Sup3rnality

But I'm far from done.

And part of me wonders whether I'll ever be done here.

Mostly because I'm leaving with a couple of unfinished business. Review for one, I never passed. Which is also the main reason I'm taking my leave to go. My self-esteem can take no more confidence bashing; I'm tired of coming home crying. I'm not a crier, I hate feeling weak, and having done so so much in this past year has eaten at my sense of self. I look in the mirror and I cannot recognize myself. I no longer see the confident, self-assured achiever I once was. It's really time to move on, before I yield and become a nervous wreck who apologizes for everything and cannot hold my own.

And not having passed the review system also means I never got confirmed. With the Third Reich ruling, I don't know how safe I'll be. I just don't want to be around when they decide that I'm not that much of an asset and gas me dead...

I feel there is much to accomplish here still, and the proud person in me hates being mediocre. But the window of opportunity opened up, and this bird wants to fly before the fan is switched on.

Despite all that, my exiting through those glass doors for real is not made painful by not conquering the hurdles put before me, but having to leave some wonderful people I've come to know. 

My team, my Australia B, the one which I was put into when I came into this company, have been the people who have held me up even when I was down. Their camaraderie, their bond, their wit and good humour, the friendship...makes for a good good family. And it is like leaving family, the knowledge that I will be bowing out, and leaving the crowd. It feels like saying goodbye when you're about to depart to some distant country, not knowing when you will be back, if ever; and whether things will be the same when you meet again. 

I will miss this Team. Even now, when I've been placed in another team, it is still to them I go to have a good laugh. It is to them I go to share some stories or scoop or gossip. It is to them I go to spend my last few days here in WK. Maryann, Arvind, Azeem, Saiful, David, Helen, Ling Ling, Carol and Yian Suan; thanks for hanging out with me these past few days...following me to the Cafe for some tea and a Wii session, and to Al-Baraka. And of course Aravind, Alan, Tham, Sivanes, Adrian, Nubly, Zul and Siew Choo, too. And also, thanks to my former Team Leader, Lin, for hiring me. Thanks for the neverending laughs and lots of memorable spam mail and team chats. All those made my days simply wonderful. 

It is difficult to find the words to say goodbye when you just can't bring yourself to say it. And that you know that it ain't gonna be forever. We'll meet again, insyaallah. It's just that this chapter will now be closed, and a new one is on the verge of beginning. And I'm scared, for this "family" will not be there as I step forward. They'll be a memory on which I'll fondly lean on, and I hope it'll give me strength. 

So dear Aust-B, it's been a pleasure. I'll try to hold back the tears, and hold my head high. Until we meet again.

Love,

Linzy, the Woman 'On Top'

P/s: To whom does my rotan go to? :p