Sup3rnality

It's been a little quiet here, because, it's been a little quiet in my head. Just a little, of course, those whispering ghosts never do cease their haunting, but save for that, a somewhat calm has taken over me.

I find that calmness renders me uncreative, and words don't come as freely as when emotions come rushing to the fore. They stay dormant, waiting at the edge of my conciousness when I am but a still figure in the middle of an empty room.

I've moved house in early May. It's a much bigger, more comfortable...it makes me feel like I have a much wider space for my thoughts to float in. I feel small in my room, lying in the middle of it with a book tucked in my hands and pillows against my back and cushioning my head. The house is somewhat expensive, yes; a worry that is at the back of my mind. But for the moment, I do not want this worry to mar the peaceful surface of my calm.

In my quietness, I've been feeling content. Put aside all the worries and the troubling outside my door, and I am in a little piece of solace. A part where no one can hurt me. Like I say so many times and never tire of saying, I have a wonderful family who loves me in spite of it all, who is always there for me. A significant other who tirelessly stands by my side, loving and giving, and is my rock who keeps me grounded. And I have friends whom, despite the length and breadth of our separation, care for me.

Life is always good if you take the time to find the things that make you happy. Sometimes you have to close your eyes for a while, and let them sink down into the depths of the recesses of your mind and let them be forgotten. Instead, hang on to the floating lifelines at the surface. Quietly but surely, you'll reach the shore.

I love how he can still make me feel like a lovestruck 16-year-old :D

Or maybe it was hormones or the depression of being homeless soon and not being able to find a house yet.

I just watched the episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Rachel gives birth to baby Emma. Started crying and just could not stop. My eyes are all puffy and my nose is getting all runny.

Still hard to rein myself in. *sob*

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A conversation with a friend revealed a certain comment made by her then significant other that I could be un-taken if I so wished it. The comment was made due to there being some interest in me by some people affiliated with this then significant other of a friend.

The first mention of it made me rage a little, pissed off at the thought that he would even presume that it is possible. But perhaps circumstances would have made that seem possible indeed, and because of that, I did not pursue the matter.

But here's me thinking on my own, no, I cannot be untaken, as he so simply said. I have just this one heart to give. It is not to be broken to pieces to be distributed. It cannot be shared. It cannot be exchanged for new. It's mine, and I'd only give it to somebody whom I trust and know could keep it safe. And it already is.

Maybe it's easy for some people to play around with hearts. But mine is not. It's yours, and I'd like it to stay that way,