Sup3rnality

Kindling on my memories,
I remember one year ago, to the day, Sayang, at this time...
Sudden impulses had our story begin with; "Once upon a time, we...
Started out with a ..."

One year ago, to the day, Darling, at this time...

...this is where we began.

It started with a tickle.

My malasness reigns true nowadays. Not entirely, but it has gotten me very very sluggish to actually type out an entry on a daily basis. Usually I find myself looking forward to writing something new; lately though, not so much. This can either be attributed to a) my working as a sub editor fills up my quota for words read and/or typed on the monitor screen, b) my mornings, when I usually take the time to write, are now when I switch on the pc to read e-mails from various editors and get to work, or c) I just can't be bothered, especially after a long day or when I happen to go out after work, I don't have any effort left to sit and type.

Whatever the reason, I'm gonna summarise the past few in bullets. Very professional, that way. Yeah right, more like, very malas, that way.

• I am still feeling like a selfish bitch, eventhough a part of me feels like it is called for, for being short tempered with my parents. The weekend actually was a good one, but it went sour just before I came back. I feel like I could have done something different, but I know myself and how at times I run on short, and I get temperamental easily; and therefore do not think before I act. I am menyesaling sangat-sangat; but am also degil. But an apology is due; from me, that is.
  
• Last Friday, I was sexually harassed verbally and by several up-and-down looks by a cab driver. Since I wasn't able to carpool that day, I took the cab but didn't think anything of it when I found the back door locked. So I climbed into the passenger seat instead, but remembered to keep a distance and not be so comfortably close to the cabbie. He just engaged in the usual friendly cabbie chatter, which I politely obliged to. I don't know how the conversation went as I mechanically went through the usual Oh-Cyberjaya-is-an-ok-place-but-little to-do-and-see routine, but it suddenly steered to a part where the cabbie commented in Malay, in a very sleazy manner, that I had a nice body; to which he promptly gave me a slow once over, or make that twice or quadruple. I was afraid that he was gonna put his hand on my thigh or something; and I knew if he did I'd elbow him and we'd be roadkill. I was squirming to get out and thankfully the short drive brought me to my destination. I made sure he stopped at a different block, paid and got out. He went on to say that hopefully we meet again, and to look for his cab again. I just closed the door and half ran. I shoulda taken his plate number down, but I just was too scared to be anywhere in his sight any more. He made my skin crawl. That's the last time I'd take a cab for the timebeing.
• I accidentallly went grocery shopping last night with Juliana. She was the one who wanted groceries, and I just went along for the ride cos I didn't wanna trouble her by sending me back first. Plus, I can teman her. Besides, I did need a bottle of shampoo and conditioner. So I went and bought the things I need. But coming across the cooking oil aisle at Carrefour, we spotted a particular brand of olive oil that was very affordable. It inspired me to get to packing myself home cooked meals for lunch, as I was planning to do earlier when I just started work. So I bought the extra virgin olive oil, some pasta, garlic, some vegetables and shall attempt to cook myself simple pasta dishes. Which, by the way, is pretty ok, if I say so myself. Just made myself pasta with olive oil, crushed garlic, pepper and cuts of cheese and it's filling but light. The olive oil made it really tasty Made some for tomorrow as well.
• Which brings me to my next point; how does one know that an olive is extra virgin? I mean, if it's already virgin, can it be any more virgin than that? This is a rhethorical question, by the way. Don't get smart on me and answer this...I know there are very gatal hands out there, just itching to give me some smart alec answer :P
  
• Oh, guys should not wear overalls. Or also known as playsuits. It's a no-no. Period. I mean, I don't even see 'em plumbers/repairmen/labourers wearing them anymore. And it is so 80s/90s. That guy I saw in Alamanda with his blue jeans overalls and classic white tee underneath is like a sudden blast from a should-not-be-repeated past. The look is so not flattering, dude.
• I was doing my normal nightly blogshopping and was in the mood for pre-owned stuff rather than looking at them brand new ones. Sometimes you get really good bargains on things that some people buy to wear once for an occasion or they buy and find that they don't fit, or don't like it no more... So I love browsing through what they call 'Preloved Shops'. One shop had everything. She was selling off the normal, like blouses, dresses, tees, skirts and the like, and she also had jewellery and even some old books and magazines. And in the midst of all that, she was selling a dildo. Yes, a dildo. Just a solitary one. Not a stock that she has and wants to sell, but just the one. In a pre-owned items shop. WTF? What? She used it on herself and decided it didn't give her the jollies and now she's looking for a new owner for it??! Hell no. What is the woman thinking? Total ewwwww-ness ok?
• Commenting on Yanna's entry on Tori's up and coming album Abnormally Attracted to Sin got me psyched and I looked her up on Wiki just to read the latest scoop. It's been so long since I've caught up with the music world that I didn't know that some people collaborated with Tori had published a comic book interpretation of some of her songs last year. It's effing beautiful; and I am itching to get it. It retails for about RM255 in Kinokuniya, and it's hardcover (Sarah checked it out for me) and I am so getting my hands on it. It's called Comic Book Tattoo and the illustrations on the cover is beautiful...and eventhough I don't know how it looks like inside, the idea of interpreting Tori's songs, in pictures and words and stories at that, is definitely something to own. Her lyrics tell and million and one stories, and I want to read/see some of them.
• I'm finding that I am loving my team more and more. They are friendly, helpful and very nice bunch of people and I feel glad and honoured to be working for and with them. Team Australia B - Tax & Accounting rocks! :P Oh, and the ayam susu we had for our team lunch this afternoon was yummy!
  
• My dad sold off my blue Kenari, by the way. Without consulting anyone. Tau-tau he told me it's gone. Pastu menyesal, but consoled himself that a brand new one is better. Which, he too, bought without consulting anyone. So now I am bound to own a silver Viva, when I honestly woulda preferred the the Kenari cos I will feel much better with a second hand one. At least I won't feel so pressured...but hey, beggars can't be choosers.
• Again, I am missing my friends... I need that human connection again with people I know and love. It's been way long since we had a good lepak. Next next weekend, hopefully.
  
• Ultimately, I abso-effing-lutely can't wait for this weekend. I am so giddy that I can hardly focus at work. Macam terlebih gula. And I couldn't stop smiling. And blushing. And giggling. Cos I'll be seeing my Sayang this weekend, after not seeing him for about 7-8 weeks now. My heart is fluttery and I have a skip to my stride. I feel like I have a smile plastered on me and I can't shake it off, even though I know I look scary. Because I am honest to God happy, and it's been a while. And I cannot wait to get his brand of comfort again, after my past weeks being so...painful. Looking forward to the weekend, Sayang. Hopefully all goes smooth.

Anyway, my quickie became a not-so quickie. But at least it got alot of things off my chest. Phew!

Love,
Linzy

I am spoiled. I am temperamental. I am insensitive. I am short-tempered. I am ungrateful. I am rash. I am rude. And sometimes, I don't even care that I am.

I am a million and one reasons why I do not deserve all that you give me.

But forgive me. Ignore me.

Love me.

Because in my weakness, I do not see.

Your daughter,
Hazlin

My past two weeks have been a rollercoaster of intense emotions. My downward spirals and gravity-defying rushes have left me an exhausted wreck. So much so that I want to just fall down to the ground as my knees buckle and legs give way from under me.

Some days I am filled with anger and frustration that leaves me tired from shadowboxing with the ghosts I see in my mind's eye. Some days I am filled with sudden, uncontrollable sadness that I sleep away for long hours into oblivion. On some days, I am detached, and remain unfeeling and unseeing behind a veil of haze. And for the most part, I am filled with a sort of emptiness and loneliness that wracks me into a state of nonbeing. Sometimes I go through motions just to be doing something rather than nothing at all.

I am a void. Hollow. Vacant. A vacuum.

I need to remember what were in these now empty spaces.

~Un-me~

I've been malas again. I haven't been much in the mood lately to spin out words to tell my stories. I've been more involved in being uninvolved. Just keeping to myself. Because there is no one else but myself. And that is my triumph and my downfall.

Anyway, I digress. I'm here to recount the year that passed.

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31st March 2008

Episode 9

I woke up again much later, just before midday, after waking up early in the morning to have a shower. Lina was still asleep, and I wasn't sure of what to do. I wandered abit in the room, til I heard Yumi coming out of her room, so I came out, too.

We chatted a while in her room about things we talked about last night and I checked my e-mails abit, while waiting for Lina to wake up. And when she did, and after she showered, we decided that we should go out for breakfast, or better known as lunch by then. Or tea, even. Since Ash would have finished his paper by then, we called him up, picked him up; and we had lunch at a Malay restaurant somewhere.

On the way back, and I don't recall how, but we suddenly had the inspiration to go have a swim in the river. By that time, to go to Ulu Yam was a little late, and a quite a drive at that. So we decided to go to Sungai Pusu which is just behind campus. So we did. Yumi stopped for 5 minutes at each of our mahallahs for us to get our gear, and then we went.

It was fun, after waking up late, starting the day off in the afternoon and with the need to just refresh; to just frolic in the cool stream. And the fact that I grew up going to that place, camping with family and all, brought back lotsa memories.


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1st April 2009

Episode 10

It was a fun semester together and it was coming to a close. Two of our ranks were leaving us (Maj and Stitch) and we knew this camaraderie will not be something that we could achieve again. Hence, much merriment and celebration was called for, to mark the end of a semester and a Twisties' celebration.

So we all (Aaina, Ash, Lina, Maj, Raqib, Sharina, Stitch and I) trooped to Yumi's one evening to have a makan-makan. We ordered Dominos pizzas and made kuih batik and ate our fill of food galore. We bought chips and drinks and all sorts of nonsense and got high on sugar and fun. It was a good feeling.

Which of course, escalated to a round of impromptu round of a hybrid between spin the bottle and truth or dare. Now, I'm not gonna dish out the juicy details of the beans spilled that night--which, by the way, I happened to be the first on the chopping block with a truth question by Lina--or who got to kiss who (and yes, I was a kisser and a kissee--cheeks only, though!); but let me tell you, it was hysterical. There were weird, awkward and eye-popping questions, and there were dares, and lots of kisses going on. A scenario that you wouldn't get to see otherwise. Bloody priceless. There were scenes that I relive again and again and they just make me laugh like crazy.

It was soon coming close to 12am and some of us needed to go off. Yumi had a house to clean, Maj and Sharina had to go, Stitch had to head home and the rest of us (Aaina, Ash, Lina, Raqib and me) had the whole night. So what else? We headed out.


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2nd April 2008

Episode 11

So we headed out. First stop, Bangsar. We went to a mamak to have a round of teh tarik and the like while playing our favourite game to pass the time, Uno. But while we were going around having our normal laughs while at it, the mamaks at the mamak told us to keep the cards, even if we were playing Uno or Bluff, and not gambling. Fed up at not being able to play, we moved out. Circled around looking for another mamak and ended up in Hartamas. There we had no problem.

We were there til about 5am just playing cards, getting high on sugary drinks and lack of sleep, til one point I was singing to myself and everyone chimed in as well. We were like a mini-chorus group at a mamak playing cards. Weird sight, it was. But we were having fun, and we were happy and no one kacaued us. Except, of course, for that time when I rat runned under our table and Aaina jumped and shrieked.


Finally, we left Hartamas and for a short while, drove around Bukit Tunku. It was just for the heck of it, and we left soon after. And headed to another normal lepak place for us; McDonald's Karak.

We were there for abit, just to wind down and prep ourselves to getting back to campus. We were a little toned down, still high from not sleeping, but more quiet. We had early breakfast and were just joking around. And I, of course, being fidgety at my hands being idle, took out my swiss army knife and started carving a hole out of Raqib's Big Breakfast box. The outcome that you get from a bunch of high bunch of Twisties and an quirky object is pretty much apparent below:


We left for campus, while Raqib headed back, right after it was the time when we could get into campus.

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At this point of time, the wheels were already turning. To the questions and the accusations and suspicions. I never felt a thing, other than wondering what is triggering the sudden bombarding of bullet-like interrogations. But it made me question myself, is there really? If people are asking so...? Only time will tell. But as Aaina say often, I was in denial. Was I? Or was it just that I didn't realize it yet?

Love,
Linzy the Twisted Redface