Sup3rnality

I was up late last night. I couldn't really sleep thanks to my getting a flu and slight fever. Was talking to Aaina a little bit cos she just came back then, and while I was doing so, thought to myself to check my e-mail my phone as I would sometimes do.

Of course, my e-mail inbox was in its usual clutter of various notifications from Facebook and the ocassional e-mail from Kak Mei regarding classes and the like. Also thrown into my inbox would be the various invoices from eBay for the clothes I've been buying online. Nothing unusual. And then I picked out a notification for a message I received on Facebook. I quickly clicked on it to see what it was about.

What I didn't expect at all was to receive this message:

I was so happy that I was very close to tears. I was OMG-ing so many times and told Aaina the news. We were both speechless for quite some minutes. And I was jumping happily. My God, this is such good news. I'm gonna be Aunty Linzy!

Anis & Matt, am so happy for you guys. I know how much you've been wanting to have mini versions of yourselves. Congrats to you both!

Love, LinZy~

I am in a state of panic. I totally am. I cannot even begin to explain my panic-ness.

My Entrepreneurship Skills 2 final presentation is tomorrow morning, or rather, later in the morning, say, another 9 hours time. And me, as the compiler and somewhat of the group leader is in charge of compiling everything. Now that I have all the parts e-mailed to me by my groupmates, I realize that there are some parts missing due to either one of these 2 reasons:
a) The e-mailing system is screwed and both the sender and the recipient are unable to get the document across.b) Someone forgot that they are in charge of something and therefore didn't do that part.

I'm not upset with my groupmates cos they've done a great job even if they forgot that particular section. It's just that I worry that we won't get to finish in time.... But I have a glimmer of hope. One of my groupmates, Izwan, the only one who replied to my frantic smses is now working as the voice of reason and telling me that tomorrow we can probably work out that missing section of the business plan cos he thinks it's doable and then he'll run out and get it printed.

Knowing that, I think I'm feeling much relieved. At the very least, this time around my groupmates are willing to do their part and are also willing to go through it as a group through thick and thin. Unlike my past groupmates who dumped it all on me cos they had assignments and exams....Like, hello?! You think I don't?

So now, as instructed by my groupmate, I should just finish up my part and my individual assignment, and leave the missing parts be for now. Tomorrow as a group, we'd finish it up together and patch it all up nicely and get it printed. It might be a last minute thing, but at least we'll get it done together. And I'm bloody relieved. Should this have been the group I was with before, today or tomorrow they'd still know and do squat.

So I think I can rest now...Well, not rest but retire to my own work and then have a good rest. Therefore, goodnight for now. We'll see how this fares in the morning.

Love, Linzy~

P/S: I love you, sayang. Thanks for talking to me for a bit while I was going crazy. Thanks for your reassurance, saying you know how I always work it out in the end. What would I do without you? A reprieve is definitely in order when all this is done :)

"I shoulda just stayed in bed"

I threw the comment over my shoulder to Scott as I left the classroom, almost in a huff. I should have just trusted my instincts that there was no class today. But with the thought that I have used up my skip-class quota nagging at the back of my mind, preventing me from fully sleeping, I got my lazy-ass out of bed and dragged myself to class.

Of course, only to discover that there was none.

I'm not pissed. Just a little miffed. Another hour of sleep would have done me wonders. I've been a little lack of sleep, or, sleeping at the wrong hours that I would have just loved a little lie in this morning... It wasn't meant to be, I suppose.

I was somewhat informed of this possible non-class scenario. But my source herself was not of the sureness, so I didn't wanna take the chance. So I made the distance from my bed, to the shower stalls, back to my room and to the classroom... Only to be greeted by Scott's grin whilst shaking his head in silent indication that there was no class. Argh.

I shoulda just stayed in bed.

Love, Linzy~

I am at times assaulted with awe at the audacity in these sudden bouts of concupiscence. How in the haze, judgment and concern just keeps on leaving. And all there is left is the blinding light that pulls me to a corner to find refuge in the shade. And I follow. I wonder sometimes if I am losing my mind?

I'm out of my mind.

Nothing new to you by now. I'm too far gone. In too deep. My mind has been left vacant many a time, so much so that I am comfortable with its absence, welcomes it even. And it's not always you, but it is also me, striking a chord to a point, til nothing's left.

I'm out of mind.

Cos I can't even spin riddles anymore. My mind can't think that far anymore...other than to that space of time.

Love you.

Love, Linzy~

Thursday, 11th September 2008

You know what made me turn to look in your direction? It was the sudden whiff of the scent that you usually put on that made me puzzledly look around. It couldn't be anybody but you.

So I saw you there, sitting at the other side of the pillar of the busstop I was waiting at. Nonchalantly you were looking at a distance, pretending you were there merely by coincidence and no way in design. You bloody cheeky devil.

You led me on to believe that I would be going alone. When I called you in the morning and told you about my plans for the day, you said you weren't very sure if you would be going with me. I told you it's alright since I was only gonna be picking up my comic at KLCC and then I'd be off if I had nothing else to engage myself in. And so I went about my day. Had classes in the morning and retired back to my room for a few hours for some blessed shuteye. I left the room for the library for a short discussion with my Entrepreneurship groupmates, while at the same time being already prepared to leave for KLCC right after...

You called me around 4pm just as my meeting was about to end and asked what I was doing, whether I was gonna go through with my plans. I told you 'yes' as you responded with lethargy, the voice of someone having just woken up. You said to take care and I said I'd call you before I leave.

And so I did.

I was about to leave the library when I called you. You said it's best that I waited at the bustop where you would usually be cos that was the closest one to the library. I was walking while I was talking to you, but then I realized that I left my notebook behind and ran back for a bit. Then again I made my way to the bustop. I shoulda known.

I almost didn't wanna go. It was almost 5pm and I had a slight tummy ache, but I was already ready, so I might as well. I can't believe I didn't see you when I was sitting down on the bench. I was looking around fervently feeling very alone and rather nervous. I couldn't imagine that I didn't catch a glimpse of you coming towards the bustop or sitting down there in the first place.

Then there was there was your cologne, and my turning around, and my seeing you. Bloody hell.

There were mixed feelings of wanting to smack you and wanting to throw my arms around you.

Suprised me you did.

Part of me was blown away by the fact that you were actually there. Part of me was saying that I should have known...especially when I called you after I left the library, it was noisy in the background where you were, impossible it was to be your room. I asked you where you were and you shrugged off the question... I should have known.

It was a nice time spent with you. Just going to KLCC and then walking to Ampang Park to break fast at Cozy House... It was just really a cosy evening.

Thanks, sayang, for the surprise you gave me. It really made my day. I love you soo damn much.

Love, Linzy~

"Oh, by the way, he's still single."

Stop. Backtrack. My internal monologue that usually moves full-throttle, full speed ahead suddenly faulted and crashed with a pregnant "Huh?!".

My next reaction was: "Surprisingly" tossed back at the friend several seconds too late, said with a laugh when what I really wanted to say was: "What the bloody heck is that supposed to mean?".

I mean, really. What was that supposed to mean? You're walking along the hallways, and you suddenly bump into a mutual friend you share with a person whom you used to date. That's all fine and dandy especially seeing how your former flame is still a good friend of yours and the person in common is a nice person whom you've occassionally engaged in a conversation with. But, discount all that, what was that last statement, added almost as an afterthought as the friend walked away in the opposite direction, meant to convey?

Sure, my former is back. But unlike the usual tradition, he doesn't throw in his customary "Hey, I'm back. Lets catch up over cakes at Secret Recipe" once he touches ground here in Malaysia. My feeling is perhaps he is respecting the fact that I'm not single anymore. And I'm grateful for that because I've reconciled with the fact that we're through and that friendship is all there is between us. I am deeply in love with Ash, and am in no way considering any alternatives.

But what is this that people keep insinuating?

Sure, we still hung out after we broke up, mostly paying homage to the fact that we've been lifelong friends, and we've been there for each other throught alot, whether or not we were dating at the time. Sure, in that time there was that glimmer of hope that maybe we'd pick up where we left off, but I banished all thoughts when I found myself falling for the person I wear my Claddagh the way I wear it for. But others, well, they're either not up-to-date of the changing times or just refuse to acknowledge that.

Newsflash!
I am taken. No doubt about it, no questions asked. If you have any problems, please dial 1-800-GETOVRIT.

By the way, you're still one of my best friends, Idzaid; and I've nothing against you. But, I'm just a little tired of this people-wanting-us-to-get-back-together thing. It's a little too late for that now...and other people should realize that, too.

Love, Linzy~

Lately, I've found myself caught in quiet contemplation with a pen in my hand (held in what people say is a weird angle) and a notebook in front of me. I'd be lost in thoughts, attempting to pluck something out of the din of my mind to commit it to writing. And you'd ask me what I was thinking, but I wouldn't know what to say.

Suddenly I'd be seized by some invisible bout of inspiration and would start doodling and writing in my notebook. Sometimes a smile would play at the edge of my lips while I scribble, unconciously grinning to no one in particular but to the thoughts in my head. Something that only I can watch playing in my mind, and not the weirded out observer. You'd wonder what's playing in my thoughts.

Across the table you'd ask what I was writing. I'd be half lost in thought, half still grinning at the thought, and mostly not knowing how to explain it. Although it's not difficult to, there'd be no reason behind it; and my writing what I write would seem to a person as possibly a) a waste of time, or b) a depressed person, among many more. But the reason is just this, it's a nice way to reflect on what brings joy to my life. It gives me a reason to count my blessings, be thankful, appreciate my life and think back on what I've been graced with. And everytime I write something down, it is a testament to myself why life is worth living.

I've lately been listing people, things, places etc. that I love and make me happy. Alongside most of my little entries are little doodles to illustrate my points. I've been having fun writing them down, a smile alighting my face whenever I think of something more to add to my ever growing list...and the list is getting longer.

It's fantastic, knowing that I have so much to live for. Thick and thin, there are still so many little things that can bring me to smiles. They're my life's little pleasures, and I am ever grateful... I am truly blessed. Oh, and in case you don't know, the best things in life are free :)

Here's some random things out of my notebook:

• the smell of rain
• walking along the beach
• warm blankets
• lie-ins
• research (I am a nerd, I know)
• relaxing showers
• honey+milk
• window shopping
• riding in the car with the window down
• watching the sunrise/sunset

Well, that's just a glimpse into what I've been jotting down. I've lots more, and now I'm starting to categorize them. You should see the list under the heading of 'Food'...hehe. But of course, my list would never be complete without the most prioritized entries which are Ash, family, friends, faith and not to forget the maestro, Whedon.

So, I'm loving life. And what's life without love?

Love, Linzy~