Sup3rnality

Hiya people, I'm at Sarah's house at the moment, blogging as you can see. Just to get here for my whole ''hidden agenda'' thing, I had to go through Hell. My dad can be so paranoid as you all know, and it's so hard to persuade him to let me go somewhere without him trying to dissuade me from going or questioning my intentions. I know that it's not cos he doesn’t trust me, it's just cos he thinks that the world is out to get me. I'm happy to know that he cares about me that much but when the way he puts it can be very hurtful. He can say all kinds of things to make me not go without realizing that what he says is so painful to hear. In the end, I'll feel so guilty going. But sometimes, I just need to go. Plans have been made and they can’t just be undone. I have other people to think of so... I need to go. Besides, I HARDLY go out. Why is it so hard to let me go out once every month? I know the answer to that: my parents love me and just can’t bear to lat me go and they can’t seem to accept the fact that I'm grown up now... But sometimes... I need to get out right? If not I'll go crazy. But whatever my dad said to me today, he made up for it. Surprisingly, he sent me a message after Sarah picked me up. Please note that my dad NEVER sends messages to me and I don't think he sends messages to anyone in fact. But whatever it is, he did today. In the SMS, he told me that he was worried about the whole election thing and there could be a riot and so he is worried for my safety. He's scared that things might happen should I be at the wrong place at the wrong time... And the best thing of all, he told me he loves me. My Dad, he doesn't really express affection in words that much. To my siblings yes, but maybe that's cos they're still young. saying it to me verbally probably feels weird to him cos I'm grown up and... I dunno. But he just doesn't. But in the message, he said so; and even though I know that he loves me, I've never had it in a way so unbelievable yet evident and real for me to read over and over again. Wow....I almost cried just reading it, and crying is something I don’t do often. Well, at least the feeling of guilt has lessened and I feel much better. At least he didn't let me go in anger. So, I'm at Sarah’s house... about to execute my secret and hidden agenda....Wanna know what it is? Well, you gotta wait til tonight.... 9pm dudettes!!!! Hehehehe...til then it is still secret. Hahahahahaha (evil laugh). Love, LinZy