Sup3rnality

Argh, it hasn't been a very good week for me. My mind's all over the place (I know it already is anyway, but it is a tad more than usual) and it's not very helpful. The strain of the semester is beginning to show, and I know that it's bound to spiral for the next month or so til the semester wind's down. I think I've said this a million times before: I need a reprieve.

This week did not go altogether right for me. I mean, there were moments of sanity and wonderfulness, but for most part, it was as though the odds were all against me. For one, I just got a fine because I left my laptop on the table, and there was a raid early in the morning; so when they opened up my compartment, they straightaway saw the laptop and gave me a fine for not having my laptop registered....what a rude awakening that was. On top of that, I'm totally turned off by the prospect of going to my ComApp class after the blunder my groupmates made in our presentation the week before. Error & Contrastive Analysis is killing my braincells badly. I lost my matric card, and I swear I left it at the CC but they say it ain't there. It's my frikkin' last semester and am already halfway through it at that and I lose my matric card. It costs 50 bucks to replace it and I can't even withdraw cash to pay for it cos my ATM card is my matric card.

And last but not least, I'm having a killer writer's block that is hindering me from writing 3 assignments that are due next week. In fact, I have one due this week but I couldn't submit it cos I can't seem to write a single paragraph right. And I have three midterms to think about next week and I am not prepared for that.... Argh. My brain hurts.

Among other things, after the lepak session at the stream behind campus, I discovered that I got bitten all over my body. It was raining earlier in the day and the river was a little murky. All the weird bugs were probably taking a swim in the river after the rain washed them into it, and me being the one allergic to bug bites, am now covered with little red bumps that are just so itchy. Eeee....annoying giler.

Ok, it's not so bad now that I have listed it out. But my brain is overloaded with stuff and they're just spilling out for lack of space. I just need some time to sit back and relax and sort through them...but the thing is, I do not have the luxury for that. The time that I do have left is for me to finish up all my work that is due soon... Sigh. Here's to insanity.

Of course, not everything has been bad. There have been good moments. Like going for the Body Shop's launch of the 'Breaking the Silence' Campaign at The Apartment, KLCC with Ayus. Lepaking with the Twisties at Bangi Kopitiam like the good old days. And of course, just spending time with my Sayang or just simply talking on the phone at the end of the day or my classes with him. Those are my shining lights during my dark week...so it's not all that bad. And now I am home after 2 weeks of not seeing my family.... So all is good. There is a ghost of a headache just lingering in my mind, but I'm putting it off for a bit til I get my bearings of things.

Anyway, lets hope next week gets a little better. I know that I have 3 exams and 4 assignments to submit, but I know I'll get through. With a lil help from my friends.

Love, Linzy~

It was hot, I was bored and I just needed some time out. It was a typical Tuesday afternoon. I didn't have anything else to do since there were only 2 classes which were all done by 1pm. Usually Lina, Yumi and I would just sit around and chit-chat...but this day I was just feeling so sweaty with the heat.

I had an impulsive idea. I was thinking, since it's been a long time since we've been swimming in the stream, I thought the idea of going for a dip in the cool cool water of the stream would be simply wonderful. I proposed the idea to Lina, who said she didn't mind. Yumi couldn't make it cos she had classes til 7pm on Tuesdays and Thurdays. And lastly and importantly, I called up my darling Ash to see whether he wanted to go. Since he, too, said he didn't mind, we began the hunt for a car to rent.

After calling here and there, we finally got ourselves a car and Ash was gonna be picking it up and then picking us girls up. But right after we settled everything, we ran into Raqib. We invited him to join us and he agreed. And since raqib wanted to go too, there was no need for car rental; cos we could all take Raqib's car. So we did.

After dropping by our rooms and picking up what we needed and changing, we set off to the stream. We got a nice, shady spot with somewhat of a pool to wade about in. The water felt so refreshingly cool after enduring such a hot hot day. It was just so good to be feeling so relaxed in the water, splashing about with good company, that is, Lina, Raqib and my Sayang.

We had lotsa fun. It gave me a chance to forget about class and work for a few hours and enjoy having fun with friends and being in the arms of my dearest sayang...it's just exactly what I needed.

I wish we could do that again soon... That was definitely one of the best ways to wind down after a tiring day.

Love, Linzy~

Written for my Feature Writing class 'Song Interpretation' exercise on the 7th of August 2008.
For this exercise, I was inspired by Jewel's "Who will save Your Soul", and the song sets the mood for this story, almost like a soundtrack. I call this piece:

Feature Writing really proved itself to be much fun on Thursday night, and it reminded as to why I love words and writing so much. I loved class that night, and I'm glad I didn't miss it in favour of hopping onto one of those buses to Genting (of course, I would have chosen being with you over anything else, sayang, but the Genting thing was an impulse comment; and if we really wanted to, well, that would take planning. Maybe sometime soon?).

Anyway, the class that night opened my eyes to the endless possibilities of writing styles and methods; and the method we used was 'Song Interpretation'. And while in some ways it is nothing new to me, since I've blogged a few entries inspired by songs or used song to interpret/emphasise my words; I've never written in that way before, in a way that while it was by my definition, what I wrote out of it had nothing to do with me. Well, it could if I wanted to, but I preferred the suggested method.

This was what we were supposed to do:

-Think of a song that inspires you.
-Think of how they make you feel.
-Write a short story or scene using the song in some way.

So I thought long and hard, shortlisting the my favourite songs and favourite artistes in my mind to think of the perfect song that could inspire me to write a story. Initially, I came up with this list:

- 'A Sorta Fairytale' by Tori Amos
- 'Full of Grace' by Sarah McLachlan
- 'Kiss the Flame' by Jewel
- 'Who Will Save Your Soul?' by Jewel
- 'Sign on the Door' by Edwin McCain
- 'Write Me a Song' by Edwin McCain
- 'Spark' by Tori Amos
- 'Here is Gone' by Goo Goo Dolls

It was quite hard for me to choose, since, well, they all pretty much inspire me in some way or other. Tori Amos for example, has a way of not connecting any of the words to create an immediately understandable meaning, but is layered with various interpretations. Jewel's concern for society is happiness and sadness sung as poetry. The Goo Goo Dolls casually rock out the sounds of their concern and advice. The Edwin McCain Band sings sultry blues-y rock that pulls at heartstrings....

Of course, I'd have thrown in more songs, like that from Sarah Bettens, Sarah McLachlan etc. But that would involve listing down every song on my playlist. But after long deliberation, particularly taking into account how vague the lyrics are so to create my very own story and not something that was already plainly described in the lyrics. In the end, it was a toss up between 'Who will save your soul?' and 'Sign on the door' and I chose, 'Who will save your soul'. It was vague and could be interpreted in any way regarding the wayward modern society. So within the next half an hour or so, I scribbled away a story....

TO BE CONTINUED...

P/S: I'd like to think that my creative streak that night came from having a wonderful day with my sayang. Right after our MSL makeup class, we managed to steal away for the rest of the day and spent it with each other in KLCC, before my Feature Writing class that night. Ash took me to Kinokuniya to get my Buffy #16 comic and made the rest of the time so much wonderful with much love and pampering (and scaring... leaning against the railing on the top floor... You know I'm afraid of heights, sayang). Thank you, love, for putting the many smiles on my face. You're very much my inspiration. I love you.

It's only Wednesday and I feel so drained. Like, really. There's so many things to do but I haven't gotten started on any of it. It feels like my body is walking ahead of my mind. Or my mind is ahead of my actions. Whichever one it is, I'm out of sync. There's alot of catching up needed.

I need to find a sort of balance right now. Because it feels like I just can't focus on the tasks at hand. I have a lot of work which needs doing, group discussions and 5 days-a-week classes that hardly afford me some rest time. I just need a little getaway to find my center. Some time to think and organize my thoughts into neat little folders so I can actually function in class; so that I won't have my brain struggling to roll down the Nusaibah Steps while my body is already in class.

I guess this is the disease that eats you up within; the thing I would name "Pre-graduation syndrome".

My mind is not on campus anymore. Don't get me wrong. I love classes. I love discussions. I love assignments. I just basically love the college life. But the anticipation of something new and much bigger; the bigger picture of life, I'd say; is stealing the thunder of my last semester. My mind is constantly wondering what my life would be like leaving the familiarity of my room in Nusaibah, the IRKHS building, the classes, the Square, the HS cafe (I still have that fantasy to fulfill, by the way), the library and the whole thing. Who'd I meet once I'm separated from my Twisties? How often would I see my sayang when he's still on campus and me at home or working or whatever?

All of this is constantly at the back of my mind, drumming a steady but annoying beat. And it wanting to contend with everything else in my head (i.e. classes and work etc) is making my mind a little too jumbled than I like.

I need to find my center.

I need to find Ning Jing.

Again, I ask, can we have a little getaway?

Love, LinZy~

Last night was one of those nights. One of those nights I used to have sometimes when all I could feel was a frustrating helplessness that made me feel weak and alone. Of course, I refer to 'one of those nights' as a rhetoric to myself. It's not like I told anyone of those nights so that anyone can recognize last night as being one of those nights...I'm not making any sense, right?

I'm just saying, it was one of those nights last night. And I didn't know what to do to assuage the feeling that made me feel so alone. The best thing that I could do was to find something to dull the sharp ache in my heart and try to occupy my time so I'd not think about it much. The answer? Laundry. Zuma Deluxe. Spider Solitaire. *sigh* It was just one of those nights.

I don't know what brings me to feel the way I feel sometimes. It happens for no apparent reason, it just happens. And when I'm like this, well, all I need is company. So Ash sayang, if you were wondering why I called many times last night, this was why... It's weird, I know; but it was just one of those nights.

I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling helpless and that nothing I do is right. I hate not being able to rely on myself. I'm so used to controlling my life and being in control, that when I feel vulnerable and unable to overcome my own demons, I get so upset.

But then again, I know that I am blessed with people whom I love and love me back in return.

And when I say all this, it does not mean that I do not feel your love, no matter where you are.

It's just one of those night when serenity is too far in the 'verse to catch up with. It just happens sometimes. It's just one of those nights.

I need to find Ning Jing again.

Love, LinZy~

I just want to getaway.

No, I'm not feeling depressed or angry or anything remotely bad that makes me want to run away from the world. It's just that I have been having so little time to spare for the people I love (Ash, my family and my Twisties and friends I've not seen since forever-that means you, Hamzah, Alfred, Suneetha and the BENdits, too.....but in this entry's context, I mean mostly youlah sayang) that I just want to drop all my responsibilities for the moment and have a sort of reprieve. I know it's not possible, but I can dream, can't I?

It doesn't have to be anywhere fancy. Heck, I could lock myself in a house and switch off all modes of communication and pretend the world just revolves around that house and there would be nothing outside the door but darkness. And I'd be happy to stay just like that. Of course, we'd need to stock up on some food and all, but otherwise, I would think that we'd need nothing else.

Can we?

*sigh* I know we can't. That would require me having to rewire my brain to not be so worrisome and not so much of the Responsible One. We'd have to stop time. We'd even have to look for someplace where no one would look so I can pretend that the world does not exist for a few days.

But nothing like that could happen, so I guess that the least I could do is be content with the now.

Maybe we can plan something soon?

Love, Lin~