Sup3rnality

It's the holidays. One and a half months of totally nothing. Here I am stuck in this sad of the universe when I could have be in Shah Alam happily going around whether with my friends or on my own and don't have to give a shit about things that could happen. I mean, of course it could happen. But I guess after living there for 18 years, you kinda know what goes around in their mind. You learn to differentiate the people. Here, you have to be wary of everybody. There are loads of foreign workers who leer at you every chance they get, there are pick-pockets, perverts, Mat Rempits.... You just don't feel secure here. Even when my mom wanted me to join her for a jog this morning I had to decline. In just don't feel safe... I guess I'll just have to hold up. My parents surprised me by subscribing to Astro (I haven't had Astro for a year since the one in Shah Alam just suddenly went dead!) so that I can watch Buffy and Angel this May and for the rest of the holidays. But then again, that's all I watch. Nothing else. Maybe occasionally I watch Channel V or MTV, but that's about it. I’m not a TV addict so... I'd really prefer the net but I dunno when I'll get a phone line even.

This early morning, my grand uncle Pak Tok passed away. I'm not sure of what but I guess it's cos of him being weak from all kinds of illnesses and the fact that he's already old. He is one relative of mine whom I really love. He is such a great person. I guess he makes up for the f act that I never knew my grandfather on my dad's side and for the short time I knew my maternal grandfather whom I also love despite the fact I only knew him for a while (I am his first grandchild). The knowledge that I would never see him again binds me in grief. When my mom came into my room around 6.30 this morning and told me the news, it put me in shock. I couldn't cry nor could I say anything. I just looked at my mom with shock. The next thing I knew it was 10am. For a moment I thought it was a dream, alas, I had to face reality. Anyone who knew would say he is such a pleasant man. He was caring and funny and nice... I just cannot imagine anyone saying anything bad about him. No-one in my family really knows how much I love him. All they know is that whenever we're in Kelantan I'll be the one asking when we will go to his house. But I know I have so much affection for him. I only wish I got to see him one last time. All I can say now is that I wish him peace in death and may God bless his soul, Al-Fatihah.

God, I've been feeling so bored, so aimless. What am I to do?