as opposed to my 19/20 mid-term. But to hell with it. I'm thinking about my Arab on Thursday... Oh and yes of course, the bloody break...although I'll have to spend it in the God-forsaken place... but then again, I'm thinking of getting a job... that would be great, wouldn't it? Hopefully I'll find one.

I haven't been doing much lately...Just lounging about, thinking, supposedly studying, watching LOTR back to back... Stuff like that. Oh, but last week was a bloody BLAST! There was the bloody Aqidah presentation and some freaky stuff on Tuesday and then Wednesday....Hehehe... that was when Fidz was all Horny for Agent Smith and practically foaming at the mouth! But then, we surprised her with the Agent Smith action figure in the "wet" scene aka Burly Brawl. Hehehe....her expression was priceless. She screamed! I told you guys that it was wise to take her to the LP instead on 'U' cafe. She would have given the peeps there a heart attack right there. It's always great to make a friend smile. We're glad you liked it. Love ya loads!

Lately I've been pining for my ex boyfriend-AGAIN! I dunno... after him, I just lost interest in any other guy... does that make me normal? It’s been a year and yet... Things are just so complicated. I have this letter forming in my head, just waiting to be written and sent. Should I? There's nothing for me to lose, is there? What do you guys think? I just...hmm... even I don't know anymore. I'm tired of thinking. There’s too much to think of. But heck, who am I kidding? I love him. And that's something I've never told anyone...not even him. And perhaps that's what that made me lose him... damn it. I was rereading my 2002 journal and I fell in love with him again... But, how does he feel about me now? It’s been so long ago. That’s something I’ll never be sure of until I tell him all the things that I need to say. Whatever he says after I tell him doesn't matter. Just as long as I’m able to tell him all the things I’ve been feeling. Then at least I’ll have closure. Give me strength to do this. I’ve never felt so strongly about anyone.

Ooookay.....I’ve just had an emotional outburst there. hehehe....it does sound a bit odd coming from me, huh? Hehee....when the Corruptor goes around talking like that you just now there's something wrong... naah, I’m still sane and human... that's all I am. HUMAN.

So, that's all I have to say right now. The songs they are playing in the CC right now are transporting me back to the past. They’re playing Nat Imbruglia, Sarah McLachlan, Aaron carter and all that 90's shit.

Yeah, I've been rattling abit much so I soooo gotta go. I’ll catch up with you guys later. Lots of love dudettes! -LINZY-

NOTE TO EVERYONE: THIS ENTRY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DATED 17th OF JANUARY 2004.

Urgh….It s been a really boring weekend. Well, not really actually, but, well, somewhat. I didn’t really do much so that explains my boredom.

But yeah, at least I was able to meet up with my Shah Alam friends whom I’ve not met for sooooooooo long. I’ve missed them loads and being ale to catch up with them is way cool. They (Fairuz, Iylia & Aima) even got me a birthday present! Aaw…. They actually remembered. They got me a really nice top with a picture of red butterflies on them. Hehehe….it’s really nice you guys! I like it so much! Thanx!

They day I went out with my friends in Shah Alam we actually had to climb over my house gate like a bunch of runaway prisoners! I didn’t have the key to that particular lock, hence all the climbing that earned us honks from cars driving by and their passengers gaping at us. And I was in my knitted ‘holey baju’! People who’d see me in my usual clothes would be surprised to see my transition of my taste in clothes. Hmm…and to think I’m studying on the Holy Grounds…You’d think I’d change at least a little but heck, instead I start wearing clothes that are see through (hey, but I do wear something underneath, you know!). Hehehe…how ironic. Anyways, we didn’t do much. We went to the library to pick a baju from another friend, Suneetha, and then we headed off to Shah Alam Mall. We didn’t do much there either. I bought a top that was a bit too small for me, ate some fancy Italian dessert (which caused me to get sakit perut right in the middle of the night) and went to guitar shops and let ourselves drool all over the guitars. Then later I went to my friends house and burned some stuff I needed on-line.

Then on Saturday I went to Amcorp Mall and did a little shopping spree yet again. I bought some wind chimes that my mom so loved, bought some DVD’s, got a few magazines and bought jewelry. Urgh, I’m bloody broke and yet I allow myself to splurge… God, how the heck am I gonna topup my phone now? Hmmm….later I headed off to Seremban, which bores me to Death as you all know so I don’t need to remind any of you about that. Argh, and too bad I missed Fidz’s performance in One Utama. Sorry dudette! I bet you did good anyways.

That’s about how “exciting” my weekend could get… Just the normal, boring thing each day. It’s not like I don’t appreciate the days that go by. Its not that I’m not thankful that I am still able to wake up and live another day but…I’m just getting tired of routines. I’m not really spontaneous either but I do long for a bit of something different sometimes.

Hmmmph, finals are like in a few more days. Am I gonna die? In ways, yeah! I’m okay in all my core courses but what’s bugging me is the Fundamental Knowledge subjects. Every time I think I’ve read enough, it turns out that I haven’t. Even worse, the Akhlaq Lecturer don’t even like us…so how in the world are we gonna pass if she decides to just fail us? Bloody Hell! I really wanna give her a piece of my mind before the semester ends. I just can’t stand her thinking that we are a bunch of sluts. I just hate these kind of narrow-minded people. And plus, our attendance for Farhu A’in is like, non-existent! Hmm…and Arab? Well, thank God I passed the second test; so there’s a good chance for me to pass this second time around. Whatever it is, let’s just hope we do okay for the upcoming finals ok dudettes?

So, well, argh, just see you guys at the LP later where else?

Hmmmm....bloody Hell! You know what? I typed an entire blog entry a few days back while I was in Seremban and saved it onto a bloody diskette....But damn! I'm in the bloody ZC CC and my bloody diskette is in my bag, in my room 4 flights of stairs and 4 floors up! I'd be crazy to actually want to go up just to get the bloody diskettes... Damn it laa. But nevermind, it wasn't like I had anything to say anyway....although I would like to post it anyway. But...if I were to post it tomorrow, it would be soo totally outdated! But maybe I'll just post it sometime if I remember. Just to make my typing worthwhile.

Hmm....I'm in the CC with Julia, Anis and Zeph right next to me and I just soo dunno what to type actually so I’m totally crapping out! Oh yeah, Anis said "BUFFY: CHAOS BLEEDS RULE!" Damn, she dah finish that game and I haven't! And to think that I taught her how to pick up stuff in the first level while I was already at the Initiative Level! And now she already finish! No fair! It's all Spike's fault! I couldn't find the stupid gas tank at the side in the bloody cyborgs' room! hmm...so now I'm at Sunnydale Mall with Willow. I got to the part where I have to fight Vampire Tara but i haven't defeated her... I can't wait to go home on Wednesday. Then I can kill the Vamp Bitch and get the game done and over with. Hmm... I don't want to finish just yet... I'm having soo much fun killing the vamps. Probably after this I'm gonna see just how fast I could play each level. I just love to play as Spike1 He rocks! Especially when he gets mad and starts hitting people like crazy... And I love his remarks. Quirky and sarcastic. Hmmm...he's one helluva sexy vampire....Okay...I think I'm getting off the topic now so, I'd better sign off.

So, yeah, I'd better go. I have to go to the Library and look for some books to add to the bloody assignment cos Mr. Stumpy is threatening to deduct marks if we don't include any "concrete" references. Bloody Hell! And he told us last minute! Bodoh him....Heheh. Oklaa oklaa....I’ve been talking too much already. I'd better go. Bye Bye! -LinZy

Warghhhhhhhhhh! It has been a waaaaay crazy week on the Holy Grounds...As bloody usual! Damn! But hey, at least I made it through another week alive.

Hmmm....Mr. Stumpy is soo getting on my nerves. First he told us that he wanted us to do a presentation on the topic we've been given on Tuesday; so we cracked our brains and squeezed every bloody energy and wasted every free time we had to do the assignment+presentation thing. We sacrificed that much. In fact, Fidz aka Quellegondiel could be quoted saying "*sigh* The things you do for love...". Hmm.....she loves Mr. Stumpy? Hehehehehe....don't worry Fidzy, we know your "tiny" secret........... Anyways, due to the fact that we had a little more printing to do, we skipped Akhalq (which turned out to be cancelled anyway!) and went through more trouble to look for a place to print. Well, we faced a few minor problems about printing bad stuff but we got through eventually. But the last straw was when we finally got to class (late at that); we saw that Mr. Stumpy was actually teaching! I mean, WTF? When the class was finished, he could actually say that the presentation was to be done later in the week, although THERE ISN'T ANY OTHER CLASS DURING THIS WEEK! That was the bloody last class for the week; meaning that we have to wait next week to do the presentation. And then, when he looked at our assignment, he actually was shocked to see all the website addresses we used for references. He told us that he already told us that he wanted at least 5 books as references, although, he never did mention that. Bodoh! Hmmmph.....well, at least Sarah and Zeph Aqidah presentation went well.... I helped Sarah with the assignment until 3am! She crashed my room and well, hers went great. At least Mr. Stumpy didn't go bodoh on them in their class! Bodoh!

Well, after a sucky day, and only one hour of class for the entire day, Sarah and me decided to go to Amcorp. So we did. And I, who decided NOT to spend any money, ended up spending about $60 on books and VCDs!!! Bodoh la me.....Oh, and I met my friend Fairuz there. She called me to tell me that she was in Amcorp and that I should go there too cos there was so many ice bajus and I said "Hey, I'm in Amcorp too!" hehehehe...I was in McD eating diner with Sarah then....Hehehe...what a coincidence.

Bleurgh!!!!! To add more grief to the entire week, a BENdit sister of ours has been reported on. Some bloody friend of hers just couldn't mind her bloody business and just bloody decided to show that she's just so bloody good and turn on her own friend. Sheesh! Seriously I think staying here does things to your brain.... I think it contaminates it with some kind of virus that slowly threatens to take away your sanity.... Too bad we can't do anything about it though. Because these people in the Holy Grounds are going about doing supposedly "good" things when they don't realize that they're just making us retaliate more.

Damn! We sure got one Helluva telling off from Ms. Adibah today! She was soooo bloody pissed. She started going at everyone and we were all cowering from her, all scared to death by her sudden outburst. Man, it's amazing to see just how much anger there is in such a small person.... Damn! And our bloody presentation was soooo bad. Well, the poem was ok, but the way we presented it was bloody bodoh! Can you imagine, I woke up early to practice but unfortunately, due to the jam, we couldn't get together to practice..... So we just bantai the entire thing. I even brought a radio for the background music.... So when it was our turn, we went and pasang the radio and started reciting the poem......and just when the song was about to start, the poem ended...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bodoh laaa us!

Hmmmm.............I'm going back to Shah Alam at last. Thank GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate Seremban! It's bloody boodoh. It's so kampung. I still can’t believe my mom would actually do that.... Damn......

Well....you know what? It's almost been an hour since I've been in the CC and Julia just pointed out that we both only have $2 left...not enough money to pay that means........cos one hour costs $2....Hehehehehe...Plus, I almost nodded off to sleep in front of this computer while typing this. I'm just soo bloody sleepy.... Cos of today laaaa......wake up so early....

So, that rounds up the week... in UIA that is...Heheheheheh....oklaaa dudettes! See ya next entry. BYE! Love, Lin-Zy the Responsible Corruptor

(8.19pm, 23rd December 2003)

Sword,
Lay still by my side.
I have laid down myself, friend.
My fight is over.
What more can come from this but destruction?
My mind has become our mangled battlefield.
Torn and broken.
It reeks of despair.
What use is justice if it eats the hearts of your soldiers?
I am wounded.
My pierced heart bleeds my pain.
So I lie here…
Sword laid down by my side.
This shall end---with this dying breath…
Goodbye.

Hmmmmm……… I have nothing in particular to talk about today. I’m just feeing like plain ol’ me, minus me being extremely lethargic.

About the move thing, well, you could say I’m kinda getting used to it, for my mother’s sake, despite the feeling of wanting to cry each time the end of the week draws near. I still hate it , I can’t deny it, but…seeing just happy my mom is, I force a huge, fake smile and just bear with it. It hurts, yes, but it’s a price I have to pay, I guess. The thing that bugs me is, how my mom told me that I could stay in Shah Alam, but whenever I express the desire to go there instead of Seremban, my dad will have this totally disapproving look on his face and that really pisses me off. It’s my life too, you know. Besides, all my stuff like clothes, books and others are there. So what’s so wrong about me wanting to go to Shah Alam? I discovered this a week ago. Well, my dad thinks I’m sneaking around with guys behind his back!!!!!!! Yeah, me the goody-two-shoes is sneaking around! First of all, I DON’T EVEN GO OUT WITH MY GIRL FRIENDS and yet he thinks I’m sneaking out with GUYS? WTF?????????? I was sooo bloody angry when I heard that! I just so hate this stupid life! If he really believes that I’m doing all this, I might as well go ahead and really do it. It’s better than being accused of something I didn’t even do. At least that way; he’s REALLY accusing me of something. And this all happened with my mom being the middle-man. I didn’t fight with my dad face to face; instead, my mom had to endure the entire thing. This is really sucky. It’s bloody stupid. And you know what, when I saw him after that stupid fight, he acted like that never even happened. He was his silly, goofy alter-ego again. It’s so bloody dumb. It was as though he never said all those hurtful things.

You know, all my life I’ve lived an overly protected life. I’ve never even been outside of Shah Alam ALONE! When I was little, I played on my bike in the compound of my house ONLY, the only friend’s house I was allowed to go to was my next-door-neighbour’s (who later in life became my boyfriend) and even in going there I had to be careful to come back before my dad does; if not he’ll start asking questions about why I was there for so long. Supposedly I shouldn’t go there all too often cos there was a boy (yes, my boyfriend-to-be then) there (Oh, come bloody on! I was only 3-5 then! And he was a year younger than me. What could possibly HAPPEN?). My friends at school who kept inviting me to watch movies or go hangout at places outside Shah Alam started t get really annoyed. They dissed my dad and kept saying that my dad’s bloody paranoid and stupid. I DEFENDED him. I told them to mind their own business. I was angry at them for saying things like that (who wouldn’t?). Really, I never held anything against him for doing that t me. Although I would have loved to be able to go out independently once in a while if not often, I never questioned my dad’s intentions. I came to the conclusion that he did that cos he knew what’s best for me. But now, after what he accused me for doing stuff, I agree that he’s just too BLOODY PARANOID! He’s overly possessive and just soo unreasonable. Come on, doesn’t he trust me? What have I ever done to make him even think that I can’t be trusted? Just because I went out with one of my BEST FRIENDS, who just so happens to be a GUY, he thinks that every time I go out, I’m off him with some guy doing God knows what? BLOODY HELL! This is just stupid! Now, whenever I even think of wanting to go to Shah Alam, I start to dread his deadly stares. BLOODY HELL! And after all that, after all the disgust I had in my heart for him for saying that, I feel like it never happened. That just goes to show just how bloody forgiving. I’m just too bloody nice to stay angry for long. And that have proved to be a disadvantage, cos people tend to walk all over me. *Sigh* And to think I almost cried my eyeballs out that night.

Man, I can be just too bloody melancholic sometimes. How I wish I wasn’t like this too often. My life is complicated as it is, why all this grief?

Hmm…..Oh yeah, that day when Zeph screamed when Anis put Pepper (the cat) on her shoulder, was sooo classic! Zeph went:

“Red Cham---Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!”

Hehehehehe…….it was so cute.

Oh, and that star thingy I received from Dollah, sure caused one helluva stir. Especially when Ms. Adibah knew about it. Now she’s calling me Dollin and reckons that I “slobber” all over him when I see him….Eeeeew! Seriously, that little woman can be bloody scary sometimes, and evil. And to think she writes subtitles for SpongeBob and is able to sing along to the theme song whenever I start singing it! She’s really scary….and cool, of course! What lecturer would actually take the time to hang out with their students? She’s so cool. Too bad this is the last semester we’ll be seeing her…. Hmm….hehehe…but I still reckon that she’s one helluva evil woman. Hehehe…. Kiddin’ laa Miss!

Oh yeah…surprisingly, the Arab test on Saturday was bloody easy. Probably because Julia’s favourite Ustaz kept giving us all these hints and clues that were so hard to miss. But phew!!!!!!!! At least I’m confident that I’ll pass this one. This time last year I totally flunked this second test which eventually brought down my final points and made me fail bloody Arab. Bloody hell! Hehehe…..hopefully we’ll at least pass, even if it’s not in flying colours, eh, dudettes?

Well, that is all the ranting and venting I can do for now. I’ve gotten tired so I soo gotta sleep. Nitey Nite Dudettes! Keep Rockin’!