Sup3rnality

I was just reclining in bed and just thinking to myself and I had a sudden thought of the things in my history that have shaped the present. I keep saying that I never regret whatever that has happened before, because the person I am now is a result of my past. I then thought that it would be important to record somehow, these histories of mine; especially those minor, mundane details that I might overlook remembering. Maybe one day I'd need to explain to my kids something, and I wouldn't remember its origins...

So here goes, a brief explanation of certain things about me. I suppose I'll be updating the list from time to time, and this list will be evergrowing--I hope. I do tend to be forgetful. Hence, let's begin:

1. Yes, technically, I am Kelantanese. Check my i/c, it has '03' in the middle. But I don't speak the dialect well but understand it because I never lived there. Well, unless you count the first three years of my life, where I was under my (maternal) grandma's care. So, yes, that explains my understanding of the dialect but having a non-verbal manifestation.

2. I grew up speaking English first and foremost, since my parents thought it important for me to know the universal language (my dad somewhat disagreed, though) to broaden my horizons. Turns out, I not only can speak it, but fell in love with it. That's why English is like a native language to me while Malay is like a second.

3. I grew up in a very protective family, particularly my dad, that's why I don't go out much and can actually be contented with that. I love being at home and don't need to go out to have fun. And, I respect my parents alot and thus I know when I should be back, and whatnot. So I resent it when people make fun of me saying I'm boring or am an anak manja and am so scared to leave the house and be separated from my family. I'm very much independent, thank you very much; and I should not be judged by *your* standards.

4. I do not know how to ride a bike because, first of all, I never progressed from trainer wheels, especially since no-one really kept tabs. Also my sense of balance on a bike is non-existent. And then I fell way too many times, one time actually getting my entire leg jammed between the pedal and through the chain. Not to mention having the bike fall on me. I pretty much shied away from then and didn't bother anymore. Besides, with history #3, I'd probably only be circling the porch.

5. I have two sets of parents. No, my parents did not get divorced and remarried, it's just that I was brought up by my parents as well as my aunt (my mother's older sister) and my uncle. We all lived together in Shah Alam, and after a while I called my second set of parents Mum and Dad, as it would seem appropriate. Therefore, eventhough we live separately now, my obligations to them is as though they're my own parents, and I love them dearly.

6. Many wonder why the age gap between my siblings is so wide. Well let me build a bridge over that chasm; my mother had some problems which caused her to be in extreme pain during that time of the month. After the operation, she was told the possibility of having kids is practically nil. But Alhamdulillah, God is Great, and she managed to have two more children some time after. Hence that gap of 10 and 12 years between me and my brother and sister.

Well, that's all I can think of now. I'll surely post more when I think of them.

Love, Linzy~

Posted on my Xanga:

It is a frustration that my Xanga account can hardly load, especially when I need to blog. The weblog editor page loads halfway through, stopping at the 'Audio' tab and then going blank, thus unabling me to continue posting.

Nowadays, with my free time, what with being unemployed and all, I have many thoughts and lotsa time to put these thoughts into words. Nevermind that I sometimes get too tired of composing complex metaphors, I still feel the need to substantiate whatever my abstract thoughts are into some understandable words to a) give them life, b) categorize and organize them, and c) to keep me sane.

Therefore, it gets on my nerves to not be able to just open up the post-an-entry page and just type in something and submit. Even if I did write something beforehand, by the time I actually could post it, it would be outdated and no longer relevant at the time. So you see my annoyance?

So now I've revived my Blogspot account and am moving my entries there. I'm not going to shut down this one, because I honestly like Xanga better than Blosgpot. But for my sanity's sake, I'm gonna have dual accounts. I'll post entries at Blogspot primarily, and when possible, repost them on Xanga. It's very frustrating, because I really hate having to move...It's like moving house. I'm already comfortable and settled in one, but now I have to leave. Well, not wholly; only that this will only be secondary... Ah well.

So, all of you who grace me with your presence now and again (I'm not sure who else reads my blog other than some few friends), please note this change if you see no entries for quite a while. Probably it'll be the that I can't post anything here, and all the entries are on the other one. Thanks~

Below are my blogs' links;

Blogspot: Sup3rnal Thoughts
Xanga: Sup3rnal Thoughts

Love, Lin~

I was going through Blogthings.com and came across this particular quiz. I didn't have to answer any questions other than having to choose a particular picture that I was most compelled to pick.
This one below immediately caught my eye, despite my having to scroll down to see it, hence I saw others before my eyes landed on this. But this one however, just called to me. And I was surprised to see that the results are exactly how I feel; particularly the last paragraph.

My insecurities on a whole, centres around my fear of being rejected, feeling like I'm not good enough. So much so that sometimes I wonder whether people really like or love me, in particular those I am in a relationship with, like how I sometimes feel insecure about my relationship with Ash. I fear that I am not good enough to be loved and cherished, and hence I sometimes am afraid to give my all.

But then, I need people around me to feel like I am worth something; to prove to myself that I am worthy of love and that I am needed. When I was single and when I am alone, and especially at times when I feel insecure, I would inexpicably cry myself to sleep, without really understanding why. And perhaps, I fear the loneliness... Which is a paradox in itself, contradicting my doubts I mentioned before.

But that's how my mind works, and I have to say that I am surprised to have such a simple quiz put that particular frame of my mind in the exact words.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional. You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it. You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out. Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable. Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there. You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

Malacca was a bust. It wasn't a wonder why we got them free night's stay. The hotel was pretty much run down, with termites eating into most of the woodwork (the second floor had to be closed off cos the wooden railings have been gnawed through), the sheets' cleanliness was questionable and the blankets were thin. And the room was rather tiny, too. My dad said, 'Jom balik', as soon as we got in, thinking we just might as well stay at home. But as my Sayang pointed out, it was still something. Some people would not even have a chance to stay in a hotel; and I agree, cos, well, at least I still have the luxury to compare.

We didn't really do much in Malacca either. Since it is the school holidays and it was a weekend at that, there were many people and their kiddies out and about having a good time; so the roads were jammed, parking lots full and the shopping malls and restaurants were filled to the brim. So we just had a simple dinner at a warung and got back to the room.

I had trouble sleeping that night, as per usual. New place+air conditioning is never a good sleeping companion so I got up several times that night to breathe. I finally got tired enough to doze off around 6am and slept til 8am or so, and then I got up to go for the complimentary brekkie with my mom. Of course, with the hotel being run down, you couldn't possibly expect much from the spread. There were some dry bread with butter and jam, kuey tiaw, roti canai and some sausages. I mean, it was ok, but taste wise left much to be desired... Oh well.

We left right after breakfast. There wasn't much to stick around for, so it was best to just go home. Anyway, Seremban is not that far, so driving back and forth wasn't much of a problem. After buying some McDonald's breakfast, and also two of them Madagascar 2 headbands with ears, we went home; with me wearing Gloria's ears all the way back.

It was just a relief to get back home. It was just home sweet home.