Sup3rnality

I have been sitting in front of this computer for God knows how long just trying to get some words down, trying to find my voice again by searching through this jungle of words again and again. I've been in the woods for months, I have yet to find the compass that will lead me to where I am heading; to where my words live.

God, I have one helluva writer's block. And damn, this has never happened before. Never have I experienced such frustration in the inability to write that my head is bursting with a migraine. All I want is just a litte something to show myself that I haven't lost it, because, damn, it sure feels like I have.

John Rzeznik (he turned 41 on the 5th by the way) said that a writer's block is not that we are unable to write, it's just that we do write but nothing comes out the way we want it to be. And that is exactly what I am going through now. Should I be writing all of this down into pieces of paper, there'd be alot of rolled up paper strewn about the place, a result of my chucking everything that doesn't suit me. If you have a look into me laptop right now, you'd see that it is littered with half-baked ideas and hanging stories. I just can't continue any of it. God, what is wrong with me?

Nothing seems to have flavour in it. Whatever I dish out seems to be so bland that I haven't the heart to actually serve it out to people. I'd rather let them starve than let them have something so insubstancial that a bite would only cause them to get even more hungry. I just can't.

I need the edge, the flair, the flow...the ability to just write without havingto pause to come up with a word or a phrase. I don't want to have to think of analogies or comparisons or flowing lines....I want to be able to just write. It may seem as though I am writing ths freeflow, but heck, I actually am stopping every now and then just to think of a bloody word. How sad is that?

I am reduced to this...This is nothing major I know; but it would frustrate you too if the only way you culd be free, the only way you could express yourself however you want be is taken away from you...It definitely would kill you.

And so I sit here, desperate for a spark that would start this sodding engine and get it going. I need an inspiration. Need a kickstart. I need a reason again...

Love, Lin~