Sup3rnality

I wouldn't admit it. Not vocally, anyway. But I am. Fine, I admit it, I am... shhh, don't say it. Saying gives it gravity. Makes it weighty. Makes me fall harder than I expect to. Saying it gives it life, substantiates it in some way, even if you can't touch it. But the truth is that it still lies true. I am. I don't show it but I am.

Occupation sometimes loses its flavour when you turn around and see ghosts. There is comfort yet there also is the yawning silence that rings loudly in the quiet. And in those times I find myself knocking on doors. Doors which I thought kept life within, but no one answers.

Maybe it wouldn't be for long, I sometimes think. I've gotten this far in life, and I suppose that I'll find it, or find it again somehow. One cannot tell. Too early to say anyway. But that's how it is, isn't it? The future seems to be looming near, and yet too far to touch. And while it is too far, it is coming uncomfortably fast, ready to hit me in the face when I least expect it to.

And while I wouldn't admit it, and at the same time nonchalantly see things through; I am deaf in the vacuum. And sometimes it gets to me so much I find myself conversing with apparitions. I am, you know. I am so much. And I miss it. Great muppety Odin, I miss late nights when all is still except for that quick rush that runs through.

And that, might not ever be. But I wouldn't be surprised if blue-haired old me would stumble on it again and find it as it was. But that's wishful thinking.

So I am. It comforts me. But it hurts me. But who knows? The future is around the corner.

Yours, Lin~