Sup3rnality

grace said to me:
there is no me in you
no harmony in your tune
no rhyme in your reason
too lopsided to be even.
and beauty says:
alas, i've no part
to paint you an art
your chase too far in a rush
too brief for a stroke of the brush.
but it is no matter to me
i am not only what is seen
my grace is my passion
and there is beauty in imperfection.

Spur of the moment litanies twined together between doing my laundry, washing the dishes, folding my clothes and having dinner. Hence, it was not thought out too carefully.

Lowercase intended; thought it would serve to emphasise the feeling of insignificance. Ironic ain't it? "Emphasising" insignificance.

I would very much like to begin this entry by explaining my long absence... But I think now is not the time; suffice to say my silence was due to weeks of much contentment that any other release I might find (in this case, writing) would prove to be incomparable.

So for now, let's overlook the fact that I have been away for a month now, and pretend that I have been writing here as I always have.

Since Thursday night last til today, I have been suffering from a torturous fever. I know that I was in much pain when it obliterates all other past memory of pain that I might have felt before. It has been unbearable. It left half-delirious for most parts, dazed and confused, and put my temperature on a see-saw. For most of those days, I felt like my brain was being boiled from the inside out. I was so hot on the inside that no bathing or drinking could assuage the fire. And no matter how much I drank, my mouth was dry and my lips were parched. And the headache was a test to my ability to hold on to my sanity.

In one week, I met with 6 doctors, been to 3 clinics and 2 hospitals, and had numerous needles jabbed into me whether for drips, blood-taking, or to administer medicine. And after it all, they still cannot give me an answer on what I have.

I have been whacked back and forth like a rubber ball by doctors who do not know what to do with me. Clinics refer me to other clinics, and then finally one clinic refers me to a private, specialist hospital. Said specialist hospital tested me for dengue and it came back negative, so they got scared and referred me to the GH cos they are not equipped to test for H1N1. The fact that I was in Melaka last weekend made them even all the more eager to get me out of their hospital, since Melaka is the worst-hit state with H1N1 cases. I go to the GH's emergency unit and the doctor doesn't even bother to do a blood test or a throat swab and "magically" comes up with the diagnosis that I have viral fever.

And I am left in the cold wondering, "WTF?"

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that the doctor did not say I have Influenza A/H1N1. But how does he know really? He didn't follow the procedure I hoped he would. So who's to know if his diagnosis was correct? I could be a walking timebomb for all I know.

Believe me, I am scared. I am alone in my room in Cyberjaya, scared to go to work, and feeling damn scared that if I'm another misdiagnosis horror story, I would be just another number in the statistics. I'm scared.

I'm scared because I am not confident of that doctor's abilities and that he might dismissed me too fast. I'm scared because many of my symptoms could pass off for that. And while the symptoms are pretty much the same as a normal fever...I don't wanna be too safe. The death toll is rising, even among healthy young people. I've read about the complications that happen mostly in the younger generation and how their bodies just shut down. And this scares me even more.

So now I sit here and am contemplating driving myself to the hospital in Putrajaya. I'm scared to go, cos I'm afraid I might not be able to drive myself in the best sense of judgment...but, I dunno...

I want Ash to be here so desperately.

Scared,
Linzy

I've been busy.

Planning.

Buying.

Conspiring.

Hence, the lack of much needed words to be typed into this space. But I needed to prioritize, and while this is important to my sanity, there was another thing that needed much attention paid to it.

I was elected as Aust-B's team representative for the Fun Inc. group. And once having done so, Fun Inc is planned for tomorrow to be the next Dress-up Day. Only this time around, it would be a team thing, and the best team would get a sum of money for them to spend. And after discussing in our weekly meeting, we all decided to become vampires in entirely black attire. So my having been made team representative, I went all out to make sure we will do great and win. So far, most of the team seems to be very game. So I hope the turn out will be super.

We've been keeping it a secret so to not be a "dead" giveaway since the "stakes" are high. We wanna win this thing and give the other teams something to sink their teeth into.

I've made a banner that'll hang over our team's corner of the office that says: "Blood Donation Drive: Donors Needed". And we'll keep mum throughout the day, being only in our black clothes. But during our assembly, we'll bare our fangs and give them a bite!

So tomorrow, my ensemble is this:

• A black lace knee-length dress
• Blood red heels
• Blood red nail polish
• Blood red lipgloss
• Black dangly earrings
• Vampire fangs
• A cape
• My JWIMMN/Whedonite badge
  

I can't wait to see what the others will be wearing. I so hope we win. That'll make me proud, having been just recruited and all into Fun Inc.

So, wish me and my team luck. Hope to have pictures to put up tomorrow!

Love,
Hazlin

P/s: I am a Whedonite. I shall not in any be associated with Twilight for dressing up as a vampire. Hence my wearing my "Whedonite" badge...nevermind the fact that no one would understand it :p

Rules: Be honest no matter what.

If I tag you, you have to do one!

1.) Have you ever been asked out?
Yes, and almost always from strangers. Getting stalked in shopping complexes by guys trying to push peddle their phone numbers to me are not strange; scary though :p

2.) Where was your default picture taken?
Since I took this from FB, it was taken during Mimi's wedding in Ampang. If it's the Blogger picture, it was taken the next day after Ash and I were official, at my house in Seremban.

3.) What's your middle name?
I don't have one. Unless you wanna count the 'binti'.

4.) Your current relationship status?
Happily unavailable and taken :))

5.) Does your crush like you back?
Erm, re: above, taken; so no crush.

6.) What is your current mood?
Hungry...

7.) What color of underwear are you wearing?
Errr.....white with blue buterflies.

8.) What color shirt are you wearing?
Not shirt, but a red dress with white flowers on them.

9.) Missing something?
Someone: My Sayang <3

10.) If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
Nothing. If I changed anything, it might jeopardize the wonderfulness of my life today :) But if I had to choose, I'd probably go back in time and rescue my cats whom I sorely miss til now.

11.) If you must be an animal for one day, what would it be?
I want to be a bird of prey cos I wanna fly, but I don't want to be gobbled up by bigger birds :p

12.) Ever had a near death experience?
Erm... I don't think I have. But I once almost drowned in a river.

13.) Something you do a lot?
Squeeze the pores on my nose...I do it so annoyingly much that the skin of nose keeps peeling.

14.) The song stuck in your head?
'Glorious' by Natalie Imbruglia

15.) Who did you copy and paste this from?
Edwan's FB note :p Thanks, Edwan!

16.) Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Jesus.

17.) When was the last time you cried?.
On the phone with my Encik Sedil some weeks back when I felt demotivated and dejected.

18.) Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yes, a few times in front of the entire school.

19.) If you could have one super power what would it be?
Strength. So that I can go anywhere without fear.

20.) What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The eyes. But I have a thing for hands, too :p

22.) What's your biggest secret?
I'm not Hazlin.

23.) Favorite color?
Blue.

24.) Do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
I do on occasion. But I prefer serious movies and tv shows.

25.) What's on your walls?
At the moment, nothing.

26.) What are you?
Myself; a product of my choices, judgment and thought.

27.) Do you speak any other language?
Malay, Whedonesque.

28.) What's your favorite smell?
*grin* Honestly, it's private :p

29.) Describe your life in one word.
Worthwhile
* curi Edwan's word, but that's exactly what was on my mind :p

30.) Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Not--yet.

31.) What are you thinking about right now?
Nak balik rumah and tido.

33.) What should you be doing?
Work, and also figuring out my team's costume for dress up day.

34.) Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
People whose names I won't mention. No one tells me what to do, or can/cannot do, and these two thought they could.

35.) How often do u talk to God?
As often as my undeserving self can.

36.) Do you like working in the yard?
Not really. I probably wouldn't mind so much if I wasn't a mosquito magnet.

37.) If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
A last name would mean changing my father's name, thus, I would be someone else's child. So honestly, I don't want one.

38.) Do you act differently around the person you like?
Maybe. But if I'm comfortable with him, after a while, I'd be my normal self.

39.) What is your natural hair color?
Dark brown.

40.) Who was the last person to make you cry?
I don't remember. I usually cry by my own accord, and never give the satisfaction to a person who deem that I would break to their manipulations.

Love, Linzy.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write down your wedding plan! At the end, tag the person whose wedding plans you'd like to know.

1. How old are you?
- 23 going on 24 in half a year's time.

2. Are you single?
- Happily not :)

3. At what age do you think you'll get married?
- Before I complete 3 decades of living. Or in other words, before I turn 30.

4. Do you think you'll be marrying the person you are with now?
- I hope and I pray for that to be so. I can't see myself with anyone else.

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
- Errr...it has never crossed my mind. Not one to fantasise about other men :p

6. Who will be your bridesmaid or best man?
- Erm...to avoid conflict, I would have my lil sis, Haida, as my bridesmaid. As for the best man, that's for my Sayang to decide.

7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
- Traditional. Have always fancied getting married in the Shah Alam mosque.

8. Where do you plan to go on honeymoon?
- If I could, somewhere in Europe.

9. How many guests do you think you'll invite?
- As many people as possible. But I'd wanna have an intimate gettogether with close friends later for some laidback lepaking.

10. Will that include your exes?
- They will be on the invitation list. They all stayed on good terms and as good friends with me, after all.

11. How many layers of cake do you want?
- Uuhh... never really thought about it. I'd think the actual food we'd be eating is more important :p

12. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
- Early morning, just when dawn is breaking.

13. Name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.
- Never really thought about it... I shall ponder on that soon.

14. Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon, fork and knife?
- No stuck-up, pretentious fine-dining, please. Just good old traditional Malay cuisine and everyone can have a go at it either with their hands or with fork and spoon.

15. Champagne or red wine?
- Limau ais, please. Or anything as quenching.

16. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
- Right after the wedding, thank you very much. I'd like to cherish our union by ourselves. And I'll have my phone on silent the entire trip :p

17. Money or household items?
- Household items...shall I make a list?

18. How many kids would you like to have?
- Ermmm...I dunno, 4 maybe?

19. Will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?
- Which parts of the honeymoon are we referring to here? Hrmmm....? Knowing me, I'd want as many visual recordings of memorable memories as possible; but with that in mind, that'll mean a lot of footage will be kept for private viewing pleasure only :p

20. Whose wedding plan would you like to know next?
- Sesiapalah yang sudi. I was bored, so I decided to do this. So, anyone else just as bored as I am, go right on ahead.

2. Had brunch at Bundo Kanduang Nasi Padang restaurant.
5. Watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
8. Talked to my Sayang before bed.

But--but-- I don't watch TV. Ah well, I'll just put the only shows I do watch, that is by the genius, Joss Whedon *bows*.
3. Firefly
And the others that I watch occasionally:
6. Friends