Sup3rnality

Random memory: I played Listening Ear to many relationship problems some years ago. One particular friend used to confide in me often when he* needed to rant and gush about all that bits and bobs that come with package called Love.

 And all of this was when I was single.

Is it because the free time I had when I was without commitment gave me the opportunity to be there and together with a friend, analyse words and actions of love and affection? Or did the 'borrowing' of emotions make the absence of somebody to in my life less apparent? Maybe both?

Or perhaps my six years of contemplating (I wanted to say dwelling but that was too depressing) and going over as to why my previous relationship failed gave me much insight into the mechanics of a relationship.

But you know, it's like something Fidzy and I once talked about, something along the lines of how textbook definitions and theory are just words that  make intangible things tangible. It helps people grasp at things that otherwise cannot be understood right off the bat. And for all the things I say and advise and no matter how matter how much thought I put into the crazy little thing called Love, none of them actually apply when I am in the driver's seat.


Now that I am happily attached, somehow all those words don't particularly apply. After all, we all know no one advise works in all situations. Basics may apply, but at the end of the day, we all need to apply different solutions.

And now that I am not single, I spend less time talking to friends about love lives. Why is that I wonder? For one, I do not like sharing my own love life with others. I feel it is personal and special and should be shared only between the two people ie Asdil and myself. And I also find my perception has been changed much as I get older, not to to forget the fact that time I have to spare are not as much as I used to have.

It's funny how times flies. How views change. How lives go separate ways. No matter how set it seem to be before.

*I miss him by the way, this friend. I'm sorry we grew apart and no longer close

I can't say I especially like this song. But the words... It feels like I've known them long before I read it. 

Sleep come find me. Please.

On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.
Flickering lights giving
shadows but a moment of life.
On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.
Teasing, a fleeting glimpse
then the darkness once again.
On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.
Strike a match in my heart
Let the fire burn and give it light.

(c) Hazlin Aminudin, 2012

I just realised that I actually posted the last entry. It was written in the dead of night when I suddenly awoke and went into a ranting rage over people who complain about not finding love and look for love in all the wrong ways and with unrealistic expectations.

I don't know why I woke up feeling like that and decided to write all that in my groggy state, but well, I've done weirder things.

 If it reads weird (not that my other stuff doesnt), know that I wrote half-asleep and probably struggling to be coherent while my body fights to stay awake.

I know a grand number of people who, misguided by fantasies, have grand imaginings of what sharing a life with another means. Maybe for most, you'd smile indulgently and chalk it down to their age...if they are still young, that is. But what if the person is, for the most part, an adult? Not so cute is their naivete now, huh?