Sup3rnality

Flower: [about two birds fluttering around] Well! What's the matter with them?
Thumper: Why are they acting that way?
Friend Owl: Why, don't you know? They're twitterpated.
Flower, Bambi, Thumper: Twitterpated?
Friend Owl: Yes. Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example: You're walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. Woo-woo! You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head's in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head!
Thumper: Gosh, that's awful.
Flower: Gee whiz.
Bambi: Terrible!
Friend Owl: And that ain't all. It could happen to anyone, so you'd better be careful.

Twitterpated -
An enjoyable disorder characterized by feelings of excitement, anticipation, high hopes, recent memories of interludes, giddiness, and physical overstimulation which occur simultaneously when experiencing a new love. These feelings take over without warning, usually at odd times (such as at a check-out line), with or without the partner present, and make it difficult to concentrate on anything but romance. They interfere with work and safe driving, but should be experienced at least once in every person's lifetime.

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"Say hello to Bambi. And Thumper and Flower..."

Those were the parting words my mother gave me as we ended our almost 2 hour long conversation. And to anyone who has grown up with Disney cartoons gracing their screens or has at least watched 'Bambi', the word 'twitterpated' would immediately leap to mind.

I finally had that long overdue talk with my mother. And it was that overdue-ness that scared me to no end, wondering why she has kept mum (no pun intended) after she found out about my current status. I was in Shah Alam last weekend, due to having to go to Cyberjaya earlier in the week and because of the tv interview on the following Tuesday (ref: entry 'My Half an Hour of Fame'), because it was just more convenient to be in that vicinity at that particular time. But that also meant that I wouldn't be seeing my parents or siblings over the weekend like I would usually do. So my mother and I resorted to chatting over the phone.

Like I mentioned, I've been worried over why my mother avoided approaching the topic regarding my being with Ash. So many thoughts rushed to my mind... The wondering of perpetual whys and maybes. It drove me mad, her silence. But after long gossiping on the phone about nothing at all, we finally approached the topic. And hearing her talk about it the way we would talk about everything else lifted the burden in me and made me relieved again.

Apparently my mother has been feeling a sense of resentment, which explains her avoidence in all subjects pertaining to my not being single. She may not have realized it at first, but after talking to her friend, she's realized that her melancholy comes from her being depressed that I have a new person in my life. And it straightaway clicked with me, the reason behind her refusal to confide in me her feelings about my relationship.

This has filled me with guilt. The past few weeks I haven't exactly been tolerant and friendly. My fever made me cranky, and on top of that, the fact that I wrecked my phone made me irritable. So I wasn't a fun person to be around, and I guess that didn't help with the news I'd just broken to my mother. She says she feels like she's losing her best friend.

I forget sometimes that I am (nearly) 23. All my mother sees is her daughter growing up and leaving to find herself.

I see now how it seemed to my mother. How I should have eased in to the issue a bit more gradually and at a time when I could, with a sane and clear mind, make her feel more accepting of it. And I am deeply ashamed of myself and so very sorry. Caught up in my own world, I forgot to consider how it would have seemed to other people and especially to the people I care most.

But thankfully, we're ok now, after her coming clean with me, we've cleared the air and all is right again. Except, well, for some new developments that I've just heard. But me and my mother, we're alright, and that means the world to me.

My mother and I, we talked about a whole lot of things. And I've been telling her that 'tis the season (falalalalalalalala~), cos FidZy is now apparently no longer single (which I found out while in the Fairuz's car going back to Shah Alam, and the news left me dumbfounded for a while). Even Iylia has found herself a guy (this would be her first boyfriend, if I'm not mistaken). And I've been hearing about my ex-schoolmates getting hitched. So...I guess it's springtime. Meaning that we're all:

Twitterpated.

Or addlepated.

Maybe both.

I'm amazed by the extent of how much I'm feeling. I don't remember ever feeling the flush of so many emotions at once. I don't remember. I'm a little rusty in this department. It's been so long since. Even then, it was nothing close to being like this. For all the craziness that happen in my life, it's nice to be able to recline at the end of the day talking to Ash and just bask. It's a reprieve. A comfort. And I've been giving myself up to it, so much so I forget that I'm me. Just letting lose and letting myself feel. I've never known this me. I'm still getting used to her. But I like her already. Sometimes I feel like this is the person I am. Just that she's never had the chance to show herself.

So, twitterpated.

And addlepated.

That's what I am.

But I wouldn't give up this feeling for the world. I love you, Ash.

Love, LinZy~