Sup3rnality

It's 4.30pm on a Thursday afternoon, and there's nothing more to do than stare blankly at the monitor that isn't displaying the usual green, red and black text that needs editing, but just e-mails about the publishing software outage. I am trying hard not to fall asleep. Worrying about my products that need finishing. And wondering how my Sayang is doing on his job in Kelana Jaya; and thinking about how much I miss him.

I wish I am anywhere but here.

This is a game I play often on days that pass by a little too slow. I orchestrate fantasies to play at the back of my mind for some excitement in my otherwise mundane day.

I wish I am:

On a private island with Ash, just me and my man; blue skies reflected on the clear waters of the sea, so clear that you can see the fishes and the corals, the waves calm and playing a subtle rhythm in the background as it builds up and breaks along the beach, white smooth sand at my feet and in between my toes, coconut palms swaying and making cool patches of shade to hide from the glaring sun, and a gentle, cool breeze blowing in my hair. I'm thinking, Blue Lagoon; minus the human-sacrificing natives, of course. I want it to be our private island with a private villa overlooking the sea and a private boat to cruise on. The villa would be generously furnished for us to enjoy; it'll be cozy and homey with couches we can sink into, a big soft bed with fluffy pillows, fully stocked fridge, tvs and game consoles, huge bathroom, tv lounge with wide-screen tv to watch movies.....*sigh* All that and more. It'll be a perfect getaway hideaway. A home away from home. And deep within the island, there will be beautiful rivers and waterfalls to bathe and lounge in. Maybe even raft on and float all the way down to the sea. And I imagine spending languid hours on the sand underneath the shade and just taking in the beauty of everything without a care. Just absorbing the beauty and serenity of it all and just be filled with contentment. We can watch the sun disappearing in the horizon at sunset and wake early to greet the dawn in the early morning. I will scour the beach in the day and collect seashells when the tide yields its treasure to the sand, so that I could make jewelry and ornaments. I can wear sun dresses that I love so much and run barefoot. Heck, I can wear bikinis of so many colours. It's my island, after all. I don't have to care about people watching. I can wear them skimpy scraps of fabric and need not worry about disapproving eyes. I can spend days and days in the arms of the person I love whom I hardly get to see, and when I do see, time is too short; and I can be away from work, work, work, work....

If I was anywhere but here.

Hey, I can dream, can't I?

Love,
Hazlin

My little blogshopaholic trio here in WKESP is a bunch of laughriots. They are frickin' hilarious. The make me feel like I am dealing in some illegal drug smuggling :p

My dress, by the way, is from Cupclothes, one of the best blogshop that carries a myriad of vintage clothing. What makes their collection so special is that they photograph the dresses simply, but attractively and provide a wide range of sizes and designs. So for people like me, I have more to choose from. And to top it off, their seller(s), namely Sakinah, are prompt and friendly, which makes the buying experience from them all the better. She responds by sms quickly, is very helpful and offers to measure to make sure the clothes would fit you; and is very honest when it doesn't. Her friendly smss make you want to buy more even if you don't need to. So Cupclothes is definitely a recommended shop for your vintage clothing needs. Variety, quality, and friendliness are the keywords here :)

I love my blue, flowery vintage dress. It's nice and comfortable, and just the right kinda colour. A perfect addition to my revamped wardrobe; and it would be perfect to wear to work.

Hehehe...the wonders, dangers and adventures of blogshopping *sigh*

Love,
Hazlin

I was worried this morning when I thought I was gonna be coming in late for work due to Juliana reaching here late from Subang Jaya. Thinking that I have four products to work on (AFB, AFPN, ASN and AFPN1), I doubt that I would have much time to luxuriously wait around. But money is money, and I am getting tired of taking cabs when I know the actual rate to get to FSBM Plaza from my place is just about R4. And I wasn't in the mood to give them cabbies double for nothing.

So I waited, and Juliana came, an we bought food, got to the office, parked and walked up. Only to find out that eCLS is out. Yes, empolis Content Lifecycle Suite, the software we use to create, comment, legislate, build etc our product content was dead in the water due to some technicalities. So bottom line, our jobs, which are built on the foundation of that bloody software, cannot be done. Without eCLS, we cannot do anything. So now we're just sitting her with nothing to do but praying hard that eCLS will come back on line. And by the way, it's not just us. It's basically WKs all over the world.

You see, even if it isn't our fault, and the problems are caused by a faulty system, we would still need to get the products done on time. We can put in a rescheduling request, but should the system be ok tomorrow, then tomorrow we will have to come. Which by the way, is a plublic holiday. That's the harsh part of being in the publishing business, I suppose. Especially when we are talking about products that involve legislation and other things that need to be constantly updated on time. We are all accountable for the products we handle, and we have to do everything in our power to get it done on time, even if it's a holiday. Even if it isn't our fault, we have to make up for it.

So, it wouldn't bother me so much if tomorrow my parents didn't have anything planned. Then, I could just stay the day and finish what needs doing. But we some things on our agenda tomorrow and it would suck if I need to stay put here. But work is work, I suppose, and I can't overrule that.

I guess I would have to see how it goes. I hope everything can be done by today so that I can go home with a clear conscience. And worse case scenario; I would stay, come early tomorrow morning, get it done and finish by midday hopefully, and meet my parents in KL. But that's just the worse case scenario, of course. Worser case, well, that would mean I have to forgo whatever plans tomorrow...

Ah well, I don't want to think of it now. We'll see, we'll see. Que sera sera.

Love,
Hazlin

Again, I am.

All the ever so.

Even more.

Maybe a false alarm.

Hopefully.

I'm in that dilemma again when I have things I want to pen down, but cannot seem to find the words that could say it in the way I want them to sound. There are a whole bunch of drafts in my "Edit Posts" tab and I cannot find it in me to finish them. I find it annoying. They are a pain as they make me feel like there's a mosquito flying near my ear and breaking my focus and peace; like it just needs to be executed.

Anyway, this will be just a quick update to fill these much empty spaces:

• I....mmmmuuuussstttt.....ssstttoppp.....bbblllogggssshhoppiiinnnggg... Ann, Juliana and I are very bad influences on each other. Eversince we've been hanging, we've been buying more, and sharing postage costs when it's from the same shop, and discussing clothes over brekkie and lunch, and I should really stop. For the month at least. I know I've been on this quest to revamp my wardrobe, but this month I have went overboard. Well, not to the extent that I can't go out or buy food or anything, but I say it is bad because relatively, compared to months before, I would span my spendings throughout the month. This month looks a little bleak because I have run on low by just the second week; so yeah, I should slow down. Otherwise it isn't so bad.
• But yeah, nevertheless, I am hellbent on giving my wardrobe (or in my case, box) a make-over. I want to lessen my looking like a 16 year old girl and getting questions like; Result SPM hari tu macam mana? or Apply kat U mana hari tu?. And despite my company allowing casual wear which I am thankful for, I want to lose the freshgrad look that shouts inexperience!. Reputation needs building again in this new place, and I need to feel secure again. I may have found a place among their ranks but they have yet to know the person I am, how I work, how I deal, how I think. And my looking like a Uni student doesn't help with their talking to me in a simplified way.
  
• Did I mention before that I love my team? If I haven't, well, I love Team Australia B; they rock! :) I feel very comfortable in their cosiness.
• I need to find a new house to move into soon... From my conversations with my housemates, my landlord is looking to move into this house pretty soon. Possibly in June. So I have about a month to look for a place; preferably a master bedroom so that I can have my own bathroom with a price range of RM400-500. But since MMU is still in it's current semester, no one is moving out just yet. And yes, if Ayus doesn't give me confirmation by middle of May about moving in together, either I find myself my own place or I move in with my housemate Juliana.
• I am too far gone in my work that I sub-edit things even when I'm reading random signages, notices, articles and the like. I would see a word and think, "Oh no, that should be in ’ or that should be in curly quotes, or hmm...that should be lawrefed". And yes, I do occasionally dream of commblocks, green/red/black text, and also resolving links :p I need help.
  
• This is more of a Note-to-self rather than an entry, but nevermind; I need to breakaway from my family's Maxis Family Plan and get my own personal line and pay my bills. And I need to pay the instalments for my car. And I need to register for parking soon...urgh, 60 bucks a month. And I need to pay for clearance from IIUM.
• Oh, speaking of car, yes, I've already gotten my silver Perodua Viva. My plate number starts with WSM and I was thinking of what acronym could it possibly be for; and all I could think of is Whedon'S Minion :P I hope to get the car in my clutches by middle of May at least. Here's to hoping... Well, I do have one carkey with me here...
• Good luck, Sayang on your first day of your part-time job. I know you will do great. Not I hope, but I know. You have my support all the way. Go get 'em :) I love you~
  
• Oh yes, and I miss you, Sayang. Rendezvous sometime? ;)

That's that. Just to get things outta my mind so my brain for tomorrow would be clog-free; and I can think about finishing up those drafts. So, bye.

Love,
Hazlin

A captured demon, or a demon captured

Some episodes that I have neglected to post up due to being too distracted. I shoulda done this sooner on the days itself, but hey, I was busy then.

So, where were we last? Oh yes, the last episode would have been when we had our end of the semester (nevermind not all exams were done yet at the time) celebration at Yumi's place and our all-nighter sessions. Well if that episode were any indication, I was too blind to see. Perhaps a certain dare was a beginning...? Or a beginning to a beginning? Maybe...

*************************************************************************

7th April 2008

Episode 12

So we've been going out, seeing too much of each other and spending nearly 24/7 in each other's company. And for the most part, it was Ash, Yumi and I. There were times even when we had dinner together which is off the record as there are no pictures. But the three of us nonetheless.

But on this day, Ash didn't wanna follow us, and it became just a girl's night out. Well, actually not so much a night out as it was a dinner at McD's. Aaina and Maj had to make a move and so left Yumi, Lina and I on our own to chat at Burger King. After having some heart to hearts and some laughs, we had to send Lina back since she had an exam the next day.

It was about 11pm by then, but Yumi and I decided to go check on Ash to see if he was alright as he sounded a bit down on the phone earlier and cos we also wanted to get/give a cd. And so we drived up to the guys' colleges. What was supposed to be just a short visit turned out to be a drink at a mamak. And but of course we went over the curfew time and had to stay out :p

8th April 2008

Episode 13

So we stayed on at the mamak way past 12am. Next thing we knew, we were driving aimlessly like we always do. Yumi was in the backseat instead cos she was tired and was soon sound asleep as Ash and I joked around and sang to the songs he had on the cd player. Having grown up listening and loving oldies music (my mother's influence, mostly), I could remember most of the words, the chorus at least and sang along.

Ash drove on. Through KL and some roads unknown to me, and then the winding roads of Kuala Kubu and Rawang; the old roads, mind you, and he asked me to tell him stop when he has gone far enough. But I let him just drive. I was enjoying the comfort of cruising along and watching the dark of night go past. The roads were dark but instead of being scary, it was relaxing. The music set a nice ambience to the stillness of the night, and Ash was good company as we went about some silly bantering.

Ash drove and drove. And where else would we end up if not Tanjung Malim. Yep, we crossed the state line and now found ourselves in Perak. It was 5am by then, and we looked at the signboard as we turned the junction into town and yep, we were in Tanjung Malim alright.


Yumi woke up by then and we stopped for a bit at a bus terminal and couldn't stop laughing at the how ludicrous we were. Yes, we looked like a bunch of drunks who were doubling over in fits of laughter. But it was funny to us. Our being so far out seemed so unthinkable.

We got back in the car after catching out breaths and explored Tanjung Malim town by pre-dawn. It seemed like a sleepy town and yet, when we were cruising the shophouses, we saw a Hotel Bunga Raya. I grabbed at Ash's arm and pointed, cos just hours ago he was telling us about Sakip's notorious make believe place he tells people he's going to. That again, brought us into fits of laughter :P Yes, we were having a laugh riot.


After a while, we winded down and decided to take a breather in front of a 7-11. We were thinking of having breakfast at Yik Mun, a restaurant I have been going to for as far back as I can remember. So we decided to wait it out til they opened. Yumi was again sound asleep in the backseat, and Ash got himself a newspaper while I watched the lightening horizon. The dark blue was turning a sorta purple, and then hints of orange appeared. It was beautiful. And I felt oddly serene in that moment.

As Ash finished his paper, we started a light banter. Something about him being a paedophile and my being incestuous. Sorry, ain't going into details as to why. But we were going back and forth with theat argument, quietly though, as we did not want to wake Yumi up. And, well, in the stillness of the early morning and the calmness of the coming dawn, I felt a...spark. I cannot really explain it, but I found myself drawn into the person who was sitting next to me, and leaning against me, as we pointlessly argued.

And suddenly Yumi wakes up. And I am taken aback.


It was 8am by then. And Yik Mun showed no signs of opening. So decided to forego some childhood reminiscing and head back to good ol' Gombak. I waved goodbye to Yik Mun as we drove off .


And so we drove on back. This time we took the inner roads and passed by homestays, riverside chalets, getaway huts and the like. It looked so beautiful and cozy, and with the window down and the morning breeze blowing in, it felt like a getaway of sorts. Nevermind the fact that I was in yesterday's clothes or that I haven't washed my face or brushed my teeth, it was fine by me. I mean, heh, no one else in the car was any better :P


We passed a little nook in the road that had some stairs leading down to a river. We missed it first time around, but we decided to turn back. We stopped, parked, got out, and made our way down the steps to a beautiful stream. It felt so refreshing to be there in the morning and feel the cool water on your face, and dip your feet in it.

Twisted Natureboy was tempted to just jumpn in with everything on. But the only thing holding him back was the fact that it was Yumi's car and he didn't get it all wet from him clothes :P So he refrained, and he was frustrated that he couldn't jump in. Heck, even I was. But we had to leave without feeling the coolness of the water...


Before we reached campus, we decided to have breakfast. We enjoyed some nice roti canai and only then Yumi sent us back to campus. Having been up all night, I slept the day away, right up until 2 or 3pm or so.

Maj, who was graduating that sem had just cleared out her room, stuffed her car to the brim, checked out, and had nowhere to go til our next lepak session. Yes, after being out all night the night before, we were gonna go lepak again that night. So Maj came to our room and we watched The Good Son while we waited out the others.

As soon as Lina finished her paper, we got ready and headed out again. We had dinner at the same place Yumi, Ash and I had for brekkie, and then we headed to OU to watch a movie. On the way there, when Yumi got me alone, she asked me what happened between Ash and I that morning. I told her that I honestly did not know. She said that it was ok if there were feelings, and whatever it was, she had my back all the way; in spite of the situation then. I felt a little better, because, yeah, I wasn't sure what it was.


I was sitting between Ash and Yumi in the cinema. At one point during the movie, Aaina smsed me to say *Ahem ahem* Don't get too cozy with Ash.

****************************************************************************

9th April 2008

Episode 14

We came back in the morning again. We lepaked at some Arabic restaurant all night playing cards, drinking coffee, eating hummus, while I caught up with some Zs that I've been lacking severely. After that, we made our way to McD Karak, where we had one last lepak before we said goodbye. It was check out day, and we'd be leaving. And Maj, well, she'd be leaving UIA. There were some tearful farewells to Maj, cos it was an end to an era; and she would no longer be just there on campus with us, nor hang out with us at the Square.

We headed back and helped Aaina load her car with her things. We would be moving out of the current room, so she had to bring all her stuff back. And me, well, I still had to pack. Having gone out so much, I haven't the time to get to packing.

When we were done loading the car, we gone back to sleep. Aaina wanted to follow Ash, Yumi and I on our plan to go back to the river and have a swim before I headed back later that same day.

But you see, we all have been out every single night, and so our plans to wake up at 8am and go back to the stream went *poof*... Because myself, who was supposed to call everyone, and Aaina, who is in the same room with me fell asleep right up to 1pm. Yep, we slept the morning away. And we didn't even hear our roomie leave, but she left us a message. And Yumi nor Ash called us. And I was supposedly suppose to go swim in the stream, come back and leave at 1pm.

Yeah right.

It was already 1pm as it was.

So, Aaina had to leave then, cos it was already late. I decided to check out and go out with Ash and Yumi before I left for home. And so I checked out, packed abit and Aaina sent me to Yumi's. Yumi and I then picked Ash up and had a late lunch at a mamak. By then, it was late, and I was having second thoughts about going back that day. I had loads of stuff, and it was late. There will be no space in the train, and I was super tired.

So I called my mom, and I told her I'd only be coming home the next day.


So, what we did was, since Yumi was leaving for Ukraine for the whole of the short semester and we wouldn't see her for about 3 months, and Fidzy have not seen Yumi since she couldn't join us cos of her curfew, we decided that we would drive to TTDI to pay Fidzy a visit.

We had dinner, while Yumi texted me some messages about there must still be dinosaurs in my tummy, and we decided that we should take Fidzy out on one of our all-nighters. So Fidzy grabbed her guitar at home, and took of with us.


There was still one more night of adventure left....

********************************************************************

Yes, I know it's been a year ago. But I swear to God that I remember every detail. I remember how I felt. I remember the feel of the air, the smells, the sounds... It all seems fresh in my mind. And it's because I keep replaying it over and over in my head.

Love,
Linzy

Last Saturday had me waking with a panicky start, thinking that I was late for work. The sun was bright outside my window, and my mind was racing with thoughts of how Juliana must be mad at me for not showing up, my teammates wondering where I was and a product left hanging on its own. But as sense and logic rushed back in, only then I realized that it was Saturday, and I was here in Cyberjaya as I would be meeting up with the BENdits for Anis' baby shower. *slaps forehead* Duh.

So I rolled out of bed, and got to my usual getting-ready routine. It was only about 8.30am, and the baby shower was not til 5pm, but I planned to meet up with Sarah to do a little shopping before we set off to Anis' place. So I went through the normal bathe+tone and moisturize+pants+make-up+top+hair regime and set out.

It felt like a good day, panicky wake up notwithstanding, and I walked out with a spring in my step. It was a Saturday, I was in Cyberjaya, I got to wake up late and I didn't have to go to work. Those were the makings of a good start. Then, the Bangladeshi worker I passed by who mopped the corridors every morning looked up from his work and greeted me 'good morning' with a smile. It made me smile all the more and I greeted him in kind. I have to say that I am a sucker for old fashioned politeness and courtesy; and I miss that among human beings, who are now cold, lonesome robots without a smile to spare. So I salute you, Mr Block C1 Caretaker, for smiling when many wouldn't. Yes, it was a good morning.

I decided to take a cab instead of the bus to the ERL station, cos as I was walking, I saw the bus driving fast past, and it would be another half an hour til the next one came. So, screw it, cab it is. After the incident with the sleazy cabbie, I have been extra extra careful, but I was pleasantly surprised by this cabbie who was pleasant and friendly. On the way, I decided to ask him how much it would cost to go to Midvalley, and having negotiated a reasonable price, I agreed for him to send me straight there.

So I got there, I shopped at MPH while waiting for Sarah, bought loads of stuff, and when Sarah got there, we went to Gardens to get her Stila stuff. I was starving by then, and having been craving for Carl's Jr., I decided to belanje Sarah and have our brunch there. After that, we headed to OU to get more of Sarah's stuff (heheh...lotsa stuff, huh, Sarah?) and stopped by MPH to catch the Poetry Readings held there in conjunction with World Book Day. Managed to meet with Madame Sheena and watch some poets do their stuff. Right after that, Sarah and I immediately met up with Fidzy and Shu and headed to Kota Damansara to get donuts and go to Anis' place.

When we got there, I have to say it was a huge relief to see some familiar faces that I haven't seen in such a long time. These are the friends that made MCIIUM bearable despite being depressing as it was. These are the faces that taught me alot about a friendship that I had yet to discover. These were the people who were very much a family to me. Sadly, Aaina and Zeph couldn't make it cos Aaina had work at the last minute and Zeph had to fly. So, it was just the 6 of us. Let's see if I still remember this: It was Pesky+Kitty+Sleepyhead+Philosopher+Fingerprints+Responsible-Silent-Horny=6 BENdits.

Lemme say this, no matter how long we get separated, we can still laugh like the bunch of 17/18 year olds we were all those years back in Matric. It's been about 6 years since then, and we are still the BENdits who hogged the Lepak Place and shared stories, laughs, food, tears and the like. Heck, we shared a lot back then. We're still the bunch of girls who had nothing in common, but found friendship in spite of our difference in background, lifestyle and mannerisms. We are still the same, but we're not.

What makes the now different from those years long gone is that we're now on a new phase in life. And while we don't share the same situations like we used to when we were all cooped up in the Holy Grounds v.1, we still find ourselves to be kindred in ways. And I find comfort in that.

It was nice sitting around the table and catching up, joking and laughing, and reminiscing on memories. Who'd have thought we'd be see each other through this far? We've had our misunderstandings and arguments and yet, there we were.

And the reason we were there in the first place was to celebrate our very own Anis and Matt, whom are expecting their knight in a month's time. We came bearing gifts to welcome their baby when he is born. Their very first child. And also the first child, shall I say, in our BENdit family. We are going to be aunts. Hehe, I'm going to be Aunty Linzy...

It's amazing to think all those years ago, when we were all just girls who found friendly faces in a sea of unknown people, that we would become the women we are, here and now, as a family of sorts--still.

On last weekend's Saturday, I woke up with a start at around 8.30am thinking I was late for work and panicking like crazy, my heart in my mouth.

Today, I woke up at 8.13am realizing that I was late for work and that Juliana was probably waiting for me at her car wondering where the hell I am.

Yes, it was one of those mornings.

It finally happened now, as an employee. I recall those kinda mornings when I was an undergraduate, but it has yet to happen as a sub-editor. But yeah, it's happened. But unlike my days as a student; I don't have the luxury of just rolling over, taking hold of my bantal and just snooze for the rest of the morning. Nope, I had to drag my lazy ass outta bed and get ready on the double. For sure I would be at least half an hour late.

The unusual thing is, though, that of all days, I found that today I suddenly feel semangat to put on more make up than my usual routine of powder+eyeliner+gloss. So today I had an additional step added, and took the time to put on eye shadow and a smudge of lipstick. Heck, I even parted my hair differently today. But trust me, I'm not throwing habit.

Anyway, as soon as I was done, which was around 8.45am, I called the cab place to get them to send me cab. After grabbing my lunch from the fridge, I got walking to the front of the block to wait for my cab. But time passed, and by 9am, it still wasn't there. I was already late as it is, so I called the cab place again. And after enquiring and them checking, they said "I" already took the cab.

:P

Well, obviously "I" am still here, otherwise "I" wouldn't be calling, would "I"?

*Sigh* So I waited while they sent me another cab, and by the time it came and I arrived at the office, it was about 9.10am. Argh, about 40 minutes late. It's a good thing I don't go out f0r lunch anymore, so I can cover those 40 minutes while I chow down on my weird pasta fusion; which by the way was cooked like this: fettucine fried in olive oil with garlic, asparagus and lettuce; then drizzled with chilli flakes (courtesy of Dominos Pizza) and pepper, and lastly had two spoonfuls of feta cheese mixed in. And in bit, during lunch, I'll sprinkle some of the powder mix from that Vono soup. Yes, I probably will get a sakit perut as it plays merry hell with my tummy, but heh, I think I can take it.

Anyway, I have to get my product, AFB (Australian Fringe Benefits Tax Guide for Employers), done by today. I hope my day doesn't keep on going South.

Later,
Hazlin

I have never been one to
Love just anyone as I believe that
Only time will fulfill this
Violent need to be loved
Entirely by the 'one', as I have
Yearned for years to
Obstruct all insecurity
Underneath the scrutiny of
Many an unforgiving eye who are
Yellow in and by their ownself
And could barely comprehend
Some, if not all the various
Diversity that life offers
If one ever takes the time to
Look because it is no
Mystery; for life are choices that
You made in search for
Something to believe, something to
Abbreviate the loneliness that
Yields the soul to all that hurts; but now I
Am glad to have found you; the
Narrator to my everyday who reads me
Gallantly even through the storm.

Love,
N.e-Q

Thank you for forgetting what you forgot.
Oh, you know the khaki green you left...?
Yes, that.
I find it makes a nice companion when I sleep.
The way I normally sleep.
It is warm.
Soft.
Protective.
Smells good.
And comforting.
I know you might need it.
But I'm not in a hurry to give it back.

Love,
N.e-Q
----------------
Now playing: Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk - Paperweight
via FoxyTunes

Ayus, Fairuz, a friend of theirs Lesly, and myself were playing a trivia game on their Wii at Ayus' place after pizza for dinner. It was my turn to spin the wheel and it landed on the category 'Entertainment'. The first question went something like this:

"In the television series 'Firefly', the title name 'Firefly' refers to":

(a) The class/model of the ship
(b) The name of the ship

...and I don't remember the rest of the options.

In my excitement that such a question about Joss' almost obscure shows (to the general populace) would appear in such game, I pressed the buzzer and confidently clicked on...

B

B?

B???!!

BBBBBBBBBBB???????????

Gorram tian xiao de impatient hands!!!!!

I should be taken to the altar of Whedon and shot like the Reaver that I am. Any Whedonite knows the gorram boat is Serenity or Ning Jing and the class is Firefly. I'm an embarassment. A traitor. I should be sent to Whedon rehab.

Time to break out them DVDs again, which by the way, are broken already possibly from excessive watching. I need to redeem myself.

Forgive me Joss for I have sinned. I suppose 10 Joss is Bosss and 24 hours worth of Whedonesque should do the trick.

WWJossD,
Hazlin the Shamed Whedonite

My mind is anywhere but at work. It is too far to catch and too distant to be called out to. But it wouldn't even want to come back, nor would it turn around if called. My mind would just turn around and find itself flying higher to where it can be anywhere but here. I am lost in a cloud of daydreams.

I feel like I am both physically and mentally at home in bed. Amongst soft pillows, sinking into the mattress, blankets warming, and arms around a bolster that is bushuk...perfect. The reality is, though, that I am sitting here, freezing and blinded by glaring fluorescent lights and monitor screen. It feels so surreal being here in this bright office, a stark contrast of where I'd rather be, It is as though this is just a dream I am having, as I doze off peacefully to the feel, the sights and the sounds of my room. I am not here.

But yes, here I am gazing into space, eyes unfocused on nothing in particular and mind stuck on replay of the weekend past. And I can't see anything else beyond that. My sights are filtered by a screen that can only see through a fog of memories that refuses to dissipate. My mind does not want to give up the fantasy of this still being a weekend of leisurely leisure; when time stands still to accommodate my blatant ignorance of time passing.

And yet, time has gone ticking by, almost unforgiving. Because I am at work, and the subject of my incessant mind-wanderings is far away again. And there won't be his familiar smile to greet me at the FSBM's lobby entrance to chase away the day's exhaustion and weariness, or his hand to hold on to for silent reassurance. Not until a long passing of days.

So I'll be here at work. And I'll return from work. And it'll be cruelly back to normal. Until the next time, Mine.

I miss you too much already.

Yours,
N.e-Q

Kindling on my memories,
I remember one year ago, to the day, Sayang, at this time...
Sudden impulses had our story begin with; "Once upon a time, we...
Started out with a ..."

One year ago, to the day, Darling, at this time...

...this is where we began.

It started with a tickle.

My malasness reigns true nowadays. Not entirely, but it has gotten me very very sluggish to actually type out an entry on a daily basis. Usually I find myself looking forward to writing something new; lately though, not so much. This can either be attributed to a) my working as a sub editor fills up my quota for words read and/or typed on the monitor screen, b) my mornings, when I usually take the time to write, are now when I switch on the pc to read e-mails from various editors and get to work, or c) I just can't be bothered, especially after a long day or when I happen to go out after work, I don't have any effort left to sit and type.

Whatever the reason, I'm gonna summarise the past few in bullets. Very professional, that way. Yeah right, more like, very malas, that way.

• I am still feeling like a selfish bitch, eventhough a part of me feels like it is called for, for being short tempered with my parents. The weekend actually was a good one, but it went sour just before I came back. I feel like I could have done something different, but I know myself and how at times I run on short, and I get temperamental easily; and therefore do not think before I act. I am menyesaling sangat-sangat; but am also degil. But an apology is due; from me, that is.
  
• Last Friday, I was sexually harassed verbally and by several up-and-down looks by a cab driver. Since I wasn't able to carpool that day, I took the cab but didn't think anything of it when I found the back door locked. So I climbed into the passenger seat instead, but remembered to keep a distance and not be so comfortably close to the cabbie. He just engaged in the usual friendly cabbie chatter, which I politely obliged to. I don't know how the conversation went as I mechanically went through the usual Oh-Cyberjaya-is-an-ok-place-but-little to-do-and-see routine, but it suddenly steered to a part where the cabbie commented in Malay, in a very sleazy manner, that I had a nice body; to which he promptly gave me a slow once over, or make that twice or quadruple. I was afraid that he was gonna put his hand on my thigh or something; and I knew if he did I'd elbow him and we'd be roadkill. I was squirming to get out and thankfully the short drive brought me to my destination. I made sure he stopped at a different block, paid and got out. He went on to say that hopefully we meet again, and to look for his cab again. I just closed the door and half ran. I shoulda taken his plate number down, but I just was too scared to be anywhere in his sight any more. He made my skin crawl. That's the last time I'd take a cab for the timebeing.
• I accidentallly went grocery shopping last night with Juliana. She was the one who wanted groceries, and I just went along for the ride cos I didn't wanna trouble her by sending me back first. Plus, I can teman her. Besides, I did need a bottle of shampoo and conditioner. So I went and bought the things I need. But coming across the cooking oil aisle at Carrefour, we spotted a particular brand of olive oil that was very affordable. It inspired me to get to packing myself home cooked meals for lunch, as I was planning to do earlier when I just started work. So I bought the extra virgin olive oil, some pasta, garlic, some vegetables and shall attempt to cook myself simple pasta dishes. Which, by the way, is pretty ok, if I say so myself. Just made myself pasta with olive oil, crushed garlic, pepper and cuts of cheese and it's filling but light. The olive oil made it really tasty Made some for tomorrow as well.
• Which brings me to my next point; how does one know that an olive is extra virgin? I mean, if it's already virgin, can it be any more virgin than that? This is a rhethorical question, by the way. Don't get smart on me and answer this...I know there are very gatal hands out there, just itching to give me some smart alec answer :P
  
• Oh, guys should not wear overalls. Or also known as playsuits. It's a no-no. Period. I mean, I don't even see 'em plumbers/repairmen/labourers wearing them anymore. And it is so 80s/90s. That guy I saw in Alamanda with his blue jeans overalls and classic white tee underneath is like a sudden blast from a should-not-be-repeated past. The look is so not flattering, dude.
• I was doing my normal nightly blogshopping and was in the mood for pre-owned stuff rather than looking at them brand new ones. Sometimes you get really good bargains on things that some people buy to wear once for an occasion or they buy and find that they don't fit, or don't like it no more... So I love browsing through what they call 'Preloved Shops'. One shop had everything. She was selling off the normal, like blouses, dresses, tees, skirts and the like, and she also had jewellery and even some old books and magazines. And in the midst of all that, she was selling a dildo. Yes, a dildo. Just a solitary one. Not a stock that she has and wants to sell, but just the one. In a pre-owned items shop. WTF? What? She used it on herself and decided it didn't give her the jollies and now she's looking for a new owner for it??! Hell no. What is the woman thinking? Total ewwwww-ness ok?
• Commenting on Yanna's entry on Tori's up and coming album Abnormally Attracted to Sin got me psyched and I looked her up on Wiki just to read the latest scoop. It's been so long since I've caught up with the music world that I didn't know that some people collaborated with Tori had published a comic book interpretation of some of her songs last year. It's effing beautiful; and I am itching to get it. It retails for about RM255 in Kinokuniya, and it's hardcover (Sarah checked it out for me) and I am so getting my hands on it. It's called Comic Book Tattoo and the illustrations on the cover is beautiful...and eventhough I don't know how it looks like inside, the idea of interpreting Tori's songs, in pictures and words and stories at that, is definitely something to own. Her lyrics tell and million and one stories, and I want to read/see some of them.
• I'm finding that I am loving my team more and more. They are friendly, helpful and very nice bunch of people and I feel glad and honoured to be working for and with them. Team Australia B - Tax & Accounting rocks! :P Oh, and the ayam susu we had for our team lunch this afternoon was yummy!
  
• My dad sold off my blue Kenari, by the way. Without consulting anyone. Tau-tau he told me it's gone. Pastu menyesal, but consoled himself that a brand new one is better. Which, he too, bought without consulting anyone. So now I am bound to own a silver Viva, when I honestly woulda preferred the the Kenari cos I will feel much better with a second hand one. At least I won't feel so pressured...but hey, beggars can't be choosers.
• Again, I am missing my friends... I need that human connection again with people I know and love. It's been way long since we had a good lepak. Next next weekend, hopefully.
  
• Ultimately, I abso-effing-lutely can't wait for this weekend. I am so giddy that I can hardly focus at work. Macam terlebih gula. And I couldn't stop smiling. And blushing. And giggling. Cos I'll be seeing my Sayang this weekend, after not seeing him for about 7-8 weeks now. My heart is fluttery and I have a skip to my stride. I feel like I have a smile plastered on me and I can't shake it off, even though I know I look scary. Because I am honest to God happy, and it's been a while. And I cannot wait to get his brand of comfort again, after my past weeks being so...painful. Looking forward to the weekend, Sayang. Hopefully all goes smooth.

Anyway, my quickie became a not-so quickie. But at least it got alot of things off my chest. Phew!

Love,
Linzy

I am spoiled. I am temperamental. I am insensitive. I am short-tempered. I am ungrateful. I am rash. I am rude. And sometimes, I don't even care that I am.

I am a million and one reasons why I do not deserve all that you give me.

But forgive me. Ignore me.

Love me.

Because in my weakness, I do not see.

Your daughter,
Hazlin

My past two weeks have been a rollercoaster of intense emotions. My downward spirals and gravity-defying rushes have left me an exhausted wreck. So much so that I want to just fall down to the ground as my knees buckle and legs give way from under me.

Some days I am filled with anger and frustration that leaves me tired from shadowboxing with the ghosts I see in my mind's eye. Some days I am filled with sudden, uncontrollable sadness that I sleep away for long hours into oblivion. On some days, I am detached, and remain unfeeling and unseeing behind a veil of haze. And for the most part, I am filled with a sort of emptiness and loneliness that wracks me into a state of nonbeing. Sometimes I go through motions just to be doing something rather than nothing at all.

I am a void. Hollow. Vacant. A vacuum.

I need to remember what were in these now empty spaces.

~Un-me~

I've been malas again. I haven't been much in the mood lately to spin out words to tell my stories. I've been more involved in being uninvolved. Just keeping to myself. Because there is no one else but myself. And that is my triumph and my downfall.

Anyway, I digress. I'm here to recount the year that passed.

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31st March 2008

Episode 9

I woke up again much later, just before midday, after waking up early in the morning to have a shower. Lina was still asleep, and I wasn't sure of what to do. I wandered abit in the room, til I heard Yumi coming out of her room, so I came out, too.

We chatted a while in her room about things we talked about last night and I checked my e-mails abit, while waiting for Lina to wake up. And when she did, and after she showered, we decided that we should go out for breakfast, or better known as lunch by then. Or tea, even. Since Ash would have finished his paper by then, we called him up, picked him up; and we had lunch at a Malay restaurant somewhere.

On the way back, and I don't recall how, but we suddenly had the inspiration to go have a swim in the river. By that time, to go to Ulu Yam was a little late, and a quite a drive at that. So we decided to go to Sungai Pusu which is just behind campus. So we did. Yumi stopped for 5 minutes at each of our mahallahs for us to get our gear, and then we went.

It was fun, after waking up late, starting the day off in the afternoon and with the need to just refresh; to just frolic in the cool stream. And the fact that I grew up going to that place, camping with family and all, brought back lotsa memories.


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1st April 2009

Episode 10

It was a fun semester together and it was coming to a close. Two of our ranks were leaving us (Maj and Stitch) and we knew this camaraderie will not be something that we could achieve again. Hence, much merriment and celebration was called for, to mark the end of a semester and a Twisties' celebration.

So we all (Aaina, Ash, Lina, Maj, Raqib, Sharina, Stitch and I) trooped to Yumi's one evening to have a makan-makan. We ordered Dominos pizzas and made kuih batik and ate our fill of food galore. We bought chips and drinks and all sorts of nonsense and got high on sugar and fun. It was a good feeling.

Which of course, escalated to a round of impromptu round of a hybrid between spin the bottle and truth or dare. Now, I'm not gonna dish out the juicy details of the beans spilled that night--which, by the way, I happened to be the first on the chopping block with a truth question by Lina--or who got to kiss who (and yes, I was a kisser and a kissee--cheeks only, though!); but let me tell you, it was hysterical. There were weird, awkward and eye-popping questions, and there were dares, and lots of kisses going on. A scenario that you wouldn't get to see otherwise. Bloody priceless. There were scenes that I relive again and again and they just make me laugh like crazy.

It was soon coming close to 12am and some of us needed to go off. Yumi had a house to clean, Maj and Sharina had to go, Stitch had to head home and the rest of us (Aaina, Ash, Lina, Raqib and me) had the whole night. So what else? We headed out.


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2nd April 2008

Episode 11

So we headed out. First stop, Bangsar. We went to a mamak to have a round of teh tarik and the like while playing our favourite game to pass the time, Uno. But while we were going around having our normal laughs while at it, the mamaks at the mamak told us to keep the cards, even if we were playing Uno or Bluff, and not gambling. Fed up at not being able to play, we moved out. Circled around looking for another mamak and ended up in Hartamas. There we had no problem.

We were there til about 5am just playing cards, getting high on sugary drinks and lack of sleep, til one point I was singing to myself and everyone chimed in as well. We were like a mini-chorus group at a mamak playing cards. Weird sight, it was. But we were having fun, and we were happy and no one kacaued us. Except, of course, for that time when I rat runned under our table and Aaina jumped and shrieked.


Finally, we left Hartamas and for a short while, drove around Bukit Tunku. It was just for the heck of it, and we left soon after. And headed to another normal lepak place for us; McDonald's Karak.

We were there for abit, just to wind down and prep ourselves to getting back to campus. We were a little toned down, still high from not sleeping, but more quiet. We had early breakfast and were just joking around. And I, of course, being fidgety at my hands being idle, took out my swiss army knife and started carving a hole out of Raqib's Big Breakfast box. The outcome that you get from a bunch of high bunch of Twisties and an quirky object is pretty much apparent below:


We left for campus, while Raqib headed back, right after it was the time when we could get into campus.

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At this point of time, the wheels were already turning. To the questions and the accusations and suspicions. I never felt a thing, other than wondering what is triggering the sudden bombarding of bullet-like interrogations. But it made me question myself, is there really? If people are asking so...? Only time will tell. But as Aaina say often, I was in denial. Was I? Or was it just that I didn't realize it yet?

Love,
Linzy the Twisted Redface