Sup3rnality

I’ve forgotten how to sleep. Every night I wrestle with the shadows as they taunt my eyelids. They refuse to yield. They defiantly stay open and torture me to exhaustion, and only then will I be able to sleep. It’s a frustrating fight; knowing that my insomnia would win. Keeping me up til the early hours of day; triumphant at the fact that sleep was able to elude me, thus leaving me with insufficient sleep.

It’s another 5 days to my Arabic finals. Although I think that I have remembered enough, there’s still the nagging fear of the possibility of failing. It’s seems easier than the first part I had to do, and yet, tricky and confusing once the paper is set before me. Insyaallah I will do OK. If not an A or a B, a pass is fine enough. Although I do hope I would at least obtain a B; for my CGPA’s sake. The MUET speaking test is also on that very same day, sometime earlier though. I hope that I would do fine in that too. I’m just worried that I would blurt out some nonsense Arabic instead of speaking my mother tongue. But honest to God, I think I’d do quite well in both. But then again, I’ve always been overly-confident and never really scored the way I thought I would. But heck, I believe that I can do it. You gotta have faith, right George?

Everything seems to be passing by me rather quickly. Even life has been picking up quite a pace lately. It’s like living in fast motion even when your own body could not keep up. It’s mentally and physically tiring. It drains you from energy silently; without the slightest trace. The next thing you know, you’re pleading for a bed to sleep in, even if you’ve just woken up. Just like right now, without realizing it, the day has passed and tomorrow will be another day. And before I know it, I’m already yawning; although it’ll be a long time until I settle into sleep.

I was talking to Dollah over the phone earlier and the subject of the new rules on campus turned up (yes, I was talking to Dollah. Stop your laughing everyone!). It left me pondering on that subject for a bit. It’s not the first time I’ve given it thoughts, and definitely not my last; but this time I’ve come to a conclusion. As far as I’m concerned, UIA is just an insane Hellhole with a cracked up system. And as much as I hate their dumb ideas, they haven’t affected me just yet. I have yet to succumb to the insanity that’s threatening to eat me by just staying there. Sure they are narrow-minded, discriminative and what not, but I have always been out of their line of fire so I haven’t much to declare war against these people. So basically, I can still tolerate these people just as long as they don’t drag me into yet another madness they have thought up to torture us with.

So, what about this new system thing? Well, it basically says that students are only allowed to go out once (or twice, as rumours have said) a week, wearing special clothes (although they’ve said they’ve reconsidered that stupidity) and the worst thing of all; students are allowed to go back only *gasp* once a month!!!! I don’t really care about not being able to go out as often and such, but I just can’t bear the fact that I would only be allowed to go back once a month. It would be absolute torture! Besides the fact that there’s nothing to do at all here in this place; tell me who in their right mind would actually want to be cooped up in this asylum?

But honestly, I myself need solace from my family every once in a while. What? With all the things that have been going on between my parents and my uncle and aunt, I just hate being the one stuck in the middle, in the crossfire. Therefore staying isn’t really an issue. As stupid a place as it can be, it offers me a bit of comfort from the confusion I have to face. Even if it has to be on some God-forsaken place, so be it. As much as I would love the luxury of staying off-campus, I wouldn’t mind staying on-campus either; provided that my parents come visit me on weekends when I can’t visit them.

*Sigh* There are lots more of other things on my mind just bubbling at the surface; ready to spill should I let them. But not tonight. I am already running low on words and by recycling them, I wouldn’t do my thoughts justice. So, this is where I’ll stop for now. And until I’ve found a better time to put my thoughts into words: Goodnight, goodnight. A thousand times goodnight”.