Sup3rnality

It's raining here on the Holy Grounds. It adds to gloom and sadness. Being here, you can't help it but get contaminated by the boredom disease; the kind that eats you up slowly from the inside... It makes it even worse when you're not exactly on your highest of highs; meaning that I'm at one of my lowest at the moment.

I feel totally lost at times. Not the lost that makes you feel like you're going nowhere. It's more like this; I know where to go but I'm not exactly sure on which way I should go. It scares me. You could say that I'm lost in a big jungle with no compass; at the mercy of wild animals. And to make things worse, there are monsters. Both substantial and the kind that resides in my mind.

They taunt me. Remind me of things I no longer want to think of. It annoys me. As though as my hurting isn't enough. They have to remind me of my past hurt and their own as well. Is that necessary? Well, I just think they're sadists. They love the pain. Nevermind if they don't see it; they know that they're inflicting it...

Right now, the biggest comfort I seek is something that I don't even have. And as pathetic as it is, I want it. Maybe some people don't know it or refuse to acknowledge its existence, but surprisingly it can prove to be the most wonderful cure of all. It really is. But there's no use in wishing on burnt out stars. Or dreaming empty dreams. I guess I just have to look for new stars.

Anyways, yeah, Sarah and me managed our operation sneak out yesterday. And I guess we weren't the only ones with the idea. Lots of other people were there too. Cliques and couples alike. Managed to do a bit of shopping. Yup, I got 2 books and also a ring that resembles the claddagh ring; the ring that Angel gave Buffy in the episode Surprise in season 2 . I love it! Too bad it isn't silver or look exactly like the claddagh ring.

Oh, and today we got to meet Anis!!!! We miss her so much. Haven't met her in ages. It's so nice to see her. And I'm glad that she's well and having fun in UIA Gombak. As much as I was not looking forward to it, I wish I was there now instead of here. Anywhere but here.

*Sigh* I hope some people would come to their senses and not bother with inane things. I mean, I feel you. I totally do cos i'm going through it too. But I do not need to be reminded. Really. I know too. Ain't I not there???

Well, actually...I can't think straight at the moment. Everything's a blur to me. All I wanna do these days is sleep. It takes away the pain, but... there are dreams. But at least dreams are not substantial, hence less pain.

But still, there's pain all the same. Everywhere I look. But then....let's not bother you people with my pain. I think I've said fairly enough.

So, go back to your ordinary lives citizens. There is nothing to see here. Save for my bleeding heart.