Sup3rnality

I think I turned so many shades of crazy last week that beginning is just so difficult... Where do I find the words?

well, to be honest, I never had much of a problem with crazy. It's always there, a constant in my head. What am I, if not a little crazy? Heh, I've heard people tell me that I am over and over again, so there's not much to hide anymore. I've left normal long ago, crazy is definitely the way to go. What with my theories about lecturers taking over the world with frogs as their pawn?

But last week, well, crazy took up many different forms. Well, I'm not surprised. As a Language and Literature student, I know that there are always more than one way to look at things. If you can see things in only one dimension, it means your mind is not open enough...Or so my crazy mind thinks.

There are so many levels of crazy, and it's quite possible to say that each one of them visited themselves upon me last week. Now, I'm always so hospitable, so I welcome all for tea and crackers whenever they come a-knocking. And the crazies? Yeah, them too.

I guess I cannot really turn them away. A little time out of my mind is a reprieve like you can't imagine. Not having to have your thoughts swirl around the same vicinity of things like 'How am I gonna finish that paper tonight?' or 'will I study Sociolinguistics in time?' or 'I don't get Research Methodology just one bit', is such sweet respite.

But then again, crazy has more than one way in making themselves known. And not all of them brought about the jollies in me. Nah, some of them were the kind that drove Spike bug-shagging crazy in the basement of Sunnydale High V.2. You know, the kind that would make you so crazy that you'd offer yourself up to burn, very much like Spike's smoking Jesus pose... (nooooo, not Jesus cereal, you guys. And no, you can't use the Judgment Day card)

So, yeah, there are many types of crazy. And while I like the thought of being crazy (of course, not Tanjung Rambutan crazy), I'm not a fan of the ones that just make you wanna hit your head repeatedly against the wall so you'll be forced to get your mind back in place again. Although, come to think of it, doing that will only serve to rattle my brain out of order to another shade of madness. Oh well.

Last week was just mad. But let me tell you, despite the mental suffering of it all; it was a pleasant albeit a painfully pleasant week.

Monday was all pick'n'mix if you ask me. A whole jumble of emotions. I woke up early to meet up with FidZy regarding the Sociolinguistics presentation. There was some confusion about it, but we decided to go ahead anyways. However, we couldn't as other presenters just took bloody forever. But I guess it was kinda of a relief. I mean, at least that gave us a little extra time. Methods of Da'wah was the usual...we got our midterms paper back. I did good...and that's such a relief. From here on end, I know I'd be fine doing that paper. Usul Fiqh was the same as well. We had a replacement class that night though. Aaina and I got back to the room, I rested a bit and later we got ready to go for the replacement class at 8.30pm. After the class we had a major craving for ice-cream and we picked out a childhood favourite: Paddlepop Rainbow. It tasted so good...brings back a whole lot of memories. We even got others to crave it as well... heh, we were walking adverts. watched abit of Lina's class' Romeo and Juliet rehearsal. Later, our Methods of Da'wah groupmates came over to give us their part of the assignment. Had a bit of a gossip session.

Tuesday....Hmmmm....not much honestly. I guess this is the one day that actually did not have me go all crazy and out of my mind. In fact, I was blessed with so many hours of blissful sleep... I suppose I should have taken that as a sign that I should get as much sleep as I could on that day. Because for the rest of the week, I barely slept a wink. Oh, I did meet up with FidZy, though; and we discussed our presentation that was to be the next day. But other than that, I was in my room the whole day enjoying the day off.

Oooh...Wednesday.

Where do I begin? I have to say that this is the day that started the onslaught of craziness throughout the week.... It was mad, man. It started with Sociolinguistics. We finally did our prsentation, FidZy and I. What was weird was the fact that the lecturer actually thought that it was well-prepared. I was on the edge and ready to kill anyone who got in my way and he actually thought we were well prepared? Well, in the wise words of Captain Mal Reynolds and Oz, "Huh".

Hmmmm, then came Methods of Da'wah. It was our last class. She had a bit of a lecture, just some things before we left. Then she told us that the semester has been great and she had fun teaching us... I think I was a bit teary thinking it was the end of the sem. Despite actually getting kicked out of the class that one time, I love her class. It's just one of the classes that relied more on opinion rather than hard-facts.

The same was with Usul al-Fiqh. Ustaz Maszlee was a bit teary eyed himself. I really have to say it has been a really inspiring semester with him as a lecturer. He really changed my perspective on religious lecturers... He's a man to be respected. He genuinely sees the bigger picture of religion, and that is something hardly anyone has.

classes finished early due to the fact that it was the last day. So everything was just some parting words and stuff. So Aaina and I had a lot of time to get ready for the big event of the day. We got back to the room and I had a short snooze. I was dead tired and needed a bit of R'n'R. Woke up and started getting ready. I forgot that the thing was this week so I forgot to bring any nice bajus. Ended wearing this simple blue top. When we were ready, we headed down. We were early so we thought we'd catch a bus instead of a cab. But of all days, luck wasn't on my side. I got stopped by a security guard who said my top was too see through. He told me to go up and change. I went to the building, hid for awhile, decided to take a jacket thing to wear on top and crept back down. Thank God the guard wasn't there anymore. We were already a bit late and it was starting to rain. We ended up having to take a cab. We got to the LRT station to the LRT to KL Sentral. But I guess luck decided to let us play our own game this time around.

We couldn't get a damn komuter... it was full and it was delayed. So after quite a while hanging about KL Sentral, we decided to catch a cab. We bought the cab coupons, only to find out that the line for te cab was long....damn. However, we eventually got ourselves a cab a arrived in Midvalley at the time we were supposed to meet up... So I guess we weren't so late after all. And we were the only ones.... The rest were not there yet.

We met up with Julia and Zeph first. God, babes, I miss you guys so much. It's been way too long. Zeph was a bit of a surprise, cos she didn't confirm her attendance. But it was soo good to see the both of them. These two were the two (very Willow of me) whom I've not seen for quite some years. We headed down to Kenny Rogers to wait for the rest. FidZy and Tasha came next, then sarah, and lastly, Anis and Liyana. Oh, and not to forget Matt. Anis couldn't stay though. But it was nice to be together, the eight of us for the first time in more than 3 years. It brought back so much nostalgia. can't believe that's how much we've aged throughout the years. Anis and Matt left, leaving the seven of us, eight including Tasha. We were so crazy there in Kenny Rogers. So crazy that every now and then, God I am the Responsoble One aren't I?; I had to remind everyone that it was a family restaurant. Talking about things like umm...well, lets just say things like that are confined to the well, nevermind. But I guess people around us caught the vibe and there was actually avoided us like the plague. There was no one sitting around us, everyone was sitting in seats several feet away.

Zeph paid for the food. THANKS FOR DINNER BABE! And we went looking about for another place we could sit and hangout. We decided on Secret Recipe. Sat there, fooled about, took pictures and basically just caught up with one another. It was nice, just sitting together like old times. I know it's no Lepak Place, but it was cool nonetheless.

Too bad we had this meeting at night. We couldn't stay long cos we had a curfew and had to get back to campus before we get locked out. Getting locked out is not so bad...but Aaina and I had to finish up a major assignment and we could not afford to just sit around and not do anything. Especially since our laptops were in the room.

So after our goodbyes (I was so sad, it's not often we meet and when we do, it's always so brief), we headed back. FidZy volunteered to send us back, but we managed to get held up by some traffic, missed a turning and I was just at the edge of my seat. Stress and anxiety gets me testy, I guess I snapped a little too often. HOwever, we got there right on time, exactly at 12am and thankfully didn't get into any trouble. Thanks FidZy, and I am sorry for getting abit testy and I do hope you didn't get into any serious trouble for being late.

So, when we got back, hearts all a-thundering, I was high on adrenaline. There was no way I could sleep after all that. Plus, the coffee I had before that made me a bit jittery. So I decided to take however long it takes to finish my assignment. I was awake all night, working on that paper entitled "Da'wah by means of the Internet: A study on Concept, Methods, Reliability and Effectiveness". Besides, it was due the next day. So....I did not sleep all night, save for the hour I had before I had to get up for Research Methodology.

So, that brings us to Thursday...

I couldn't get up. I was groggy. Bone tired. Brain tired. Physically tired. I just couldn't get myself to move. Even my brain was a bit slow on the uptake. I was officially spiraling into madness. The night before was circumstancial madness, but this, well, this was craziness nothing can stop.

I couldn't go to class. Unless I wanted to tumble down the Nusaibah stairs like a domino, I could. I was just not fit to walk. so I told Aaina to not expect me. I sat in the room and finished up whatever I can of the assignment before my brain lapsed again. Then Idzaid called to check if I was free. He was leaving for Germany that night. We agreed to meet in Gombak at 12pm, so I had to get moving. GOt ready and stuff, with my head simply swimming and mind just gone. The bus decided to NOT make an appearance that day so I had to catch a cab.

I got there in one piece. And without murdering anyone! That's progress! Mwt Idzaid and decided to skop our usual McDees and head to Secret Recipe. Sat down and decided on 'Mango Delight'. It's this cake with creamy mango-ey goodness. We finished that and decided that we wanted another cake. So we got a brownie with ice-cream and chocolate sauce. I have to say that was perfection. It was a beauty. It looked so good. But we dug into it anyway. Aah, it was nice to have a little respite amidst the craziness of the week. Eventhough I was still high on crazy and was not completely right in the head. Sorry you had to see that, Idzaid. Don't worry, it doesn't happen often. That knida crazy only makes its appearance every now and then.

Idzaid's friends joined us a little later and we hung out abit. It was great, meeting nice new people. I really haven't had the time to go out, so it was just so good to be out and about, thinking of things other than work....although the assignment was constantly at the back of my mind.

I was having fun, but work was not leaving me alone. I had to make several frantic calls all through the outing (sorry again for that), discussing what time to meet up and what not. However, it started raining heavily and there was no way I could get out of the rain and get back to UIA. So I called Aaina and we decided to take a chance and send it in the next day. A message to Mdm Megawati assured us that it was alright. So I stayed on with Idzaid and his friends and waited the rain out.

By the time I left Gombak, I was very tired and it was quite late. I got back to campus, met up with FidZy and was just brain tired. I guess it was obvious to everyone looking. I was walking like a zombie and spouting nonsense. Even started speaking Kelantanese when Raqib and FidZy was sending me to Nusaibah. When I got there, I was given firm instructions by FidZy and Raqib to sleep and get enough rest. I straightaway conked out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

What a great snooze that was. But with my assignments on my mind, I couldn't sleep that long. The next thing I know I was up again and on the paper again. I was just so determined to finish it and see the end result. Got a call from Idzaid who was from KLIA, again reminding me to get enough rest.. I guess I really was all crazy that day; cos everyone had that concerned look on their faces and concerned tone of voice.

Friday...

I woke up a little later than I wanted to; but it was early nonetheless. Put in some fianl touches to the paper. With Aaina's part of te paper combined, we had a total of 50 pages! Phew, wow, no wonder we were going all mad. look at the number of pages we wrote... And the lecturer, I think was only expecting about 20 or so. We printed it, submitted it and was so damned relieved!!!!!! It's done. Omigod, it's FINISHED!!!!!

I met up with FidZy, went up to my room to pack up my stuff, then left with FidZy to KL Sentral. There we discussed our paper on Sociolinguistics (yes, another paper). We were gonna submit it on Monday and we don't care if it was overdue. Had lunch there and talked some. Probably scared a few people away with our topic of choice.

Then I left for Shah Alam. Ooooh....sweet heaven, I was going back home at last.

But craziness never stops. can't stop the signal. It's always there in my brain. I was down with fever the second I reached home. My temparature was high and I had a killer headache.

But I managed to pull myself together to watch 'Bridge to Terabithia' and then later 'Pan's Labyrinth'. Both were just so sad. I guess I was super emotional due to the assorted chaos of the week, that i was extra sob-by when I watched those movies. But all is well and good now.

So, you see, craziness is just inherent to me. Sometimes I may not be the one to evoke it, but it comes to me all the same. And I somehow welcome it. It's part of my life. It drives me crazy (heh), well, ok, it drives me off my rocker, but I love it all the same.

So, there goes my crazy week. I would have been more specific on the happenings of the week, but I just got so tired of typing. So, that's all for now.

Love, Lin~

This should have been said on the 10th of March.

Well, I know it's belated, what, with this being three days late and all.... But at least I remembered. It was just that it is only now that I've gotten a chance to get online, so it's only now that I can post this... So, anyways:

HAPPY 10th ANNIVERSARY

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE

SLAYER!

Thanks Joss and crew for the lovely memories... the smiles and the tears... Thank you for creating and sharing such beutiful characters whose life and deaths have been the source of inspiration to so many of my thoughts and ideas. Thanks even for giving me the opportunity to get to know so many people around the world who shares the same love. Thanks for the wonderful decade.

JOSS IS BOSS!

It's possible that--well, that we'd be forever locked in this vacuum where we'd never progress, nor ever find out what lies in these paths that we *might* have if we break out from this. We'd have to be the humans we are supposed to be, and fall to our knees, careful to not break as we hit reality.

It's nice to know that we aren't always lifeless like we make ourselves to be. Too many times I've realized that I've let myself become an automaton, safe and predictable. But in such welcoming reprieve, I am comforted, I am brought to peace. I find that a lock has been undone, and for a little while, something is able to stretch the legs of its long dormant wilderness and run free. I think its beautiful.

It is times like these....it gives you freedom of time in its vacuum. Allowing my mind to visit dusty yesterdays and see how they've been, though my presence isn't always welcome. I gain a little something here, lose part of me a little there... Sometimes I like burying my head in the past, and let my mind swim with memories, sweet smelling, almost like home. I love how your sense of smell can bring you back to a certain part of your life and plays a clip of it in your mind, finger pressed on fastforward. Waking up from it is both painful and sweet...it reminds you of things you no longer have as well as that you've come this far.

We live in the now, so deceitful yet so forceful in its truth. Sometimes I cannot see the blurry lines that I walk upon, wondering where it begins and where it stops. I suppose I cannot really see when I am standing on it, my footsteps marring them with each step I take.

We'd find it. Damn, I know I'd find it. It's just that, now, I am afraid of where I'll find it.

Love, Lin~