Sup3rnality

"FALLEN" by Sarah McLachlan

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Well, that pretty much sums up the feeling that I feel right now. I'm feeling shitty and so 'f'ed up (excuse the expression) that I'm speechless. I dunno what to say, how to react but all I know that I just want to sleep an endless slumber right now and forget that I have a life. Forget my name. And maybe I will find comfort somehow. Even if it was just for a while.

As usual, my family's having a crisis again. One of those kinda things that I don’t really want to elaborate or talk about it much. I'm the middle man again, listening to every damn thing they have to about each other and never realizing how much they are hurting me. Most of you pretty much know what's happening; so thanks for listening when I needed to vent out those stuff. You have no idea how much it means to me; how thankful I feel to have someone listening to me when I feel so alone.

The things that have been happening kills me so bad that I just want to break down and cry. But as usual, I can’t. I dunno why, but I have forgotten how to cry. It’s a form pf expression I no longer can do. And it just frustrates me when I can’t let the tears that has formed to just come out.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with life at all. No matter how much good I do, there are always other things that threaten to pull me down .They try me with all their might to break my strength, to weaken me; and at times they do succeed, and yet, I still stand here with the faith that in time, I will prevail. I wonder how? But I believe it.

It's amazing and I amaze myself. The faith I have for this world is really weird. A good friend told me that she envies people who still have faith in this world and I agree. Eventhough I myself am one of them. Sometimes when I feel like I just want to forget this world and run away; there's always this nagging that keeps me going. I guess it's the little things that keep on letting me live. The little acts of kindness that so helps me when I'm down.

Whatever it is, I can’t deny the fact that life is a bitch. try as I might, I can’t runaway. But one thing's for sure, it sure is a much better place when there are people like you around. the kind of people who still reads the stuff I write; like what I'm writing now. People who bothers to know what goes around in my head. And I appreciate that. I love each and every one of you. And I am thankful to have people like you as friends.

Well, til I catch sight of another CC again, this will be the last entry for the week. I'm going back to Seremban now aka the bloody stupid place. So I'll see you guys next week. Love you guys! -LinZy-