Sup3rnality

Alrighty, then. Here's another thing that I've been wanting to type out for some time.

My laptop was stolen. Well, not exactly mine. It's my brother's; which doesn't make the situation any better since now I have to buy two: one for myself and one for my brother to replace the one that got stolen.

Well, anyway. After having dinner with Ash at our favourite Arabic restaurant, I returned home to watch some dvds that I borrowed from Carol. It was then I realized that my laptop was not at it's place. My heart hammered like crazy against the wall of my chest. And as realization hit, my heart sank. It was not misplaced, nor could it be outside. My laptop is always in that one place, and I've never taken it into the living room ever. If it's not there then...

Yes, no doubt about it. From the moment that I found my laptop not where I left it, and it was not in the surrounding area, I knew for sure that it was gone. And sure enough, upon investigating, someone crept in through the ventilation window of my bathroom. See, I have the master bedroom which has its own bathroom. The bathroom has this huge ventilation window which opens to the laundry room. So anyone in the house can pretty much get into my room provided that they can open up the ventilation window. So when I had a look, there was a chair propped against the wall to climb up into the window, into my bathroom and into my room. And voila, no more laptop.

I was down. I felt like I was grabbed and thrown into the deep end, leaving me cold and drowning. I could not explain how horrible I felt, and how stupid and just angry at myself. Ash holding me provided me comfort, but the voices in my head kept blaming myself over and over. I know I can't possibly blame myself, but I couldn't help asking what-ifs over and over.

My parents came and we reported to the police. The biggest suspects were of course my housemates; especially seeing how there was no sign of a break-in, and that it was most likely an inside job. I dunno though. I wanna say it's them, especially since I had been arguing with one of them about the extremely expensive monthly bills (what should usually be just slightly less than RM50 in other places became RM158) just the day before. So if there was a motif, that could be it; their dissatisfaction with my not wanting to pay and then stealing my laptop as compensation. Also, one of them always have a bunch of guys over, and the police were saying that a couple of guys could have easily climbed in and swiped it. It wouldn't be a surprise... But was it my housemates and their cronies? Or was it someone who sneaked in somehow? Especially since my housemates are so careless as to always forgetting to lock door or stuff like that. I dunno... Personally, I wanna say that it was my housemates, my housemates and their friends, or just their friends...but that would be bad of me. But I dunno. When I called them to tell them of what happened, they didn't bother to come back, nor did any of them ask if their rooms were affected... It was as though they knew that it would only be me who would be in that crap.

The police weren't of much help as expected. They aren't gonna bother to take samples of the many fingerprints on the dusty window or at least take the initiative to question my housemates. They just questioned one of them and went through her things... but they didn't ask the other girl in whom my biggest suspicion lay. All they said in the end was that I should move out. And that was it.

*sigh*

There's nothing I can do now, of course. It's gone. And I am in a bloody huge debt. Not to mention that I am petrified of what can happen with the photos in there. I mean, I love taking photos, and pictures can easily be doctored or what not... It's been almost a month since, but I still am scared of all that.

Anyway, I don't feel like talking about this any more. It's starting to make me feel upset. I'll think of happier things to write soon. Bye.

Love,
Linzy

Alright, rant time. I haven't done this in a while, so allow me my luxury.

I effing hate my housemates. No doubt about it. I hate hating people. And I always give people the benefit of a doubt whenever I get angered my something they do. But these housemates of mine keep reaping them benefits and never give anything back. Not that I want any, but I expect to be treated just as fair.

First of all, there was that time when we all first moved in back in June. Having just known one another and all, the three of us (there's me and 2 girls from the country that begins with 'I' and ends with 'ndonesia' who are students in MMU) decided we should go out and buy groceries together for the house so we all get what we want and we all can bond or something. What miffed me the first time was when they all decided on Monday. So Monday at 8pm, I got ready and waited for them to come home so we could go. But no, they didn't turn up, and nobody called right until almost 2 hours later. I let it slide thinking it was a genuine mistake. So we planned to go the next day.

The next day, just before I left, I discovered that something I had placed outside as it did not fit my room was missing. Later they told me they lent it to their friend. Okaaayyyy...wtf? It's not yours and you lend it to a friend whom the owner does not know? That's just plain dumb. I would expect it from a 6 year old, but not from those who are in their 20s. Then my disassembled shoerack which I wanted to put in my room magically assembled itself and was put outside and had shoes piled upon it with only one slot for shoes left. You'd think that knowing the rack belongs to someone else you'd not take the liberty to just assemble it and use it? And not just use it, but take up all the space, which would probably have fitted 15 pairs, and leave just one for me?

It doesn't end there. So we went out to grocery shop. We bought what we needed. On the way back, the girl sitting in the backseat kept asking for tissue. I didn't think anything then. Then we decided to stop and have dinner. When we got to a restaurant and sat down, the two girls started conversing in their dialect and stole glances at me. I didn't think anything of it. That is, until tomorrow afternoon, when I was about to get into the car after leaving the office. I was assaulted by an unpleasant smell and upon investigating, I found that the backseat was covered by some weird-looking substance that had dried up and was sticking to the seat. It was all over. Even on the car door. And there were bits of tissues which were left there where she had wiped. I was fuming. I straightaway went to get my car cleaned and texted her about it. She ignored it. She didn't even apologize or acknowledge it. And after that, whenever I was around, she never left the room. Or as soon as I entered my room, I hear her come out. Stupid *****.

And now this. Alot of the everyday necessities are mine. Cos I buy mine and use mine. I don't like using what belongs to others unless it is expressly mentioned that I can use them. And even then I'd rather buy my own cos I would feel uncomfortable using something that isn't mine. But these girls seem to think that what's mine is theirs and what's theirs is theirs. I love doing laundry, and yesterday I found that my detergent and softener which was substantially full just the other day to be finished. Zero. Zip. Zilch. I mean, what the heck? If you finish it, don't you have the decency to buy a new one? What do I look like, a banker?

And also, I found that my bucket that I wash my precious lingerie in was defiled when one of them decided to use it to put paint in so that she could repaint her room. What the fricking hell man. And today, the other girl is using it to stuff paper mache'-like thingies for her art project. I wouldn't have minded if it was used for a cleaner purpose... but this is for dirty stuff. And why couldn't they even ask permission...? Why is it so hard?

Don't think that I'm being a petty princess who doesn't like to share. I love sharing. I do not like hoarding things knowing that it could help others. But if I were in their shoes, I would use my common sense. I would not use something belonging to others without permission, especially if my purpose for it would involve dirtying it and maybe upsetting the owner. If I dirtied or spoiled something not belonging to me, I would take the initiative to clean or replace it and profusely apologize. And I will definitely not use something until it finishes if that thing belong to someone. So you see what I mean?

This people have a problem with their brain not functioning. This is common sense. This is something we should know by instinct... But I guess these girls just don't have it. It would be too mean to say it is a trait from where they come from, but I've met other people from there and they are not stupid like these two. I tire of this stupidity... I can't wait to find a new apartment and move out.

Linzy~

I guess I haven't mentioned this yet since I haven't been writing for a while, but I have a blogshop now. Yes, I've finally submitted to the temptation, the calling was too great, as Ash says I am the typical Kelantanese, eager to start a business :p

By the way, before I forget, the URL for my blogshop is:
http://heartwear-vintage.blogspot.com
(I have to remember that I haven't updated in the longest time and there are many things that are missing from this blog regarding what's been happening...sigh)(and oh, this blog is only the first in many. I plan to start with vintage first, and I'll soon expand to other types).

But yeah, I've started since July and it's been fun. Business is good and I love choosing the clothes and then taking pictures of them and posting them up. Oh, I neglect to mention, I sell vintage clothes; old-fashioned dresses that can't grow old cos they already are. But since my laptop got stolen (yes, something else that has lessened my entries and something I have yet to tell), I haven't been able to upload more dresses to sell. So I decided to take part in the Enspired Events Bazaar at Subang Square@SS15 on the 5th of September last week.

Despite the messiness, which I do not want to discuss here, it was fun. I got to experience having a store in a bazaar, I got to know new people and I had fun with Ash, who was with me throughout the day. For that, thank you Sayang for putting up with whatever fuss and problems that occurred, you know what they are. Thank you for being patient and for being with me. I love you..

Here are the pics!




Love,
Linzy

I've been silent for quite a long while. And again I cite the fact that life has been so good (despite its many tests of endurance along the way) these past few weeks that any other sort of comfort, ie writing, has become redundant. So let me put myself back on the map here bit by bit where I can.

I had the most wonderful dinner last night. I love little gestures that make my heart jump and skip. And Ash did just that --- other than the usual times :) --- when he surprised me by taking me out for dinner by the beach in Bagan Lalang, where we had a wonderful dinner together by ordering fresh seafood cooked to our preference. It was yummy! Even myself, not being a seafood fan, loved it. We had ikan pari bakar (grilled sting ray), sotong goreng tepung (squid fried in batter), and sweet and sour lala (sweet and sour clams); a perfect combination for a meal for two.

Earlier, tired from work, I asked Ash to decide on where to eat since I was worn out and couldn't think. I woke up an hour or so later with him telling me to get ready to drive to Perak. Instead, he took me on twists and turns into inner roads and surprised me as we turned the corner and we were welcomed by the sight of the setting sun, casting shades of purple, pink and orange on the sea's water. It was a pleasant surprise that gave me a rush, and I regretted telling him earlier that seafood wasn't high on my list, as it deflated his surprise.

But Sayang, you know I loved it anyway. The food was good and the company was wonderful. And you know wherever there is you, everything becomes beautiful. Thank you for dinner that night... Can we go again?

Love,
Linzy

grace said to me:
there is no me in you
no harmony in your tune
no rhyme in your reason
too lopsided to be even.
and beauty says:
alas, i've no part
to paint you an art
your chase too far in a rush
too brief for a stroke of the brush.
but it is no matter to me
i am not only what is seen
my grace is my passion
and there is beauty in imperfection.

Spur of the moment litanies twined together between doing my laundry, washing the dishes, folding my clothes and having dinner. Hence, it was not thought out too carefully.

Lowercase intended; thought it would serve to emphasise the feeling of insignificance. Ironic ain't it? "Emphasising" insignificance.

I would very much like to begin this entry by explaining my long absence... But I think now is not the time; suffice to say my silence was due to weeks of much contentment that any other release I might find (in this case, writing) would prove to be incomparable.

So for now, let's overlook the fact that I have been away for a month now, and pretend that I have been writing here as I always have.

Since Thursday night last til today, I have been suffering from a torturous fever. I know that I was in much pain when it obliterates all other past memory of pain that I might have felt before. It has been unbearable. It left half-delirious for most parts, dazed and confused, and put my temperature on a see-saw. For most of those days, I felt like my brain was being boiled from the inside out. I was so hot on the inside that no bathing or drinking could assuage the fire. And no matter how much I drank, my mouth was dry and my lips were parched. And the headache was a test to my ability to hold on to my sanity.

In one week, I met with 6 doctors, been to 3 clinics and 2 hospitals, and had numerous needles jabbed into me whether for drips, blood-taking, or to administer medicine. And after it all, they still cannot give me an answer on what I have.

I have been whacked back and forth like a rubber ball by doctors who do not know what to do with me. Clinics refer me to other clinics, and then finally one clinic refers me to a private, specialist hospital. Said specialist hospital tested me for dengue and it came back negative, so they got scared and referred me to the GH cos they are not equipped to test for H1N1. The fact that I was in Melaka last weekend made them even all the more eager to get me out of their hospital, since Melaka is the worst-hit state with H1N1 cases. I go to the GH's emergency unit and the doctor doesn't even bother to do a blood test or a throat swab and "magically" comes up with the diagnosis that I have viral fever.

And I am left in the cold wondering, "WTF?"

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that the doctor did not say I have Influenza A/H1N1. But how does he know really? He didn't follow the procedure I hoped he would. So who's to know if his diagnosis was correct? I could be a walking timebomb for all I know.

Believe me, I am scared. I am alone in my room in Cyberjaya, scared to go to work, and feeling damn scared that if I'm another misdiagnosis horror story, I would be just another number in the statistics. I'm scared.

I'm scared because I am not confident of that doctor's abilities and that he might dismissed me too fast. I'm scared because many of my symptoms could pass off for that. And while the symptoms are pretty much the same as a normal fever...I don't wanna be too safe. The death toll is rising, even among healthy young people. I've read about the complications that happen mostly in the younger generation and how their bodies just shut down. And this scares me even more.

So now I sit here and am contemplating driving myself to the hospital in Putrajaya. I'm scared to go, cos I'm afraid I might not be able to drive myself in the best sense of judgment...but, I dunno...

I want Ash to be here so desperately.

Scared,
Linzy