Sup3rnality

I know the words I've been saying don't make the slightest of sense as of late. I know that I've been spinning webs so loose that you'd fall right through and not grasp a single strand. And I know it's hard to fathom something that is too much surface that it hardly causes a scratch on the, well, surface.

It might be the reason why you find it difficult to comprehend the words I say is because these are not meant for you. And no, before you think it, I'm not meaning that you cannot read what I say, nor am I saying to you to mind your own business. I am well aware of this being a public domain and anything I write here is open for general consumption, for all to see. And this here is my point: While I am no recluse, I am no socialite either. I like my privacy, but I also need to connect. I don't say all that is in me (although I do say more than I mean, spill more secrets than I should, bare more than is appropriate...What can I say? I speak before I really think sometimes), for fear of many things. I am afraid of scrutiny, afraid of judgment, afraid of jinxing my hopes, afraid of having sense knocked into dreams... So I don't say many things.

I don't say things, but I have to. Some of feelings are almost cancerous, eating from the inside out. And yet, letting it out bare like that allows for eyes to see the flaws without its manual and explanation. And so I spin truths into riddles to take the away the edge off the sharp knife. And at the very heart is all what I feel in me in its barest form.

And so, it is not for you but for me. It is for my sanity that I write the way I write. I find the comfort I need in being able to give voice to my thoughts, in this medium and yet still be able to ensure they remain as mine alone.

And if you understand them, then perhaps it is for you. Or a person you might know. Or the other person. Or the other. But if you don't, you need not try to. Chances are you've stumbled upon myself trying to comfort myself in my words of my written thoughts.

Love, Lin~