Sup3rnality

The weather today has been superfine. The sun was high but not so hot. The sky was clear and not a cloud to darken the mood of such a bright beautiful day. And to top it off, the wind blew steady and cool all day today, demanding submission from the otherwise steadfast trees.

It's just one of those days that was best spent outdoors and enjoying life outside these walls of concrete. Just walk in the brightness and feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. It would be perfect.

And yet, I am not granted such freedom to simply step out and bow to impulse. To do something as freeing, has its limitations; thus going against the nature of it. Nature. Everything is so contradictory. But even then, it is a satisfaction in itself to just be able to acknowledge a good day, even if you cannot fully live it.

Ah well, life is as it is. I'm just thankful for today, for the ability to see out my window each morning and greet a new day.

Just some thoughts that have been clouding my mind:

I'm sorry to have to say this, but I need to get out of here. This house, this town. I love my family, and I cannot bear being apart from them for too long. I love my conversations with my mother. I have responsibilities towards my siblings and need to oversee alot of things in their growing up. I may not be close to my father and we don't talk much, but I know that in some ways, he needs me around.

And yet, that doesn't deny the fact that I need to be away from this place very soon. I have never liked living in Seremban. Heck, even as a kid, coming to Seremban filled me with much dread. It didn't matter to me that this is where my dad was born and raised, I just cannot stand this place. When we first moved here in 2003, I refused to come here. Even if I was here, I made my resentment known. I never acknowledged this place as bein my home, just that this is where my family is and thus, where I should be, not where I want to be.

And as much as I want to lazily be here and make up for much lost time with my family, I also feel a strong urge to up and get myself a job. Having spent so much time on campus and hardly any time with my family, I've lost so much in between. Now that I've returned home for real from a very long 5 years, I can see what I've been missing out, and I wish I had the time to sit ack and really appreciated the time before.

But I still find myself wanting to leave now. Get a job, get a place and start figuring life on my own. I guess it's true about what I read in an article in Reader's Digest, it goes something like "The closer you are to your mother the stronger the need to break free". But I wouldn't call it breaking free, it's more like, taking all those things she taught me into the world to see how I fare. To test her wisdom against the world and build my own wings to see if they take off, after being under hers for so long.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm looking for ways to reconcile both. I want to stay but I want to go. I want to stay because I want to be with my family and make up for all those times I've been absent and not miss another important moment. But I want to go and leave this place I feel to estranged in and find my place by myself...

So I'm torn. And my mind is in a dilemma, at a crossroads that I cannot merge into one. Whichever way I go eventually, I'll never totally win, so... Well, we'll see where life takes me.

Love, Lin~

I'm making brownies again today. I've altered the recipe abit to suit my taste. A little less sugar. Some chocolate sprinkles mixed in and all over the top. I'm set for a yummy treat tonight after dinner.

And yet, these little things remind me of you. The sweetness turns bitter after a month of only being able to hear your voice, and not see you or be near you. And it'll be another week; heck, it might be another 2 weeks if plans for Kelantan+Kedah+Penang happens. *sigh* My heart already aches.

It's been so very trying these past month. I've never missed anyone the way I'm missing you. Life before you filled me with an ache that haunted me when I felt alone. And now with you in my life, it aches ever more so knowing I have you but have to be apart for too long.

I can't wait for you to come back.

But come back safe. I'll be waiting no matter what, no matter how long it takes. I love you~

Love, Linzy~

Today had me in need of a sugar rush. Perhaps because my family and I had our first meal of the day quite late, i.e. in the later half of a day; thus I was in need of sugar to translate into energy due to the lack of it. I needed the some sugary confection that would send me into a frenzy of hyperactivity.

And yes I know, my dear Inner Conscience, that I have been gaining weight since the semester ended; but hell, I had a need to be fulfilled. And that need would be in sinful amounts of sugar in a yummylicious form.

Some days ago, Ash just had to call me up to tell me that he was making brownies, knowing full well that I was way on this end of the country and cannot possibly have a try, let alone even catch a whiff of it. You cheeky devil; you owe me made-by-you brownies ^-_-^--> So I got the inspiration to whip up my own batch of brownies to stave of my sugar needs.

Admittedly, I was very malas to get the oven going and bake an actual brownie complete with the works. Furthermore, in my dire need, I needed something and I needed something sweet fast. So I hooked myself online and looked up some microwaveable recipes. Of course, there were so many to choose from, but I chose the one with minimal fuss and muss, and went bounding downstairs to collect my ingredients to get working.

It took me less than an hour to get everything all mixed up in a bowl, poured into a microwaveable container and tossed into the good ol' mikey. And with a turn of a dial, voila, presto, BROWNIES! Ok, ok, not really brownies. The recipe was for an 'Easy Chocolate Brownie Pudding Cake'.

Admittedly, the thing was ugly looking. Well, it was partly pudding, after all. I wanted to take a pic and post up my masterpiece for all to see, but after taking one look at it, I knew the only place where such a sight belonged to would be in some satisfied tummies.

So my siblings and I gathered around the table in all the manner of rabid dogs yet somewhat reverent. My dad is not big with the sweet stuff and my mum only eats it on occasions. So with a slice each, with chocolate sprinkles on top, we dug in.

Oh yeah, I could feel my arteries clogging and my blood caramelizing with just a single bite...but it was good, if I can say so myself. It was enough to tame the sugar monster in me for a while. My brother bantaied 3 slices, while my sister and I had 2 each. By then we were already muak tak terkata. But I was happy, and can now fall asleep happy.

Yumm... By the way, kudos to Chef Fifi for this recipe that gave me a yummy quick sugar fix. The recipe can be found [Here].

Yours Yumminess, Linzy~

The time of the year draws near, in two more weeks, on Christmas to be exact; I'd be turning another year older. Yup, I'll finally be joining the fold and will be turning 23.

And as per usual, like many Christmases before this, when posed the question "What do you want for your birthday?", I am stumped. My usually hyperactive mind screeches to an abrupt stop, turning my expression dumb and spaced. What do I want for my birthday?

I never seem to know what I want. At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, I'd like to say I don't really want anything in particular because I have everything that I need. I have a great family, I have my extraordinary Sayang, and wonderful friends. I have comfortable homes, a stable life, and a future to look forward to. I have a good mind, sanity, hope, love and faith. I cannot possibly ask for more.

My parentss are bound to ask me this question and I'd have know idea what to tell them. It bothers me because they'd ask and ask and ask when I have no answer. And if I don't answer, they might just get me something I don't really like...especially my other parents. So it's better that I tell them. But back to my dilemma, what do I want? Sheesh. You might say I am bloody difficult, and maybe I am, or maybe I am just too nice to say 'no' or reject the gifts I do get. So it's better if I just tell them something, yea?

So I've decided to make a whatever list of things that would I would like to have:

• The BodyShop's Christmas range of products ie. body butter, shimmer lotion, body polish


• Books ie. Margaret Atwood, book of poetry, anything Whedonesque


• BtVS comics omnibus


• Acer's One laptop (something my father would usually get)


• Silver jewelry (necklaces/pendants, rings, bracelets)


• A phone that has an mp3 player and a good camera (I miss my N70)


• Take me clothes shopping


• The BodyShop's Amorito EDT


• A good pair of comfortable yet stylish shoes


• Angel Season 1 & 2 DVD sets


• Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog DVD set


• Serenity special edition DVD
• Claddagh jewelry
• Jewelry boxes

So there you have it. If my parentss ask, I'll print this out for them. That would save me from answering questions. Cos, well, like I said, I'm not one for asking for things. Hell, I'd be happy if I even get anything. Gifts and surprises are just wonderful, but really, I have all that I need :)

Love, Hazlin~

This is one of the many artworks my sister has produced within the year. It's nothing great, but for her to meticulously and patiently draw this using 'Paint' and without a mouse, but a touchpad; it is quite a feat to me.

Some people out there are bound to scoff and say something like "So what?", or "It's no big deal", or even possibly say "My sister can do way better than that/My sister could do something like that when she was way younger"; and well, you're just insensitive lowlifes so just back off before I give you a good kicking.

My 11 year old sister is the artist of the family. I am the Linguist and the Literature enthusiast. My brother the facts and history lover. And my sister just lives and breathe art. She's not the best, but she's a quick learner, has an eye for detail, willing to learn, very determined and not afraid to take risks. When at home, you can always catch her drawing or colouring or painting... She just loves expressing herself that way.

Lately, I've been encouraging her to submit her art pieces to deviantART.com. I thought it'd be a good way for her to share her art and receive feedback, either comments that will encourage her further, or suggestions that will help her improve. And on top of that, it will help her share art with people with the same interest as her. I think that it'd be a great way for her to interact by way of doing something that she loves.

So, to anyone who's reading who has a deviantART.com account, I'd appreciate it lots if you could drop by her page and give her some feedback. It'll really make her day and encourage her to cultivate her hobby to become something bigger. Maybe in time it'd give her the motivation to become great artist. Well, as her big sister, I can dream. She's eager to read what people think of her drawings, so do say hey to her if you have an account there on the DA site. No need to mention me, of course; just give her a reason to keep on drawing :)

Thanks!

Visit Haida Aminudin's deviantART page at http://haikami67.deviantart.com

A Proud Sister, Lin~