Sup3rnality

Detached. Separated. Cut off. Disconnected. Removed. Those are the words to describe how I’ve been feeling. How I’ve been acting. It’s like all of sudden I feel like I don’t want to feel. It hits me so hard, in a blink of an eye and the next thing I know I’m not aware of what I’m doing. I’m just going through the motions and don’t really register my surroundings.

That was what was wrong with me…especially on Thursday night, during our beloved lecturer Sir Abdel’s going away party. That night, after leaving the party to go home, I realized just how I acted. I was a bit off, I know. I was being slightly hyperactive and I probably said things that didn’t make sense or was just weird, even from me. You see, I have finally figured out my defense mechanism. I’ve come to understand how I response to overwhelming situations that I can’t seem to handle.

There are times when things happen and I just can’t take it. I can’t handle being sad and depressed; and when they become too great to bear, I shut down my ability to feel and to think rationally. I let myself go so I don’t need to remember what I am truly feeling. I put on a front, a mask if you will so people couldn’t see the conflicting emotions. This has happened many times and the reason why I blabbing all of this is probably to justify my actions the other day. I know I was a little weird that day and I’m sorry if I said something wrong. Just bear with me when I get like that again ok?

Well, besides that, things have been ok in my department. Not many things have been happening to talk about. I was on the PS2 all weekend. I haven’t done that in months. I’ve been neglecting it and I have to admit I have gotten a bit rusty playing Harvest Moon although I still could slay vamps in a second in Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chaos Bleeds. Oh, and I’ve finally started Van Helsing, It’s been there form months yet I’ve never tried it. I have to say it’s a really cool game. And the best thing is that you never run out of bullets and all that. Yup, another demon slaying game for me. Hmm…and another cool game I’ve started playing is Primal. This is also a demon slaying game. Think of a more goth Buffy transported to another dimension to fight evil. But really, I find this game really cool. The character’s name is Jennifer Tate and the game has a really cool storyline. Oh, and instead of a Watcher, she has a wise gargoyle named Scree. So yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing. I haven’t been doing much. Just concentrating on keeping my temper in check. When I’m all tense like I was, I tend to unintentionally snap at people. So all I did was try to kick back and relax all weekend.

So now I’m back here listening to the annoying party they have down at the court... I don't understand why they have to be so loud. I mean REALLY LOUD. Don't they know that people wanna study or in my case, write a blog entry?

Anyways, I'm signing off. The whole tussle I went through just to use the internet wore me out. Going now.. Bye!